Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from Kuroshitsuji. Although, I wish I could have Sebastian for one night...

Rain, must it always fall onto the weathered leaves and fill up the already moistened ground with water until it is about ready to burst? It cascades down upon our upturned faces, sliding across our skin to drop off and soak into our already dampened coats. Roaring in our ears as it pours relentlessly, rivulets trailing their way across the muddy road and one is merely lost in its forever curtain; seen, but yet, unseen. How I wish to bask in its glory and let the cleanliness of the rain wash away my thoughts and sins, let it float away without care on how it would affect my life, eyes closed to its journey as it vanishes from my source of living. I do not care where it goes, I sometimes wish to forget; but if I forgot, I would also have no way of life, no sustenance to keep myself astride on my path. I'd become a husk, something unworthy to look at and that would not suit me at all; how atrocious and belittling of me to even think. But, I could not help it. As the rain fell upon my weary windows, the noise like a lullaby to one's exhausted ears, my glare directed at the fluffy pillow under my head. Days like this really bored me, and yet, at the same time I could relish in the nostalgic memory that it brought to me. I could welcome its torrents as it fell, for it put out fires and cleaned up the wrong. If I denied the fact that I enjoyed the smell of a day after it rained, I would be a down right liar. I've lied about many things, and done many horrid wrongdoings –I'm a wicked person at heart, despite how pure and white many want to believe I am.

Flashes of furious white light made my bi-colored eyes widen for a moment, before scowling. Hah, how could a mere thunderstorm cause me to become afraid? I'd witnessed terrible things, how could I let just a fragment of nature scare me? I could not deny the child in my heart as I scrunched further into the sheets of my luxurious bed. It would be like saying a wolf was a sheep, when in entirety it was not. Lying to myself would get me nowhere, but I'd done it before. So what was stopping me now? It was most definitely not the entanglement of the sheets, since I seemed to always somehow get nestled into its vast mess, unable to remove myself without aid. Maybe it was something else, something I knew I could never admit to.

Self-doubt.

I felt my features relax as I stared at the dull white of my pillow, sapphire eye filled with so much conflicted emotions it was a wonder I never tried to pull my hair out. Self-doubt, that was something I knew I had gained somewhere in my travels. At some point, I became wary of my own decisions. I was twelve, how could I act like some adult when I was nothing but a child? I shook my head vigorously, burying it deeper into the pillow, bangs obscuring my eyes. I must stop this horrendous train of thoughts before I went mad, but I could not think of a way to do that unless—

But wait, I had something amusing, something I could always turn to when I was bored or upset; and I could do whatever I wanted with this something as well. Smirking darkly into my dark room, I sat up and gazed around for a moment. It was day that was for certain, but the dark, terrible clouds above made it seem like it was midnight. Heaving a sigh, I reached forward and took up my eye-patch and lazily tied it onto my head. I didn't feel like making myself look preened and ready for a ball; those sort of frilly, froo-froo things were for Elizabeth to worry about, not me.

Smirk fading as I sat there, I huffed softly. The cold, brisk air that met my bare legs and feet made me want to just climb back into my bed; I was known for being lazy. This quiet, loneliness that my mansion was giving me only caused my thoughts to spin in frantic dismay, hurried were they in their voyage to seek out the truth behind how empty this place was feeling. I began to realize just how quiet, aside from the constant rainfall, my home was; not a stir of my clumsy servants or the soft footfall of my faithful butler. And that thought, I grew worried.

Where was my shadow? I had never before felt the frightening feeling of vulnerability. This was something I couldn't explain, how panicked I was becoming. Biting my lip, I let my eye fall to the ground as I just simply stared. Chest growing tight, my heart ran miles as it pounded against my ribcage; and that feeling alone caused my anxiety to grow even more. Damn it, where was my butler? My safety, my play thing, dare I say trust worthy friend, or was he just too much of that selfish demon to even consider him that? With a desperate "Ugh," I fell back onto my bed and swung my feet up several times in frustration. What the hell was this feeling? This frantic sensation in my being that made it near impossible to calm down. Yes, I'd heard tell of this, but never before experienced it. Had I somehow begun to think of my butler, my mere servant, as something more?

At this, I tore myself off my bed and darted to the door, soft feet padding against the cold floor until I froze again. What would this mean if I ran down the hall and to his bedroom? Would it say I actually cared for him and on where he went? I shouldn't dawdle in my servants affairs, but this, this was different. Ignoring that, and simply placing an excuse over my worry, I opened the door and crept out into the hallway.

Hesitating, I cautiously made my way towards my butler's room. We had been together for a while, done so much, that the thought of suddenly losing him without even expecting it was just too much to bear. And yet, at the same time, how could I just suddenly want to run into my butler's arms when he was supposed to be my servant and eventually, my enemy? Well, he was still my natural enemy with what he was beneath the guise of a faithful servant. But would that stop this agonizing sensation of loss and abandonment? No. Nothing seemed to quell my fears and I went on.

