"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing."- Anais Nin
I sit on the edge of the rocky outcropping, my legs dangling precariously as the waves gleefully lap against the cliffs jagged edge roughly a hundred yards below me. My raven colored hair whips around in the wind leaving it in a messy disarray of irregular tufts instead of the sleek bun that I wore to the wedding.
As soon as my thoughts spiral into that direction, there is no stopping them and reality returns with a vengeance. The thoughts nipping and biting at my sanity as they rear their ugly head into my subconscious, causing a sanguinary battle between my feeble resistance until I surrender and let the voices flood my mind.
Ha, it laughs in my ear, a deep sinister chortle, it's only intention to degrade me and cause destruction, You still love him don't you. It chuckles as I blanch at the stinging truth in the statement.
Such a stupid girl, it teases, so gullible. Did you really think that all the sweet nothings he whispered in your ear where true. Why couldn't you understand? That sweet nothings are completely what they say they are. Nothing.
Stop.
And they'll go on living their perfect little lives, living blissfully in their own picture perfect happy ending while you sit in the background. Watching, listening, mourning for what could have been. It sighs tiredly; condescendingly.
And sure they'll name a kid after you, hell maybe even two, and present it to you like it's a miracle. Like it's a miracle that they could write four letters on a birth certificate . The voice edges excitedly; knowing that I'm about to snap.
Please stop.
And you'll look at the child, the big innocent eyes staring into your own cold, dead detached ones, and you'll see Emily's features mingled with Sam's in a child you'll never have. And then you'll look at Sam, tears pooling into your eyes while the pathetic mantra runs through you head 'I've seen you cry, I've been through it all, I love you more.' It mocks, Pathetic.
Somebody, help me.
You'll remember this day, as you stare into the eyes of your ex-lover, You'll remember how you had the chance to end it all and you blew it. It starts to cackle.
And you'll yell and you'll scream and Sam will look at you like a child. And you'll realize that that's all you all to him: a nuisance, a liability, a child. And that's when you'll truly start to regret not jumping.
Jump, it commands.
And I do.
Such a shame, it taunts as I fall into the water below, Such a disappointment.
And then the voices fade out, and all that's left is:
Blackness.