Epilogue

I rub my knee in attempt to soothe the dull ache and sigh heavily. My body is weak with age and all my muscles are long gone.
I'm fifty-three now, a long time has passed since my initiation, since my training days.
I look over at Tris and she smiles at me warmly, her face as young as ever, her piercing blue eyes staring straight into mine. I smile back at her before getting up slowly and making my way to the living room where I nearly finished setting up the table, ready for my guests to arrive.

I fold the last napkin and place it on the table, and in turn placing a fork and knife on top.
I've never been one with neatness, but Christina taught me some simple tricks to make my dinners a bit fancier. I laugh quietly and shake my head at her attempts. I have no idea how she managed to convince me, or maybe it's still the abnegation in me.

I'm about to turn around to grab a bottle of wine when I feel a small pair of arms wrap around my waist. I close my eyes and relish in the feeling; this brings back so many memories from my younger years, ones where me and Tris were happy and whole.
I cover her small hands with mine and we stay like that for a long time, she gives me so much strength everyday.
The doorbell rings and just as quickly as her arms wrapped around me at first, they're gone.
"Wish me luck, Tris" I chuckle and make my way to open the door.

A short, brown skinned woman stands in front of me, a small smile plastered to her face.
"Hey, Four." She puts emphasis on 'Four' and grins when she sees me cringe.
"Nobody else arrived?" she asks, looking around the room as I close the door behind me.
"Nope. Dauntless manners." I roll my eyes and she lets out a small laugh.
She walks over to the balcony on the other side of my living room and I see her leaning on the railing, looking at the city beyond with the same curiosity as thirty years ago.

The city itself has changed, buildings we once could only dream of stand tall before us, glowing orange with the warm setting sun.
The river was cleaned and now flows majestically through the heart of the city. People of all ages and all factions stand together chatting and laughing, all wearing a sea of colours.

This is the world we fought for.

Although there are no more factions, most of us decided to stay in Dauntless: I guess it's the only place that ever felt the closest to home. The old buildings were restored instead of being demolished. I hated it at first. Too many memories filled these halls and were almost too painful to bear. But I grew to love them. The Pit, the Chasm, places that have been a part of me for so long.

"You have company" Christina says, breaking me out of my thoughts and it's only then I notice the rhythmic chant of knuckles on my door. I roll my eyes and grin.
I'm greeted at the door by two Pedrads.
"Gosh man, you really don't know how to treat a lady." Zeke says mockingly and pointing to Shauna who stands beside him proudly. Caleb helped develop a more advanced version of prosthetic legs for her since she lost her ability to walk long ago. She hated it, being surrounded in a sea of ex-dauntless and her struggling to roll around in a wheelchair.
"Oh I didn't realise I had one more lady coming. Please excuse my manners, m'am." I say in a really posh accent towards Zeke.
Zeke guides Shauna inside by the small of her back and she smiles kindly.
He follows her in and tucks her chair in for her.
"Tobias, darling, can you tuck me in please?" Zeke begs me as he takes his own seat, fluttering his eyelashes innocently.
I shake my head and walk over to him to push in is chair.
"Thanks babe" he whispers.
"I think your wife is sitting right next to you beautiful. Wouldn't want to give away our secret now would we?" I whisper back.

He winks at me before we both end up laughing. Christina and Shauna both share a look and roll their eyes, but end up laughing with us.

I hear a softer knock on the door and I know who it is immediately.
I cross the room and open the door again, greeted by a pair of matching eyes and the same brown curly hair painted white with age in some places.
"Tobias" my mother beams at me.
I pull her into a hug and I see Uriah standing behind her pulling me an awed face with his hands clasped together in front of him. I glare at him and he stands up straight. I already have one idiot to deal with.
"Uri!" Shauna says as soon as she spots him. She jumps up from her chair to hug him.
"Careful of your braces, babe" Zeke interrupts.
Shauna knocks on her legs twice and grins.
"I always am." she winks.

"So that's how she ended up dating a seventy year old man. I don't even know if it was a man.." Uriah rubs his chin in thought and everyone bursts out laughing for the twentieth time in the last hour.

