This is a non-profit work of fan-fiction based upon the television series Firefly. All related characters, places, and events, belong to Joss Whedon and are used without permission. This story, with all original content, belongs to the author, © 2006.
An Act of Courage
by Orianna-2000
This is my
first venture into the world of Firefly, a brief story that
takes place not long after the movie.
Contains spoilers for Serenity
Many thanks to MadLizzie for her excellent beta reading.
-ooOoo-
Blackness surrounded Serenity, a velvet cradle sparked with tiny pinpricks of light, each representing distant worlds, moons, and stars. So peaceful, so quiet. Hard to imagine that with such an utterly calm atmosphere outside, things could be so very different within the small spaceship.
-ooOoo-
At the moment, Inara stood in the doorway to the dining area. She wore a nightgown covered by a lacy shawl that should have made her decent but actually only enhanced her allure. A ridge formed between the captain's eyes as he tried to listen to what she had to say.
"I suppose if I'm going to be staying with Serenity, I really should fix my shuttle and see about finding some clients," she said quietly. Then she paused, waiting for any kind of reply, but though Malcolm Reynolds opened his mouth as though trying to voice a response, he said nothing.
"It's been awhile since I visited Averne, but I'm certain they've maintained their standards of civilization," Inara continued, keeping her voice level and calm. "Naturally, Averne won't be as profitable as one of the core worlds, but I understand the need for us to stay on the fringes for the time being. If you'll just give me an approximate time of arrival, I can start to make the necessary arrangements–"
"No."
Inara blinked, parting her lips with surprise at being interrupted. She stared at Mal, her eyes wide and inquiring.
For his part, Mal cringed. Had he really just said that, aloud and to her face? A number of fancy curses ran through his mind, but none of them seemed particularly fitting for this situation. And as he stood there, not saying a word, Inara waited with her typical patience, one perfect eyebrow angled in expectation.
Well, she would just have to be patient for a while. At the moment, he couldn't face her. Just the mere thought of her set his mind spinning like a Firefly's engines. And the sight of her... of course, he couldn't help but look. A fellow sees something as pretty as her, his body just won't let him forget it easily, and naturally the mind takes every available opportunity to renew the mental image, so as to recall it with accuracy later on. That was nature. He couldn't help it, could he?
Inara looked incredible. She always did, with her fine bones and delicate features – a face like a queen from olden days and a body like an even older goddess. Not that she looked old! On the contrary, Inara looked... perfect. Absolutely, stunningly... perfect.
He loved her.
But, he had yet to face up to that fact. Being Inarra's landlord, so to speak, meant that he had to keep a certain distance, a wall of respectability between them. If he wanted, he could just pay up and take her – assuming the Guild would approve the application of someone like him – but if he did... well, he'd be no better than any other man, taking advantage of a beautiful woman in his charge. Besides, his feelings toward her had gone beyond simple lust. At present, though, Mal couldn't even admit it to himself, though his crew seemed to know it without question. Every single darned one of them knew, and to his continued amazement, most actually had possessed the gall to confront him about it.
-ooOoo-
Zoe had been first.
Solemn and straight-faced, she stood next to his bunk and looked him in the eye. Straight to the point, Zoe. "Cap'n," she said, "I've always supported you, stood by you, followed your lead without question. That so?"
He nodded, hardly able to admit otherwise. Zoe had always been loyal, without question – the kind of person he could depend on, trust with his life.
"I've had your back for a long time now," she said, crossing her arms. "We've seen each other through some tough times. Even at the worst, you've always done what's best for your crew. You ain't never done us wrong or given us cause for true complaint."
"Well, thank you, Zoe," he answered, distracted as he added his thumbprint to yet another of the many forms that he had to look over and sign. Bills, mostly. A heap of 'em for the recent repairs to Serenity. The nameless agent of parliament had helped as much as he could before he'd vanished, seemed to feel it his obligation after all the damage he'd been responsible for, but even with the contacts supplied and the credits offered, Mal had needed to take care of a great deal of the final costs himself. At least it seemed they would break even this time, with maybe a little left over for food and other necessaries. Things had worked out better than he'd reckoned they would, much to his relief. He nodded to Zoe. "I like to think I've made the right choices for all of us."
"Most of the time, yes, sir."
Something in her tone of voice caught his attention. Mal set the stack of bills aside and tilted his head. "You trying to say something, Zoe?"
Clearing her throat, she nodded. "I respect you, Cap'n. Always have, expect I always will. I've trusted your decisions were always for the best. But now... well, I think you're making a mistake, sir."
"Is that so?"
She nodded. "That's so."
"And what mistake might that be?"
Only then did she glance away, reluctant but determined to say what she had to. "Regarding Inara, sir – you love her. Am I wrong?"
Mal crossed his own arms, unconsciously raising a barrier around himself. "I don't believe I see where you're going with this conversation, Zoe. Say what you mean and be quick about it. I don't have time for idle chit-chat."
