By Nikki DeBenedetto and Lauren Macaluso
After OotP, the HP crew acts out a totally random story being told by a bored, incredibly insane author and her friend. (Chapters 1, 2 are co-written by LAM.)
A/N: Me and LAM started to write this story one summer a while ago, and I have just recently found it and am trying to continue it. Don't be offended by anything written in this story, please, as it is categorized as humor, and is therefore meant to be humorous.
Disclaimer: We do not own the rights to Harry Potter and his friends, or Cookie Monster. I also did not invent CAT, she is a brilliant and hysterically funny writer whose works are on this site somewhere. Search the Story Title "What The?"
Harry Potter: The Love Arises
1
Chapter One Seeing Cho AgainOn 4 Privet Drive, as an extremely hot day of what seemed to be a long summer was fading away into dusk, almost no one was left outside. Nobody, that is except for one particular boy. He was lying on his back in the middle of the road. He was a skinny boy with glasses, jet-black hair, and startling green eyes. He was wearing torn, grimy jeans and an old, ragged, extremely baggy t-shirt. It was baggy because it belonged to his exceptionally large cousin Dudley, whom he lived with, if you could call what he had to do in his Aunt and Uncle's house living. And the fact that he was lying in the middle of the street wasn't the only strange thing about him. He was also a wizard. And his name was Harry Potter.
All of a sudden Harry Potter heard a rumbling noise, and when he looked up, he realized that the source of the noise was a truck heading right towards him. Fighting a wave of panic, Harry closed his eyes and when he dazedly opened them again, he was flat on his back on the sidewalk.
He blinked. A girl was looking down on Harry Potter. "Cho!" Harry gasped. "Y-You saved me! How did you get here?" Cho Chang stared at him. "Like, duh! I walked over from my home in China!" On a sudden impulse Harry jumped up and took hold of Cho. He kissed her. Cho looked at him, fluttered her eyelashes, and said, "Oh, Harry, that was the weakest kiss anyone has ever given to me." Harry was very disappointed, but he tried very hard not to show it. "I am very disappointed," he imparted to her. Cho pretended not to hear this statement. Her eyes suddenly grew bright and she said, "Oh, can I meet your parents?" Harry choked. "Like, duh! They're dead, remember? I am forced to live with my callous aunt and uncle." "Oh," said Cho, now feeling embarrassed. Then, on a sudden spur of excitement, she jumped up, shot her fist in the air and shouted, "Then let's go kick some butt!" She turned on her heel and Harry went to follow her, but she stopped him. "Duh, like one more thing. Never say 'like, duh' again. You word stealer!" She whipped around and Harry, staring, followed her as she flounced into the house.
Chapter One
Seeing Cho Again
2
"Who is this beautiful girl approaching my charming self in this house?" asked Dudley, who was overconfident, overmean, and overweight. "This is my girl. Now leave." retorted Harry. "No," said Big Boy. Cho took out her wand and pointed it at Dudley. "Shiena," said Cho, and pig ears shot out of Dudley's head. They were incredibly pink. Harry fell to the floor laughing. Dudley had been so busy watching Harry that he didn't realize what Cho had done to him. Dudley used the moment when Harry was laughing to run over and hug Cho. Harry attempted to pull him off. It took a while, which makes sense considering Dudley's size. When Dudley was off, he tackled Harry and punched him across the face. Harry knew that his lips were bleeding. Uncle Vernon, who spoils Dudley very much, came into the room. "What in God's name is going on here?" he shouted. Harry pulled out his wand. "Ticomala!" he yelled. A burst of smoke puffed around Uncle Vernon, and when the smoke cleared, Uncle Vernon was not a human anymore. In fact, you couldn't really say that he was even any kind of living thing anymore. Vernon had been transfigured into a teacup! There were flowers and butterflies decorating the cup, or you could say, Uncle Vernon. The handle of the little teacup was pink like the flowers. There was only one problem. The teacup still had Uncle Vernon's eyes, legs, mouth, and temper. "You little…." Vernon went on to call Harry every name he could think of and even made up a few. Through Uncle Vernon's raging Cho Chang quickly picked him up and promptly dropped him again, for the teacup had bitten her. Uncle Vernon shattered into about a hundred little pieces. Cho, satisfied, shouted at him, "If you were mean to my baby Harry then that is what you deserve!" Aunt Petunia, who had been busy spying on the neighbors, had just heard all the racket and ran into the room. Before she knew it there was a Poof! And she turned into a real petunia. The flower still had eyes, though. But Harry and Cho didn't care. "Mission Accomplished!" they both said triumphantly at the same time, walking through the door smiling, hand in hand.
Harry Potter: The Love Arises
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Chapter Two Broomball versus BaseballHarry jumped down the steps of the front porch. He whirled Cho around and grinned. "Wow! That was amazing! I wish Hermione could have been here to see me jinx Uncle Vernon like that!" Cho's smile faded and she glared at Harry. "Sure!" she shot at him sarcastically. "Because Hermione is SO much better than ME!" She rolled her eyes at him. "But isn't she sometimes?" Harry mused, looking Cho up and down. "I heard that!" Cho cried. "Fine!" Cho started yelling at Harry using words that he had never heard before. Harry supposed that she was cursing him out in Chinese. "….你反派意味着平均值意味着平均值 人你你反派意味着平均 值意味着平均值人你!" she finished. "See you later, Harry." She called over her shoulder dramatically as she walked down the driveway. Harry started to protest. "Wait my beloved. Do not leave me all alone in this place without you." But it was too late. She had already disapperated and was gone.
