The first time had been an accident. It was their first night at the Playground and Skye hadn't been able to sleep. Everything that had happened with HYDRA and Ward and almost losing FitzSimmons, it all just hit her at once as she lie in her bed. How close she had come to losing everything, everyone she cared about. And she couldn't handle it. So she ran. As much as being in a top secret organization safe house would let her anyway.
Walking the halls had been quiet. Which hadn't been surprising, the rest of the team had pretty much passed out after verifying Jemma was alright and Fitz in stable condition. Bobby, or whatever his name was, had tried to insist on an abridged tour of their new 'home' but one look from Director Coulson had been enough to put it off for the next morning. So with every turn Skye had found herself getting a little more lost and caring a little less.
She hadn't known how long she had been walking until she managed to pass by the medical wing. That was the first time she stopped. Gazing in she could see Fitz's chest rising. His monitors beeping steadily. As Jemma had said, he was alive. But that was all they knew.
Skye had been surprised to not see the other girl in there as well. Curled up in a chair by the bed or the couch along the wall at the very least. They had always been attached at the hip. Then she remembered Jemma telling them all about how Ward had ejected them from the plane. In a medical pod. And she wasn't surprised anymore. Instead she was sick. So she watched had Fitz for another moment and then kept walking.
She hadn't made it far, just around the corner and halfway down that hall, before she stopped again again. Less than thirty yards, if she'd had to guess. There were sounds coming from the room shed stopped by. Muffled, but there. It hadn't been until she was right by the door that the sounds became clear enough for her to hear that it was Jemma.
A less muffled shout had her open the door. In the dim lighting coming in from the hall Skye could see Jemma in bed, somehow still asleep despite the thrashing she was doing. Skye had paused in the doorway, unsure of what to do. Then Jemma cried out again and before Skye knew it she was crossing the room and crouching beside the other girl.
Growing up in the foster system had sucked, but in that moment she had been glad she did. She knew from experience jostling someone out of a nightmare wasn't always a good idea because it was impossible to know if they would react violently or not. Especially after suffering some kind of trauma, which had been most of them. Skye had figured being betrayed and almost murdered by someone once considered a friend definitely fell under the trauma category.
So she had done the only thing she could do that wouldn't risk making it worse. She took Jemma's hand tightly in her own and began to sing.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy, when skies are grey
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away
She hadn't known how long she sat there by Jemma's bed, holding her hand and singing softly in her ear, but eventually it worked. First she stopped thrashing, then her muscles began to loosen until finally her breathing evened out. Skye had stayed, watching Jemma's chest rise and fall.
Rise and fall.
Rise and fall.
She had watched and sang and held her hand until she was sure the other girl wouldn't have any other problems that night. Then as gently as she could, she'd slipped her hand from the gentle grasp encasing it and slipped quietly out the door.
Afterwards she'd been calm enough to finally go back to her own room and get some sleep, not waking up until well into the next afternoon. The rest of the team had teased her about it when she joined them for lunch. Skye had laughed it off, more interested in seeing how Jemma was. She noticed the small smiles. The fake laughs. The far off look she'd get in her eyes when she thought nobody was looking. Through lunch, through 'orientation', and dinner. Even when sitting in with Fitz, it never changed. And nobody seemed to notice but Skye.
Their second night in the Playground Skye couldn't stop thinking about it. Couldn't stop thinking about the mask she'd seen on Jemma's face that day. It was something shed never thought the other girl of even being capable of and seeing it once was enough for Skye to know she never wanted to again.
Skye had found herself slipping off to bed with the rest of the team that night, everyone still recovering from the weeks events. She tried to sleep but like the night before it couldn't seem to shut her mind off long enough to accomplish that. So she went walking again.
She had found herself exploring other parts of the complex she hadn't the night before. Because she had slept so late she had missed out on the 'official' tour, much to Bradlys annoyance, so she had ended up lost, again. Again she had somehow managed to find herself outside of the medical wing, watching Fitz. And again, there had been no Jemma.
So when she had left her spot from outside of the medical wing Skye had known exactly where she'd wanted to go. There hadn't been any sounds coming from the room that night. But images of the night before had flashed through her mind, so Skye opened the door gently to peek in. Just in case.