The journey to his room was annoyingly longer than it should have been. Walls endlessly appearing before me until I felt like I was in nothing but a maze, eyes dizzyingly seeking reality as I stopped and swayed on my feet; maybe I was ill, or something unknown and foreign was taking hold of my body. I shook my head and frowned at myself as I marched forward with more determination in my steps. This was not some stupid illness, I'd had colds before and they never left me feeling lonely. Sick and feeling horrible, but never ever lonely, why would that change now?

I finally reached his room and I stopped at his door, merely staring at the mahogany wood like it was the most wonderful thing in the world, I bit my lip. Reaching up with a hand to clutch at my chest, above my racing heart, I braced myself as if for impact. This was just too much, too confusing; I wanted to quite literally ram my head against the wall. First I get all nostalgic with the rain and now this? It was idiotic, immature and unbelievable to the point that I just had to follow through. But I even if my pride and resolve wished me to finish what I started, my self-doubt and stubbornness kept me from proceeding. I placed a cold, small hand onto the polished wood, splaying out my fingers as my head came to rest beside it. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath. I wanted to voice how I felt, but I was afraid and I didn't want to appear weak; especially before my butler. Being the mocking idiot that he was, I knew he'd take advantage of this to simply smirk at me; but deep down that's what I wanted to see the most. That smirk, those red, crimson eyes and how he would say 'my lord'. My expression turned anguished as I tightened my grip on my nightgown, torn with so many conflicted emotions, I felt like ripping myself to shreds and categorizing them all. Loneliness, pain, anxiety, distrust, confusion and uncertainty; yearning, sadness and something I could not describe, I'd never felt it before.

I wanted to utter that command I knew only he would answer, to call him to me and finally feel that relief, the notion of knowing he was there when I needed him. But I was afraid that if I did call for him, he would not answer. I was not in danger, I wasn't in need of dance lessons, I wasn't hungry; there was no viable explanation for me wanting him. But I did ever so much want him. It was at this point I noticed the tears of frustration and emptiness filling my eyes and spilling forth, hotly sliding down my cheeks to pool at my chin and drip to the floor below. I was only a child.

"Se-Sebastian…" I whispered in a pained tone, my confusion and loneliness washing into that one name alone. If he had been in that room, he would have heard how hurt I was; and yet I could neither explain nor put a name to why I was hurting. I just was. "Sebastian! Where are you?"

As if on cue, the door my hand was so conveniently placed opened quite suddenly and I nearly fell forward. I looked up in surprise, eyes wide and hand still in the same position, as if it had an invisible door before it. Swallowing, I gazed upon my demon of a butler in shock for several moments, unable to do anything but just take in his form.

He was there I could feel his presence as well see him. His tall frame fit sleekly in that butler's outfit, but I could see the muscles that were beneath the black and white fabric; I knew how strong he was, for he picked me up on many occasions. That hair of which fell into his crimson eyes, and the most pronounced, wondrous thing of all about him was his face; how perfect and untouched it was. Cold, emotionless I knew it saw through me every day as I whined and protested to everything those lips told me to do. And oh, those lips; I'd imagined shamefully of them caressing my skin, massaging my own, taking me. My butler was simply, sinfully gorgeous; I'd heard it many times from Grell before, but only now did I clearly realize how true that moronic red head was.

Surprisingly, this angelic being before me was giving me the most stunned expression. It was either my words or my sudden, disheveled form in front of his room, but I knew something about me had surprised him greatly. I didn't see that cold, mocking look I'd gotten before, but genuine shock. We mirrored each other, as if we had not expected the other to do anything.

"Se-ba-stian…" I said slowly, as if my eyes failed me, but I knew they weren't. It was at my tone that Sebastian recovered and returned to that faithful servant, to fake his concern.

"Master, what brings you to my room this evening?" he asked in that velvety tone of his and I frowned. This was not what I wanted; he was acting like his usual stupid self. I thought he was smart? Well, he was most certainly acting like some stupid idiot.

Lowering my hand after noticing it still in front of me, I glared at the floor. So, he was going to mock my feelings and pretend they were nothing, huh? Well, fine. Didn't he see the tears in my eyes? Wasn't there some explanation for how shocked he had been before? Then I remembered how secretive we were with each other; we knew things about one another, but yet still kept things to ourselves as well. How stupid was I to think that it would just be perfect after I came here. I felt embarrassed, mocked and it hurt.

"Idiot," I breathed, teeth clenched as I tried not to cry. "How can you stand there acting like some brainless git?!" my voice steady grew in volume until the very last word. There was no going back now I had fallen like the many rainfalls outside. Fallen into my own undoing that there was no return, no means of ever taking back what I said now. "You just stare at me with that fake concern, acting like the heartless demon you are when I come down here wanting you! Idiot, moron, dumbass!"

"Are you well, Master?"

My eyes widened at that and I felt my heart wrench. Was I well? I didn't remember suddenly falling ill; I'd already clarified that I was perfectly healthy. "Could you be anymore stupid?!" I bellowed, striking my hand before me in a slashing motion, visible eye ablaze with fury. How could he? How could I even think he'd consider me anymore than food, his prey, that delicious meal…? "I hate you! I bloody hate you and your soulless self."

