Their first kiss was a whirlwind of emotion and pent up sexual frustration. He didn't imagined it would be like this. He wanted softness, delicateness, and tenderness. Instead, it was a flurry of tangled limbs, crumpled clothes, and bruises that would show on the morning.
To be able to describe her was an impossible task. To him, she was three dimensional, always growing, always changing. Everyday he sees her transform into something even more wonderful than the day before. She was shy and submissive, but her convictions were strong and she would fight tooth and nail for what she believed in. It was one of Enjolras' favorite quality of Eponine's. Not until today.
His hands cupped her face as he pulled her toward him. His lips brushing hers ever so slightly, still tentative, waiting for her to reject or accept his kiss. When her lips parted he took it as a chance to kiss her even deeper. His hands moved from her face down to her waist and her arms were hanging loosely from his shoulders. She was kissing him back feverishly. Her hands raked through his hair and she felt him shiver.
Why am I remembering it now? He asked himself. Why was he remembering their first kiss? Maybe because after today, he may not be able to. He saw Lamarque's coffin come into view. The drumming was echoing in his mind and it reminded him of his own heartbeat as he watched Eponine come undone.
His heartbeat started to steady himself as he held her. Their limbs intertwined and each other's breath mingled. Eponine's head rested on his chest as she traced patterns across his stomach, her mind lost in thought. Enjolras held her, replaying the events on his mind. There was an argument. Their voices dipped in fury and passion as their tone rose higher and louder with each response. It was about her brother he tried to remember. Her eyes were bright and her voice was loud, on the verge of screaming. He never saw anyone so enamored she was like spitfire. Her reddish brown hair glowed in the candle light. She was gorgeous and what really hooked him was how she wasn't intimidated by him when concerning her family. She argued and responded. She wasn't willing to back down just yet. They were alone, and thank God for it. He was so transfixed by her. Entranced by how her lips moved and her face seemed to shine brighter as she clamored on.
He thought he was stupid for kissing her. He thought she would shove him away and scream bloody murder. He was surprised that she kissed him back. When they needed to pull back for air, their foreheads were leaning against each other.
Enjolras gritted his teeth. You're doing this for her, you pompous git. He thought to himself as the people's chanting became clearer and clearer. For the first time, Enjolras was beginning to doubt this whole endeavor. Before, he would've cut open and bleed for this but... he had nothing to lose then. Now he's afraid he'll lose what he thought he never needed. It's too late to back down now. He chastised himself as he heard the crowds shout and gunshots fill the air.
"Everyone! To the barricade!" he shouted. He procured a horse from a fallen soldier and he and Marius rode to the ABC Cafe. The adrenaline coursing through his veins was a familiar feeling now. Hope seemed to bubble in his chest when he saw his people fight along side him.
"Are you really sure that they're gonna lay down their lives for this, Enjolras?" He could hear his doubts take shape in Eponine's voice. Still, she did have the same doubts as he.
"The people will rise, Eponine. If they desire a better life than this then it is the only option." he said to her one night while they cuddled under the threadbare blankets.
"I don't think my life could be better than this." she whispered. Enjolras' heart swelled and gave her a kiss so sweet, Eponine's toes curled. Enjolras' knew the gravity of those words. Although he knew she will never say she loved him, not yet, those words were enough. He would willingly dig through the layers of that statement and reveal that he was the best thing in her life and she was his.
When they pulled apart to take a breath, Enjolras smiled. Eponine looked at him. Her eyes searching his face for what, he didn't know. He cupped Eponine's jaw and he could feel the words creeping up his throat. The only thing stopping him was Eponine's frown.
"Eponine. I-"
"Don't say it." Eponine said, and it felt like he was doused by the water from the Seine. "Don't you dare say it." she said to him, her teeth clenched. His brows furrowed.
"Why? Eponine, hell is going to break loose tomorrow and I may not be able to say this and I-"
"No." she said abruptly and she slid away from his embrace.
"Is it because you don't feel the same way about me too?" Enjolras asked and it made Eponine stop in her tracks. If Enjolras wasn't sure if she was angry, he is sure now. Her eyes were one indicator. He regretted the statement after it rolled from his lips.
It's one insecurity of his, knowing that he was slowly falling in love with her every night they spent together and she will still be as head over heels with Marius. He could see it sometimes, the way her eyes lingers at the sight of him. It made his blood boil but he knew that jealousy would take him nowhere. What they had... isn't official. Just two lonely souls seeking refuge with each other under the cover of night and discretion. No one knew about their "relationship". Both of them silently agreed on that. While Grantaire jokes on how much of a prude he is, he sees Eponine cover her smirk under her hand. She isn't smirking now.
