Disney Channel, the Epic Dilemma
Disney Channel, the Epic Dilemma
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there was a show called "That's So Raven" being created. The girl, who was called Raven, was the star of the show. At first, she touched all our hearts. Unfortunately, over the years, she became richer and richer, and she became fatter and fatter. Soon, she became so fat, that she took up the entire screen. Because of her weight gain, her show was in desperate trouble, and she knew if she was to stay on the air and continue the show, she would have to do something very drastic, she would have to get rid of all her competition! She would have to obliterate all the other Disney Channel stars!
It was a warm, sunny day, and Hannah Montana was doing a show. As she was singing, and the crowd was cheering, they had no idea that soon, the beloved Hannah Montana, would be no more. Outside the theater, a huge shadow of a girl was approaching the building. Hannah was singing her hit song, "Best of Both Worlds".
"You got the limo out front, oh,
hot styles every shoe every color,"
The girl was behind the counter. Behind it, she pulled out a sniper rifle.
"Now when you're famous it can be kind of fun,"
The girl held the rifle, and aimed, at Hannah.
"It's really you, but no one ever discovers,"
The girl, paused for a second hesitating, then, pulled the trigger. It was like slow motion. Hannah Montana paused, ready for the next verse. She took a deep breath, but then, with shock, toppled over, the wig falling off. The fans screamed, and ran for their lives. In almost a minute, the entire room was empty, except for the corpse of the once young singer.
The girl smiled, and said with a grin, "Gotcha!" and with that, sneaked out. Almost as the girl was leaving, a dark character with a cloak appeared from the shadows. It picked up the body of Hannah Montana, and slowly walked out. As it exited the building, it held its hand up. Out of nowhere, a light appeared. Both of the characters floated up.
The girl was outside the set of "Naturally Sadie". The girl had no idea where the location of Sadie was though, so she knew how to save time. She pulled out a rocket launcher, and aimed. Just as she was about to kill Sadie, Sadie appeared. The rocket was launched, and headed towards Sadie. Sadie looked up, and screamed. A second later, a single drip blood hit the window, and the girl was gone.
In a spaceship in space, Hannah woke up, and looked around. She got up, and just as she was about to explore the new surroundings, the door opened, and in came a cloaked man.
"Who are you and what am I doing here", said Hannah.
"I", the character said as he was taking off his cloak. Hannah stared at the face of the man. It was ugly, hideous. "I am the Sith Lord", said the Sith Lord, and you, from now on will be called the Terminator.
"What do you mean?" said Hannah, and looked around for a mirror. She found one.
"Ah!" she shouted, "I'm hideous".
"Not much of a change in my opinion", said the Sith Lord.
"You", the Terminator cried, "you did this to me!"
"No! Raven did", said the Sith Lord.
"That bitch!" shout the Terminator. "I'll kill her!"
Back on Earth, Raven, who you might have guessed was the girl, had killed the entire cast of "Life With Derek".
"Oh, I am so good", said Raven. Then, out of nowhere, a green light shone, and Raven was floated up. Raven became unconscious. Hours later, Raven regained conscious again, and got up. She looked around. She notice two characters, a robed figure, and a robot.
"Who are you?" Raven shouted.
"You knew me", said the robot, "I was Hannah Montana, but now I'm the Terminator!"
"Yes", said the Sith, "and she fights for me now!" The bottom of the room vanished, and they started to fall. They fell and fell till they hit the ground. Raven got up, and was surrounded by lava.
"Let's battle", shouted the Terminator. She drew out a lightsaber. Raven looked around, and found one as well. They then started to battle.
The Terminator started to swing at Raven, but missed. Raven, who was fat, started to run, but got tired after about 7 seconds. She fell over in exhaustion, and fell on Kenny.
"Oh my god, you killed Kenny", said Stan.
"You bastard", said Kyle.
Raven rolled over and killed Stan and Kyle. The Terminator then said "screw this", and out of nowhere, grabbed out a laser cannon. She was ready to shoot. Oh snap, thought Raven. The laser was launched. Raven stood there, ready to take it. The laser hit of all the blubber on her, and rebounded towards the Terminator.
"What!" the Terminator shouted. The laser hit her, and she was launched into the lava.
"No!" screamed the Terminator. Raven walked up. "Raven, save me!" begged the Terminator.
"I don't think so", said Raven, and pulled out a marshmallow. As the Terminator was burned to a crisp, Raven was roasting a marshmallow. A few seconds later, Raven popped the marshmallow into her mouth.
"Mmm, delicious", she said. She started to approach the Sith.
"You won't get me that easily", shout the Sith, "I shall get you where it hurts!" The Sith transformed into a hotdog, and jumped into the lava.
"Nooo!" shouted Raven, but the food was gone. She walked off, the pain of the wasted food still hurting her. Suddenly, Casey appeared out of nowhere.
"You", she shouted, "you killed everyone!"
"Oh snap", said Raven, "apparently I didn't."
"Oh yeah", said Casey, "Well, I challenge you to a Pokemon battle."
"Bring it on", said Raven.
"I choose my only Pokemon, Metopod. Now, do nothing, like Raven", said Casey.
"Oh yeah, well I choose Snorlax. I like him because he reminds me of me", said Raven.
"I can see how", said Casey.
"Snorlax, fart", shouted Raven. Snorlax made a big one, but nothing happened. "What the", said Raven, then she ripped one. Snorlax, Metopod, and Casy not only fainted, they died. "I guess I showed them", said Raven. She walked towards the spaceship, and went back to Earth. When she landed on Earth, she got out. She was in a strange, new land. Out of nowhere, a man appeared.
"Hi, I'm Borat, and welcome to Kazakhstan", said Borat.
