Azumanga Daioh: The Real Story
Parody of "Love Hina: The Real Story", by "bluezone777"
Disclaimer: Azumanga Daioh is the property of Azuma Kiyohiko.
Announcer: Hello, and welcome to our special "Azumanga Daioh: The Real Story". Joining us today is most of the cast of Azumanga Daioh, with the exception of Kaorin, who I understand had a prior commitment.
(The door bangs open and Kaorin stalks in.)
Kaorin: That's a load of crap and you know it! No prior commitment could keep me away from Sakaki-san!
Tomo: How 'bout a commitment to the mental hospital?
Kaorin: What was that, stranger from another class?
Tomo: Damn you! You stole my line!
Announcer: I forgot to mention that this is summer vacation just after graduation. Just in case anybody cares.
Kagura: YEAH! Summer! (turns to Sakaki) You and me, Sakaki, I challenge you to every contest that every festival has to offer!
Announcer: Now, I'm sure the first question on everybody's mind is, did you ladies pair up after the show?
Tomo: Hell yeah! Me and Sakaki, Yomi and Osaka, Chiyo-suke and Kagura!
Kaorin: You and Sakaki-san? Dream on.
Sakaki: She's right. Those are fancrack pairings. Actually, none of us has officially paired off yet, though I'm sure we all have our hopes and dreams... (discreetly glances at Yomi)
Tomo: Yeah, I just made those up off the top of my head.
Announcer: Osaka, do you actually space out all the time, or was that just your onstage persona?
Osaka: Nah, I actually do space out, strangely enough. Hey, I been thinkin' about black holes lately...
Tomo: ...speaking of emptiness...OW! Kagura, what was that for?
Announcer: Next question. Kaorin, a lot of people see you as a whiny obsessive brat 'cause you follow Sakaki around but never actually talk to her. Can you comment on such a reputation?
Kaorin: Actually, yes. The reason I wanted to talk to Sakaki-san all these years—
Kagura: —Wow, she's actually talking without freaking out—
Kaorin: —was to return the wallet she lost!
(Kaorin produces a wallet from her skirt pocket. Everybody except Kaorin facefaults and/or sweatdrops.)
Kagura: You spent three years trying to tell her that?
Sakaki: I...I...
Kaorin: Yes, Sakaki-san, I love you too!
Sakaki: No, actually, I...don't have a wallet.
Kaorin: You what?
(Sakaki unzips one of Chiyo-chan's pigtails, which is a) fake and b) a small wallet.)
Osaka: Kyaa! There was somethin' weird about those things! I knew it!
Chiyo-chan: Sakaki really likes these little wallet-pigtails. Especially when I wear them, 'cause I'm like a little sister to her. Hee hee! (niko-niko)
(Sakaki zips the wallet-pigtail closed.)
Kaorin: (blanches) Well then...whose wallet...
(Yukari stomps through the door.)
Yukari: Dammit, I can't find my wallet anywhere! (catches sight of the wallet in Kaorin's hand) My wallet! You're the wench who stole it!
(Kaorin freaks out and runs off the set, chased by a chalk-wielding Yukari.)
Yukari: (runs off set, voice fades out) Get back here, you little brat! You will be punished for this!
Tomo: (muttering) I wish I got punished, every night...
(Tomo treats herself to a brief mental image of Yomi, equipped with thigh-high leather boots, a whip, and not much else.)
Announcer: Well that was chaotic. What do you say we play a little word association?
Kagura: Do your best, Osaka-chan. (gives Osaka a kiss on the cheek)
Osaka: (blushing) Okay. Ready, announcer-san.
Announcer: Let's see..."wardrobe malfunction".
Tomo: Ooh! Me me me!
Announcer: Okay, Tomo?
Tomo: Speedos!
(Everybody sweatdrops. And then laughs.)
Announcer: Sorry to cut this short, but we've run out of time for this segment. Be sure to check out Part II: Deleted Scenes, for some footage that didn't quite make it on air! Ja ne!