"How can you say that?" she says, her voice barely audible. Her expression turned from anger into hurt. Enjolras' feels like an idiot. Wait, he is an idiot.
"I-" he stammered, as he tried to muster an apology.
"You want to know why I don't want to hear those melodious three words from you?" she asked him. He sat in silence waiting for her to continue. She stood and grabbed her wrinkled dress and tried to put it on her.
"Because what's the point of hearing you say it when you're going to die in what? three hours from now." she said coldly. She was facing the wall and if she saw him she'd see the broken expression on his face.
"You really don't believe we will win, do you?" he accused her. He gazed at the bed and clutched the sheets. His own anger starting to rise but he willed it to dissipate as he saw Eponine clutch her arms around her abdomen and started to shake from crying.
Enjolras closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Eponine was choking back sobs now and his heart ached. It was rare for him to see her vulnerable. She always puts on her facade, of stubbornness and glares that can kill, to hide the fact that she is fragile. It was remarkable when he realized that she took off her armor and let him in, only for a little while.
Then the memories came flooding to him at that moment. Eponine staying up late with him as he revised his documents and plans for the revolution. Eponine making sure that he actually got some sleep at nights that there were dark shadows under his eyes. Eponine ensuring that he ate something nourishing everyday. Eponine relaxing him after a stressful day of preparing and planning for the revolution. Eponine standing by him without complaint. Oh he was an idiot.
He stood and made his way over to her. She was trembling badly. He stood in front of her and he wrapped his arms around her. He held her close and he felt her tears on his skin. She kissed the crown of her head and stroked her hair to calm her down.
"I can't lose you. Enjolras. Please don't let me lose you. I'm begging you. Please don't leave me here alone." she pleaded like he held her fragile heart in his hands and was afraid that he would drop it. She stared at the floor and let her tears run down from her cheeks. He tipped her chin with his finger for her to look at him.
"I will never leave you." He said with conviction.
"How can you be sure? I can't." she gripping her arms so tight that her nails were digging in her skin. Enjolras took her hands in his and pried them away from her arms and enveloped them in his waist. She buried her head in his chest and Enjolras tried to lead them back to the bed.
As they lied on the bed as they did the first time, with their limbs intertwined, Eponine's breathing slowed to the beat of his heart. She looked up at him, her eyes afraid but he could still see that spark. He smiled at her and she smiled too, and that was all that mattered to him right now. Then Eponine looked away.
"Enjolras." she said his name like a prayer.
"Yes?" he asked and she looked at him.
"I... I mean I..." Eponine stammered as she tried to find the right words to say.
Enjolras only caressed her cheeks and said.
"It's okay. You don't have to say it. I know." he told her. Her eyes widened. She opened her mouth to argue but she stopped herself.
She kissed him with all she had, trying to show him what she can't say and he responded back with as much fervor.
It was a bittersweet memory. Both of them hoping that they could return to their safe haven, which is each other's arms. Enjolras felt his blood run cold as he remembered the morning he left.
The sun was rising. The first ray of light flowing through the window made Enjolras hair glow. He saw her smile. Then he saw her face shift into a deep frown etched with fear. He sighed and pressed their foreheads together. He closed his eyes and prayed to God that he would be with her again.
"I love you Eponine." he said in a rush, afraid that she'll interrupt him. She didn't. She smiled as new batch of tears slid down her cheeks.
"I won't try to convince you to stay." she started to say. Enjolras appreciated it. He was tired of arguing about this.
"Just know, that whatever happens, I will always be with you." Eponine said with resolve. He couldn't read her face but her words were enough to anchor him throughout the day.
He dreaded this moment since the first time he knew he was in love with her. The uncertainty could never waver against his confidence and both of them knew that. They knew people will die today-and tonight- but no one knows who will until its too late. As he got out of bed, Eponine's worry began to show. He changed into his clothes and he felt her gaze on him. She stared at him, and he stared back. His eyes wandered from her face to the rest of her body as if he was trying to memorize her every curve, birthmark, and scar. Just in case.
"Please promise me you'll stay away from the barricades." Enjolras pleaded. He can't think straight knowing Eponine might be injured in the middle of a battlefield and he can't reach her in time. He can't worry about her, not when everything is on the line. But of course he will, he loves her. Although, it will ease his mind if Eponine was far away from the chaos.
"Then promise me you'll come home to me safe and sound." Eponine retorted.