It hadn't been as bad as the previous night. Jemma hadn't thrashed about violently, but had still been restless. She hadn't cried out, but Skye heard whimpers even from the door. It hadn't been as bad, but it hadn't been good.
Skye hadn't hesitated. She had slipped quietly through the door and shut it softly behind her. Gentle but quick steps to the spot from the night before and sat with her knees to her chest. She had taken other girls hand in her own slowly so as not to wake her up and sang:
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy, when skies are grey
Youll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away
Over and over, as slowly and smoothly as she could. She had watched the other girls chest rise and fall, had traced her thumb on the underside of the the wrist held gently in her hand, until she could see Jemma's body start to respond. Until she had been able to make Jemma's body match the ease and softness of her voice.
When she had finished she had sat quietly for a moment, her mouth resting against the arm on top of knees, one she had been using to hold Jemma's, and observed the other girl. Her face had been tilted slightly away from Skye but even in the faint lighting of the nightlight by the bed she could see it was the most at peace Skye had seen Jemma all day. Brows unfurled and mouth slightly open. Her hair spilled across her pillow and slightly onto her face. Skye's stomach had fluttered as she smiled gently. She squeezed the hand in hers gently before untangling them and lifting herself off the ground. With a look back she had smiled again before slipping out as quietly as she had come in.
The first time had been an accident. The second time had been unplanned. The third time she told herself was precautionary, and the tenth had her admitting she wanted to. Somehow Skye had slipped into a routine she didn't want to break herself out of. Go to bed, try to sleep. Slip out to watch Fitz before going to Jemma's room and slipping inside.
A lot of nights were like the second. Jemma restless in her sleep, seeming to always be on the verge of crying out. Skye would sit there and wish she could do more. Wished she could stroke her hair without worrying the other girl would wake up. Sometimes even wishing she could wake the other girl up from the dreams that seemed to haunt her. But every time she went to reach out something seemed to stop her. So Skye would keep singing and Jemma would calm, and Skye could breathe easier.
Some nights, though, were better. Jemma would sleep calmly but not easily, a crease in her forehead always present as she frowned at something in her dreams. On nights like those Skye holding her hand and stroking the other girls wrist with her thumb seemed to be enough. Skye spent those nights studying Jemma's face in a way she never could when the other girl was awake. The curve of her nose and the dip of her chin. How her forehead would smooth as the frown would eventually dissolve and be replaced with the calm Skye had begun to crave to see in the daylight. Jemma was beautiful. She would sing once before standing to leave, looking back before she slipped out the door. Skye wondered when she had started to wish she didn't have to leave.
During the daytime Jemma seemed to be improving. Her smiles started to come a little easier. Her laughs were more genuine. The far off look in her eyes lingered behind the determination that replaced it as the team began to regroup and focus on ways of trying to help Fitz the longer he stayed in his coma. When Tripp made a comment about Jemma looking lighter on her feet Skye's stomach had twisted at the smile he gave her, and the one she gave in return.
After the first few days of her nightly routine Tripp had made a joke about joking Coulsons team sooner if he had known they always got to sleep in. She had laughed with the rest of them and made an excuse about being online to much. It had settled the matter at the time, but after noticing May give her a sideways glance Skye knew she needed to be more careful. She wasn't doing anything wrong, she knew that. She just...didn't want anyone else to know. She doubted they would understand why she was doing it, and she didn't feel like explaining herself.
Skye began forcing herself to wake up in the morning in time to have breakfast with the rest of the team. She was grouchier and didn't wake up properly until at least her second cup of coffee. If the rest of the team noticed a difference between now and when they were on the plane they didn't say. Skye thanked little miracles.
Until one morning of the third week since they'd gotten there when Coulson made a comment that Jemma was looking more rested since they had arrived. The previous night had been particularly hard as Jemma cried and thrashed in bed and Skye had been afraid to leave even hours after shed calmed down lest the nightmares come back. Eventually she went to bed but only gotten a couple hours of sleep and that morning she was dragging. Skye choked on her coffee and the team gave her a weird look. She managed to choke out something about the wrong pipe before waiting to see if this would be the day someone would make the connection. Nobody did and she released a breath she hadn't even known she was holding.
