A/N: My first foray into writing Jay and Abby is a birthday gift for Claudia, because she's one of my favorite people (probably because we're basically the same person) and she turns 20 today! It's unbelievable that three months ago I didn't even know her, because I adore her now. Since I'm the reason she's now obsessed with Sebastian Arcelus and Stephanie J. Block, we decided the least I could do was write some Jay and Abby fluff for her. Happy Birthday, Claudia, I love you!
"Jay, get out of here," Elizabeth sighed in exasperation. Her chief of staff glanced up at her with a caught smile. He raised his hands in surrender under Elizabeth's stern expression and laughed lightly.
"I'm going," he assured her as he pushed himself back from his desk and looked around just a little frantically. Elizabeth cleared her throat and Jay looked up to find her holding out his bag to him. He shot her a sheepish smile and reached for it.
"Thank you," he said, and she smiled.
"Go home, Jay," she told him. "I don't want to hear a word from you before tomorrow morning's meeting, got it? And say happy birthday to that sweet little girl for me, okay?"
"Will do, ma'am," he replied with a smile.
"Say hi to Abby too, will you?" Elizabeth called after him. Jay's stomach flipped a little bit at the mention of his ex-wife, but he just nodded and smiled at Elizabeth, raising a hand to her as he hurried down the hall toward the elevator. Inside, with the shiny doors sliding closed before him, Jay leaned against the wall and sighed. He glanced down at his watch; he was still out of work in plenty of time to make it home in time for Chloe's birthday party. Well- to Abby's in time, that was. Since their split, they'd existed in various levels of intimacy, from a great deal of distance to the closeness they'd achieved recently. Jay wasn't sure what it all meant, his stirring feelings for his ex and the amount of time they'd spent together in the last few months. Whatever it meant, he was just glad he'd reached the place he was in now; a place where he could get out of the office and home to Chloe at a reasonable time, a place where he could be depended upon to be there for her birthday.
When he arrived at Abby's, Jay couldn't resist brushing his fingers through his hair in an effort to tame his sometimes wild curls before he rang the bell. A moment later, he forced himself to still his tapping fingertips against the strap of his bag as the door opened to reveal his ex wife, barefoot and wearing casual jeans and a floral blouse that hung just right on her shoulders and flowed exactly the way that Jay thought all blouses should. She offered him a wide, bright smile, the kind he'd seen often in their early days, brushing her now-shoulder length dark hair out of her face as she met his gaze. He noticed that she was wearing makeup, but not excessively. He'd always liked that about Abby; she was organic, never too fussy and just feminine enough. He smiled reflexively back at her and hesitated by no choice of his own, his breath taken away by the way her warm, dark eyes felt on his own.
"Hey," he said, his mouth finally catching up with him. Abby was still smiling as she stepped aside, greeting him in kind and gesturing him inside.
"You're early," she remarked, but she didn't sound surprised. Once, not too long ago, her ex-husband's more than punctual arrival would have been shocking. She'd grown accustomed to his constant working, his perpetual lateness that always came with a flood of apologies that had grown to mean nothing over time. Now, she found that she had instead become accustomed to his punctuality; Jay hadn't been late for something with she and Chloe in months.
"Yeah," Jay chuckled. "Even MSec was prepared for me to leave early, this birthday party is all I've been talking about this week."
Abby couldn't help but smile a little bit at that as she watched Jay set his bag down and toe out of his shoes, lining them neatly up by the wall.
"Well, Chloe is still napping but you're welcome to come and help me blow up a million pink balloons," Abby offered. Jay laughed and nodded.
"Gladly," he replied, and she couldn't help but reflect on how sincere that was; that Jay actually was glad to be blowing up pink balloons with her for their daughter. She led him through the house to the dining room, where he could see that she'd gotten a head start on said balloons.
"Quite an operation you've got here," he remarked as they both sat down. He reached for a balloon and Abby nodded.
"Yes, well, when you're turning four apparently all you want is pink balloons," she laughed. Jay smiled to himself. He brought the balloon to his lips and blew into it; a few silent moments later, he and Abby had each blown up one more balloon. As he wrapped the rubber around his finger to tie it, he stole a glance at his ex-wife across the table.
"Hard to believe it's been four years since she was born already," he said, and Abby sighed, tying her own balloon.
"Don't remind me," she implored. "It's all happening way too fast."
Jay nodded in agreement, reaching for another pink balloon as Abby added hers to the others that littered the floor. Past the doorway in the kitchen, Jay could see a handful of helium-inflated ones as well, which were various shades of pink. Another glance at his watch told him that guests wouldn't arrive for another forty-five minutes, and it seemed Abby had done everything but this. He thought back on Chloe's first birthday and seemed to remember that he'd ended up with balloon duty then, too.