"You know I can't promise you that." Enjolras argued.
"And I can't promise you that either. Enjolras, this is my fight too. You can't just shelter me somewhere, while you fight your heroic battle against structural injustices." she replied. Enjolras raked his hair.
"I can't deal with the idea of losing you. What if you get lost? What if you get shot and I'm not there?" he asked her.
"Welcome to my world." she replied sarcastically. Enjolras let out a exasperated breath. Eponine stood and walked towards him.
She cupped his face on her palm and he leaned into her touch.
"I'll promise to stay safe, only if you promise me you'll stay alive. " she propositioned.
"I can't-"
"I don't care just do it." She pleaded. Enjolras saw the dread in her eyes and Enjolras humored her.
"I'll promise that I'll never leave you." Enjolras promised with all that he got. Eponine wrapped her arms around him and they held each other close.
"Really Enjolras? Me? Get lost in Paris? The streets are my friend. 'Ponine knows her way around." she reassured him and he held her tighter.
"This is isn't goodbye." Eponine whispered in his ear. Enjolras pulled himself out of her embrace with a heavy heart. He went out and heard Eponine sob as she closed the door.
The barricade was holding up pretty nicely. Enjolras hoped that it would withstand most of the gunshots once the army arrives. The scout already left to figure out when the enemy will attack. Everyone was surprisingly cheery, not that he expected them to be morose. Still, he couldn't take away the cloud of optimism hovering in the air.
Enjolras went inside to check on the gunpowder when he spotted a familiar figure leaning on the wall. His heart almost stopped when he realized who it was. He made his way towards the figure and frustration rolled off him in waves.
"What the hell are you doing here?" he asked her. She took her by the shoulders and shook her lightly, causing her cap to fall off and hair cascaded down her back.
"I'm fighting. What about you?" she asked. She kneeled down and picked up her cap.
"Don't. Just don't." Enjolras took a step back and he paced in front of her.
"You promised me. You promised that you'll stay safe." he said. He pinched the bridge of his nose.
"I did and here I am, safe." she replied. Enjolras rolled his eyes.
"You are acting like a child."
"And you are acting like I can't take care of myself."
"We agreed, that you'll stay away." he said.
"No. We agreed that I'll stay safe and you'll stay alive. It just happened that when we're together, we both meet those demands." Enjolras' eyebrows raised incredulously.
"I have been keeping you alive for the past few weeks. You being an overzealous workaholic that you are, when was the last time you slept a full eight hours without my help? When was the last time you had a decent meal that isn't just coffee and bread, without me having to get you off your work?" Enjolras kept silent knowing that he could've been sent to the hospital with fatigue if Eponine hadn't been there.
"You have kept me from sleeping on the streets and that's one of the best things anyone has ever done for me" It was a compelling argument but he couldn't stop picturing Eponine's body contorted and covered in blood. It's a haunting image that he wishes to never see.
"You're unbelievable." Enjolras said. People were looking at them now. Eavesdroppers. He looked out the window and saw Combeferre trying to turn Courfeyrac's gaze from the pair. Combeferre looked at him and gave him a cheeky smile. He knew that he owed his friends an explanation. Oh, the bullying will be worse than ever. If they get to live long enough to bully each other.
Enjolras looked back at Eponine and tried to calm himself. If they were to raise voices now, it would be counterproductive.
"Look Enjolras, there is no point in telling me to stay away from you. You can't decide my choices for me. I choose to stay with you, to be with you. Through all of this." She motioned towards the barricade outside.
Enjolras couldn't look a her. Her steely resolve reassured him that nothing he could say can ever make her leave. Enjolras was both happy and terrified.
"Enjolras, please." she held his chin and guided his face until he was looking at her. Her eyes glowing with that all familiar spark of passion.
"You can say on and on that I've got my whole life ahead of me and I shouldn't waste it dying here. But I would rather die here with you, than live a thousand lifetimes without you." she whispered. Enjolras crashed his lips unto hers right then and there. It wasn't those three words he wanted to her but it was a thousand times better.
He ignored the cheers and hollers from his friends outside and settled with the adorable squeak that came out of Eponine as he kissed her. He pulled away from her and she smirked.
"I guess we have reached an agreement." she said matter-of-factly. Enjolras smiled.
"If you die, I'll kill you." he said to her in warning.
"The same goes for you." she said in return.
The firefight was raging heavily now. The scout they sent was actually Inspector Javert. Gavroche helped them point him out. Another volunteer appeared and was able to warn them about the incoming troops before they could materialize above them on the roofs.
