"You'd better not miss dinner Cristina," Meredith warned, straightening her suit jacket. The residents had just completed their boards, and they were still clad in their monkey suits. A feeling of uneasiness was spread throughout the group, due to lack of confidence in their performance.
The only resident completely confident in their performance was of course Cristina. Despite speculation, Cristina was her hard-core self during her boards and she passed with flying colors. 'Nothing like channeling your loneliness and rage into studying', Cristina thought bitterly to herself.
She and Owen hadn't really spoken since he declared his love for her before leaving the firehouse. Of course they'd had discussions as colleagues; Owen was the messenger when it came to hospitals offering her fellowships. They also talked when he offered her a fellowship on behalf of SGMW. Whenever he'd try to ask her of her plans regarding these fellowships, she'd quickly shut him down.
Honestly, Cristina had no idea what fellowship she planned on accepting. Cleveland Clinic or Johns Hopkins were the obvious choices, yet she couldn't bring herself to commit. A small voice in her head constantly nagged that if she didn't fix things with Owen, she'd never truly be happy again.
"I won't, it's a forty minute drive. You won't even have time to miss me," Cristina sighed, and gave her person a hug. "Thanks for helping me study with the 'Grey Method'," Cristina squeezed Meredith tight for a second before letting her go.
"I'm really going to miss you," Meredith sighed, looking at the ground. Meredith had already accepted the offer that Owen had given her, and was set to begin soon. As a congratulatory present, Derek had the house in the woods finished. Derek, Meredith, and Zola were set to move in next week. Meredith insisted on having Cristina's room furnished, even though they both knew she probably wouldn't be around to stay in it.
"Mer," Cristina groaned, but secretly she was hurting too. Meredith was her other half, her twisted sister. It didn't seem right that they would be moving up the ranks as attendings without each other. Meredith squeezed Cristina's arm as she walked outside to call Derek and check on Zola.
"Taxi," Cristina called, signaling with her arm. Sliding into the backseat, she handed the driver an address. Leaning back against the seat, she felt a dull pain in her head begin.
She'd finally reached the finish line, she'd weathered the journey. Cristina expected to feel relieved that her boards were done, that she was finally free. She'd always imagined the sense of accomplishment that she'd feel. She was now a cardiothoracic surgeon, she'd finally made it.
Cristina never expected to feel this conflicted, this emotional over the completion of her residency. She'd always assumed she'd be on the first plane out of Seattle to some world-renown cardio hospital. When she started her internship, she'd had no idea that she'd get so close with Meredith, Callie, and Alex, that she'd become a godmother, or that she'd be a wife. Cristina never expected leaving to be a problem.
Now, leaving was everything. By leaving, any chance of repairing her marriage would be gone. Deep down, Cristina knew she would never fall in love again, not after Owen. She'd be leaving her twisted sister, her soul mate. Leaving hadn't even been a question before, and now it's the biggest decision Cristina will ever make.
As the familiar sights of Stanford became visible through the windows, Cristina relaxed ever so slightly. She paid the cab driver, and stepped out into the warm, shining sun. Still dressed in her crisp suit, she felt a little embarrassed. Quickly, she walked over to the church, her favorite spot on campus. Being an atheist, Cristina could never quite figure out what drew her to the church, but something did.
The sun beat down on her back as Cristina's eyes were mesmerized by the intricate artwork on the front of the church. She was completely focused until the small talk of two girls seated on a bench behind her caught her attention.
"I don't understand how you took him back," the girl with red hair said to her friend, they both looked to be about 25. "We worked things out," the blonde said with a sigh. It was obvious this discussion had come up fairly frequently, much to the blonde's dismay.
"He cheated on you, to hurt you," the friend emphasized, causing Cristina's blood to run cold. Her stomach churned as she listened intently. The blonde girl looked up, her eyes fierce. "I tried to put myself in his shoes; I was the one to hurt him first. Of course it wasn't intentional, but still. Subconsciously, I think a part of him wanted to hurt me by cheating, but I don't think he went out with the intention of getting back at me. He was lonely, confused, and scared, and not to mention drunk," the girl bit her bottom lip which was quivering.
"How can you make excuses?" the friend asked her, horrified. Shaking her head, the blonde responded, "I'm not making excuses, what he did was horrible. We still have so much trust to rebuild, but I want the chance to rebuild it with him. The reason it hurt so much when he cheated on me, is because I love him so much. When you love someone so much, the mistakes that you make hurt each other because you matter to each other," the girl smiled slightly.
Hearing too much, Cristina quickly walked in the direction of the medical school, far away from the chatting girls. With the obvious parallels, it was hard for Cristina not to think of Owen. That girl had been in her situation, however she seemed to have come to the conclusion that both Cristina and Owen desperately wanted, but neither could seem to figure out how to get it.
Knocking on the door lightly, Cristina hoped there wasn't a class going on. The door swung open to an empty classroom, and the door shut behind her as she entered.
"My, my, Cristina Yang," a clipped, English accent greeted her.