I've always enjoyed stories revolving around "Resolutions", and thought I would do a post episode story to add my thoughts on how it could have had a J/C ending that all of us shippers could enjoy. Like some of my other stories, this one is conversation based in order to delve a bit into the underlying aspects. This particular focus is one I haven't seen yet, though I can't profess to have read all "Resolutions" stories written to date. I hope you all enjoy this one.
Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
One week. That was what had been going through Kathryn Janeway's mind all morning. It had been one week since she and Chakotay had been "rescued" from their planetary "prison" of New Earth. Of course it hadn't been a prison, and she had come to see it for the paradise it genuinely was by the time Voyager had returned, had in fact been thinking of it in that way for some time by then. Now she was back to her old life and responsibilities as the Captain of the Federation Starship Voyager. One week ago she had unilaterally told Chakotay that the budding romance between them, that had begun when he told her the Angry Warrior legend, was finished as she could not have a relationship with a member of her crew. Protocol forbade it.
One week. For one week she'd been attempting to become the Captain she was before her time with Chakotay on New Earth. During that week she'd come to find that it wasn't what she wanted. She was lonely, too obsessed, and frustrated at the rather banal sameness in the routine which allowed for little variation. Each night when she would return to her quarters alone, she would slump her shoulders when the door slid shut behind her and another lonely evening of boring reports and work continued. It had to stop, and she wasn't sure how to change it. That was why she was waiting for Tuvok to come to a private meeting. She wanted more from her life in the Delta Quadrant, and she wanted his guidance on what she was seriously considering. The door sensor beeped, letting her know that Tuvok was here and she called out for him to come in.
"Captain," Tuvok said as he entered, a couple of PADDs in his hands. He wasn't exactly sure what this meeting was about so he had brought his latest security reports and recommendations with him so he would be as prepared as possible.
"Please have a seat, Tuvok," she told him as she stood and went to the replicator, ordering some coffee for her, and some Vulcan Tea for him. When she returned to the desk, she poured them each a glass of their individual beverage. "I need to discuss something with you in the strictest confidence, Tuvok," she said after a deep sip of her coffee.
"Of course, Captain," Tuvok acknowledged.
"It's a combination of personal and professional, Tuvok," she informed him. She took a deep breath. This was difficult. As much as she valued Tuvok's counsel, she knew that the question she was going to be asking was something that he would be conflicted on. His rigid views of protocol and regulations, due to his logic, were even more staunch than her own in most cases.
Tuvok had a suspicion as to what this was about. She had not said so in so many words, but she was upset with him for having disobeyed her orders in regards to contacting the Vidiians, and he was quite certain that she had ended whatever personal relationship may have been developing between herself and Commander Chakotay. The visible strain was very evident in her to one who knew her as well as Tuvok, and he had been concerned when he first noticed it, and to a lesser degree in Commander Chakotay, who he was not as adept at reading as he was Captain Janeway.
"I need to ask you about the possibility of a relationship between myself and Commander Chakotay," she set out directly. She could not see any change in Tuvok's countenance.
"Such a relationship as you imply would be against regulations and command protocol," Tuvok pointed out, not wanting to state the obvious, but knowing that any discussion must proceed from that foundation.
Janeway nodded. "I realize that, Tuvok, and I put an end to whatever was developing on that planet when you contacted us," she revealed. "But I think I was wrong to do so."
"Indeed," Tuvok remarked.
"You have to admit that the regulations in question weren't designed for these kinds of circumstances, Tuvok," she observed, not necessarily believing in that specific argument, but making it nonetheless in order to set out some focus for the discussion.
"If you believe that to be the case, I must point out that I may not be the logical one to be having this discussion with," he countered. "Assuming you are looking for someone to agree with that line of reasoning."
"I'm not sure what I'm looking for," she admitted. She sighed. "I know you are fully aware of how I have spent a couple of my shore leaves in the last two years we've been in the Delta Quadrant," she observed with a raised brow.