"You know," he began, tying his second balloon and already feeling a little light headed, "I think my biggest regret is how little I was there for you, when you were pregnant with Chloe and when she was really little."
Abby watched him as she finished blowing up her balloon and tied it. Jay was fiddling with the tied balloon in his hand, not looking at her, and she couldn't help but soften at the sadness in his face, visible even at this angle.
"I think," she began slowly, "that at the end of the day, what matters is that you make the best decision you can at the time and that you have the right regrets."
Jay glanced up at her quizzically, their eyes meeting across the broad dining table.
"The right regrets?" he repeated, and Abby nodded.
"Yeah," she said with a small shrug. "You know, that they're regrets that count for something. That you grew from them."
Jay thought about that as silence filled the space between them for a few moments, each of them blowing up their respective pink balloons.
"That's comforting," he said finally, and Abby glanced over at him again. "Thank you."
She shook her head, suddenly very aware of everything about herself under Jay's intense, yet soft, gaze on her.
"It's nothing," she said quietly. "Just the truth."
"I expected nothing less from you, Abby," he admitted warmly, and she couldn't help but smile at the way he was looking at her, a warmth flooding her chest that was somehow both familiar and foreign. She blew into the balloon she was holding and then unexpectedly turned toward Jay and let it go, sending the ballon spinning through the room at her companion, who ducked comically at the surprising movement. Abby laughed and Jay couldn't help but laugh too, more at the sound of her amusement than amusement of his own.
"What was that?" he laughed. Abby shrugged her shoulders, smiling at him as she stood.
"Funny," she answered, and Jay couldn't help but smile after her as she left the room, before shaking his head and forcing his attention back to the balloons. Abby, though she had left the room, remained in Jay's thoughts long after her retreating figure had ascended the stairs to check on their daughter.
Later that evening, Chloe sat at the head of the same table and her friends from preschool along with their parents were crowded around. Abby stood to Chloe's right and she smiled down at her overly excited four year old, who was bouncing on her knees in the chair.
"Mama, where's the cake?" Chloe asked and Abby laughed.
"I promise it's almost time, Daddy's lighting your candles," she answered. Chloe craned her neck to look behind her chair at the kitchen, where Jay was just out of sight. She bit her lip in eager anticipation and Abby couldn't help but think about how much her daughter looked like Jay in that moment.
"Alright, birthday girl," Jay called, stepping into Chloe's line of sight. Abby watched as the little girl lit up, clapping her hands together with sheer glee.
A chorus of happy birthday began and Abby caught Jay's beaming smile at the start of her phone video. Jay met her gaze and she couldn't help but melt a little at the warmth in his eyes, candlelight reflected in them as he set the cake down in front of Chloe. He took his place next to Abby, listening as her clear, pretty voice filtered out from the chorus of others and she smiled at him. Chloe looked between her cake and her parents, looking positively alight with happiness as she clumsily brushed her curls, so like Jay's, away from her face. Hesitantly, Jay wrapped his arm around Abby's shoulders, taking a sideways glance at her as she almost reflexively leaned into him, never taking her eyes off of Chloe, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Which, he reminded himself as his heart pounded against his ribs, it once had been.
"Happy birthday, sweet girl," Abby said as Chloe blew out her four candles and the room went dark while the other children cheered.
"Okay, time for cake!" Jay announced. Abby stepped away from Jay and into the kitchen to retrieve the knife she'd set aside earlier and some plates, while Jay knelt next to Chloe's chair.
"So what did you wish for?" he asked. Chloe turned her bright, innocent eyes on Jay and smiled at him.
"I wished for you and Mommy to get married," she answered simply, unaware that her words had sent a shock of regret and anguish through Jay's chest and directly into his heart. He had no chance to respond, however, because Abby had returned and he pasted a smile onto his face as he stepped away to give her room to cut the cake. From his place in the corner, he watched her laugh at something one of the other mothers had said, nodding her head in agreement as she cut Chloe the piece of cake with a pink icing rose on it, as indicated by the little girl. He couldn't help but replay the child's words over and over in his head. He watched Abby and wondered what her reaction to that might have been.
"Well, that was quite a success," Abby was saying quietly to Jay three hours later. He cast a glance at their sleeping daughter, still in her pink princess dress, a plastic tiara askew on her curls as her sleeping fingers wrapped around her favorite teddy bear, which had made its way to the living room sometime in the last hour. He smiled slightly at the sight and nodded.
