The Ningen Fool's Day.
Hiei couldn't take it anymore.
At first it has started with innocent, but humorous pranks. He watched as Shizuru bit into an cookie, her face turning quickly from bemused to disgusted as she ran to gag into the garbage; Kazuma had howled with laughter tossing the empty toothpaste container into the garbage next to her head while she upchucked the cookie.
Later that evening he watched as Shizuru positively cackled when Kazuma had realized that his drink had been spiked with at least half a cup of Jalapeño Pete's Red Flaming Hot Tabasco Sauce. He spent an hour gasping for breath and ate an entire loaf of bread to quell the third degree burns on his tongue.
Every doorknob in the house had been cleverly undercoated with shaving cream.
Every carpet had been snagged to make an unsuspecting victim trip and fall flat on their face.
That had been the first week. On Saturday night, when he had sat down to dinner with the Kuwabara siblings, he watched as both eyed each other constantly, afraid to reach for a glass, or make a sudden movement. Neither of them had done anything but push around the dinner on their plates both privy to the easy victory of a food prank.
Hiei had finally spoken up, also slightly afraid of eating the food on the plate in front of him. He had put down his chopsticks and sighed. Maybe it was time to put a stop to this, he had offered diplomatically, enough of this Ningen's Fool's Day.
The siblings had smiled ruefully glancing at each other over the table, and gave what Hiei had thought to be their consent to the end of a prank filled week.
But they didn't stop. In fact, they got much, much worse.
Shizuru had screamed her head off when she had found a dead beetle floating in her morning coffee.
Kazuma had almost cried himself hysterical when he couldn't find Eikichi all day and realized she was stuck out on the roof.
One night Hiei had been lying on Kuwabara's chest more than eager to start something. He noticed his lover had been sneaking furtive glances at the door as if waiting expectantly for something to happen. Hiei didn't know what he was waiting for, he didn't care, he knew what he himself was expecting and it involved the red head naked and writhing beneath him. Until, that is, Shizuru had burst into his room dripping wet, covered only by a towel, her hair the color of Botan's.
"Kazuma ,you bastard!"
Kuwabara roared with laughter. He stood up to face his sister, arms crossed over his chest.
"What's the matter, Shizuru?" Kuwabara said haughtily, "you gettin' mad?"
"I don't get mad," She hissed back, "I get even,"
"Give it up Shizuru, you can't touch this! I'm the prank master!" He said opening his arms arrogantly.
Shizuru leaned forward, her posture screamed danger. She pointed at him with the hand that wasn't holding up her towel. In a voice that was barely over a whisper, she said,
"Your. Going. Down." Hiei shivered at the ice in her tone, but it rolled over Kuwabara like a gentle breeze.
"Yeah, yeah," Kuwabara got up and slammed the door behind her.
"Kazuma, don't you think this is enough?" Hiei said with one leg hanging over the bed, his arms crossed over his chest.
"Don't worry about it, Hiei, she'll realize that I'm the better prankster, give up and everything will be fine,"
Hiei arched his eyebrow. Sometimes his lover could be so dense.
"You realize she just declared war. You saw what she did to your beloved cat. She's going to attack everything you love; I do not want to get dragged into this because of your ego."
Kuwabara waved his hand as if dismissing the conversation.
"Pshh… It's under control."
The next morning Hiei helped Kuwabara locate all 132 alarm clocks hidden throughout the house that had been beeping since 4 o'clock that morning going off at random time intervals. It was now 10 AM. Upon finding the last once Hiei didn't even bother to find the off switch, he put his first through it destroying the device completely. Hiei closed his eyes in bliss. Silence… finally.
"Where are you going?" Hiei asked as Kuwabara grabbed his car keys and wallet off the living room table.
"To the supermarket to buy a lobster. I'm going to stick it in her bed,"
Hiei had, to use Ningen parlance, lost it.
"KAZUMA! ENOUGH!" he shouted, "This is completely out of hand! When you decide to stop this asinine behavior come find me,"
And we that he flitted out the window in a blur of motion.
