Hey look, I'm still alive on here! XD This insane oneshot was co-authored by my wonderful sister Dr. Meh. :D
This is pure crack, so be warned. And it's an FFXIII-2 FFX crossover of complete derp. Beware of utter insanity produced from the minds of two sleep deprived sisters, don't take anything too seriously, and look for the humor in this parody. XDEverything from Final Fantasy X and XIII-2 is © to Square Enix.
On with the derp!
Too Much to Think About, 'Ya? 'Ya!
Sneaking into the High Summoner's house to steal her skirt and transform it into a pair of pants and escape in one piece was number 1,377 on the list of things Noel never thought he'd do, and yet here he was.
Besaid was only a small village, but that made the citizens very familiar with each other. Subsequently, they were also rather familiar with the local celebrity's hair style and style of dressings. He had already been mistaken for the High Summoner by random villagers, who all saw his brown hair and feminine shoulders and instantly assumed the worst. In fact, they had gone as far as whispered theories wondering if something horrible had happened to Yuna to cause her chest to become flat, but he had pretended not to hear that comment.
I wonder if I'm really that easily mistaken for High Summoner Yuna... he wondered distantly as he slipped inside the well known woman's empty room.
Subsequently, he was hoping above all hope that no one very close to Yuna would venture into her home at that moment while he was approaching her closet. As quietly as he could, he threw the closet doors open. His mouth fell open at the sight of so many identical sets of white-shirt-blue-skirt clothing; didn't the Lady Yuna wear anything else? Or did she just keep her wardrobe this way to deliberately confuse potential perverted fanboys from stealing her more risqué attires? If so, he thought she was doing a rather bad job of it. He'd already seen some of said fanboys displaying said attire like a proud flag, even if their legitimacy was doubtful.
For if it was legitimate, it was very likely that the giant blue cat beast named Kimahri who served as one of Yuna's Guardians would likely gut them with sadistic glee.
He noticed one of the blue skirts with a floral pattern that wasn't quite as feminine as the others. Instead of delicate white flowers decorating the dark blue fabric, there was simply a thick trim with an abstract design of flowers around it. Best of all, it looked wide enough at the bottom to easily be transformed into a pair of pants.
A ridiculously feminine pair of pants, but a pair of pants nevertheless. He supposed vaguely that he ought to take off the flowery portion, but he couldn't bring himself to brusquely remove a print of such lovely flowers. He mentally cursed whatever part of his mind produced that idea as he pulled the skirt out of the closet and walked over to the mirror. The High Summoner's quarters were lavish by the village's standards, and a full length mirror was included in the decor of her room.
"Who's gorgeous?" he murmured, giving the material pooling around his ankles an experimental twirl. It swished and the stars flickered, before fading and settling against his legs. Hurriedly, he gave his reflection one last searching glance, flicked his hair out of his eyes, and turned to leave.
Unbeknownst to Noel, who was still enjoying the sight of himself in Lady Yuna's mirror, she did not live in the house alone. Humming a cheerful melody, Tidus pushed the door into the house he shared with Yuna open. Nothing seemed out of place, as Noel has left no indication of sneaking in.
"I'm home!" the blonde called out cheerfully.
In the bedroom, Noel jumped and nearly tripped over the hem of his skirt at the sound of another voice in the house. Unfortunately, the skirt seemed to recognize that this was not its master, and promptly sent him flying into the mirror.
"Yuna!" he heard a male voice call out happily. "I was feeding the seagulls! They said hello!"
He spat out broken glass from his mouth, and bent his head to cover his reflection in what remained of the mirror. If it weren't for the distressing situation that presented itself to him as the man walked through the door, he would have wondered who in their right mind would report about seagulls supposedly making a greeting. He waved back, hoping this would do as an appropriate welcome, but unfortunately for the skirt stealer, the new man seemed to get entirely the wrong impression.
"Oh, come hither?" the stranger said, amused and with a playful snap to his words. "I can arrange that!" And before he knew it, warm (once artificially) suntanned arms surrounded Noel like an electric blanket.
Noel's expression became one of horror, but the blonde stranger didn't seem to notice, since there the bottom of the mirror was no more than the wood that had previously supported the glass. Regardless, one thing was very clear; he had to somehow get out of there, and as soon as possible. It was difficult to say when the High Summoner herself would be returning, and with his poor luck, it would be very soon.
And it was.
Just when the person hugging him had started murmuring things he'd only read before in trashy romance novels that he secretly stole from Serah, a light voice rang out. "Tidus?"
The voice was gentle, albeit a bit concerned, and to Tidus, very familiar.