Tuvok nodded. He knew that on two occasions for sure and he strongly suspected on a third, that Captain Janeway had sought out male companionship for a night of sexual pleasure while on shore leave. He was well aware of the human need for sexual gratification, and the salutary effects, both emotionally and physically, on a human's health, so he did not have a problem with her activities. It was out of character for her, but she was right in pointing out that the circumstances Voyager found herself in were unique.
"I won't apologize for wanting to fulfill my needs," she continued. "There is, though, a certain void, if you will, in such encounters. Physical intimacy, while very pleasurable, is not what I am really desirous of. I want a relationship with a companion who will not only be a lover, but also someone I can enjoy spending time with and sharing my emotional needs with."
"And you believe that Commander Chakotay will be able to provide you with that," Tuvok surmised logically.
"Putting the physical intimacy issue aside, he proved that very much on the planet we were on, Tuvok," Kathryn revealed. "I don't ask you to understand the concept from a human standpoint, but I did indeed fall in love with him. I also believe that he would not allow a relationship with me to interfere in either of our duties to the ship and crew."
Tuvok was forced to agree with that last. Commander Chakotay, from what Tuvok had observed both on the Maquis ship Liberty and here on Voyager, was a dedicated officer who took his responsibilities seriously, and his role in protecting the crew even more seriously. None of that was in question in his mind.
"I'm asking you to put aside the regulations and protocol for one moment, Tuvok, and give me a logical answer to whether a relationship could work between Commander Chakotay and myself, given the specific circumstances Voyager is in, and the likely duration of the journey ahead of us," she requested. She slightly blushed for one moment, but added one final afterthought. "I also have one final reason for this, though it is secondary as opposed to my genuine feelings for Chakotay. I don't want to hurt him, and when I told him we could not be together on Voyager, I know he was hurt by that."
"So Commander Chakotay shares your feelings," Tuvok surmised, though he was not at all surprised.
"I am quite sure he does," Kathryn replied, hiding a small smile. Chakotay's feelings were not in question if his reaction on New Earth was anything to go by.
"While not understanding the emotional underpinnings of the human need for companionship, physical or otherwise, I am able to answer your question under the parameters you've set out," Tuvok said finally, after giving the matter some thought. "I believe that a relationship between yourself and the Commander would be for the best, for both of you. From what I have heard in passing, the crew on the whole would like to see the two of you begin a relationship, and the improvement in morale on a ship wide basis would be a positive result."
Kathryn chuckled. "I'm not proposing taking Chakotay as a lover simply to improve the crew's morale," she chided teasingly.
"Indeed not," Tuvok agreed. "I was simply pointing out that worry regarding the crews reaction is without foundation. As for the benefits to yourself, and also to Commander Chakotay, it would be beneficial as well, considering the human need for emotional companionship. The two of you are well suited for such a relationship."
"What about as a command team?" she asked seriously. That was one aspect she was especially concerned about. The crew may well approve, but that didn't lessen the serious impact that such a relationship could have on their command.
"Neither of you has demonstrated a lack of ability when faced with difficulties as a command team, and the closer personal relationship may well improve communications between you on issues of significance," Tuvok surmised. He decided to be honest. "I believe, however, that the regulations are what they are, Captain, regardless of the circumstances. Are you sure that you wish to risk what could ensue if we find ourselves back in the Alpha Quadrant much sooner than we anticipate?"
Kathryn sighed, having known that while it was likely that he would agree with her conclusion within the parameters she set, he would also not agree when the parameters were removed and the original constraints were back in place. But he'd given her the answers she was looking for.
"We both know the unlikelihood of that, Tuvok," she said sadly. She wanted nothing more than to get the crew home in a short time so they could enjoy their lives with their families and loved ones, but she was also a realist when in private. "I think the risk is worth it, if for no other reason than the fact that I don't want to look back thirty or forty years from now and see that the only real life I had for all of those years was seeking out one night stands on shore leaves for some kind of reaffirmation that I'm a human woman with needs and desires. Can you support my decision to try and make a relationship with Chakotay?"
Tuvok was a good officer, but he was also a loyal friend who genuinely cared about those he served with. He did the only thing he could in this situation. "I will support you, and if the need should arise, I would willingly support your actions if the Admiralty were to question me on this," he told her.