They could hear the footsteps of the marching battalion and Enjolras looked to his right and see Eponine beside him, her hand wrapped in his. He was glad that she was here. If they were to die together this night, then there will be no better way to go. He squeezed her hand once and took to their positions and he saw Eponine on the edge of the barricade with a pistol in her hand.
The garrison arrived and Enjolras wanted to scream when he saw what they brought with them
"Cannons." he heard Marius whisper.
"Now everyone hold your fire." he ordered. "Don't waste your gun powder"
He steadied his breathing and focused. If they could hold us long enough, we would run out of gun powder. He thought to himself. He was driven out of his thoughts when he heard their leader say.
"Who is there?"
Silence ensued for a few moments until he replied.
"French Revolution." He smirked when he heard Eponine comment that he was a smartass, but the smirk was wiped out off his face once the bullets started firing. Chaos went on for a solid fifteen minutes until Marius had an idiotic idea.
"Marius, no!" cried Gavroche as Marius picked up the bucket full of gunpowder.
Enjolras couldn't see Marius as he climbed the barricade, he was too busy slashing the guard that got too close for comfort with a knife.
"Marius." he heard Eponine gasp. When he looked over to where Marius stood he was holding a torch in his hand and it was dangerously close to the bucket filled with explosive material.
"Marius!" he shouted. Marius was in close competition to Grantaire for the most ludicrous man that ever lived, in Enjolras' opinion. He's definitely telling Courfeyrac to guard him, for everyone else's sake.
"And yourself with it?" he heard the guard say to him to call out his bluff.
"And myself with it." Marius replied with certainty.
The air grew thick with tension as both sides stopped fighting. The guard motioned his men to retreat. They backed away to regroup and Enjolras sighed with relief. He walked towards Marius and took the gunpowder away from him. He searched everywhere for Eponine. When he found her leaning against the barricade with a hand to her stomach, his blood turned to ice.
"What have you done?" Marius asked as he saw her.
Enjolras ran to her side. His heart was beating a million miles a minute.
"Combeferre!" he shouted but his bestfriend was already by Eponine's side. She laid down on the floor and the sight of her made bile rise up his throat.
"I'm putting pressure on the wound, Eponine. It might hurt." Combeferre said to her. Enjolras gripped her hand only to find it was gashed by a bullet.
"It's okay. I don't feel anything." Combeferre froze. Enjolras took it as a bad sign. Combeferre pressed on. The volunteer called him.
"Enjolras!" he called.
Enjolras ignored him. He watched as Eponine's eyes started to drift close.
"Keep her conscious Enjolras." Combeferre ordered.
"Eponine." he said softly.
"Stay with me." he pleaded gently.
"I'm sorry I broke the promise." she said, her voice hoarse.
"It's alright." he said. Eponine's grip on him started to wane and he tried praying any god who'll listen that she'll stay safe.
"Enjolras! You need to hear this." the volunteer called to him again.
"You should go." Eponine said to him, her voice barely audible.
"I promised I won't leave you."he replied.
"You won't" she said with a smile.
"It's Bamatabois, Enjolras." he heard Combeferre say and he saw him smile.
"If Bamatabois is here when he is assigned to a barricade on the other side of Paris then..."he thought out loud.
"Go. I'll keep her stable." Combeferre told him. He could hear him keep Eponine conscious. Gavroche approached his sister and he saw the little boy cry.
He walked towards the edge of their makeshift barricade and there stood Bamatabois, his shirt and slacks splattered with blood. The sight made Enjolras' brows raise.
"S'Alright. It's not my blood. Not like her though."He looked where Eponine lied and gave a low whistle. It made Enjolras tighten his fist.
"Surely there's a reason why you came from the other side of Paris other than to stand here and gawk at the injured?" he asked him. There was something in the way he glared at him that made him shuffle his feet and look at the floor.
"Sorry. Didn't think she was that important to you. Is she your mistress?" he asked. Bamatabois had to improve on his lack of tact because Enjolras was this close to punching him in the face.
"You came here to say something. Say it." he said tersely, his voice coated in venom.
"Sorry." the boy said again. "The king's left the country. He's about to cross the Swiss border. Every soldier in you area is regrouping and the king's followers are evacuating with the the king. It'll take a couple of hours to give it the all clear but basically, we won." Enjolras breathed a sigh of relief and felt a boulder was lifted off his shoulders.