"You know it was a success when the birthday girl is out like that," he chuckled. Abby, too, looked over at Chloe, and Jay could see her whole body physically soften at the sight.
"Yeah," she agreed. "Do you mind taking her to bed?"
"Of course not," Jay answered, and spared a smile for Abby as he scooped Chloe easily into his arms. She barely stirred except to snuggle into his chest and his heart seemed to swell in his chest with love for the tiny human being in his arms. He couldn't help but think about how someday not too many birthdays off, Chloe would be too big for him to carry to bed like this. As he tucked her into her twin bed with the pale pink bedspread, Chloe turned to him, blinking her warm eyes open. He was struck by how much her eyes were like Abby's, and swallowed hard as he smiled tenderly at her and brushed a curl off of her cheek before lifting her tiara from her head.
"Daddy?" she mumbled. "Is the party over?"
"Yeah," Jay chuckled lightly. "It is. Close your eyes, okay? It's time to sleep."
"Okay," Chloe said, reaching out for him and wrapping her arms around his neck to hug him. "I love you, Daddy."
"I love you too, little princess," Jay answered. "Sweet dreams, Chloe."
"Sweet dreams," Chloe mumbled and then she was asleep again. Jay stayed at her side for a moment, watching her sleep, little lashes brushing against smooth skin, perfect features at rest. He sighed and reluctantly stood, leaning over to brush a feather light kiss to her forehead and then left her room, leaving the door mostly open behind him.
Downstairs, he found Abby collecting pink balloons and putting them all in the living room, clearly trying to keep them contained. He watched her for a moment, her movements familiar to him in a way unlike anyone else. There was something about Abby that had always spoken to Jay of home, inherently and by her nature, even when he had barely known her. It had been why she was the first person he'd gone to after he'd been kidnapped and returned safely home; Abby, by her sheer existence, grounded him. She reminded him of what was real and what wasn't, of what mattered and what didn't. There had been a time when he'd failed to see that, but not anymore. Jay was different now- he could see what was important very clearly now. Abby turned to find him standing there, watching her, and smiled slightly.
"You okay?" she asked. Jay nodded, reaching down to pick up a balloon that rested at his feet. He turned it over in his hands and smiled at Abby.
"You're doing a really good job with her, Abby," he said sincerely. She shrugged her shoulders.
"We both are, I guess," she said with a laugh. "Or maybe she's just a really good kid."
"Maybe," Jay acquiesced. "Or maybe you're just a really good mom."
"I don't know about that," Abby said.
"I do," Jay told her honestly. Their eyes met across the room, and the same chemistry that had crackled between them when they'd been young and new at it all seemed to exist there between them now. Jay could hear his own heartbeat in the silence. They watched one another, surrounded by Chloe's pink balloons and the remnants of her birthday party, like pieces of a life that had taken on a new meaning in the moment.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Abby asked, her full attention on him now. Jay sighed.
"Chloe told me her birthday wish," he admitted, looking back down at the balloon that he was still holding.
"Okay," Abby replied, uncomprehending. Jay cleared his throat.
"It was for you and I to get married."
He couldn't bear to look at Abby, fearful of seeing rejection in the way her warm eyes would shut down and her posture would shift. It was for this reason that Jay missed the way Abby's breath caught as she slowly crossed the room so that she was standing in front of him. He gazed down at her and met her waiting gaze, watching as she blinked up at him. His breath caught as well, unable to look away from her there in the warm light of her living room, lit by a corner lamp whose light glittered on the remains of Chloe's party decorations.
"Does she know she isn't supposed to tell you her wishes?" Abby asked, her voice having taken on a quality that Jay couldn't quite place.
"I don't think so," he whispered. Abby stepped closer to him, so close now that he could feel the heat from her skin. He suppressed a shiver at the feeling and inhaled sharply. Abby took a deep breath, and then she leaned in and pressed her lips to his, her palm resting on his shoulder as she captured his lips in her kiss, warm and achingly familiar and feeling like home. Jay seemed to have lost his ability to breathe, and was almost- almost- thankful when she pulled away. A small smile played over her face.
"Was that okay?" she asked softly. Jay nodded.
"More than okay," he answered a little too quickly. Abby smiled as she trailed her fingers over his and took the pink balloon from him.
"Stay," she said quietly with the softest kind of smile, the one that was only for Jay and had never really been for anyone else.
"Maybe Chloe will get her birthday wish," she added and just like that, Jay was long gone for the same woman who had stolen his heart a decade earlier.