"Then I think that I need to speak with Chakotay about this, and also try and make amends somehow for hurting him like I did a week ago," she said as she stood up. "Was he on the Bridge when you came to the Ready Room?"
"He was in his office at the time and I left Lt. Paris in charge of the Bridge," Tuvok informed her.
"Then I'll go and see him there," Kathryn decided. "I don't want us disturbed for anything short of a Red Alert for the rest of our duty shifts today. We'll be back on duty tomorrow on Alpha Shift."
"Understood," Tuvok acknowledged as they walked through the Ready Room doors and onto the Bridge.
Kathryn crossed to the First Officer's office which was on the Bridge just off the Briefing Room. She could just use her override codes and enter, but she was not that way unless emergencies warranted it. A discussion about forming an intimate relationship, while certainly welcome, was not an emergency. She pressed the announcing buzzer and entered when he gave the okay. Walking in, she found him at work with a stack of PADDs that was as high as the stack on her desk. He routinely went over the next days paperwork as a first review before she went through them for final approval. His summaries were some of the best she'd ever come across and she'd never been ill advised from them.
"Captain," Chakotay stood when he saw who it was. He was having trouble referring to her as Captain again, but he was getting there.
Kathryn saw the barely disguised tension in his jaw as he said her rank, and her feelings of shame at hurting him like she had washed over her once more. She motioned him to sit back down as she took a seat in front of his desk. His office was smaller than hers, though it was still of decent size and comfortable. Perhaps when the conversation was finished, they could move over to the medium sized couch and talk about the future. That was assuming he still wanted her after what she put him through with her adamant proclamation of protocol.
"I've just had a talk with Tuvok," she began, a little nervous as she was still a small measure unsure of whether what she had decided to do was the right thing. The ideas and views she'd held for so long with respect to protocol and being a Captain were very ingrained.
Chakotay couldn't resist when he heard that. "Taking him to task for disregarding your orders about the Vidiians?" he asked. It wasn't an unfair question, though he had to be honest with himself and admit that there was a certain bitterness in him over what the Vulcan had done.
Kathryn sighed. "No, but I should," she admitted. She hadn't verbally reprimanded Tuvok, though she had placed his actions on report in his permanent personnel file and sent a copy to him so he would know she was taking the transgression seriously, though she understood the reasons behind Tuvok's actions. She had chosen not to address the crews actions in confronting Tuvok, since she had to admit that Tuvok had been placed in a position that he was not prepared for, since command of a regular Starfleet crew was one thing, but a mixed crew like Voyager's was difficult even for experienced command officers. Flexibility was the key to such a command, she was now fully realizing, and Vulcan's by nature were not terribly flexible, though Tuvok was a superb officer.
"Something about this past week and settling back in?" Chakotay asked seriously now. If Kathryn was having problems, then he hoped that she would be willing to share with him as he was the First Officer, as well as a good friend.
"You could say that," she replied. Leaning forward, she looked at him intently. "Have you ever made some decisions that felt right when you made them, but they didn't when put into practice?"
Chakotay chuckled. "More times than I can count," he admitted openly. "It's the nature of what we do. We maintain a good facade for the well being and confidence of the crew, but were hardly perfect, Kathryn."
"True, but when we act on fairly sound views of regulations, the feelings I'm talking about shouldn't be there, should they?" she asked. She was avoiding the actual subject, though she knew that it would come up in another moment or two.
"I don't know," he mused. "I can think of any number of regulations that we follow on board ship that have no relation to particular circumstances. That's why I'm not so passively willing to simply defer to regulations as you are."
She took a deep breath. "I think I made a serious mistake, Chakotay," she told him, a serious look on her face. "Tuvok doesn't think so, professionally, but I think I did and want to correct that mistake. I told you that we have to end whatever was developing on New Earth." She saw the slightly pained expression on his face when she mentioned what she'd done, and now felt even more sure of what she was doing now. "Even though I still think I was right on the regulations, I don't want to be alone for the next seventy years or so."
