Wish for Death, Hope for Life
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A Neon Genesis Evangelion and Mobile Suit Gundam story
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Disclaimer: Who here thinks that I own any of this? silence Thought so.
Please note that there will be a lengthy author's note at the end of this chapter. On with the story.
Prologue: Controlling Time
Shinji sat on a bench at the entrance to the Geofront, listening to his SDAT. He had finished his synch tests for the day but had no desire to go back to his apartment. Misato would probably be off somewhere, not that he wanted to see her. Shinji didn't know what to think anymore; it was like his entire world was falling apart. He didn't know what to think of Rei anymore, and Asuka had run away. Of course there was that new pilot, Kaworu. He seemed nice, if a little different. The guy had just got onto a sinking ship though.
'I'm so sick of this; I just wish that it would all end. Every time that I get into that damn thing, I end up hurting someone that I care about. I almost killed Touji and Kensuke when I fell on that mountain. Then there's what I did to Touji's sister, and…and then there's the thirteenth angel. I…I crushed his plug, and crippled him for life. Some best friend I am. I couldn't even help Asuka or Rei when they needed me. I could only sit there and watch as Asuka got ripped apart by that damn angel. I should have done something! It's all my fault, I could have stopped that thing from hurting her. And Rei…why did she have to do that! If I was only a little faster, I could have saved her and she wouldn't be that…that thing. Rei is dead, and it's all my fault.'
Shinji's thoughts were interrupted just then when he heard the gate in front of him open. He looked up to see Kaworu standing there looking at him.
"Hello, you weren't waiting here for me, were you?"
Shinji nervously pulled out his ear buds and stammered a response, "No, not…not really waiting anyway."
Kaworu walked forward and asked, "So what are you doing for the rest of the day?"
"Well, usually when tests are over, I'll take a shower and go home. But I don't really want to go home these days."
"The fact that you have a place where you can return, home, will lead you to happiness. That is a good fact."
"You think so?"
"I want to talk to you some more. May I come with you?"
***
Shinji and Kaworu went to the showers and had a bit of a discussion while they sat there. Kaworu saw what some of Shinji's problems were and tried to give him some advice about dealing with people, saying that "all men are fundamentally alone."
"It…it's time."
"Time to go?"
"Yeah, I have to go to bed."
"With me?"
Shinji quickly got flustered and stammered out a nervous reply. "Uh, No! I…I think you have your own room!
As Kaworu stood up he casually said, "Okay. You know, pain is something that man must endure in his heart."
Shinji blushed.
"And since pain fills the heart so easily, some believe life is pain. You are delicate like glass, that is your heart is."
"It is?"
"Yes, this is worth earning my empathy. I'm saying I love you."
***
The next day, Kaworu stood at the access bridge to Unit 02. As much as it pained him, he could resist the call no further. He would miss his life as a human; all of the experiences that come with it.
"It is time, let us go Adam's dark shadow, servant of the Lilin."
With that, Kaworu tapped into his power and was no more. Tabris, the final messenger, had arrived.
***
"NO! NO! NO! It's not possible! I won't believe that Kaworu's an angel, it's a lie!"
Misato's voice crackled over the speaker in Unit 01's entry plug, "It's a fact Shinji, you must accept it. Prepare for combat, do you understand?"
***
As Tabris floated down the access tunnel with Unit 02 at his side, he saw Unit 01 approaching from above. "Shinji, you are late."
Shinji was enraged. "You betrayed me! You betrayed the trust I placed in you! You betrayed me just like my father did!"
***
While Tabris floated in Terminal Dogma, looking at Lilith's body, he heard a loud crash behind him. He saw Unit 02 thrown through the gate and Unit 01 lurch in through the opening. Its right hand shot forward and grasped him in a tight grip.
"I thank you, Shinji. I wanted you to take Unit 02 from me. Otherwise, with her, I might have survived much longer."
"Kaworu, but why?"
"It is my destiny to live forever, though my survival will bring final destruction to the human race. However, it is possible for me to be killed and whether I live or die makes no great difference. In truth, death may be the only absolute freedom there is."
"What are you Kaworu? I don't understand what you are talking about Kaworu."
"This is my wish. Please destroy me. Otherwise, you will be destroyed. Only one life form can be chosen to avoid the destruction and seize the future. And you are not the existence which should die. You need the future; it is what you live for. Thank you Shinji, my life was meaningful, because of you."
