I wanted to write something funny and carckish and this just happened to pop into my head. Wasn't going to work on this seriously any time soon but I'm sick and couldn't write seriously to save my hamster... and I don't even have a hamster...
Rated to be on the safe side - some mentions of private parts and the like.
They don't teach you this at school.
The Ninja academy of Konoha is a very prestigious school. A school that each year graduates students who go on to be some of the greatest shinobi of all the ninja villages. They are the fastest, strongest, sharpest and all in all deadliest ninjas out there. The academy teaches everything that a shinobi needs to know to fight and survive and it does it well.
While civilian schools teach their students how to read and write the ninja academy teaches it's students how to read, write, create and break codes and how to do all four things in the middle of a fight with nothing to work with except a piece of cloth from your own clothes and your, or your enemies, blood. While civilian children take home-economics classes pre-genins learn how to survive in the wilderness for months on end with nothing but the nature around you as a food source. While regular students learn how to draw little bunny rabbits the academy students learn how to draw seals. While civilians take P.E. pre-genins learn how to fight.
This, of course, is essential for any girl or boy to learn if he wants to become a shinobi. It does, how ever, leave a small, itty-bitty, tiny, little problem. You see, when civilian children are learning how to actually live academy students are only learning how to keep on living.
This of course is the main reason why shinobi are often considered just a little bit eccentric... if you want to put it delicately. It's the main reason why shinobi very rarely know what on earth to do in social situations that have nothing to do with the job.
Because shinobis actually are just tools. A hammer only knows how to hammer things in and, in some cases, how to pull things out. It does not know how to finely cut things in half like scissors, it does not know how to smear paint like a paintbrush and it certainly does not know how to brush teeth like a toothbrush because it wasn't made for that purpose.. and if you tried to use it for one of those purposes it would most likely end badly. Just like a shinobi was not trained to have small talk about the weather or why on earth you could possibly need three sets of flatware for a meal, a simple kunai would do just fine.
This of course was also the main reason why Kakashi, like so many, many, many, other new jounin instructors out there, would often run into situations with his students that he wouldn't have the slightest idea how to solve even if Ibiki himself was torturing him for a solution... and of course the students wouldn't know either because no one ever taught them about it at the academy.
Because you see.. academy teachers only have to get the students to shut up and listen or to move their ass and fight and therefore never really have to deal with any problems that have to do with the student's personal life. Jounin instructors on the other hand don't have a fixed curriculum which leaves more space for the students to think, act and do things on their own. Which is kind of like telling a kid for six or so years how to swim, bring him into the pool and swim with him on your back and then, when he's gotten used to that, dropping him in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean and telling him to swim home while your new instructor sits in a lifeboat saying "What? They already taught you this at school what are you looking at me for?" And of course, being the only one there, the new sensei is the person who the drowning student will cling to.
And that doesn't even begin to describe how the new jounin instructor is feeling. Jounins are the ultimate ninja tool. They are experts in their field, meaning they are experts in fight and survival. They were definitely not made for teaching pre-teens who just hit puberty and have the hormonal balance of an extreme roller coaster plus all those other wonderful things young people go through.
Kakashi did not know how to explain puberty, he just knew that it happened. He did not know how to have the "sex talk" with a teenager. He did not know anything about the female body that could possibly be helpful to a young girl.. what he did know should probably never be talked about in front of a young girl at all. And he certainly did. not. know. how to explain the emotions his students were having or how to handle a hormonal ticking time bomb.
What he did know was how to survive... and he thanked Kami every day that they'd at least taught him that at the academy because it was the only thing helping him now.
Story will be 4 small chapters. chapter 2 almost finished.