A week later, just over a month since they had all moved into the Playground, is when Coulson tells the team he's sending somebody out of the base to get a pulse on the situation in the rest of the world. They all look at him silently. They had all known it would happen, some expected it to even be sooner. A month was a long time, even if it hadn't felt that long. May began to get up from the table to gather things ready when Coulson stops her. He's sending Skye.
It takes a moment for her brain to register what he had said and by then everybody is looking at her. They're just as surprised as she is. Out of the corner of her eye Skye can see Jemma tense up and it's then she realizes this is really happening.
"Me? But, why? I was barely an agent before everything fell apart-"
"Exactly. You were barely an agent, which means nobody knew you. Nobody outside this room knows you were ever even with S.H.I.E.L.D, and the ones that did are all dead." Coulson is calm as he says this, as if he were just talking about the weather and not a very violent civil war.
"But at Cybertech, everybody saw me. Everybody knew me as someone on your team before we even got there-"
"Everyone knew I had a non-S.H.I.E.L.D person on my team as a consultant. That's what you're recognized as. Not an agent, not a potential threat. An asset. You're not May. Sending you is our best cover because nobody knows you as Agent Skye. You're just-"
"Nobody." Sky finishes for him. The look on his face tells her it's not what he was going to say, but he isn't correcting her either. And she gets it. She may be someone to them, to their team. But out there it doesn't matter. She's a nobody, just some hacker. And it stings. "What do you need me to do?"
He outlines it as a general intel mission, because that's what this actually is. A mission, her first and with Fitz still in his coma and Ward their prisoner...well, it's not exactly how she imagined the circumstances would be. But Jemma is still there, and Skye's heart flutters and she's filled with warmth and yeah, that's different too but she likes it.
Coulson tells her where she needs to go, some news network that's only a few hours away from where they apparently are, and tells her all she needs to do is download some data from an executives office. A simple get in, download, and get out. With so few agents he says they're going to help where they can in getting her to and from the base, but anything else will be tight.
Skye understands perfectly. It's a simple job, and she's on her own.
But of course with HYDRA now out there nothing is simple. She's caught in the room of the executives office as she is disconnecting the thumb drive and then she's running. Through the floors and out the window to a fire escape. She hits the streets and uses every bit of knowledge she gained from living on the streets to disappear. It takes her hours of dipping into malls and side alleys and even a homeless community under a bridge.
By the time she feels safe enough to hot-wire the first vehicle she comes across (a motorcycle) it's past midnight and she is hours late for her extraction meet up. She drives as fast as she can without drawing attention to the next town an hour away where she ditches the bike and makes the rest of the way on foot. She finds Tripp waiting for her outside a gas station with a relieved smile and coffee.
After letting Coulson know they're on their way back Skye tells him about what happened at the news network. He nod as he listens, and even laughs when she tells him about ducking into the homeless camp under the bridge.
"You're quick girl, I'll give you that. You think on your feet. Keep that, it'll keep you alive."
She smiles at him, but the comment hits her in the chest. Tripp tells her about what they were doing on base while she was gone. Apparently Coulson had kept most of the details about the mission under wraps, so the only ones who knew something had gone wrong were the three of them. He told her that Coulson hadn't even wanted to tell Tripp, but he had needed him to come get her when something popped up.
The image of Jemma freezing up that morning comes to mind and hopes she isn't too obvious with her worry when she asks about the others. He said as far as the others were concerned she was meant to be gone that long and Skye breathed a little easier.
They spent the rest of the drive in a comfortable silence. By the time they ditched their borrowed ride and managed to hike back to where the enter acne to the Playground was all Skye wanted to do was sleep. After dropping the flash drive off to Coulson as he met them in the hanger Skye bid them both goodnight before heading towards her room.
She passed by Fitz and watched him for a minute before walking down the hall towards Jemma's room, the quickest route to her own from the hanger. She paused for a moment, contemplating going in. She couldn't hear anything from the other side but given that it was almost four in the morning Skye wasn't surprised. She hadn't ever been by this late, having already come and gone by now, and she was tempted to just leave it for one night.
But even as she willed her feet to walk away she couldn't. She needed- she wanted to see Jemma tonight. After the night shed had, after all the running and hiding and just everything she wanted to see Jemma looking peaceful. At least once, just for a moment, and then she could sleep.