"Saint Michel is now functional. Doctors and nurses from all over are gathering there. I came here with my horse but there's an abandoned carriage I passed by a few minutes ago. I can attach my horse to one for you." Bamatabois offered.
Enjolras looked at Eponine now clad in white bandages turning pink. He nodded.
"Thank you Bamatabois." he said.
"Just give me a few minutes." Bamatabois replied. He then rushed off into the street to get the makeshift carriage. Enjolras looked at his friends with joyful faces. They overheard the news.
"We won." Enjolras announced. The men started shouting and the air filled with jubilant shouts. He walked briskly towards Eponine's side. He had no time to celebrate, not yet.
She looked whiter than a sheet and Enjolras wanted to cut up his own veins if it meant that she could have his blood instead.
"Bamatabois has arranged a carriage for us so we could get you to the hospital." Enjolras said.
"Can she make it?" he asked his bestfriend. He watched as Combeferre tried to find the right words to say.
Before Combeferre could speak Bamatabois arrived.
"The carriage is up, are you ready?" he asked.
"Yes. Help me carry her." Combeferre said without replying to Enjolras.
Eponine was light as paper. Enjolras carried her into the carriage and laid her down on the plush but stained seats.
"Hang in there, 'Ponine." he whispered to her ear. He pressed a kiss on her forehead and it was eerily cold.
"I'll try." she whispered.
The carriage started moving and Enjolras cursed the bumpy roads going to Saint Michel.
"Enjolras."Eponine called.
"Yes?"
"I never said..." The carriage jostled and Eponine winced. She gripped her side.
"Eponine, it's alright. I know."
"No, you don't know."
"What do you mean?" Enjolras asked. The carriage stopped and as he looked outside he saw the hospital. Enjolras thanked the heavens.
"Let's talk about it later, yeah?" he said to her. Eponine frowned but kept quiet. He carried her into the hospital and almost everyone was gawking at him. Some were cheering and shouting, glad that they won the battle. Others were tending to the injured and couldn't care less about him at all. Others were hastily whispering and murmuring to each other to who was the girl Enjolras was so desperately hanging on to.
Combeferre spared Enjolras by calling towards his medical professor. One look from the grey haired surgeon was enough to make Enjolras seem hopeful that he can help Eponine. He walked straight towards them and lead them towards an empty cot and Enjolras put Eponine down gently.
"We'll start operating. Please excuse us." he said and he pushed him lightly. He called out a nurse and ordered a specific set of tools to be delivered to him.
"Combeferre" he called out. "I may be in need of you assistance."
He looked towards Enjolras and he gave his golden haired friend a nod.
"If anything happens, you'll be the first to know." Combeferre reassured him. Enjolras watched as his best friend and his professor prepare to save Eponine. There is nothing he can do but wait.
Enjolras was always the more patient one than his friends. Waiting while the love of yourself is nearly bleeding herself to death as doctors operate was a different matter entirely. He waited for what seemed like hours. Hell, he haven't even changed from his blood stained clothes. He could hear the strangers whisper to themselves if it was the Enjolras that was sitting there, with his head in his hands. He knew there would be a flood of meetings, assemblies, and rallies after what has transpired but he couldn't give a damn. He just wanted to know if she's going to make it.
A couple of moments in, Combeferre and his professor finally appeared themselves in front of him. He can't describe the blood in their clothes and it just made his heart palpitate.
"She's out of the woods." announced the doctor. Enjolras relaxed. His arms turning into lead as the exhaustion starts to kick in. She's safe. He stood and made his way towards her room but Combeferre stopped him. His eyes were cold and stern.
"She's asleep and she needs the rest." Combeferre added.
"I won't disturb her. I just need to see her."
"Not like that. You'll scare her when she wakes up and no offense, but you stink." Comebeferr gave Enjolras the once-over. Enjolras looked down on his clothes and thought his friend was right.
"Of course. A change in attire first."
Enjolras was rereading his notes after the general assembly when he heard a tap on the door. It was miraculous for him to be at work and not beside Eponine. Believe me, he had debated upon himself if he were to stay vigil at her side or put all of his problems aside and focus on work. He really wanted to stay by her side. He wanted to be the first person she sees when she wakes up but, the world woudn't stop moving without him. They had won the rebellion but they aren't done yet. People in chaos as they panic on who would be the next one in power and skeptical if that person is just another tyrant. Counterrevolutionaries are another problem entirely. So, Enjolras had to work. Plus, sitting and doing nothing was never Enjolras' strong point. He always strove to be as productive as he can.
