DAMAGE CONTROL

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story is a missing scene of sorts from the episode PARTNERS. I always thought of this episode as sort of one to watch when I didnt' know what specific episode Iwas in the mood for. It just seemed like a light, fluffly episode. But the last few times I watched it, I was intrigued by the small scene after the Gillian flashback. At that point the look on Starsky's face and the sad words, is just incredible. It's an example of what he feels life means without Hutch. Then wondering what happened after Hutch revealed that he was 'faking' and after the shouting ended. So this is a drabble that morphed into a missing scene!

Thanks Debbie!

--

"What's there to talk about?" I say, when he asks if I wanna talk.

My thoughts are all tangled up.

Gillian.

Terry.

Hutch.

Alone without Hutch.

He's in the next bed, but he might as well be on the East Coast. Part of me, the other part that didn't die with Terry, is gone.

I know it sounds soapy but, the pain in Hutch's eyes when he thought about these two important, beautiful women, knowing that he felt their absence as much as I did... even that agony we shared... is gone.

If I looked at him right now, there wouldn't be anything.

Friendship.

Hardship.

Memories.

Gone.

"Go to sleep." As if that will fix everything.

Why waste time talking about stuff he has no connection to?

It only hurts me. He's spared thinking and feeling life's crap that's been handed to us. It was another life. Mine.

I'm lonely.

I miss Hutch.

He's right over there.

If I could only get him back.

"It's no big deal," I say. But I'm trying to convince myself that having only half of him is just as good.

Who am I kidding?

--

"You always lost at Monopoly. Terry beat you hands down."

Monopoly... Terry... Hutch!

"Hey, you got it back! You remember." I wanted to hug him and I would have if he didn't look like he was in so much pain.

Then that guilty look on his face and the next words out of his mouth, I wanted to kill him.

"I never lost my memory. I was faking."

"You lousy phoney!" I shot back at him. At first I was really, really furious. Then all those nasty words flew between us, neither one of us listening, just venting.

I was screaming at him about the fact that he played at losing his memory. How could he do that to me? That's what I wanted to know. He just sat there while I spilled my guts out about Terry and Gillian and he... how the hell did he do it?

I watched him. I was fuming but how could I stay angry at him? Sure he'd just played a mean, dirty trick on me but he wasn't faking the pain in his head or his back.

Now we were into the silent part of the argument. Hutch slumped in his bed, arms crossed over his chest. He stared straight ahead but I knew that he knew I was looking at him. Ever so slightly, the blond, neck- braced head turned in my direction. The scowl was dark, his jaw tight.

I started to say something but he caught me with that finger of his, wagging it in my direction and I quickly shut my mouth. How could he be so angry at me? Wasn't I the victim here? He played this childish, contrived game and I'm supposed to feel guilty? Well, two can play at this. I leaned back in my bed, turned away from that icy stare and shut my eyes.

"And another thing..." I sat upright quickly, too quickly. The room spun and I had to hold on to the side of the bed to keep it from tipping me out of it. When I had stopped talking, Hutch finally leaned toward me. Once he saw how pale I was, he asked in a worried whisper,

"Hey, buddy, you okay? Need the nurse?" I cracked one eye open in time to see him holding the call button. I shook my head as gently as I could. I was afraid if I said anything, dinner would re-appear.

I sagged back against my pillow, the dizziness fading. Finally the buzzing in my ears stopped too. It had only been 2 days since the accident but supposedly my dizzy spells were because I was shaken and stirred from the impact.

"I just don't get it", I sighed, as I focused on the sheepish expression on my partner's face. "You string me along, make me think you're really seriously injured and don't remember one damn thing that's gone down between us and all because you think I deliberately set out to wreck my poor Torino?" At the thought of my prized wheels once again at Merle's, I ran out of words and ran out of anger.

Hutch sat there, worry replaced with stubbornness again in his eyes. Yep, he still wanted me to suffer for what he thought I did to him. But the innocent, hurt look he tried to pass off wasn't gonna work this time.

"If you would have just called for back up and kept pace with the guy instead of trying to out run him, neither one of us would be in this mess!" For the hundredth time, Hutch reminded me about the details of the accident. I was only doin' my job. Chasin' criminals. That's what we do.

The effort it took for Hutch to finish the sentence is what got my attention again. He was still having a great deal of neck and back pain. It was pretty scary, lookin' at him in that brace. None of his injuries was for show. If he tried to move quickly, like now when he was tryin' to make a point, his pain doubled and he'd break out in a sweat. Reality of the accident rather than the mean side of Hutch is what began tearing down my resolve to hate him.

