Best Babysitter Ever!
PAGE ONE (four panels)
Panel 1. WALLY and LINDA WEST are discussing their evening plans in their kitchen. WALLY flips at super-speed through an address book. In the background, a visiting BART ALLEN looks up from his late afternoon snack.
WALLY:
I've called all our usual sitters--Leonie, Chris, Patrick, even Franny. All busy. What about Jim and Carol's daughter?
LINDA:
She's got a motocross tournament.
BART:
I could look after the kids for you.
Panel 2. LINDA and WALLY continue their discussion, ignoring BART, who has stood up.
LINDA:
Do you have to go out tonight?
WALLY:
I've had this JLA monitor duty on my schedule for a month.
LINDA:
And I've been working to land this interview for two months.
BART:
Guys! I could babysit!
Panel 3. LINDA looks dubiously at a business card that's been stuck on the fridge for a year. BART reenters with an armful of books from the WESTs' parenting shelf.
LINDA:
What about trying one of those services? The kids won't know the sitter, but…
BART:
I've read everything that Dr. Spock ever wrote! And Dr. Brazelton! And Dr. Leach! I know what to expect when I'm expecting!
Panel 4. WALLY and LINDA turn and respond to BART for the first time.
WALLY and LINDA:
No!
•
PAGE TWO (eight panels)
Panel 1. BART is looking a little hurt, and LINDA tries to explain more gently.
LINDA:
We're parents, Bart. We worry.
WALLY:
That you're not mature and responsible enough.
Panel 2. BART protests.
BART:
I totally am! I am I am I am!
LINDA:
And this is precisely the sort of situation when something horrible will happen.
Panel 3. LINDA elaborates with the jaded attitude of someone who's seen how the DC Universe works. BART is still insistent, WALLY still skeptical. In the background the twins, IRIS and JAI, look on with interest.
LINDA:
As soon as we leave, some rogue will attack, or a dimensional portal will open, or the world will start to end.
BART:
But that's why I'm your best choice--I know how to handle that stuff! I already saved the whole universe!
WALLY:
So you keep saying.
Panel 4. IRIS tugs on her mother's arm.
IRIS:
Mom, Dad, we think Bart can stay with us.
BART:
See!
Panel 5. JAI speaks up as well, and BART reacts by pouting.
JAI:
Yeah, we're old enough we don't need a real babysitter.
Panel 6. LINDA capitulates, and WALLY goes along with her since time is passing. BART grins.
LINDA:
*sigh* All right, Bart. You're hired.
Panel 7. LINDA is in the middle of giving BART a long list of instructions. He looks on vaguely and politely, but his thought balloon shows that his mind is busy imagining JAI and IRIS giving him a trophy.
LINDA: …can each choose one piece of fruit for dessert--no candy, no extras. Bedtime is at nine o'clock precisely. Iris needs her ponytails combed out…
Panel 8. The JAI and IRIS in BART's thought balloon are happily speaking the words that make up the story title.
JAI and IRIS:
BEST BABYSITTER EVER!
CREDITS under title balloon.
•
PAGE THREE (six panels)
Panel 1. BART is playing a videogame with JAI, and winning, as IRIS looks on.
BART:
Yes! Ha! Gotcha! Ha! Booyah--new high score!
Panel 2. JAI sulks a bit as BART walks away from the console in triumph.
JAI:
You're supposed to let the little kid win!
BART:
Really? Okay, we'll play another game after supper, and I'll let you win.
Panel 3. JAI and IRIS follow BART into the kitchen.
JAI:
It's no fun if I know you let me win!
BART:
Then why'd you tell me?
IRIS:
That's something grownups are supposed to know.
Panel 4. BART and the twins are in the kitchen. BART peers into the cupboards.
BART:
Oh. Anyway, what do you want for supper?
IRIS:
Macaroni and cheese!
JAI:
Hot dogs!
Panel 5. IRIS and JAI bicker while BART peers at a box of macaroni and cheese.
BART (murmur balloon):
"Serves 4"?
IRIS:
Mac and cheese!
JAI:
Hot dogs!
Panel 6. BART holds up his hand for silence and attention.
BART:
I'm the grownup in charge here, so I decide. And I choose…
BART:
…both.
•
PAGE FOUR (four panels)
Panel 1. BART, JAI, and IRIS are all seated at the kitchen table, eating supper. In addition to a large salad bowl, IRIS has a bowl of macaroni and cheese, JAI has hot dogs, and BART has big plates of mac and cheese and hot dogs. A surprisingly large number of dirty dishes, pots, pans, and cooking implements are stacked up on the counter behind him. A fruit bowl sits on the table.
BART (eating sounds):
Nom nom nom nom.
JAI:
I don't think that's what Mom expected you to decide.
Panel 2. BART has finished his meal while JAI and IRIS are mostly through theirs.
BART:
Hey, I let both little kids win.
BART:
Your mom said you could each choose a fruit for dessert.
Panel 3. The kids try to wheedle more out of BART, who once again acts all adult.
JAI:
Can I choose fruit ice cream?
IRIS:
Chocolate's a fruit, right?
BART:
Chocolate is made from the seed of the cacao tree, a tropical plant native to the South American rainforest. But you mom left very specific instructions--
Panel 4. Laser-wielding ninjas cut holes through two sides of the kitchen, startling BART and the kids.