LINE BREAK.
"I still don't understand why we're here," Yuusuke said bemused.
"I told you, it's a surprise party," Hiei snapped.
"Hai, I heard you the first time, but seeing as Kuwabara's birthday is in August, and Shizuru's is in January, I don't understand what for,"
"I'm aware, Detective, trust me, the adjective 'surprise' is still effective,"
"Ooooooookayyyy," Yuusuke said, "So what's all this stuff you have set up here? It looks like Macgyver's house or something,"
Hiei smiled evilly, but said with perfectly feigned innocence,
"It's part of the surprise,"
Every friend and member of the Renkai Tentai had congregated in the Kuwabara living room. Before them stood the strangest contraption they had ever seen. Everyone had shown up exactly on time like Hiei had requested, each too curious as Hiei's sudden hospitality to be a second late.
Currently all 36 guests were chatting amicably. At six o'clock Hiei heard a car door slam.
"SILENCE." He commanded. The room fell quiet immediately. Suddenly, the guests heard the siblings approaching,
"I feel really bad I guess, Hiei had said he had something to tell us, he seemed pretty pissed,"
"Well, tell your boyfriend if he can't handle the heat, get out of the kitchen,"
"Whatever, I'm going to totally prank your ass. You better sleep with one eye open,"
So, Hiei inwardly mused, Kuwabara had not learned his lesson. Any guilt at what was about to happen was immediately assuaged.
The door sprang open, and the competitive siblings, fought their way to be the first through the door. Then they realized the horror of their mistake.
They were immediately sprung in the most elaborate trap either of them had seen, let alone been a part of.
Hiei listened passively to the reaction of the crowd,
"WOOAAAHHHH! …. OUCH!... UUUUFFF….UGGGHHHHH…:: gasp::….!"
Finally the audience's feedback was cut off with a large splash as the siblings were dumped uncouthly into a tub filled with purple substance.
After a short pause the entire room burst into laughter. The disgruntled Kuwabara clambered out of the tub but slipped and fell back in. He began to laugh as he tried to stand up again helping his sister out as well.
Once free of the vat, Kuwabara and Shizuru looked at each other and laughed.
"Thank god, you put a tarp down to catch whatever this stuff is. Otherwise I would have killed you, after making you clean my floor," Shizuru said smiling at Hiei. Hiei took the hidden compliment from Shizuru.
Yuusuke was whipping the tears from his eyes,
"Hiei, how the hell did you do all of this?"
"I spend a lot of time at Home Depot,"
Kuwabara walked over to his lover and best friend, smiling good naturedly. He then took off his shirt, and while Yuusuke was bent over trying to catch his breath he threw the dripping purple mess into his face.
Kuwabara then turned to Shizuru, and with a smile he couldn't hide he said,
"I think we both just got our asses handed to us. Truce?"
"Truce,"
LINE BREAK.
Shizuru and Kuwabara had decided to share in the chore of cleaning up the mess. Since they had dragged Hiei into the middle of the war, they accepted it as their incumbent punishment. Shizuru had then retired to the downstairs bathroom, while Kuwabara spent two hours in the one adjacent to his room in order to remove the suspicious purple substance from his various orifices.
Once out of the shower Kuwabara bent at the waist drying his hair aggressively. He fell backwards with a sigh onto the bed next to where Hiei was sitting up reading one of his novels,
"So, what did you learn from all this," He said, returning his bookmark and pulling Kuwabara's head into his lap.
"That I should be nicer to my sister?"
"No."
"That pranks can easily get out of hand with two naturally competitive and arrogant siblings?"
"No."
"That you look really scary when you smile?"
At that Hiei laughed.
"No you fool," Hiei said kissing him gently,
"I am the prank master."
…
…
"Is that a challenge?"
Ohhh that Kuwabara! He's so incorrigible. ^_^ I hope you all enjoyed that bit of sick humor. The ending was predictable, but meh it was fun to write!
TM29