Sebastian's face flitted from many emotions at once at that, first one of surprise then hurt and it made me wonder if he was just hiding something, the truth. He knew I was mad, but for what, he wasn't quite sure. Human emotions interested him, but he wasn't aware of what they were; about the same as I was. One not human and one too young to understand, a perfect match if we ever revealed our true emotions to each other, which I knew would probably never happen. "Young master…" he began, but stopped himself.

I opened my mouth to demand his thoughts when the house lit up with a bright purplish-white light and a loud, cracking boom befell my ears. Eyes going wide in shock and fright, I darted forward and buried my face into Sebastian's abdomen, fingers tightening in his shirt as the sound reverberated through the walls of my mansion, my ears ringing.

"C-Ciel…"

My heart sped up at my name and I peeked up at Sebastian to see his expression. In the shadow of the room, I could not see it. Swallowing, I was about to let go when I suddenly felt his arms around me, pulling me flush against him. Eyes widening, I hesitated before wrapping my smaller arms around his waist in return. I instantly relaxed, comforted as I relished in this embrace, no matter how innocent it was. I may have had thoughts unbefitting one of my age, and about someone older than me, but I couldn't deny it. These feelings were strong, and I couldn't hold them in any longer.

"Sebastian." I murmured, closing my eyes tightly as I hugged him fiercer, as if letting go meant never seeing him again. I heard an intake of breath and I knew he suddenly understood my anger and appearance at his door. He may be foreign to human emotions, but Sebastian wasn't stupid; of that I knew, but it was too much fun just calling him an idiot.

He drew me away from the door, which miraculously closed on its own, and further into his dark, yet cozy room. I didn't care where we went; I was with the only person that kept me sane nowadays. After what I'd gone through in my young life, a little affection, tenderness was afforded, right? I deserved this didn't I? I was so wrapped up in my thoughts, yet again, that I didn't notice the soft fabric against my back, neck and legs. Eye flickering open, I watched as Sebastian laid next to me and reached up with cold, long fingers to remove my eye-patch, revealing the sealed eye that bonded us; possibly deeper than we both had first realized. Blinking up at him, I focused on studying the plains of his skin, my eyes traveling down his neck where it stopped with his butler suit. A little frustrated with this, I reached up and tugged at it only to receive a chuckle in response.

I did a combination of a glare and a pout as he took my hand and returned it to my side. About to protest, to demand the reason behind not taking that god-damn coat off, I felt his soft, firm lips against my neck. Eyes widening, I bit my lip as I tilted my head to the side and looked away, eyes half-lidded. Those glorious lips trailed down my neck and to my collarbone where they paused and a moist, warm tongue peeked out to lick at the protruding bone teasingly. My breath hitched, this was better than any fantasy I'd had by far. The sensations, the urges, it was so intense and hard to resist that I could only reach up with my small, dainty hand and entangle it within that raven hair. I felt him lean into the touch and a soft sigh caress my skin and I shivered. It was different getting this reaction out of him; it felt a whole lot better than that mocking smirk. I wanted more, oh, so much more. "Sebastian."

"My little white rose," I heard him murmur, before I felt those hands sliding up my thighs from the knees and to my waist resulting in a reluctant moan from my lips. Biting more stubbornly upon my lower lip, I refused to utter such a noise again. It felt… embarrassing to make that sound, and I didn't want to lower myself to that level. Those hands only traveled further until the nightgown was folded up near my chin as he stroked my perky nubs of skin with his thumbs, giving me a knowing smirk of amusement when my breath hitched yet again.

I felt that moist tongue once again, but this time licking at one of my nipples before he bit it gently. Arching my back, I quivering in the stinging pleasure I now felt, teeth digging into my skin as I tried not to make a sound. Oh, god, this sensation was so strong; it left me shivering for more even if it scared me. Swallowing harshly, I gazed up at him curiously as he looked up at me. I blushed and turned away, not wanting to look into those amazing red orbs anymore.

"Ciel," I heard my name and I let my eyes flicker over to the side to stare at him, waiting. "You are too precious to take, too pure. I do not want to belittle your body with who I am just yet. But," he leaned down and licked up from my bellybutton to my chin in a very agonizingly slow way. I moaned and let my back arch up into the touch, fingers tightening in the sheets even at this simple touch. He wouldn't… make love to me because of my innocence? That didn't make any sense. I wanted him, and it was obvious southward. "Ciel, my little white rose," he said that line again and I closed my eyes, even he referred to me as white. "You want me, don't you Love?"

"Wow, I'm glad you figured that out, genius." I muttered, not looking at him. Though, when I felt him shifting me, his hands gliding down my thighs to my knees, spreading them, I snapped my eyes open to stare up at him. Was he a hypocrite? "Change your mind?"

Sebastian smirked with that familiar smile and my eyes narrowed in discontent as he sat up and placed his hands at his own hips, crimson eyes twinkling. "Oh, wouldn't you like to know." He purred into my ear and I finally realized that this was going to be one long night.

Author's Note: This was something I had in my documents that I almost forgot. Seeing that it's not nearly finished, and I could add a few more chapters to it, I'll post it hear for all of you to enjoy. Please give me feedback, I'd love to hear from you!

R&R