To say Shinji was torn would be a great understatement. On the one side was his duty as an Eva pilot, to kill the angels and prevent Third Impact. They had destroyed both Asuka and Rei, and he could never forgive them. But there was one thing that tore at him. Kaworu was his friend, and the one person to ever tell him that he was loved. He couldn't bear to hurt another friend, not to mention the one person to truly care for him in almost his entire life.
Agonizing over his choices, Shinji reluctantly made his decision. The splash that Kaworu's severed head made as it fell into the lake of LCL signified what Shinji had decided.
***
Shinji sat at the edge of the lake, deep in thought. His sense of guilt was overwhelming and he felt a great deal of regret for his killing Kaworu and still being alive.
"Kaworu should have survived. He was much better that I am. Kaworu should have survived, not me! He deserved to live."
"No, the one who deserves to live is the one who has the will to make it happen. He wished for death. He ignored his will to survive and chose to die for a false hope. Your survival is not a mistake Shinji."
"Misato, how can you be so cruel?"
***
***
In another plane of existence, a silver haired youth awoke. Upon opening his eyes, Kaowru looked up to see a clear night sky with a view of the stars.
"Not exactly what I had expected, but it is quite nice."
Getting up, he looked around and realized something important. First was that he was standing in what appeared to be a large grassy field with mountains in the distance. There was a small lake nearby and some trees off to the side. However, the one thing that really got his attention was the fact that the entire piece of land seemed to be floating in space. Space just seemed to fade into this field; there was nothing supporting it.
"Definitely not what I was expecting to see. Where am I?"
Suddenly, Kaworu heard a sound behind him. It was like…laughing? He turned around to see two human shaped forms running along the field as if they were playing. The forms had no distinguishing features, just red and yellow shapes of people. One of the shapes, the one in back, started to fade away for some reason. He stared in amazement as it disappeared. He was then shocked to see that the other had taken a more distinct form. What was once a red shape was now a young woman. She was wearing a large flowing tan gown that flowed in the breeze. Her long dark hair was done into two buns that fell across her back and her large green eyes shined brightly even from in the distance. She seemed to be of Indian descent, but he couldn't be sure.
Kaworu felt a great power coming from her, something not of Adam or Lilith, but still immensely strong. She most likely had great abilities, and might be an interesting person to meet.
He walked over to greet her.
***
Universal Century 0079, December 29
***
"Here it comes!" Amuro shouted as he flew around a battle between Zeon Rick Doms and Federation GMs. He had felt something important would show up from this direction and wanted to check it out.
Suddenly, a swarm of Bit attack drones appeared from ahead and surrounded Gundam. Amuro managed to dodge the beam shots from each of them as they maneuvered in a random pattern around him. One shot got through, but he managed to use his shield to block it. He started to try to shoot them down then and managed to get a few.
"I can feel the way they're controlled," he muttered as he began to concentrate. He saw the control signal in his mind and began his attack. "I can sense it!" Amuro miraculously saw where each of the bits would be and managed to shoot down many of them. He then saw the control Mobile Armor approaching.
"L…Lalah!"
The Gundam and Elmeth then began a dance of sorts, the Gundam firing its beam rifle and the Elmeth firing its beam cannons; both missing the target.
Lalah realized who she was fighting after sensing Amuro. "Amuro?" she questioned herself.
She was able to shoot the Gundam's beam rifle, destroying it. Amuro had to maneuver his shield around to avoid the blast.
"Why are you out here fighting Lalah?"
"To prevent you from hurting Char."
"What?!"
"You're so cruel, trying to harm him."
"That's crazy, no way!"
Lalah then commanded the bits to attack again. They surrounded Amuro at a close distance so that he was able to use his beam saber to destroy them. He managed to slice apart any bit that got within range. He then saw the Elmeth rise from below.
"Your strength has confirmed my fears, I must shoot you down or Char will be killed."
"Char! So that's why."
"I'm afraid you came too late."
"I came too late?"
They continued their fight. Lalah used her bits and cannons while Amuro dodged her shots and used his saber to destroy the bits.
"Oh, Amuro, why did you wait so long to appear in my life? Why now? Why this? How can you keep fighting with such conviction? You have great strength but you have no one to defend and nothing to fight for."
"I have nothing to fight for?"
"I can sense that, there's no family in your heart and no homeland either."
"Wh…What difference does that make? Well, is it wrong to fight if I have nothing to defend?"
"It just isn't natural."
"Then who are you defending?"
"You may not completely understand, but I'm fighting for the one person who saved my life."