Chakotay was surprised at this sudden change, but he also knew that there were a number of different interpretations of the idea of alone that she could be referring to. She could, for example, be simply referring to an emotional connection, leaving the physical side of a serious relationship out of the mix.
"Exactly what are you referring to?" he asked carefully.
She knew that it was a legitimate question, and decided to be very honest. "I assume you know how I've spent some of my shore leaves since we landed in the Delta Quadrant," she said with a raised brow, almost daring him to deny it. She knew that he was very observant, and was able to tell how she had spent those specific shore leaves, though he was too much of a gentleman to have said anything to her about it. His concern would have been well founded as he would have been making inquiries on the basis of her safety considering she was the Captain of Voyager.
Chakotay nodded, not trusting himself to say anything. He couldn't claim to be any better than her as he had spent a few shore leaves like that, too, in the last couple of years.
"I'm not one for casual, anonymous sex, Chakotay, but then again, I am a woman with needs," she explained, though she was sure that he understood. "I don't want the sum of my life out here for the next forty to seventy years to amount to a number of shore leave trysts with some guys who I picked up for a night."
"There is the holodeck," Chakotay pointed out, though he didn't want to be a voice of reason in this as he was someone with a somewhat vested interest in how this turned out.
Kathryn chuckled. "I experimented with holosex when I was a younger officer and never really enjoyed it too much," she revealed. "It really only a very sophisticated dildo when it comes right down to it, and if I'm going to use a sex toy, I'd rather it be in my own bed, not a holodeck."
"If you're so concerned about regulations, then it is a viable alternative," he countered, trying to let her know that while he wasn't happy with her stance a week before, he understood. He'd kick himself, though, if she decided that it was indeed the better option and put the kibosh on this once again.
"In a practical sense, yes," she agreed, "but that's only in the practical. It's the intangibles, though, that I want. I want a man I can come to when things are not going well and talk to him, let him hold me, and share my thoughts with. I also want a man that I can make love to before going to sleep, and wake up next to in the morning and make love again before going on duty. Did I mention that I enjoy morning sex?" she added with a wink. She wanted him to know that she had made up her mind, but also to reveal some things about herself.
"I'll keep that in mind," Chakotay smiled.
"Did I ruin whatever chance we may have had when I turned you down a week ago?" she asked seriously.
"I would have to be a pretty shallow person to let one mistake, or possible mistake, foreclose any possibility of a relationship with someone," he answered. "You made a decision you felt obligated to make. I can disagree with the decision, but I can't fault the motivations behind it, Kathryn."
"Then I guess the only question I have left is, do we try this?" she asked. She smiled, knowing what his answer was going to be.
"Do you really have to ask?" he turned it around.
"No," she admitted as she reached over and took one of his large hands in her own, admiring the contrast in skin tone. "I gave Tuvok the Bridge for the rest of the day, so do you have any ideas on how we can spend our time?" she asked with a wicked half grin. She knew full well what she wanted to do with him the rest of the day, and most of the night, if he was up for it, but she was willing to let him have some say in this.
"I don't know," he said, gesturing to the good sized stack of PADDs on his desk. "I've only just got started on these for you for tomorrow, and I'd hate to have our new 'understanding' get in the way of all this work."
"Consider this a temporary reprieve, then," she told him as she stood, keeping his hand in hers as she made her way around his desk to stand close to him. She leaned over to speak into his ear in a stage whisper. "But don't get too used to it. We still have a ship to run on the ordinary day."
"Yes, Ma'am," he said with a grin, enjoying the slight crinkling of her brows as she heard the hated term. "Not crunch time yet?" he asked impishly.
"I'll let you know when it is," she told him as she stood straight. She tapped her comm badge with her free hand. "Computer, site to site transport for Commander Chakotay and myself to the Captain's quarters, then delete any record of this transport. Authorization Janeway Pi Alpha Six." She got an impish grin herself as she reached down and placed her hand firmly on his perfect ass just as the transporter beam took hold. Definitely a good decision she'd made that day.
A/N: This is just a short break from A New Mission, and I have a new chapter of that story about half completed. This was a nice interlude to look at the aftermath of one of my favorite episodes.