She got to the point. "You love the woman, no use denyin' it – I know that you do. Now, as a good captain, you're always you're thinking of us, and wantin' what's best for Serenity. Well, Serenity ain't whole unless everyone aboard is happy. You know that as well as I, and I happen to know that you and her both are anything but blissful at the moment. There's plenty of tension in the air, unsettling everyone, and that ain't good. You want my opinion, sir, you ought to tell her how you feel and have done with it. Hiding it and being miserable is just a mistake."
"Is that so?" He looked at Zoe sternly, unable to guess how she'd figured out his feelings so precisely, when he couldn't make heads or tails of them himself.
"Yes, sir." She paused for a moment, her throat convulsing as she swallowed down a knot of hidden emotion. When she spoke again, both her eyes held unshed tears. "Love is a precious commodity, sir. It ought not be wasted."
Mal knew that Zoe's heart still bled from losing Wash. The perpetually cheerful pilot's violent death at the hands of Reavers had affected them all, but even though Zoe rarely showed her feelings, he knew her well enough to know that she mourned her husband in a deep way.
"That's all I have to say on the matter. What you decide to do is your own business, Cap'n. But will you at least consider what I've said?" Zoe asked, steeling herself up again. "For the good of Serenity?"
Mal let out a breath that was very nearly a groan. "I will."
-ooOoo-
Kaylee had been next. She caught him in the corridor outside his quarters and stopped him with one of her cute smiles. "Can I talk to you a second, Cap'n?"
"Surely," he answered. "Everything okay with the engines?"
"Oh! Serenity's just fine, Cap'n. Nothing but shiny. This overhaul was just what she needed. I've been keeping an eye on everything, just in case, but right now she's purrin' like a kitten."
"Good to know," Mal said, leaning on the door to his bunk. As he watched, Kaylee bounced on her heels for a moment, then chewed on her lip. He sighed. "Out with it, Little Kaylee."
"Oh," she said. "It's just that... well, I know you must be pretty happy, with Inara back and everything."
"Yes," he said guardedly.
"Well, I was just wondering... why haven't you told her yet? How you feel, I mean?"
He clenched his teeth, repressing a surge of annoyance. "How I feel...?"
"Cap'n, it ain't no secret. I mean, everyone knows you're in love with her! And we've all been kinda wondering why you two don't hook up. I wouldn't want you to be miserable, like I was for so long – me loving Simon and all, and not telling him outright. Maybe if I had, we would've gotten together a lot sooner. And I wouldn't have wasted so many batteries."
Mal tapped his fist against the bulkhead, hard. The pain helped drive out any unwanted thoughts – both of what his mechanic might have needed so many batteries for, and his desire to stop this conversation with violence. "Kaylee, just 'cause you and Simon finally got together don't give you no call to be playing matchmaker."
"Oh! I don't mean to be interfering or anything, Cap'n. I just thought maybe you should know that you don't have to be afraid." She smiled hesitantly at him.
"Afraid?" His hands dropped and curled into fists. "I ain't no coward! And I think I proved that a time or two in your presence. Now, what is it that you think I could I possibly be afraid of?"
A pretty blush spread up Kaylee's cheeks. "It ain't nothing to be upset about, Cap'n. Lots of guys are afraid of the girls they fancy! But, well... I'm pretty good friends with Inara, after all, and I think I can say that she'd not be averse to any overtures you might make. "
"Overtures?" Mal closed his eyes and counted backwards from ten... in Chinese. Finally he opened his eyes, a bit calmer. "I see. Well, thank you Kaylee, for your concern."
"Oh, any time!" She bounced away, clearly happy with the way the conversation had gone.
-ooOoo-
River watched him from the shadows, silent as anything, but always watching. Her gaze sometimes gave Mal the chills, but lately it seemed she'd been watching more with pity than anything else. On the few times he'd caught her eye, trying to get her to come out and say what the problem was, she'd just sigh and shake her head.
-ooOoo-
And then Jayne showed up. Of all people, Jayne!
"Hey, Cap. Gotta second?"
Mal glanced up from the gun he'd been carefully wiping down, then nodded. "Speak. What's on your mind?"
"Well, I was just wondering about Inara. You planning to lay her soon? After all, no reason a man should sit around cleanin' his own gun when he can hire someone to do it for him."
A particularly colorful phrase made its way to the tip of Mal's tongue. He stared down at the gun in his hands, then set it aside with a look of disgust. "What is it with this gorram crew and all this talk about me and 'Nara? You'd think this ship's a war zone, what with all the sharp gossip flyin' through the air!"
Jayne shrugged. "What can I say? She's hot, Mal. And she digs you. You'd better take her to your bunk before she decides to leave again."
"Thank you," Mal answered sharply. "I will keep that in mind. Now, if you'll excuse me, I got better things to do than think about... that."
-ooOoo-
What with all the thinking about that, he hadn't slept that night. Very interesting thoughts, they proved to be, involving himself and one amazingly beautiful Companion. Thoughts that turned to speculations before he could stop them. Early in the morning, he gave up trying to sleep and went to get some coffee. And that's exactly where he ran into Inara...
