Title: Heaven's a Lie
Author: Steffie
Rating: PG- 13
Category: General Hospital
Summary: Emily has a conversation with an unlikely person about Connor raping her.
Disclaimer: I own no person mentioned in this story.
"It doesn't hurt anymore."
Her voice was soft, barely audible, but he heard her. She never even needed to speak, merely think and he would hear her. She turned to face him, a soft smile forming on her face. "Is that a good thing?" she inquired, confusion evident in her tone. He smirked, scooting over to be closer to her.
"I would think so," he answered her. She smiled a little broader and ducked her head, causing her beautiful brown hair to cascade over her shoulders, curtaining her face as if to hide the large bruises on her face. Even though she had been raped almost 2 weeks earlier, her bruises still looked fresh, and her body was still soar. Her excessive crying had been subdued and she was able to breathe at a normal pace now. Her heart was no longer pounding, her head no longer spinning.
He lifted her face by her chin softly, forcing her to look at him. He eyed her bruises intently, and she felt somewhat embarrassed about his close scrutiny. She wanted to turn away, but he wouldn't allow it and kept her face in place, his free hand brushing away the hair that was trying to conceal her bruises. Carefully, gracefully, he brushed his fingers over her bruised cheek. She shuddered at the feeling and closed her eyes.
"They seem to be fading," he whispered back to her. She nodded and turned her gaze back to the horizon. There was a moment of silence. A deep sigh from her moments later signified to him that she was deep in thought and he could only hope that she would share whatever burden was on her mind at the moment. She may be known to a very strong woman, but he knew her. He knew her very well. Though she put up a strong front, deep down she was an insecure scared little girl that needed comforting, and all he wanted to do at the moment was comfort her any way he could.
"Do you still get flashbacks?" he carefully asked her. She shook her head, her lips scrunching together. "Not really, I don't think much of it anymore either. Keeps me from crying," she answered. Nodding, he just looked at her. Touching her even more wasn't an option, she still wasn't use to being close to anybody, let alone a male figure. Connor had scarred her, and one could only hope that it wasn't permanent.
"How are Liz and Lucky doing?" was his following question. She shrugged, finally pushing a huge chunk of hair behind her ear. "Liz seems to be getting over it a lot better these days. Lucky is comforting her as much as he can. I think comforting her about all of this is actually comforting him. I wonder if he knows that."
Another moment of silence. This time much longer than the first.
"It's just really hard, you know. Being here after what happened. I'm still trying to get used to it," she softly admitted. A soft sigh of relief escaped him. Admitting and realization was the first step in her recovery and the world she now lived in required so much of it of her to get on with herself.
"It's ok babydoll. It's only been 2 weeks. You'll get used to it, in time. We just need a bit more time and patience," he comforted, carefully placing his hand on her shoulder. She didn't look at him, she kept her gaze on the horizon, but still she smiled. She placed her hand over his on her shoulder, rubbing it slowly as if to say she acknowledged and appreciated his words of comfort.
Time.
A word, an object, a wish she always felt was unreachable. She never had enough time for anything. Not enough time to rest, to recuperate, to spend, to be, to live. But for some unknown reason, she now felt as if she had all the time in the world. And she would use that time to feel, to be, to heal.
"Things are never going to be the same again, are they?" she asked. Now her voice was tainted with sorrow, sadness and grief. Her beautiful brown orbs were dampening and a single tear managed to slip out, falling down her cheek. It was inevitable, he knew that, and though he feared the question, something in him hoped she would ask the question sooner rather than later.
"No, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Just like the wind, we need to change our direction periodically," he assured her. She turned to look at his once more, another small smile on her features. Though her eyes were still filled with sadness and pain, that smile, that genuine smile told him that she was accepting, that she was getting past the problem, and that she was believing. That she had hope and so much courage.
"When is the funeral?" he followed. She took in a deep breath, as if to brace herself for the answer. "As soon as Nikolas gets out of jail. He really wants to be there. I think he feels he needs to, for closure. The situation has been really tough on him," she trailed off. He could only nod, understanding her desire to avoid the subject, but also knowing that asking her too much about it would only cause her to fall back into fear. The death had occurred 2 weeks ago, but she was still too sensitive to talk too much about it.
"You are a strong woman Emily. You are going to be just fine." He leaned over quickly to kiss her temple, and she accepted, her eyes closing at the contact. He stroked her cheek for a moment, smiling down on her as he stared into her dark brown eyes. And then quickly kissed her temple again. "I'll wait at the gate for you," he whispered. She nodded appreciatively and watched as he started to walk away from her.
"Zander?" she called out after a moment. He turned to look at her, his hands in his pockets. She was afraid to ask him what she wanted so desperately to ask, chewing her bottom lip hard. She eyed him for a moment, contemplating how to word the question she had been yearning so long to ask him.
"How do I get over the pain of dying?" she finally asked, a gasp to be heard in her own tone. He merely smiled, cocking his head to the side.
"You never really do. You just become numb to it after a while."
With that, he turned on his heal, making his way back to heaven's gate. She smiled at the answer, and turned back to the horizon, looking down on her loving friends that were grieving her death. The 4 musketeers, through thick and thin. Liz and Lucky, the 2 most important people that she cherished as her friends. And Nikolas, her dear Nikolas. The man she loved with all her heart, the husband she had left behind. And just like her
"I love you guys," she whispered, tears falling down her cheeks.
And finally, with complete acceptance and numbness, Emily Cassadine turned around and made her way to heaven's gate.
For those who don't understand, I had Emily die after the rape, and she was talking to Zander up in Heaven.