She ran, she just had to keep running. He couldn't have said that, he was wrong, he had to be because he would choose life.
Getting to her office she slammed the door shut behind her and desperately closed the blinds before finally surrendering herself to tears. As the tears streamed down her cheeks she inadvertently gave into the exhaustion, falling in a heap on the floor. She felt so tired, not only from the fear of losing him, but the realisation that she never had him to begin with. She tried to calm herself, take slow deep breaths, it worked temporarily but his voice repeating in her head gave way to new tears. How could he say that, she thought, surely he can be fixed, but only if he wants to be. Still on the floor she curled herself in the foetal position, hugging her knees to her chest and hiding her face away as she continued to sob hysterically.
Jane walked into the office, his body tense as the anger continued to consume him. He wanted to get Redjohn so badly, he needed to. But they'd missed again. The tension in his arms dissipated slightly as he glanced over at Lisbon's office, confused at why the blinds were closed. "What's going on with Lisbon?" he asked everybody and nobody. He got shrugs in response from everyone except Cho, who said very flatly "I think she's upset, don't know why." Jane stood in his spot, conflicted over whether to go into Lisbon or relax on his couch. Realising that he couldn't relax when she was upset, he slowly made his way toward her office.
In his usual style, Jane walked into Lisbon's office with no forethought for knocking first. However, when he saw the crumpled form of Lisbon on the floor his entire demeanour changed, he'd never seen Lisbon like this, he'd never seen her so vulnerable. He turned to look at the others, to see if anyone had noticed as he stood taken aback with the door to her office still open. Nobody was looking in his direction, but it was forced, they all noticed, but they didn't want to face it. Slowly, Jane closed the door to the office leaving everyone but Lisbon and himself outside.
She heard the slam of the door shutting, but didn't look up. "Go away" she ordered, though the words were muffled from her attempt to hide. He ignored her request and moved closer to her instead. "Go away" she insisted, this time more forcefully. He responded softly, in this one instance choosing not to cause her more pain. Instead he quietly said "no" and knelt down beside her, lifting her into his arms and cradling her in his lap like a small child. Despite her best efforts to fight him she had cried herself into exhaustion, so quickly gave into Jane, regardless of how much he upset her to begin with. Wrapped up in his embrace, her sobbing slowly began to subside, until eventually all he could hear from her was her deep breathing and the occasional sniffle.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he wondered hoping to get some answers.
"No" she responded flatly, her face still hidden in his shirt.
He pulled away from her, forcing her to look up at him "Is this about me, about what I said earlier?" he asked.
"No" she repeated, refusing to look him in the eye. Then after the silence had become too much to bear, she raised the line of her gaze until her sad emerald eyes met the blue of his and said "yes".
"I'm sorry" he stated with as much sincerity as he could fathom, he really did mean it.
She took a deep breath, preparing herself for what she had to say, but shied away, looking down at her hands in his lap. She realised this kind of physical contact should feel strange, but somehow the situation had alleviated the normal distance they kept between them. "What are you thinking?" he asked as he watched a barely there smirk light up her features.
"You don't know?" she asked surprised, he prided himself on knowing what everyone was thinking. "I was thinking, this is a very compromising position we are in." He chuckled lightly, but held her tighter, afraid she would try to get up.
"Before that" he stated suddenly serious "What were you thinking then?"
She took another deep breath, "I don't understand" she said, her voice suddenly small and vulnerable, "how you can choose Redjohn over life, how you can choose Redjohn over your family, your family here, at work. You don't realise what you mean to us, how could you just not care like that?" There was no anger in her voice, just a quiet sadness, because she had given up by now. He placed his finger under her chin and lifted her chin until her gaze met his, and let a smile grace his features, "I care" he said "I chose Redjohn over my life, not yours."
"But my life without you in it would feel – hopeless." She realised what she said and tried to look away feeling terribly embarrassed, but he refused to let her get away with it. Instead he held her gaze and slowly leaning forward, brushing a soft kiss across the edge of her mouth. "Me too" he said quietly.
Rigsby knocked on the door tentatively, he didn't want to get into the mess that was Jane and Lisbon. He was pretty sure by now Lisbon probably had Jane at gunpoint, but he'd drawn the short straw and had been sent. Receiving no response he knocked again, and proceeded to open the door. Rigsby's mouth fell open at the sight in front of him and instead of giving his boss the message he just closed the door and moved away as quickly as possible. "That went well" smirked Jane with no intention of moving from his place on the floor, but Lisbon groaned in response and extricated herself from his embrace to follow Rigsby out of the room. "Maybe not."