Why? Why are you still here with me?
Didn't you see what I'd done?
In my shame I want to run and hide myself, yeah
But its here I see the truth: I don't deserve you
Isabella Swan: voted most likely to fall on her face.
Edward Cullen: voted most likely to break your heart and drill two holes in your neck.
Isabella Swan, or more commonly known as Bella, was new to the town of Forks. She was a foreigner all the way from Phoenix. She was nervous about her first day in a new high school. Her class record had never been good. She knew she wasn't drop dead gorgeous and her sense of fashion was seriously lacking. She also knew she was a klutz and tripping over lady bugs had never flown well in her old school. She stared at herself in the bathroom mirror of her new home. She tilted her head a hundred different ways in an attempt to find an angle where she actually looked presentable. But no matter how she looked at herself she never saw anything more than an ordinary girl. She sighed.
Maybe that's how its supposed to be, she thought. I'm nothing special. I'm just a boring little girl in a boring little town.
Bella grabbed her bad and headed out into the cold dreary morning and to her new, old car. Her slow, bumpy ride to Forks High was quiet and wet. It always rained in Forks. She'd learned that from her previous visits to Charlie here. She listened to the light hiss of the drizzle that washed over her rusty old truck to calm her nerves of being in a new school. The building slowly slipped into view in her wind shield. She took a few deep breaths before pulling into the parking space. Bella would have preferred not to park her rusty old truck next to the shiny, flaring BMW but there was no other space available. Reluctantly, she pulled in beside the car carefully. The last thing she wanted to do was scratch a beauty like that on her first day and obtain the owner as her first grudge. Bella was the first to notice how her truck paled deathly in comparison to the BMW. She cringed. That would be the first black mark on her first day record. She would be dubbed the girl with a crappy car.
Bella wandered into the school with the sea of peers. She had no where to go but with the crowd. She wasn't strong enough to push her way free of the pack. She was jostled and tousled among the morning rush. Bella hated being stuck in masses of people especially when they were moving. There was always more cause for klutzy accident to occur. Bella didn't know what she tripped over. She just knew she was falling, face first, towards the tiled hallway floor. Another black mark on her first day record and on her face. There was no saving herself from impact. But impact never came. Someone's strong arm wrapped around her waist and halted her collision course. She blinked herself out of her "prepare for crash" position. She looked up at her savior to thank him but was stopped by the coal black, hypnotic eyes she met.
The eyes were the first to catch her off guard. Next was the lovely shade his hair held. It was a mess of dark bronze with hints of copper when the light hit it. His face looked as if it'd been chiseled from marble and carved by the Gods themselves. The boy set her on her feet and she realized she was gaping and blushing. How embarrassing. She'd tripped, as always, and into the arms of a man that looked like an angel. Of course.
"Sorry," she immediately apologized.
The boy just stared at her and she couldn't tell if it was a glare of if that's just the way his eyes looked. Nevertheless, he turned away and melted into the crowd, vanishing like a ghost into a wall. Bella was left standing, dumbstruck, in the middle of an unfamiliar, crowded hallway, abandoned by the most amazing creature she had ever seen.
But I need you to love me
And I, I won't keep my heart from you this time
And I'll stop this pretending that I can somehow deserve what I already have
I need you to love me
The rest of the day, Bella remained transfixed upon the boy whose name she had learned was Edward Cullen. The next time she saw him was in lunch where her newfound "friends" told him his name. By Jessica's description, Edward was a heartbreaker and she shouldn't bother going after him. But Bella had a feeling Jessica was one of those girls that had to be the center of attention and didn't want anyone moving into her territory. But Bella wasn't sure she could stop herself from "moving in" because the whole period, she was aware of Edward Cullen's midnight eyes upon hers.
As the week progressed and Bella settled into Forks, she also settled things with Edward. She noticed things about him that she hadn't noticed her first day. The most odd thing she noticed was that his eyes changed. For a few days after her first day, Edward Cullen didn't come to school. When he did return, Bella noticed that his eyes were no longer a midnight black color. They were a molten, amber color. When she mentioned it to him he claimed it was the fluorescent lights in the building that made them change color. That hadn't convinced her and it wasn't until much later that she learned she was right not to believe him. Because later, Bella learned that Edward Cullen was a vampire. The day she confronted him about it was in the misty woods.
"Are you scared?" he asked from behind, voice like liquid velvet.
The first answer that jumped into her mind was "No." Since the first day when he had caught her in the hallway, she hadn't been afraid of him. She had been fascinated by him, so much so that she had investigated him to find out what he truly was. Speaking of, she had to consider that before she answered. But that didn't seem relevant to her decision. If he wanted to kill her and drain her dry then she had no doubt he could have done it a long time ago. She didn't think about it any longer.
"No," she answered with confidence.
"You should be," he murmured.