"Shove it", said Raven, and shot Borat. Raven then spotted a few kids.
"Why Santa Clause, why? Why did you kill Borat"
"Who ya'll calling Santa Clause?" said Raven.
"Well, you're fat like Santa Clause, so…" Before they could finish their sentence, Raven shot them all.
"I need a way to get home", said Raven. Suddenly, she spotted a giant peach. She approached it. A boy popped out.
"Hi, I'm James", he said, "Would you like a ride".
"Yes please", said Raven, and so they sailed on the peach to New York. Fourteen days later, they were almost there, but Raven was hungry. She started eating the peach.
"You shouldn't eat the peach you know", said James.
"Fine", said Raven, "I'll eat you", and she swallowed him whole. Three days later, Raven had reached the big apple.
"Now", she said, "time to get Tia and Tamara. And I know just where to get them. They will be at the worst show on TV convention with the cast of "Boy Meets World", and all the animators of Disney Channel. But I can't do this alone, I'll need to get the X-men". So she called the X-men, and they agreed to meet at the convention.
The convention is in Hawaii, so I will need to find a way to get there. She spotted a ship. She walked towards it, and on it was a man.
"Who are you", she asked.
"I", said the man, "am Captain Jack Sparrow".
"Could you give me a ride?" asked Raven.
"You? Ha! We couldn't give you a ride even if we wanted to", said Jack, "You weight too much".
"Did you just call me fat?" asked Raven.
"Yes, I, did", said Jack.
"You make me mad", said Raven. Suddenly she started to grow. She grew and grew, and turned greener and greener. "I angry!" she screamed
"You bad grammar", said Jack. Raven, the Hulk, punched Jack, and he fell into the ocean. Raven went onto the ship, but once he got on it, and ship sank.
Raven got to the surface, and said, "I guess the guy was right". She swam toward the land. When she reached it, she dried herself off.
"Wow", said Peter Griffen, "That reminded me of that one movie". A random flashback from "Finding Nemo" appears.
"Wow", said Raven, "how did you do that?"
"You know what", Peter said, "I don't know".
"Hey", said Raven, "Are you a witness".
"I'm not sure", said Peter, "Well, you better kill me just in case".
"You aren't a bad guy", said Raven, and killed him.
Raven bought a ticket for a plane, and the next day, was on her way to Hawaii. Unfortunately, she didn't get any sleep on the plane, because during the plane ride, someone shouted, "There are snakes on the plane", and everyone was screaming and dying everywhere. When she got off the plane, she was the only one alive.
When she got to the convention, the X-men were already there.
"Alright X-men, attack", shouted Raven, "I will borrow a plane from the Fly Boys over there". The X-men went in, and killed everyone. After the attack, they started to wonder, where is Raven. Suddenly, a plane came crashing through the roof, and every X-men died. Raven stepped out of the chaos, and said "It's time for you little brother". She needed a ride to California.
She then saw the Titanic, and best cruise in the world. She got on the titanic, but it couldn't sustain the weight of an elephant, and sank.
She then spotted Eragon and his dragon.
"Hey, you", said Raven, "Can you give me a ride?"
"Sure", said Eragon, and they were off.
By the time they reached California, the dragon was exhausted, and died.
"You killed my dragon", said Eragon.
"So?" said Raven. Eragon didn't answer. Raven went the "Cory in the House" studio. She went in, saw Cory, and grabbed him.
"It's is time for a magical duel", said Raven. She pulled out a wand, and threw Cory a wand. They walked in the opposite directions ten steps, turned around, and counted to three. The duel began.
"You can go first", said Raven.
"But I'm not a wizard!" said Cory.
"Raven shouted, "Avada Kadavra". With a flash of green light, Cory fell to the ground with a thump.
She then went to the studio of "High School Musical", and nuked them. Suddenly, the dead were up. Everyone ever killed came back to life because of a virus…in Australia, so she didn't care. She was ready to kill "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody".
She entered the studio hours later, and sniped Zack and Cody. She then confronted with London.
"London, there's a sale at the mall!" said Raven.
"Really!" said London.
"No!" said Raven, and shot her. Maddie came around the corner.
"What the fuck", said Maddie, "You and I will battle, Ka-me-ha-me-ha!"
"Ka-me-ha-me-ha!" shouted Raven. The two blasts of energy hit each other, and bounced off. Maddie started to fly, and blasted multiple energy blasts. Raven dodged them, then shot an energy disk. It hit Maddie, cutting her arm. Blood spilled. Maddie launched an energy disk as well. It cut Raven's shirt, with a sleeve falling off. Raven blasted a huge ball of energy, and it hit Maddie. Maddie pushed against the energy, but couldn't block it. In a split second, Maddie was disintegrated.
Months later, Raven had used the studio as a weapons base. She had targeted a nuke to hit every celebrity in the world so she would be the only thing on TV in the world. Just as she was ready to launch, Hilary Duff came through the roof.
"You!" said Hilary, "I believe on TV, you are Raven Bastard. Of course, I wouldn't know because no one watches your show".
"Oh yeah, well, well, well…" Raven had no answer, as usual.
"I will defeat you", said Hilary, and jumped Raven. They dropped into a Chocolate Factory. Hilary grabbed Raven's head, and dunked it into the chocolate lake.
"That's not a good idea", said Willy Wonka. Hilary kicked Willy into the chocolate river as well. Hilary let go of Raven's head, but it didn't come out. Raven was drinking the chocolate, and couldn't stop. At the end, Raven had been defeated by her own fat.
Hilary walked up to the nuke machine, and started toward the self destruct button. She then hesitated, and pushed the nuke button. The world blew up…except for Hilary, who died by getting hit by a parked car. The End…Really.