"That's it, that's your reason?"
"Yes, it's a truth that one lives for."
"Then does it mean nothing that we've met each other?"
Lalah gasped, "Amuro do you think we were destined to meet each other?"
"Yes, I believe we were, I believe this was destined to happen."
"But why? If this is fate, then life is just too cruel."
"We have no choice but to accept it. Lalah, open your eyes."
"Is it really true, are you certain about this? Is this destiny as you say?"
***
At that moment, in separate locations, both Char and Sayla had Newtype reactions as they realized what was happening. They both started to move in toward the battle between Amuro and Lalah. Char was the first to arrive. His red Gelgoog stood out in the darkness of space as it rocketed towards them.
***
"Lalah, stop playing around with him."
Having seen his rival, Amuro quickly reacted. He moved away from the Elmeth and towards Char.
The beginning of their battle could be seen from a distance. That made it easy for Sayla to find them. She pushed the G-Fighter's engines to full throttle get there to help Amuro and stop her brother.
"There they are!"
She watched as Amuro sliced Char's beam rifle apart with his saber. Char activated his twin beam sword and the two began fighting again.
"Come on! Pull back Casvel!"
Amuro saw her and warned her, "It's too dangerous. Stay back Sayla!"
After bouncing off the Gundam, Char attacked the G-Fighter, damaging its underbelly.
Sayla tried to reach her brother so that he would notice her, "Casvel, I'm right here! Don't you see me!"
Char regrouped in front of the Elmeth to prepare for his final attack.
"It's time for me to crush that gundam, guide me in my task Lalah," he ordered.
That surprised her but she managed to respond.
"I'll be there for you, I'll guide you on your way Captain."
"Thank you, Lalah."
Char and Amuro approached each other and began their fight again. Char sliced off part of Amuro's shield, distracting him. At that time, Sayla began her attack. She targeted the Elmeth and fired her beam cannons. Lalah dodged and returned fire. Char moved in to defend the Elmeth and get rid of the fighter. He moved to destroy the cockpit with his saber. Luckily, Amuro was able to block the blow and Sayla flew off.
Lalah used her cannons to blow off what was left of Amuro's shield and Char moved in to finish him off. However, Sayla stopped him by firing her cannons between them. Char then tried to kill her again. Just as he was about to hit the cockpit, Lalah stopped him.
"Captain, don't do it!"
Just as he hit the canopy, Char saw that it was his sister piloting it.
"No! It's Artesia."
He turned around to deal with the gundam and was greeted by Amuro slicing off his right arm with his saber. Now without weapons, Char was helpless and Amuro knew it. He moved in for the killing blow.
"Char, this is it!"
"Captain!"
Just as Amuro was going to stab the Gelgoog in the cockpit, it was shoved out of the way by the Elmeth. Amuro couldn't stop in time and destroyed the Elmeth's cockpit.
"Lalah!"
***
In the moment of her death, Lalah and Amuro were able to share some last words.
"People are changing, they're becoming like us."
"Yeah, I suppose so, you're right about that Lalah."
"Oh, Amuro do you honestly believe that?"
"Yes, of course. You and I were able to understand each other. I suppose one day, people will even be able to control time."
"Oh Amuro, I can see time itself."
***
Lalah saw herself in a large grassy field at the foot of some mountains. Amuro was by her side as they ran through the field playing. She could see a star field all around the area that looked beautiful to her. She looked back to see Amuro, but he was gone. She looked around in the hope that he was still there. Instead she saw a somewhat strange sight. A boy in black pants and a white dress shirt was walking towards her. It wasn't that that made him noticeable to her; it was his gray hair and blood red eyes. She also felt that he had some kind of hidden strength. She began to walk towards him to find out what was going on.
***
Back in the battle, it seemed as if everything had stopped when Amuro killed Lalah. He could only float backwards in shock and Char was too grief-stricken to care about fighting anymore.
As the Elmeth exploded in a great ball of light, Amuro could only cry. Char voiced his grief by slamming his fist into his control panel and screaming "NOO!!"
Amuro finally found his voice and gasped, "Lalah, Lalah! I've done a terrible thing! I've done something I can never take back!
***
In the mountain field
***
Kaworu and Lalah came face to face, both with questioning looks on their faces. Kaworu was the first to break the silence.
"Hello there, I don't suppose you know where we are, do you?"
"No, I'm afraid that I don't. You see, I think that I just died a minute ago."