But she wasn't. In fact, she may have been falling in love with him.
I, I have wasted so much time
Pushing you away from me
I just never saw how you could cherish me, yeah
Cause you're a god who has all things
And still you want me
"What's wrong Bella love?" Edward asked one rainy night in her bedroom.
She had been close to tears by the time he'd come. They'd been having a rough time in the past few days. Bella was feeling stressed after her visit to the Cullen house. It was obvious that she wasn't liked by a select few of the Cullen household. She felt very out of place in his world and for the past few days she'd been distant from him as she thought over her position.
Edward sat beside her on the bed and touched her coppery hair comfortingly. He had been hurt by her sudden distance in the past few days but didn't say anything. He gave her the space he thought she needed. He was still unfamiliar with the ways of human girls. He hadn't tried to bridge the gap between them, thinking the distance is what she wanted. But now that he was here and saw her so close to tears, he knew he'd have to stop staying away from her.
"You can tell me what's wrong," he whispered gently.
Bella bit her lip, feeling ridiculous. Maybe she was making a big deal of nothing. She felt silly enough being the only human in a house of vampires. She didn't want to feel worse by sharing her pathetic human issues with him.
"You know how I feel when you don't tell me things since I can't hear your thoughts."
She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. She didn't know how to voice her thoughts without offending him.
"Is it Rosalie that's bugging you? I know she hasn't exactly been welcoming to you and that would stress anybody out…"
"No, no. Rosalie's only a quarter of it."
"Then what is it?"
Bella played with her fingers in her lap, gnawing on her lower lip nervously. He remained statue still beside her as usual.
"I feel…" she began "…like an outcast."
"You feel like an outcast?" The statement seemed to amuse him because there was a chuckle in his voice. She blushed furiously in embarrassment.
"I feel like I'm not good enough for you," she finally blurted.
"What on Earth are you talking about Bella love?" he asked sternly.
"Well you're…well you! You're super-human. You can do anything. You could have anyone. But you're here with me! I'm the last person in the universe that deserves to be with someone like you. I mean…I'm a nobody!" Bella groaned and placed her head in her hands. There was silence in the little Swan house. Bella couldn't believe that Charlie had slept through all that. Edward continued to run a hand through her hair. She peeked at him curiously. He had a thoughtful expression on his face as he stared aimlessly at the floating through her hair.
"What are you thinking about?" she asked.
"Why you would think about that," he replied softly.
"Well…have you ever looked at me? I'm not exactly Miss California. And I'm not the smartest girl in the world. I fall over myself. I stammer when I talk…I'm not perfect."
"And that's why I love you," he said with her favorite crooked smile.
"Why would you settle for…this," she said, gesturing to herself, "when you could have so much better?"
"Because I don't want perfect. I want you." She stared back into his amber gaze feeling much more comforted and reassured. He placed a frosty hand on hers but she didn't flinch like she usually did. She was getting used to his icy touch.
"I love you Bella," he murmured, cool breath washing over her warm face.
She did her best not to screw it up again and stayed perfectly still when he leaned down to kiss her.
And I need you to love me, and I
I won't keep my heart from you this time
And I'll stop this pretending that I can somehow deserve what I already have
I need you to love me
Your love makes me forget what I have been
Your love makes me see who I really am
Your love makes me forget what I have been
A few weeks later, Bella was admitted into the hospital after she "fell down the stairs and through a window." Edward could never stop staring at her face as she slept. He hated himself for endangering her life. He considered leaving her for her own safety. He couldn't bear to hear her scream or see her bleed because of his world again. Throughout the days Bella slept, Edward contemplated how to tell her he was leaving if he did in fact decide to leave. Renee came to see Bella in her sleep. Not in any mood to socialize with the mother of the girl he'd almost caused the death of, Edward instead pretended to sleep and refrained from leaping to the bedside when he heard Bella's voice.
"Edward! Where is he?" she asked Renee frantically.
"He's here. He's been here since you got hurt." Edward tried to be patient as he waited for Renee to vacate the room. The mother and daughter spoke for a bit, Renee mostly apologizing and fussing over her. Why did mothers always blame themselves for what happened to their children even though they were miles away? He refrained from cracking an amused smile. After what seemed like hours, Renee finally left the room to find a nurse to tend to Bella. As soon as he heard her footsteps turn the corner of the hospital's twisting halls, he got to his feet and came to Bella's side. She smiled at him and when he saw the delight in her eyes he knew there was no way he could leave her.
"I knew there was no way you were asleep. You made it real convincing though." He managed a smile at her perkiness. Her hand was a bit shaky as she reached for his. She was still weak from the ordeal and her frailness frightened him. This brought him back to his earlier conflict about leaving Forks for her sake. She noticed his change of attitude and looked at him curiously.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
She could see the swarming feelings in his golden eyes and squeezed his cold hand.