Still, Enjolras could never take the eerie sense of foreboding away. No matter how much he worked the image of Eponine's bloodied body kept popping up. He imagined the way her body felt lifeless and her once bright eyes going dim. A shiver went down his spine.
"She's safe. She's safe." He muttered under his breath. There was a tap on his door again, more urgent. He was shaken out of his reverie.
"Come in." he said.
A uniformed guard walked in holding a very angry Gavroche by his right shoulder.
"Citizen Enjolras, this boy claims to be in close relation to you. I highly doubt a boy like him could be associated with you."
"Oi!What'd'ya say to me?!" the boy exclaimed as he wrestled under the guard's grip.
"Nevertheless, he says he will not leave the building until he speaks to you. Say's he's got good news and bad news." Enjolras' eyebrows rose and he looked at Gavroche.
"Let him go. He is a friend of mine." It was the guard's turn to act surprised and his pale cheeks started to turn crimson.
"I am sorry citizen. I did not know."
"I accept your apology, although I believe that you should not be apologizing to me." Gavroche escaped from the guard's hold and as looking at him with a cheeky smile. The guard looked flustered for a moment before he pulled himself together.
He turned towards Gavroche and said "I am sorry Citizen."
"I accept your apology, only if we'll never see each other again." he said.
"Agreed."
The guard then looked at Enjolras and made his way outside the door.
"What a complete asshole." Gavroche stated.
"You came bringing news?" Enjolras said as he stood and gathered his things. He knew what Gavroche was going to say before the words came out of his mouth.
When Gavroche told him that his sister was awake, both of them were already heading out the door.
"And what about the bad news?" he asked to the younger Thenardier.
He watched as Gavroche's face became somber.
"I... Well Ep... I think it's best if she told you herself." he said to him. It was like there was another weight on his shoulder as the previous one was slowly being lifted. What was the problem? Why is everyone dodging to talk about it? Enjolras will figure out soon enough.
He could see Eponine's silhouette. He was just standing outside, watching as she sat upright and held her head in her hands. Enjolras didn't know if she was actually shaking or it was the wind blowing the curtains of her partition. Either way Enjolras stood and observed her. What was wrong? Only one way to find out.
Enjolras called out her name and she froze. Her head lifted and she called out like a lost child.
"Enjolras?" Enjolras rushed into room and he saw her, her abdomen clad in bandages, and she still looked fragile as the day they brought her in.
Enjolras enveloped her in his arms. They gripped each other so tightly that Eponine had to wince before Enjolras loosened his grip. He was still holding her when he said.
"I thought I lost you." His shoulders shook as he cried silently. They both did. They spent the next few moments just holding each other. Reminding each other that they were alive and present. It was Eponine who withdrew her arms.
"Enjolras." she whispered meekly. Enjolras let go and sat on her bed. They were wet tracks on his face and Eponine wiped her thumbs over it. Enjolras closed his eyes and leaned towards her touch.
"I'm alright." she whispered, a sad smile on her face.
Enjolras' eyes furrowed as he took in Eponine's expression. He read her like an open book and she let him.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
Eponine looked away from his inquisitive blue eyes. She gazed at her hands clutching tightly on her sheets, biting her lips.
She winced in pain as she forgot that her hand was injured as well. Enjolras cupped her injured hand in both of his. He raised his right hand to guide her gaze unto his eyes.
"Eponine, tell me." A new batch of tears went down her face and her lower lip trembled as she spoke.
"I...I was with child a month before the barricade...It was yours...and...and I lost it when I got shot and Combeferre told me I could never have children again..." She sobbed in between phrases and she wrapped her arms around herself and buried her head in shame.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Enjolras' voice deathly calm. He was shocked of course, who wouldn't be, but this new revelation just brought everything in a new light.
It took a moment for Eponine to gather herself and reply.
"You were going to fight at the barricade. If you knew, it would be heavier in your heart, or you wouldn't have fought at all." What Eponine said was true. It was all conflicting. He didn't know if he was angry, hurt, or a sickening combination of both. So he sat there and looked at the single lamp lit on her bedside drawer.
"Still, you put yourself in danger even when the risks were doubled."he told her, more like chastised her.
"Don't you dare judge me." She said through gritted teeth. "How was I to know if we would win or end up dying? If you die where would that leave me?"
Enjolras sighed and let a few tears slip as he closed his eyes.
"Until now, you still don't believe in me." he said, he risked a glance at Eponine and he saw her heart break again.
"Don't say that. Enjolras, I-" She reached out to cup his cheek but Enjolras stood abruptly.
