Author Notes: Ok, well this is just a little scene that got stuck in my head and I just had to write it. I also like to thank my beta reader, Beka Alcott, who did a great job as always. Enjoy!
The turmoil threatens to take hold, to carry me to places I can never go. As I watch the two of them walking in front of me, it's enough to break my heart. He says something, she laughs. I want to vomit or maybe punch him, I don't know which. Neither are ready to admit what is clearly there, but you would have to be blind to miss it.
Biting my tongue I tell myself not to intrude, it is not my place. I have no right, clearly she has made her choice, even if she doesn't know it. I mask the pain under an expression of boredom, glad that soon I will be able to distract myself or better distance myself from the two of them.
I know I shouldn't act this way, after all nothing happened. We were no more then friends, still, somehow it feels as if we could have been more, much more. But then he had to show up. It's wrong for me to despise him so; after all it was me who convinced him to stay. I feel like I'm losing my sanity. One moment I scorn him with such passion, it shocks me, and in the next I would die for him. It is because she looks at him the way I long for her to look at me. He has taken her from me and doesn't even know it, not yet.
I have no doubt that she cares for me - that will never change. Still it's not enough. I want her to look at me the way she does when she catches him staring. Maybe if I had said something sooner, but I didn't, and now it's too late. So I remain at the back, wishing for that which cannot be. For the love I will never have.
"Is something bothering you John?" she questions giving me a quick glance over her shoulder.
"Just thinking."
"About what?"
"Oh nothing important." I lie, part of me hopes she will see my lie for what it is but her attention quickly returns to Ronon.
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