"Is something wrong? Did James get away? Do we have to leave again?"
"No. James was destroyed. He won't hurt you anymore. But Carlisle and the others are keeping an eye out for Victoria and Laurent. James was Victoria's mate. She'll probably want revenge."
"Is that why you're so upset? Do I have to runaway from them now too?"
"No. You don't have to go anywhere. But…"
He couldn't finish. He couldn't bear to leave her alone in Forks where she was in so much danger. But if he left Forks, maybe the danger would leave with him. Bella must have read what he was thinking because he saw the panic in her eyes that followed. He thought it oh so ironic that he couldn't read her mind, of all the people on the planet, but she could seem to read his.
"You…You're leaving?" she asked.
He bit his lip as he stared unblinkingly into her watery eyes. He fought for a better alternative. The last thing he wanted was to make her cry again. He didn't want to hurt her anymore.
"You can't leave! Not after everything we've been through!"
"I'm not going anywhere," he said soothingly.
"Then…why did you say you were?"
"I didn't. You misread my thoughts," he said with a crooked smile.
She blinked away the panic-stricken tears that had been materializing in her eyes.
"O-Oh. Okay…well…don't ever even consider it!" she scolded.
He chuckled. He couldn't leave her. Not his Bella. He had to protect her for the rest of his existence…no matter what.
And I need you to love me yeah
I need you to love me
And I'll stop this pretending that I can
Somehow deserve what I already have, somehow deserve what I already have
I need you to love me, yeah
I need you to
A few days later Bella was allowed home. It was prom night at Forks High. Despite her excessive arguing that she would only make a fool of herself if she went, Edward still insisted upon taking her. After the incident with James, he didn't want her to waste another precious second in the life she had. He knew he had lost whatever trust he had developed with Charlie now that Bella had been hurt on his watch. He knew he disapproved intensely of their relationship by the foul words he refrained from screaming at him when he arrived at the Swan house. Despite being a super-human, immortal vampire, Edward actually felt intimidated under Charlie's scrutinizing glare. The tension in the air between them was blazingly high. Once they heard Bella descending the stairs that bone-crushing stress thankfully collapsed.
Bella lumbered down the steps in her leg brace and Converse shoes. But that wasn't what Edward noticed first. She looked stunning in anything, even a leg brace. It was her face that he noticed first as she came down. She really was one of a kind. There was not a single glop of make-up on her heart-shaped face. She was unlike the other materialistic girls at their school who would completely hide their face in a mask of make-up for occasions such as this. She didn't need to. She was a natural beauty. The dress she wore fit her perfectly and wasn't in the slightest way revealing. This was why Edward loved Bella so much. She was unique. She was better than the low-life girls at Forks High that had no self-respect. Edward offered her his hand as she reached the last step which she gladly took.
"Ready?" she asked.
"As long as you're up for it," Edward replied, looking at her with worried honey eyes.
"I'm ready," she insisted.
After some stern instructions from Charlie, the pair set out in Edward's trusty silver Volvo. As each of them suspected, the gymnasium was filled with snooty girls and jerky guys. After a few greetings to her girlfriends, Edward snuck Bella outside into the little lit up gazebo. Silently, they began to waltz, each thinking deeply about one thing that had been troubling them for a while: Bella's insistence about becoming a vampire. Edward could remain silent no longer so he asked her about it.
"Why can't it just be like this? Why would you want to leave all this behind?"
"I'd give it all up for you in a second," she murmured. "I'm ready to be a part of your world."
"Are you ready right now?"
"Y-Yes."
He stopped himself from smirking in amusement at her hesitation and couldn't help but tease her about it. Very carefully he bent his head down to make it look like he was bout to bite her. He could hear the blood rushing in her veins as he drew closer to her neck. He was surprised at her willingness to enter to lonely road of the undead and was almost tempted to grant her wish. But his own burning agony from the day he was turned reminded him why he was so resistant to turn her in the first place. Instead of sinking his teeth into her flesh, he laid a soft butterfly kiss upon her skin before withdrawing. She gave him a pleading look to reconsider.
"Not tonight," he rejected.
"But another night?" she asked hopefully.
"We'll see," he whispered.
She sighed but rested her head on his chest anyway. He very carefully laid his arms around her waist, still paranoid about "breaking" her. Bella wouldn't become a vampire that night. She would have to settle for being in the safe arms of the vampire she was undeniably and irrevocably in love with.
A/N: Hm. I wasn't really proud of this fic aside from the scenes I didn't take out of the book. This was kind of a review of Twilight so sorry if it was boring. I threw my own ideas and Steph's into it. Tell me if it met your standards momoxtoshiro since that was your request. If not I'll redo it for you in a separate fic. PLEASE REVIEW everyone! Thnx! :D
Song: "I Need You To Love Me" by BarlowGirl