-ooOoo-
"I don't reckon you ought to be finding any more clients," Mal said finally, after a contemplative silence. As he fiddled with the coffee maker, he dared to glance over at Inara. He tried to ignore the blood red color of her lips, the way the light glistened off the gold strands mixed with the dark red silk of her nightgown. She always dressed so beautifully, like an exotic flower. Stunning to look at, the sort of loveliness that took your breath away – but something you didn't want to touch, for fear of the beauty fading away.
In response, Inara folded her ams, bringing the shawl around her shoulders. "Are you saying you'd rather I left Serenity? Because without clients, I can't afford to rent your shuttle. And have no reason to, for that matter."
Mal stiffened, his fingers curling into his palms. "No... I don't want you to leave the ship."
Inara walked toward him slowly, tilting her head in curiosity. "Then what is it you want, Mal?"
He picked up the steaming mug of coffee and twisted it in his hands, looking down at it. "I'd be happy enough if you stayed on Serenity. Kaylee missed you something fierce, and... well, pro'lly River as well. You don't know how many times those girls tried to get me to learn hair braiding. Seein' as how a beautician I ain't, I reckon they could use someone like you around."
"I know about Kaylee and River," she said, advancing still. "What I don't know about is you, Mal. You say you want me to stay, but you don't want me to keep my profession?"
"That's right."
"Why?" she demanded softly.
He swirled the coffee in the mug and shrugged, blowing on it before he answered. "Can't see a reason for it. You needn't pay rent on the shuttle – it isn't even fixed yet. Won't do you no good to keep paying for what you can't make use of."
"There are two shuttles, Mal," she reminded him.
"Don't matter none. What with the credits we got from that agent, there's enough supplies to last us a short while before we need to find work. Ain't nobody on board that's got to do anything they don't want to, leastways for a while. I figure after what we went through, I owe y'all something. Maybe you more'n the others, since we plucked you out of a nice, comfy situation and gave you no choice but to help us fight a battle that wasn't even ours to begin with." He added a spoonful of artificial milk to his coffee and cleared his throat. "You might as well stay awhile, relax. Food's free, so's the air."
"Why, Mal?" she asked quietly, standing so close that he could smell her perfume, some exotic blend of flowers and spice. "If you wanted to pay me for what we've been through, I'm sure you could find another way. As gallant as you are, I know that food costs on a spaceship. And air certainly isn't cheap. So why should I stay?"
Mal shrugged again. It seemed like that was all he could do. His mind refused to work properly, to find the right things to say. Finally, the same lame excuse came to mind, but he knew the uselessness of it even as he said, "The girls like having you around."
"That's no reason! Mal, being a Companion has been my life's work. You're asking me to give that up, and if you can't tell me why, then I can't stay."
He closed his eyes in frustration. "I just... I don't like the idea of you fraternizing with so many strangers."
"And why is that, Mal?" she pressed.
He sighed and set down his coffee without drinking a sip. "You know what, never mind! You do as you please. You're a woman grown, don't need me telling you what to do."
She contemplated him, watching him edge away. As he neared the exit on the opposite side of the dining room, she called out, "You're afraid, Mal."
He stopped short. "Excuse me?"
"You heard me! You're a coward."
"There's a whole hell of a lot of Alliance soldiers who could testify otherwise," he threw back at her.
"Yes, I know! The Battle of Serenity. You were brave and valiant and noble, fighting for what you believed in," she said, moving briskly toward him. "Trouble is, Mal, you never left that valley. All of your courage stayed behind. You lost that battle. And you're afraid you'll lose again."
"I ain't afraid," he insisted, looking her square in the face.
"You are."
"No," he said deliberately, his eyes locked on hers. "I ain't."
Inara lifted her chin stubbornly. "Prove it!"
"I said I ain't, and I meant I ain't!"
"Oh, really? Then why can't you convince me?"
"Well, maybe I will!"
"Show me!"
"Fine!"
And he lunged for her. His hands crushed the velvet of her skirt, his lips bruised the perfection of her lips. He kissed her with a passion resembling desperation. And much to his surprise, she responded.
Sometime later, he leaned against the bulkhead for support, his heart pounding and his knees rather weak. "So... we settled? I ain't a coward anymore?"
Inara smiled up at him, even more beautiful than ever. "You are the bravest man I know, Mal."
"That's right." He nodded firmly. "And you'll be staying on? Without the whoring?
She gave him a chiding expression even as she pinched a rather soft part of his anatomy. "I was never a whore, Mal. And... you might as well know – I surrendered my membership status in the Guild a couple of weeks ago."
He pulled back and stared at her, uncomprehensive. "Say what, now? You... resigned? As a Companion? Mind if I ask why?"
Inara smiled softly. "Because I knew you'd come around. You just needed a little help."
"Like you calling me a coward? Is that what you consider 'help'? Because if so, we need to have a talking –"
"Mal." She looked at him pointedly.
"What?"
"Shut up. And then kiss me."
Captain Reynolds weighed all of his options, and in the end, waved a white flag of surrender. He loved Inara. That was a fact, no use denying it. And apparently... she loved him back. The matter would take some careful consideration at some point, but for now, those two simple facts were good enough for him.
He kissed her.
(fin)