For a while, Harry just sat there on the porch with his head in his hands. Great. Now she really hates me. I have to talk to Hermione soon. Especially after what happened last year. We have to stay together. He thought. A startling memory suddenly burst into his head: a man with long black hair. A jet of light. A veil. Sirius! Harry jumped up and shook his head. With tears in his eyes, he took off running as fast as he could go. Harry didn't know where he was going. He didn't care where he ended up.
Harry ran away at 5 pm. Getting over his shock, he decided to look for his girlfriend. He hoped that seeing her beautiful face would cheer him up. "Cho Chang." He
Chapter 2:
Broomball versus Baseball
4
called as he ran. "Cho!" His voice grew hoarse and he started gasping for breath. "My darling! You are so beautiful, more beautiful than ever! I'm going to buy you a card!eleven."
Then a dude came up to him and was all like "Yoyoyo, I'm British, and I'm a wizard, yeah dude, Hogwarts is all up in hurr, yeah, uh-huhh, woohoo, like, toe-tallyism!" And Harry was like "Dude, don't be all up in my fries, dawg!" Then Harry flew away on his broomstick looking for his dearest and lovely lovelyful loving lovish love.
All of a sudden, a dark shapeless figure stepped out of the shadows below Harry. He screamed like a girl and dove for it, landing on top of it. He began to scramble for his wand. "Wait Harry!" shrieked the figure and Harry froze. The black thing was a cloak, and out from under it came Hermione!
"How did you get here? What the heck are you doing?" Harry gasped.
"I heard you ran away again, and I decided to come looking for you so you don't get into any more trouble. Why did you run away?"
"ell, I was on my back in the middle of the street, and this truck was racing towards me all like WHOO, and it was like HONK, so I'm like sitting there all like HELP, because I couldn't move, so I yelled all like AHHHHHH, and—"
"Ummmm….why?" interrupted Hermione, who was more than a little confused.
"Why did I scream? Well, JEEZ, Hermione, there was a freaking truck headed right for me, what would you--"
"No, I mean why the heck were you lying in the middle of the street?"
"Well, obviously I fell off my broomstick while illegally practicing Quidditch because this bird was flying in my way and I fell. JEEZ, Hermione, why ELSE would I be there?"
"Oh, SORRY, I should have KNOWN!" Hermione muttered sarcastically.
"Yeah, you should have!" said Harry, not getting it.
"Whatever," said Hermione, and started to walk away. "So, should I go home then?"
"No!" said Harry. "I need you!" Hermione stared at him and he blushed. "I mean, I need you to help me find Cho."
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Fine."
And they started off.
A while later, Hermione was getting bored. "I'm bored." She said. "I'm going home." She started to walk away.
"No, please!" Harry protested, and chased her down the street. When they turned the corner, he stopped short. It was Cho! Harry gasped loudly. And Voldemort!
Sound of record stopping
Hermione: whimpering You said his name! Oh no!
Narrator: Shut up! I'm telling the story, I can do whatever I want!
Now can I please continue without you whining?
Hermione: Well, will you let me kiss Ron in the next scene?
Narrator: grumbling I knew it! Fine, fine, whatever, just shut up.
As I was saying
Voldemort looked at Harry and laughed his evil laugh. Harry's scar began to burn. "Mwuahaha! I knew you would come looking for her! Now I have you right where I want you!" Harry began to tremble, because he didn't have a thousand people helping him this time who would give him all the credit for defeating Voldemort again.
"No, please, don't hurt me!"
"Quiet!" thundered Voldemort. "I have something to tell you." He looked into Harry's eyes. "Harry….I am your father."
………………………………………………………………………..
To be continued!
………………………………………………………………………..
Haha, you want to find out what happens next, don't you.
Well, fine.
Harry stared at Voldemort. "Uh-oh," said Hermione. "I know that look….Angsty brat Harry is coming out. Run!"
And sure enough…."THAT'S NOT FAIR AND I'M SO MISUNDERSTOOD AND NOBODY KNOWS HOW IT FEELS TO HAVE SO MANY PEOPLE THAT LIKE ME AND YOU KILLED MY MOMMY AND YOU SAY YOU'RE MY FATHER AND-- AND YOU BREAKS DOWN SOBBING YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" As he wails the last sentence he smashes random objects that just appear against the wall.
Narrator: And, that's all the time you have for today Voldy! Sorry, but I believe you are scheduled to be on CAT's Celebrity Deathmatch, and then you're on Jerry Springer. See ya later! pats an angry and confused Voldemort on the head and magically teleports him away.
Hermione, who had been impatiently tapping her foot an rolling her eyes the whole time Harry was ranting, looked for the Narrator. Of course, she couldn't see her, because the Narrator is a powerful voice sitting at her computer, typing away, invisible to the characters. Hermione realized that in a short amount of time because she is a nerd like that. Then she stepped forward and slapped Harry. He fell down and looked up at her, dazed. "It's time for you to chose, the bullet or the chapstick….I mean, Me or Cho." She said.
Harry stared at her, tears welling up in his eyes. "But….I love you both!"
"Choose, or we both will leave and go hang out with Fred and George. The only reason we hang out with you anyway is because you're so rich and popular." Said Cho.
"Yeah, and I make a lot of money off your secrets—I mean, you're my best friend."
Harry didn't know what to do. "I don't know what to do!" he whined. Then, he suddenly had an idea. "I have and idea!" he cried. "I will use a spell to combine both of you and create CHOMIONE!" He raised his fist into the air.
Cho and Hermione began to back away slowly, even though running away quickly would have been a better idea.
TO BE CONTINUED.
(Sorry, but a girl has got to have a life, you know.)