Slipping off her shoes and putting them by the door to pick up when she left, Skye carefully opened the door and crept inside. She took a moment to lean against the door and allow her eyes to adjust to the lighting. Jemma was sleeping on her stomach, her face away from the door. Skye crept over to the bed as quietly as she could, looking for any signs the other girl was distressed. There were none. As she sat down in her spot Skye counted it as the first good thing all day.
She pulled her legs up to her chest and took Jemma's hand gently in her own. It had been over a month since she first did this and Skye had yet to find a way in which their hands didn't fit perfectly. She stared at the hand in her own and thought of how it was so much like the girl in the bed. Soft, but firm. Delicate but strong. Capable of amazing things and just...absolutely beautiful.
Skye's heart tugged in her chest and as she stared Jemma's hand she ran the fingers of her other hand over it gently, and sang.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy, when skies are grey.
You'll never know Jemma, how much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away.
"Skye..."
Skye's eyes snapped up to the head of the bed in surprised. Jemma was looking back at her, completely awake. Skye's throat tightened at having been caught. She looked away quickly and stood, unable to face the other girl when she had no way of justifying this. The hand that had been in her own reached out and grabbed her wrist, unwilling to let her leave. It was quickly joined by its counterpart as Jemma turned to face her.
"Skye, no." Skye only had a moment to registered the polka dot pajamas before she found herself being pulled onto the bed. Skye couldn't believe what was happening as Jemma held her tightly. She didn't hesitant to wrap her arms around the other girl and hold her just as hard.
How long they held each other like that Skye wasn't sure. All she could focus on was Jemma's hand against her neck and around her waist, of the heart she could hear pounding beneath her ear to match the one in her own chest.
"Jemma-"
Jemma began to move away and Skye's heart seized in her chest for a moment before she realized the other girl was just making room for her to get comfortable. After they repositioned themselves Skye couldn't help but stare at the other girl in shock and awe. Jemma reached her hand out and cupped her cheek wiping it with her thumb. It was only then that Skye realized she had started crying.
She cleared her thought before trying to will them away, feeling foolish. "You're awake."
Jemma smiled sweetly at her, nodding. "I am."
"But, you're," she cleared her throat. "You're uh, not suppose to be."
Jemma laughed at that, which made Skye laugh. She knew how that sounded dumb but in the moment could bring herself to care. She nuzzled lightly into the hand against her cheek. "Why are you awake?"
"You weren't here."
Skye looked at her in shock felt her cheeks burn. How long had she know?
"Not long. Since the morning Coulson made his comment." Jemma smiled at her, placing a finger on Skye's lips as she opened her mouth to interrupt. "His comment got me thinking and I realized he was right. And that didn't make sense, because I remembered my dreams. I knew I wasn't sleeping well. But then I remembered how, just when my dreams would get bad...you stopped them."
"I had always thought it was part of the dream, that my subconscious was drawing comfort from something I found comfort in in real life. But then...then I noticed how tired you were. How tired you had been, for weeks, and how you had been sleeping in so late back when we first arrived. And so I started to wonder if it was really a dream at all."
Skye stared at Jemma, watching as the other girls own eyes began to tear up. She reached out her own hand and gently brushed the tears away, and Jemma leaned into the touch.
"That night was when I knew for sure. I woke up from my dream and I was still half asleep but I could feel you holding my hand and hear you singing the song and I just..." She took a breath. "Once I knew it was an every night occurrence I wanted to talk to you. I wanted you to be here with me as I fell asleep, and to be here when I woke up but I didn't know how to mention it to you without scaring you away. And then you weren't here tonight and I just- I don't want you to go away, Skye. I can't, I couldn't..."
Skye reached out and pulled Jemma to her. She came willingly and they lay holding each other for the second time that night. She could feel Jemma's body shake softly as she cried, and Skye cried with her. She ran her hands over the other girls back slowly, finally able to do after imagining it so many times before, and softly she sang, changing the song so slightly:
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You make me happy, when skies are grey.
You'll always know Jemma, how much I love you.
And I promise, I won't go away.
"I love you too. For so, so long."
The first time Jemma and Skye slept soundly at the Playground was together, never leaving each others arms.