"So...she didn't even realise?" Zeke says.
"Nope" he replies, popping the 'p' and leaning back into his chair.
"Gosh, he was that good in bed, huh?" Shauna slaps Zeke on the arm and he flinches, leading Uriah to burst in a contagious giggle to which everyone laughs at again.
I can see Tris laughing out of the corner of my eyes and I can't help but stare. She was always so beautiful, her golden hair framing her defined face, her eyes shining and bright.
"Four!" Christina snaps her fingers in front of my face and both Pedrad men imitate her in the sassiest way possible at the exact same time, clicking their fingers from side to side.
"woww.." Uriah says, turning to look at Zeke, both their fingers still in the air at the exact same level.

I shake my head and stand up with a glass in my hand.
"The real reason why we're here.." I say over the constant bickering. Everyone turns to look at me and suddenly I feel nervous. I see Evelyn beaming at me, giving me the confidence to carry on. She knows it's never been easy for me.
"Today, a few years ago, we chose our homes. We're all here because we have our blood to the Dauntless..well.." I look at Evelyn but she just smiles and shrugs.
I take a deep breath,
"We chose to be brave, to stand up for one another, to never give in to our enemies."
I see everyone with proud looks on their face and a warmth fills me.
"Life took us along a different path to what we had expected."
I look down at the table and take a deep breath.
"We fought a war. We lost so many people along the way." I see Zeke hang his head down and Christina brush away tears from her eyes.
I think of how Tris lost her parents. She always blamed herself for their deaths. I think of how I almost killed Tris in my simulation, but she broke me out and saved me, saved herself.
"It never gets easier. We try to cover up our scars, making sure nobody sees our cracks and our dents." Christina's lip trembles and she looks away, trying to blink away the fresh tears. Zeke moves to Uriah and pulls him close to him.
"I love you, son." he whispers to him, kissing his head and holding him closer.
My heart aches and I look at Tris. I can see the look on her face of sorrow, but she beams at me proudly through the tears, and gives me strength to carry on.
"Tonight we honour them, for their braveness and their selflessness. for their sacrifices. They'll always be close to us"
My face gets hot and I feel tears roll down my cheeks, but I don't stop them.
"To our fallen!" I yell, and everyone raises their glasses in unison.
"To our fallen!" they yell back, now standing up to clink our glasses together, and laughing through the sorrow.

Everyone volunteered to stay behind and help me clear up but after a violent shake of my head they stopped arguing.
"I can do it tomorrow, don't worry." I just said.

I sit on the edge of my bed again, like every other night, and I gaze at Tris. She never stops smiling.
"Thank you for your strength today, Tris. I don't think I could've done it without you."
she continues to beam at me.

"I miss you." I whisper, letting hot tears roll down my face.
I lean over and kiss the picture of her, holding her to my chest for a few minutes, imagining it is her again. I can still feel her small arms wrap around me everywhere I go, always remembering her laugh and imagining her with us wherever we go.

I don't know what life would be been like with her, starting our own family, growing old together.
But I can't imagine what life would've been like without her. Every second of every day I am reminded of her. Her eyes, demanding attention wherever she went, her smile so true and beautiful. And even though some days are harder than others, even though I can no longer hold her in my arms and stroke her hair or lay down and watch over her as she falls asleep, fighting off the bad dreams. Even though she is no longer with me, I carry her around with me everywhere I go. I look forward to the end of day where I know we will be temporarily reunited in my dreams.
I tell her every night that I love her, and sometimes I can feel the ghost of her fingers in my skin, her touch making me whole again.

I thought that by now, life would move on. But how I was wrong.
Life damages us, every one of us. it takes different shapes and sizes, it puts you up against your worst fears.
Others' lives may be better, they may have someone with them everyday, someone who is not broken.
Others may be worse off.

It is a fate that we cannot avoid.
But we can be mended. As hard as it may seem, we mend through the memories of our loved ones. We are reminded of their sacrifices, and what they fought for. They fought for us to be stronger, to have a better life than in the past.
Life damaged me. It tore me apart, bit by bit till I thought here was nothing left.
But as long as I have my memories and my friends close to me, so long as I remember our fallen, Tris, Uriah, Marlene, and so long as Tris continues to smile at me through the photo frame next to my bed, I know I have the strength to carry on and keep living my days to the fullest.
Tris was right.
We can be mended. And like me and her, we mend each other.
So long as I remember that I am hers and she is mine, we can continue to mend, and continue to smile.

-In memory of Tris Prior x

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Be Brave x

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