Both men froze. A few moments passed, and then to their horror another voice joined in.
"Yunie, I found the..."
When the two women entered the room, there were a few moments of horrified silence. The real Lady Yuna and her cousin Rikku stood in the doorway as several awkward moments slipped away.
"Oh my God!" Rikku exclaimed, breaking the silence. "There's a Yunie here..." she trailed off, pointing at the High Summoner beside her, then to Noel."And a Yunie over there! But that one doesn't have any breasts!"
Yuna cast her cousin a disturbed look at her tactless comment, but Tidus looked down at the person he was glomping with an expression of horror.
Noel glanced at his chest automatically, then immediately blushed. His mouth opened and shut like a goldfish, having no clue what words to say that might salvage any shreds of his dignity. It was difficult to muster any dignity when wearing a woman's ankle length skirt and getting glomped by said woman's boyfriend.
Speaking of which- "Will you let go, please?" he hissed as quietly as he could. The dumbstruck blond immediately jumped away, and began babbling at record speed.
"Yuna! I swear, I thought it was you- I mean, not that I thought you were a man because you're not, you're totally a woman- and he's totally not you! It was the skirt! Yeah, the skirt- he's, he's wearing your skirt!" Tidus stuttered.
"So if Seymour were to walk in here wearing my skirt, you'd be all over him too?" Yuna asked, a tinge of sarcasm entering her normally pleasant voice.
"Yes! I mean no! I mean..." Everybody, even Noel, cringed at Tidus' faux pas.
Rikku snorted at his comment and weak response. "Hey, if you're into guys, that's fine," she said very seriously, "but don't you dare hurt Yunie, you insensitive jerk! Especially for Seymour...his chest hair was disgusting."
Noel distantly thought that he never, ever wanted to meet this Seymour they spoke of.
Though in reality, they probably would have gotten along, since both of their attires resembled Yuna's skirt with uncanny similarity.
Tidus blanched at her threatening expression and insinuation. "No, no, I swear! Anything but the chest hair! I swore I'd never do that again-" his voice stopped short, and Noel could practically hear the wince as everybody's mouths dropped open.
"Again?" Yuna demanded sharply, eyes wide.
"I... uh... I can explain!" Tidus exclaimed!
"I would hope you have a decent explanation!" Rikku said irritably. "He was dead for more than half the times he bothered us!"
"I didn't have a choice," he defended, "it was either me or the Tetra Elemental, and I know how much Rikku loves those so I couldn't let it happen!"
"Let what happen?" Noel egged him on, slowly backing away from the confrontation in his stolen skirt.
Fortunately, nobody paid attention to his movements, though the movement of the skirt swaying around his legs did make them stand out more than they would have in ordinary pants. If it was any consolation, he still felt very pretty in his skirt, and chanced a glance at what remained of the mirror to see his reflection.
Oh yes...gorgeous, he thought, half answering his own question when he first examined his reflection back when the mirror was still whole.
"Yes, Tidus," Rikku crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "Let what happen?"
Tidus's reply was muffled as the blond hung his head, but the Lady and her cousin seemed to have heard perfectly well because a horrified screech distracted Noel momentarily from edging out the door. While he knew it was risky to stop and look back, morbid curiosity insisted that he do so.
"He did WHAT?" Rikku screamed, hands flying to her mouth- whether in disgust or shock, Noel couldn't guess.
"So that's what happened to my Lunar Ring," Yuna said numbly, not even bothering to look as Rikku tackled Tidus to the ground and promptly began to choke him.
Noel disappeared through the door and got out of the house as quickly as his skirted legs would carry him. The distraction created by the traumatic memories of Seymour was more than enough to let him get away, with his pretty and floral printed prize.
Still, he thought, slowing down to a walk as soon as he deemed it safe, next time I have to make sure pretty skirt-stealing will be worth it. This was too close to disaster. Thus, he decided that next time he wanted to steal women's clothes, he'd go for a bikini. Maybe he'd look for Yunalesca; he'd heard she had a gorgeous bikini, a fine strappy affair.
But...this is still one damn fine skirt.
In the meantime, Wakka was walking home from blitzball practice. Passing by Yuna's house, he heard strange noises and, concerned, decided to take a closer look.
He dropped the blitzball he was carrying on the ground.
The image of Tidus and Rikku on the ground, with a blank-faced Yuna watching from nearby, met his eyes. After a few moments of stunned silence, he thought about it, shrugged, and simply said, "That just ain't cool, 'ya?"
~Le Fien~
No, we were not on drugs of any kind while writing this story. XD