"I think it's best if we should spend some time apart." Enjolras said slowly.
"You promised you'll never leave me." she told him.
"Well, you promised to stay safe and look what happened to you!" Enjolras said in a burst of anger. Eponine flinched as he raised his voice and his anger died down as quickly as it rose.
"Eponine I-
"If you wish to leave then do so." Eponine looked away. Enjolras fisted both of his hands and turned away. He tried to ignore Eponine's muffled sobs as he left.
"You're too cruel Enjolras." He heard Combeferre say.
"This is none of your concern." Enjolras chided. He buried himself in his work for three weeks straight. He can't go to sleep for the life of him and all the social interactions he had was with his colleagues. He can't come to the cafe where his friends are, because he knew she was there.
"You hurt her, Enjolras. The moment you left she looked so despondent that she looked more alive when she was bleeding"
"You don't understand Combeferre."
"No you don't understand, Enjolras. She went to the barricade even when she was pregnant so that she could be with you because no matter how confident you seem there is always the uncertainty that all of us we're going to die. If she stayed away and you got killed, it would be utter hell. She has nothing to her name other than the clothes on her back, no family, and no you." Combeferre explained.
"So she didn't tell you that she was pregnant. So what? You weren't betrothed to her Enjolras. Hell, you weren't even an official couple. You kept it secret from all of us. She knew you loved her but both of you live in different worlds. She was afraid you would leave her flat."
"Then how do you know all of this? How could you possibly know how she feels?" Enjolras snapped.
"Because my mother had to beg on her knees to make my father stay when he found out she was pregnant with me." Combeferre deadpanned.
There was a tense silence in the air and Enjolras stood to face Combeferre.
"This is not about the baby. I understand her case, in fact I have started to forgive her. The one thing was that she didn't believe in me. She didn't believe that we could win this battle." Enjolras looked at his feet and he clenched his fists so tight it was turning white.
Combeferre clasped his hand on his shoulders.
"We were going to a war and the only thing certain is uncertainty. Sheloves you Enjolras, more than you know. " and with that Combeferre left.
Hearing it made him feel like a deaf man hearing for the first time. It was soft but he could hear it like a great boom. He almost snapped his neck looking for her. He stopped in his tracks as he saw her. A small smile on her lips. The rays of light from the nearby window made her look like she as glowing. She was wearing a neat and crisp white dress and a navy blue ribbon that wrapped around her middle. Her hair was kept in a braid but a few strands of hair were still hanging, framing her face. Her face was withdrawn and sad. Her eyes were a little sunken. Enjolras' heart almost stopped at the sight of her. He also at the point of rage as he saw Grantaire wrap his arm around her shoulders. He was the one who made her laugh. Enjolras's gut wrenched. He didn't have the right to be angry. He hurt her, badly. But it's not like she didn't hurt him either.
Their eyes met and it took all of him to restrain from going to her. She looked surprised at the sight of him. A worried look spread across her face for a few moments. She gave him a sad smile and a nod. She abruptly looked away, trying to hide her face as a deep frown masked her features.
"You alright?" Graintaire asked as he saw her expression.
Eponine shook her head no and leaned her head on his shoulder. Grantaire gave her a comforting squeeze.
"C'mon." he said and they both left.
Enjolras felt like he was slapped in the face. She moved on. He thought. Of course she moved on, why shouldn't she? Enjolras bit his inner cheek hard enough for it to bleed. He felt that it wasn't fair for her to move on since he hasn't at all. Every night he tosses and turns as he dreams of her warm embrace, her blissful laughter, and her soft kisses. All his dreams end with her body askew and bleeding and all he can do was watch her die. He always wakes up almost screaming and covered in cold sweat, only to see the other side of the bed empty.
Other nights he couldn't sleep at all. Afraid of what his dreams will be. It gives him no comfort since he is bombarded with his thoughts and memories.
He went home but he wasn't sure he could call it that now that she's gone.
He didn't hear the door open and close. He was busying himself with paperwork that he needlessly gave his full attention. He heard someone call his name once and he ignored it, figuring that it was a product of his sleep deprived imagination.
"Enjolras." he heard and this time it was real because he felt a small hand on his shoulders. He looked up and he really wanted for this to not be a dream because there she stood with a warm smile on her face.
"I thought I locked the door." was the only thing he could say, a little terse in fact. Eponine's smile wavered a bit,feeling as if she wasn't wanted. Enjolras chided himself for his tone.
