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My Kingdom for a Tranquilizer
By Isabel Juno
James Wilson picked up the phone after checking the caller id to make sure it wasn't House updating him on the soap opera marathon he was currently enjoying in one of the unused clinic rooms.
"Hello?"
"Hey James, its Dea." Wilson laughed to himself and started tapping his pen. Who else was crazy enough to start a conversation in a sing song voice?
"The singing kind of tipped me off there, Dea."
"Huh? O yeah. Sorry I've been rather distracted today. At any rate and before you say no, you're going on a date on Friday night." The pen stopped tapping. Wilson was frozen in disbelief. His voice sort of caught in his throat as he struggled to come up with something, anything, to say to that pronouncement.
"What?" Was all he managed. He heard Dea laugh on the other end of the line.
"Yes, you, James Wilson, are going on a date with an old friend of mine who's living in New York."
"Don't I get a say in this? After all, it is my life."
"Well unless you want to look like a jackass you're going. I've already set it up. You guys are going to the Twizzler's; it's a really wonderful club. It has karaoke." She said the last sentence like that made it THE place to be. James was still staring at his paralyzed pen in shock and disbelief.
"I can't believe you."
"You're friends with Greg House and you can't believe me?" He thought about that for a second.
"Ok, good point. I still can't believe you did this." He sighed resignedly. "So where am I supposed to meet her and when?" He could almost see the smirk on her face as she gave him his directions.
House did his best slinking-House-sneaking-up-on-people bit and slammed his fists on Wilson's door making Wilson tip back in his chair and his telephone went flying as he landed hard on the floor with an "Oomph!" House popped his head in the door.
"Clumsy are we?" Wilson's head appeared as he used the desk to pull himself up halfway. House observed the murderous glare with a half smirk.
"Don't answer that… it might be damaging to your self esteem. Then I'd be proven right and you are out to hurt yourself." Wilson stared at House trying to figure out if House was high. Only half of what House had said made any sense. Then he remembered that House had gotten his vicoden prescription refilled that morning, of course he was high. Wilson sighed, shaking his head, some days he just wanted to kick House. House seemed to know this too because he chose that moment to smile sweetly and bat his eyelashes at Wilson.
"Aww c'mon Wilson, don't be mad." Wilson continued to glare. He sighed and relented, still frowning slightly at House who was now examining the newest addition to gifts from Wilson's patients with a small measure of disdain. Wilson righted his chair and plopped down into it resting his head in his arms. House cocked his head to one side and poked Wilson in the arm with his cane. Wilson let out an unhappy groan.
"Quit with the pity party Wilson. C'mon I need somebody to whine about the results of my soap opera." House said cheerfully. Wilson lifted his head just enough to glare at House. "Fine be that way. Friday night there is a marathon of general hospital. I'll bring the beer."
"I can't." Wilson muttered. House frowned, here it was, Wilson's usual attempt to get out of the Friday night soap opera marathon.
"Too damn bad." House said stubbornly. Wilson looked at him for a minute and sighed.
"I'm not trying to get out of this House. I really can't." House rolled his eyes.
"Next you're going to be telling me you're going on a date and that's why you can't." Wilson shifted uncomfortably and then gave a weak smile. House felt shock wash over him. "You're kidding me." He thought about it for a second, Wilson was quite the ladies man but he didn't seem too happy about this date. House told him so. Wilson stared for a moment and relented.
"It's a blind date." House almost died laughing. Wilson groaned, closed his eyes, and waited for House to make some smart ass comment. After about two minutes Wilson opened one eye to view the sight of Dr. Gregory House, the infectious disease guy, thinking pensively about his friend's predicament.
"I got nothing. Guess you're screwed. Though, if she's hot I think that'd be in the literal sense." Wilson glared and then groaned.
"I'm going to kill Dea!" He moaned exasperatedly. House looked at him very quickly and very sharply.
"Dea? Dea Deruiverre?" House inquired in curious disbelief. Wilson nodded, surprised that House knew who Dea was.
"What? You don't just watch soap operas? You read romance novels too?" Wilson smirked at House who rolled his eyes.
"Oh please. We both know that Dea writes smut. If I want that I'd just watch HBO at 11 pm." Wilson rolled his eyes. "Well it's true. So, who'd she set you up with?"
"Like I said, it's a blind date. I don't have a clue. For all I know it could be some loser druggy who watches soap operas. If that ends up being the case, I'll send her your way so you have somebody who wants to watch General Hospital with you." House glared at Wilson and then thought about Wilson's statement further and shrugged.
"As long as she's completely mental that's ok." House said calmly. He stored away the insults Wilson had tried to throw at him for later use against Wilson. "Let's go torment Cuddy; today's lunch is mashed potatoes. This could be loads of fun!" Wilson raised an eyebrow and curiously followed House down to the cafeteria and observed him earn himself a slap across the face from Cuddy. He grinned at House, who had a red mark on his cheek and mashed potatoes in his hair.
"Guess she doesn't agree with you about her breasts." House pretended to be disbelieving.
"I know! She knows how nice I think they are! God, some people need to learn how to take a joke!"
"Well, starting off by mentioning the shape of the scoops of mashed potatoes in comparison to her breasts might have been a bad move." House cocked his head to the side and considered Wilson's comment.
"You're right." House turned around to look at Cuddy, who was trying to focus on her paperwork and ignore the scattered remnants of the mashed potatoes she'd dumped on House's head. "But today's special didn't include melons." Wilson shook his head while trying not to smirk.
Cuddy and House danced around each other for the rest of the week and Wilson wondered when the hell they'd give up and get together, for a night if nothing else. He suddenly stopped. What if they had? He dismissed the thought as quickly as it'd come. He resumed his way down the hall and towards Cuddy's office where the blinds were drawn shut. He needed to let her know he was ducking out early. He opened the door and felt his jaw drop in shock. Never in a million years would he have expected this.
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