"What a coincidence; so did I. My name is Kaworu, Kaworu Nagisa. Could you please tell me what your name is?"
"Lalah Sune. Wait, you're dead too?"
"Yes, a good friend of mine was forced to kill me."
Lalah looked down and said quietly, "Really, I guess you could say the same about me."
She looked Kaworu in the eyes and asked, "Tell me, I sense a great power in you. Are you a Newtype?"
Kaworu blinked. "A Newtype, what is that?"
"A person who has mental abilities that normal people don't have. A psychic."
He frowned. "No, I can say that I am something different. I am an Angel."
"An Angel? You mean a harp-playing, halo wearing Angel?"
Kaworu chuckled. "Not quite."
Lalah folded her arms across her chest. "Kaworu, you're going to have to tell me a little about yourself."
"Only if you tell me some about you."
***
Some time later, both of the dead teens were trying to grasp what they had learned about their newfound friend.
"So let me get this straight Kaworu. You forced this Shinji, a person you had told you loved, to kill you in order to stop you from destroying the human race."
"Yes, it was the only way. I know it pained him greatly, but there was no choice. I had to die. What about these people, Captain Char and Amuro? Why did you do what you did? You made your, what was it, soulmate kill you."
"I don't know. I owe the Captain my life, but Amuro is just so kind. I couldn't let them kill each other. I…I just wish that I could help Amuro. He has nothing to fight for, and he doesn't realize that there is more to life than that stupid war. I fear that he and Char will fight over what happened until one or both of them are dead. If I could only help them."
"That may be true…I feel almost the same way about Shinji. He has almost no self-worth and feels abandoned. The fact that a kind person like him was forced to kill a loved one is most likely destroying him inside."
"About that love Kaworu, what kind are you talking about?"
"I do not mean love in the sense that I wish to be one with him, but rather love between close friends or family members. Why do you ask?"
Lalah jumped and stuttered out a response. "I…I was just curious. I wanted to understand your feelings about him."
"That is all right. Besides, I feel that another has taken his heart. What about Char or Amuro?"
"I don't know. Char looks up to me, almost as if I were a parent or something. I think that Amuro may be the same as Shinji, only he doesn't know it."
"Perhaps, who are we to tell? However, there may be something that we can do to help our loved ones with their problems."
"What do you mean?"
"You said that you could see time, correct? That people may be able to control it as well? I believe that you can do so."
Lalah waved her arms in a disarming manner. "Whoa Kaworu, I said that I could see it but there is no way that I have the power to even think of controlling it! Besides, what could we do? We come from two different universes!"
Kaowru paused for a moment then responded. "Perhaps I should rephrase myself. Lalah, you are right in that you are not strong enough to do this by yourself. However, if we were to combine our abilities, we could accomplish something. We could create a bridge between the universes and allow people to cross from one to another. We could also manipulate time so that it is best set to get the results we desire."
Lalah looked him in the eyes. "Are you sure we can do this? I find it hard to believe that it's possible."
"It is indeed possible. The only question is who shall we bring to which universe and when to place them in the timeline."
Lalah spoke up. "Well, I think that I know which universe we should take people to. Seeing as mine is in the middle of that war, it wouldn't do much good to bring anyone there. Besides, I want Amuro to experience a peaceful situation instead of that war. I think that we should send people to your universe."
"Yes, that does seem to be a good idea. I think that Shinji wouldn't be well prepared for life in your universe. It would most likely put him into shock and wouldn't do any good for us. That question is answered, but who shall we bring over and when? I know that you wish to send Amuro, but who else do you want to send?"
Lalah smiled. "I have an idea about that and when to send some of them. I want Amuro to get there first, so that he can get used to living there. I also want him to be able to help Shinji in some way. When do you think that we should place him?"
Kaowru closed his eyes in concentration for a moment and then smiled. "I believe there is a way for him to be of great assistance to Shinji, and to all of humanity as well. I also have a good idea on when he should arrive."
Lalah perked up at this. "Great! So when do we start?"
"Right now."
"Good. Uh…this is going to sound kind of stupid, but how do we do this?"
Kaworu chuckled for a moment and smiled. "Just concentrate on what you wish to send to my universe and think of a gateway that will allow it to happen. I will join my power with yours to give you the strength and guide you to the appropriate time. I will then try to place any other people where and when you want them. Give me your hands."
"Why, what does that do?"
"It allows us to combine power. Are you ready?"
"Let's do it."