"You did. I just came to return the spare key you gave me." she said and placed the small key on his desk. His eyes never left her face. She changed, somewhat. She looked stronger and brighter. She lost the pallor in her gained a little weight and for that Enjolras was grateful.
Eponine looked at him, feeling the heat of his gaze.
"Are you alright?"she asked.
No. he thought. He lied anyway. "I'm just busy."
"Busy." Eponine repeated in a skeptical tone.
Neither of them acknowledge the elephant in the room. Enjolras hated the cloud of awkwardness that hovered above them. They used to be so comfortable with each other.
"I've been busy too." she said.
"Grantaire?" his mouth slipped and he regretted it the moment he said it.
Eponine scoffed, her eyes widening in anger.
"Journalism. Grantaire offered me a job in his newsletter." she replied curtly. Her arms folded on her chest. She closed her eyes and sighed. Her exhaustion evident.
"Before I leave I want you to hear what I have to say. Let me explain my side of the story." she said. Enjolras was silent and Eponine took it as a sign to continue.
"It was a month before the barricade that I discovered I was pregnant. It was clear to me who was the father, since I have been with no one other than you. I never doubted that you would leave me if you knew." Enjolras was surprised at this.
"What kept me from telling you was that you were going off to fight. You were the leader. If you knew you would have a child everything would've changed. You never thought of your safety, to be honest you are sometimes reckless. So I thought, what if you died and I lived? I was scared and if I told you, you would be too."
Eponine took his hands in hers and looked deep into his eyes.
"I kept the truth from you and I am sorry. I broke my promise and I'm sorry." She said. Her voice broke midsentence and tears started pooling in her eyes.
"I don't know if you'll ever forgive me for hurting you. You probably don't want to see me again but I want you to know this." She cupped his cheek as she said with as much conviction she could muster.
"There was never a day that I didn't believe in you and if I never told you then, I'm going to tell you now. I loved you Enjolras and I still do. I don't think I can ever stop loving you." As the words left her mouth, Enjolras leaned in and kissed her. All te anger, the hurt as the pain seemed to wash away. He stood and held her close, her hands raked his hair and Enjolras was just savoring it. He lifted her in his arms and she giggled. He smiled for the first time in days. He carried her in his bedroom and laid her in his bed. He pulled away and looked at her. Her hair spread out on the sheets, forming a halo over her face. She smiled at him.
"I missed you." he said and Eponine leaned in.
"Me too." she said and kissed him.
It wasn't long until all their clothes were on the floor and their movements synced with the beating of their hearts.
They cuddled next to each other under threadbare blankets. Enjolras' head rested on her chest and his fingers hovered over the scar over her belly. Enjolras placed his palm over it and Eponine felt her heart twist.
"You know I can never give you a family."She said into the night. Enjolras could feel her starting to sob.
"I know." he said. He sat up, leaning on his forearms.
"You deserve one you know. You deserve more than me." she told him. He kissed her and told her when they broke apart.
"I am perfectly happy with you by my side." he said.
"But-"
"Marry me." Enjolras said. Eponine was shocked. She looked at him pensively as if she doubted that what he said was true.
"Enjolras." she called, there was a strain in her voice.
"Please?" he asked in his faux innocent voice. Eponine laughed.
"I'm serious." Enjolras said as he tickled her. Eponine continued laughing.
"It's hard to be serious when you're tickling me. Stop!" Enjolras stopped and Eponine caught her breath.
When her laughter died down, Enjolras took her hand in his. He puled her closer, their foreheads touching. He looked into her eyes and saw that familiar glint. He smiled.
"Will you marry me?" he asked. Eponine sighed and closed her eyes.
"I can't give you children." she said.
"I don't care. We can adopt."
"You say that now but I don't want you to wake up twenty years from now and feel unhappy with me."
"Impossible."
Eponine smiled.
"I promised I'll never leave you and I am a man of my word."
Eponine shoved him playfully but her face broke with hurt for a fraction of a second. Too soon he thought. He sat up, resting on his knees.
"You left me at the hospital."
"And for that I am sorry." he said with all sincerity. "Right now, I am renewing my promise." Eponine raised a brow.
"I promise I'll never leave you." he said.
Eponine smiled and leaned in to kiss him.
"And I'll never leave you."she promised.
"Is that a yes?"
She nodded and he kissed her with fervor.
A/N: This was fun to write.I am really sorry for being bad at updating but rest assured, RYOMS chapter 3 and RA 4 is on the works. Read and Review. :)
P.S. I am not happy with the ending but I am so eager for you all to read this that I MUST postit. I think I'm going to add something if I could come up something better.