Chapter I

A/N: This is my first fanfic so be brutally honest. I wrote the fic in play format, this was just more comfortable for me. I will however edit my fic to normal story format like most of the other fics ( I could have sworn I read one fic in play format) if a lot of people want me to. If no one cares or they like it I'll keep the format the way it is. My homie byakuganwalker assisted me in typing this fic. Hold on there "byakuganwalker" how the hell did you get on my computer? (seriously he did help me a bit with my fanfic) This fic is as you might have surmised by now is a crackfic, so if you don't like laughing or you just don't like crackfics then get the hell away from my story. Enjoy. Fuckers.

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Xemnas: "Wheee! Faster Lexeaus, faster! Faster I say." Xemnas exclaimed as he rode around on Lexeaus' back through town. "Yay! Faster and faster still!"

Lexeaus: "Son of a bitch Xemnas, I didn't say you could ride on my back!"

Xemnas: (with a satisfied sigh) "Yeah." "Even faster. Ha ha ha ha! Faster damn it!" (Xemnas then began to whip Lexeaus with a jockey whip he seemed to pull out of nowhere.)

Lexeaus: What--ow! Where the--ow hell did--ow that come from--ow?

Xemnas: "I had it in my cloak the whole time. Isn't it great?"

Lexeaus: "No!"

Xemnas: "Sure it is, take another look at it."

Lexeaus: Hell no.

Xemnas: "Nonsense."

Lexeaus: "That's it!" (Lexeaus dropped Xemnas on the ground)

Xemnas: "Oh no you don't!" (And with that Xemnas leaped back on onto Lexeaus's back) "I paid you and your going to carry me through town."

Lexeaus: "Not on my back!"

Xemnas: "Yes on your back, you didn't say I couldn't."

Lexeaus: "Yes I did, over and over again. You don't remember?"

Xemnas: "No."

Lexeaus: "Oh really?"

FLASHBACK:

Xemnas: "Hey Lexeaus if I paid you would you carry me through town?"

Lexeaus: "N--how much?"

Xemnas: "$100."

Lexeaus: "$300."

Xemnas: "$600."

Lexeaus: "That's twice what I asked for."

Xemnas: "Okay $500, $50, $2000, $800, $300 and not a penny more."

Lexeaus: "What?"

Xigbar: "H-he doesn't know how to haggle. You should know that by now."

Lexeaus: "Hmm… Alright fine but I'm not carrying you on my back."

Xemnas: Yeah, sure, whatever."

PRESENT:

Xemnas: " I don't remember that."

Lexeaus: "You don't?"

Xemnas: "No, not really, no."

Lexeaus: "You just said yeah a minute ago like you remembered."

Xemnas: "No I didn't."

Lexeaus: "Yes you did!"

Xemnas: "I don't think so."

Lexeaus: (frustrated) "Okay but you do remember when you asked me about carrying you right?"

Xemnas: "Yep."

Lexeaus: "And you don't remember me saying not on my back?"

Xemnas: "No I don't seem to recall."

Lexeaus: "Oh really?"

Lexeaus then pulled out a tape recorder from his cloak and pressed play.

With a static noise, the tape recorder began playing.

Lexeaus: "Hmm…Alright but I'm not carrying you on my back."

Xemnas: "Yeah sure, whatever."

Xemnas: "When did that happen?"

Lexeaus: "This morning!"

Xemnas: "Huh. I don't remember that."

Lexeaus: "Come on."

Xemnas followed Lexeaus down to the electronics store to prolong the complete stupidity of this fic. Lexeaus then pulled a tape out of his cloak, shoved it in a random VCR and pressed play. He and Xemnas looked up to one of the many TV sets around as the tape rolled.

Xemnas: "Hey Lexeaus…

Xemnas: "Yeah, that's not me. I mean that's clearly not me."

Lexeaus: "Oh it's not?"

Xemnas: "Yeah I mean look at that guy. Look at that ugly dumb looking man and that shadowed silver hair that looks like it goes 'WHOOSH' in the east winds, and those devious brown eyes that suggest an air of education. As matter of fact, I think you placed me in your location during the video.

Lexeaus: "You don't know what location means…"

Xemnas: "Yeah I do, 2+2 fish!"

Lexeaus: "How in the hell does 2+2 fish?"

Xemnas: "It's simple, all you do is add this to this, divide by that and multiply this by 5 and—"

Lexeaus: "Where the hell do multiplication and division come into the equation? You're only adding two numbers!"

Xemnas: "Yep, Cloud and Sephiroth.

Lexeaus: "Go to Hell Xemnas."

And with that he walked out of the store and back toward town.

Xemnas: "Hey get back here. You still have to carry me, damn you! Don't pretend you can't hear me! Motherfucker I see you getting in that taxi. Wh— flip me off…!? I know where you live! My house!

--- A/N: Please remember to tell me how you like the format of the story