The two joined hands and closed their eyes. A faint aura of green light surrounded them as they began to combine power. As they focused on their objective the light glowed brighter. It faded out and they broke contact.
Kaworu spoke up first. "It is done. It all went as we had hoped."
Lalah looked in his eyes and replied. "Yes, I just hope that it works out all right."
"Don't worry, I have a feeling that it will. Besides we can see how things are going any time we wish. Although I have to wonder about your decision to send those people."
"Some of them may be important later on, besides they are somewhat of a family to Amuro. As for the others, I didn't have a choice on the matter, they were too close to the one I wanted to bring."
"I see. I just hope that they don't get into too much trouble. They could be a bit of a problem."
"That's why I put them when I did. I think that they will do something, but Amuro will stop them. I just hope that he doesn't kill them.
"We shall see."
***
In the Universal Century
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A faint green glow surrounded the White Base and started to grow brighter. Just as it was blinding, it disappeared along with the warship. Another glowing phenomenon surrounded the area around Char's mobile suit and he too disappeared.
***
Earth, 2015
***
The beginning of an invasion had started. It wasn't the angels or anything of equal power. It wasn't a hostile invasion yet, but it could end up that way. There would be many invaders in the next several months, some good and some bad. All that could be said is that it would change the course of history. It all started with the wish of two dead people that their loved ones would have a better life.
In a grassy field some distance away from Tokyo 3, a large white machine appeared. It looked as if it had fallen down from a short distance. It held a rifle in its right arm and a large red shield in its left. A young man with red hair was lying unconscious inside of the machine. A short time later, another young man came upon this man-shaped machine and began to investigate. It was the beginning of a new life for many people. The question is, would it be a good life?
To be continued
***
Well, that's the first chapter. Considering that this is my first attempt at fanfiction, I think that I did fairly well. I admit that I think my characterization of both Kaworu and Lalah is a little weak at times and I hope to be able to fix that after I get a little experience. I found it to be a little hard to write them at times, as I couldn't figure out what they would do in the situation. You may notice that the early parts are pretty much taken from the episodes. That was intentional so that I could set the stage. I made a few changes here and there to get my point across. I don't plan to do that too much in the future chapters, but it may happen now and then.
This is the third version of a Gundam and Eva crossover that I've had in mind for a while. The first involved an ACC that was way too uber and would have been shot down in flames. The second involved a much more toned down ACC, but I figured that it wouldn't be a good way to start my writing career. I then realized something about both Eva and Mobile Suit Gundam that made a story involving them both an interesting idea to me.
Both are considered to be groundbreaking animes of their times. They both changed the idea of giant robot anime. MSG did something completely different during the era of the super robot anime series. It wasn't a story of a giant super robot against giant monsters, but was the story of robots used as tools of war illustrating the horrors of war. Eva took it one step further; the robots were used as tools to interest people in what is essentially a human drama. Both also had revolutions in the main characters. MSG had a reluctant hero who hated what he did even as he became the best at it. Eva had the anti-hero; a person who didn't look at all like a hero, he doubted himself at almost every turn and ran from conflict. They also had the main character kill someone that they considered a loved one. MSG was the original groundbreaking mecha anime, and Eva is this generation's. It just seemed to me that they should work well together.
I have been reading fanfiction for about the last year and have always wanted to try it out. I happen to be a big fan of crossovers but know that they aren't well received at times. That being said, I tried to find a similar theme in these two series. As I was watching both of the episodes I wrote about I noticed something that connected them. I used that to form this introduction.
I don't know how well this will be accepted but I hope for the best obviously. I plan to do some unconventional things with this and hope that they won't get flamed too much. I also don't know how often I can update, as my schedule is somewhat full for the next couple of months. I think that I can get one out every month, maybe less. I don't know about the length of chapters either, I guess that it depends on what I want to cover in each.
Well, that's it for this chapter, flame away. Oh, could you try to throw in some constructive help too. I might not be that good yet, but I want to improve. Thanks for taking the time to read this and I hope that you like it. Oh, could you leave me you email address so that I can answer any questions or concerns that you may have.
Further thanks go to Turles and MVP=Gohan for getting me off my ass and starting to write. If it wasn't for them, I don't think that I would have been motivated to do something.
Oh, if any of you are wondering what the hell that I'm talking about when I'm writing stuff from the Gundam side of things, I know a web site that can answer some of your questions. Go to mahq.net and you can find information on the mobile suits and what happens in Mobile Suit Gundam. It might be able to at least give you a clue on what I'm talking about.