I was too restless now to sleep even though it was well past midnight. When I'm agitated about somethin', I pace. That's how I think things through. Hutch sits and stews about it, wraps his brain around the problem. But I gotta keep movin'. So I paced around the room, tryin' to figure out how to get past this bullshit. Yeah, I caused us to have an accident but he's the one that caused all the stress for me. How did he pull this off with the doctor and nurses?

What doctor would have gone along with such an asinine scheme? Probably some friend of Hutch's. But now...

"Hutch?" I stood still, raking my hands through my hair. A really scary thought just hit me and all those hurtful words suddenly didn't mean a thing compared to what I was thinking about now.

"What?" Hutch was still pretty steamed and didn't look at me. He answered in a way that told me he was still blaming me for the whole mess.

"What about Dobey? What's gonna happen when he finds out?" I could see Hutch hadn't thought of that either and all of the sudden, the red scrapes along his face stood out clearly as the rest of his face paled.

I could just see the Captain making the argument we just had sound like a prayer session. His reaction would be through the roof and he had the authority to make our life miserable for pulling such a stunt. Besides, somehow I knew that I'd get blamed for this as well.

Hutch visibly swallowed and closed his eyes. The lines around his eyes and mouth were deepening because of pain. That was real. So was the groan that just escaped his lips. But that was more of a sound of resignation than pain.

"Well, let's think about this, Starsk. Dr. Green said he'd go along with my... uh.. -story- for three days. No mention of amnesia in my chart but if asked directly, he'd have to admit that there wasn't any amnesia." Hutch sat up straighter, wincing at the pain in his neck. He tried to get his head in a more comfortable position around that neck collar thing. Must've been annoying.

"Okay, since you set the whole thing up", I said, pointing my finger at him, "you get us out of it." I sat on my bed and massaged my back. It still hurt and since the mattress was hard and there weren't any comfortable chairs, I just had to put up with it. So I sat with my legs crossed, stretching my back out and watched, as Hutch ran threw some ideas in his head. He frowned before he spoke.

"Well, just maybe, we'll never have to tell Dobey. Look, we're getting out of here tomorrow. With any luck, Dobey won't be in and by the time he does find out, we'll be back working our beat and out of his way. He'll just assume that I regained my memory naturally."

Hutch looked to me for approval. He raised his pale eye brows which only made the bruises on his face appear bigger. He may have been faking the amnesia, but damn, his face was a mess.

"Were do you get the 'we' business from? There's only you that started this whole thing." I leaned forward, narrowed my eyes and gave him my best accusing stare.

"You never thought of the consequences did ya? All you wanted was to scare the hell out of me and make me feel guilty." I let out a long sigh, suddenly weary of this whole argument. All of the sudden I was exhausted. I just wanted to sleep but according to Blondie, I had to come up with a plan to get around Dobey. Must be because I'm a better liar than he is.

"I'll go along with you on this but on one condition." The Hutchinson finger came at me again but I blocked it with my own dark growl along with a finger to emphasize my point.

"Look, you owe me one. If I back you up on this, even though I think it's the dumbest, dirtiest trick you've ever pulled..." At that, Hutch gave me one of his toothy grins that he doesn't share too often. Usually, he's so reserved and is way too serious. But now I could tell he wanted to humor me. So I figure I've got him right where I want. He thinks he's pulled a fast one and he still thinks I can get him out of this and square things with Dobey.

I just know this is all gonna blow up in front of us and Dobey will somehow find out. What if that ditzy nurse Bonnie ruins everything? She sure fills out her nurse's uniform but let's face it, she ain't the sharpest needle.

Hutch is still staring at me, expecting me to come up with an answer. Shit, I just know this is all gonna come back to bite me in the ass.

I'm thinking back to the time that professor had me drugged and I almost died. By the time I got out of the hospital, I felt really good but wanted to extend my time off. Since Huggy was workin' as a travel agent, I called him to hook me up with a great trip. Then I decided to take advantage of my partner's 'mother henning' and Dobey's still grateful spirit. So I limped into the office one day, leaning heavily on the cane that I really didn't need. I almost got away with a two week vacation until it all fell apart. The problem was, I should have just relied on my own survival skills. So this time, my motto is- keep it simple.

"Look, let's just forget about it. You just tell Dobey that you woke up and everything was back to normal. But next time we have a stack of over due reports, sharpen your pencil buddy, because I ain't liftin' a finger!"

Hutch shoved himself out of bed, groaning. He sat down beside me and reached out to shake my hand.

"Thanks buddy! I knew you wouldn't let me down! Besides, what could go wrong? It's not like he'd bust us back to traffic control or something!"

Hutch's belief that it would all work out was almost contagious.

Almost.

Ya ever have one of those gut feelings?