SFX:
Zzzt! Zzzt!
BART:
--which don't cover this situation at all.
•
PAGE FIVE (five panels)
Panel 1. Overhead shot. There are now four ninjas at different corners of the kitchen, all holding mechanical devices on their shoulders. Three of those devices are lasers. The fourth looks very much like a television camera with a small satellite dish. BART is zipping around, trying to shield the kids from each of the bad guys with his body.
BART:
No lasers in the house!
BART:
Especially at dinnertime!
BART:
Someone might lose an eye!
IRIS:
I have an idea.
Panel 2. IRIS runs over and stands between two of the laser-wielding ninjas.
IRIS: Go on and shoot. I dare you!
Panel 3. IRIS is yanked down out of the frame by BART's hand while the ninjas fire their lasers, hitting each other and thus taking each other out of action.
SFX:
Zzzzt! Zzzzt!
NINJA 1:
Ow!
NINJA 2:
Yipe!
Panel 4. In a crouch, BART hustles IRIS back over to JAI.
IRIS:
Hey! I was ready to vibrate!
BART:
You still have a lot to learn.
Panel 5. BART bustles around, grabbing the devices off the shoulders of the last two ninjas, knocking one out.
BART:
Laser beams travel at the speed of light, and, even though their wavelengths stick to a narrow band of the electromagnetic spectrum, their energy flows are intensely concentrated.
BART:
Which means--trust me--it really, really hurts to try to vibrate through laser beams!
•
PAGE SIX (five panels)
Panel 1. BART holds the laser and camera triumphantly as JAI peers at them.
JAI:
How come one of those is a camera?
BART:
It is?
Panel 2. BART grimaces as he accidentally sets off the laser, zapping the bowl of fruit.
SFX:
Zzzzt!
JAI:
Not that one.
Panel 3. BART confronts the only one still conscious, who for reasons that will become apparent later we call PETER. With his mask off, he's revealed as a young white man only one or two years older than BART.
BART:
So what kind of ninja home invader carries a camera?
PETER:
What I really want to do is direct.
Panel 4. JAI plays with the camera as PETER explains to BART.
PETER:
The Tumbler Gang gave us all that equipment and told us to take hostages here. That camera's set to broadcast on a Justice League frequency, so the Flash will see it.
Panel 5. BART frantically washes dishes in the sink with a big nervous smile for JAI's camera as IRIS takes over the interrogation of PETER.
BART:
But everything's fine here! Just a normal evening in the West household without any ninjas or lasers or extra desserts at all!
IRIS:
So our dad was supposed to see you guys breaking into our house?
PETER:
That was the plan.
•
PAGE SEVEN (six panels)
Panel 1. JAI points the camera at the nervous PETER while IRIS and BART look on, BART's face showing that he's trying to puzzle things out.
JAI:
You were trying to get our dad mad and show him exactly where to find you. That's a really stupid plan.
PETER:
Well, the four of us didn't have a lot of input.
Panel 2. BART has an inspiration and takes charge again.
BART:
Ooh, I get it! I get it!
BART:
This Tumbler Gang wanted to use you four guys to distract the Flash so they can try something somewhere else. Where? What? Who?
PETER:
I'm not supposed to tell you…
Panel 3. BART in his Kid Flash outfit races up to a large building in Keystone City, interrupting a robbery by three costumed crooks.
CAP:
"…that they're robbing the Keystone Precious Metals Exchange."
Panel 4. BART runs rings around the three crooks, subduing them before they even get into the building.
Panel 5. The blue lights of a police car appear in the distance as BART stands over the three roped-up crooks. In the foreground, IRIS and JAI show up in their costumes, IRIS pulling a wagon with JAI, bulked up, inside holding the first three NINJAs tied in a bundle.
IRIS:
Got 'em!
JAI:
Booyah!
Panel 6. BART hustles the twins and their empty wagon home.
BART:
Home! Home! Home!
JAI:
We wanted to help, too.
IRIS:
Yeah, let the little kids win!
•
PAGE EIGHT (four panels)
Panel 1. WALLY and LINDA, back from their work, approach their front door. The house is dark and quiet.
WALLY:
…on the run all evening--no time to even look at the monitors. You?
LINDA:
Good footage, plenty to edit. And our house is still standing.
WALLY:
That's right. Keep your expectations low.
Panel 2. WALLY and LINDA have entered the dimly lit house. LINDA is gazing fondly at something out of the front of the panel. WALLY is reacting with mild surprise.
LINDA (whisper balloon):
No matter what, kids always look cute when they're asleep.
Panel 3. WALLY and LINDA's view of BART on the sofa in open-mouthed slumber while IRIS and JAI look up from their videogame on mute in the background. They're wearing their uniforms as pajamas (no gloves, boots, or masks).
WALLY (whisper balloon):
I'm still going to kill him tomorrow.
Panel 4. LINDA puts a blanket over the sleeping BART as WALLY leads IRIS and JAI to their bedrooms.
WALLY (whisper balloon):
Come on. Bedtime was an hour ago.
JAI (whisper balloon):
Can Bart come the next time you go out?
IRIS (whisper balloon):
He was the best babysitter ever!