Disclaimer: George Lucas owns practically
everything in this story, except the plot.
Acknowledgements: Jesus, Padawan Nik-ka,
Samantha, My bro and sis, Orin, Ginger Ninja, Bessie, my parents, and Panther.
Note: This fic follows TPM somewhat, but
Obi doesn't take Anakin as his Padawan immediately after Qui-gon's death.
Chapter 1: Shadow
Obi-wan buried his head in his
hands. He couldn't believe Qui-gon was
gone. He just couldn't believe it. He had tried, countless times, to tell
himself that Qui-gon was coming back, but he knew he couldn't bluff himself
forever. The void in the Bond reminded
him of that.
"He's dead!"
Obi-wan told himself fiercely. There
was nothing he could do about it. Not
now, not ever again. And it hurt to
know that he had been responsible for Qui-gon's death, or at least partly.
Obi-wan forced
back tears – he was too old to be crying like a baby. Even though it hurt. It
hurt so much, Obi-wan just wanted to retreat into himself and remember only the
happy memories. It didn't work. It hadn't worked for the past week following
his Master's death.
Master, where
are you now? Obi-wan cried out in his mind.
But Qui-gon wasn't coming back, he knew. It didn't seem fair, that Qui-gon had to die. Qui-gon, who had trained and guided Obi-wan,
preparing him for Knighthood. It didn't
seem fair that he would never see his Apprentice Knighted, would never share
Obi-wan's joy in that long-awaited moment.
They had Knighted
him for bravery in the fight. What
bravery? Obi-wan wondered, but he
had suffered the ceremony, speaking only when he had to. He had hoped for this for years, but when it
finally came, he wasn't ready for it.
In all his dreams for the future, he had seen Qui-gon standing beside
him. Now that Qui-gon was gone, Obi-wan
didn't know how he'd face the future anymore.
Everywhere he
went, concerned glances were cast in his direction. Nobody probed, but he could feel their burning desire to help
him, to comfort him, somehow. Obi-wan
knew he didn't want their sympathy. His
Master was dead. He just wanted some
time to himself. To face the truth, and
to ask himself whether he could really be a Jedi Knight, and carry the honour
of having been Qui-gon's Padawan, or whether he would be better off doing
something else.
Obi-wan got to his
feet, grabbed a few items that he would need – extra clothes, medpac, torch,
credits, the river stone Qui-gon had given to him as a birthday gift. Then, he reached for his lightsabre. No, Qui-gon's lightsabre. It didn't feel familiar in his hands, but it
reassured him. Obi-wan held it tightly
in his hand as he left his quarters. He
couldn't take it with him, wherever he was going. Because he might not ever be coming back.
He walked down the
empty corridors to Bant's quarters. She
wasn't there, but he put the lightsabre down on the ground, outside her
door. Then, he folded the note he'd
written for her earlier, and clipped it to the lightsabre. Bant would understand, Obi-wan knew, but he
also knew that she would be hurt, because he had rejected her efforts to
comfort him.
Obi-wan turned
away resolutely from the door. He had
made up his mind, and he had to go, or he'd never leave. As he travelled the familiar route to
entrance of the Temple, memories rushed at him, but he brushed them aside. This might be the last time he was ever
going to walk these passages again.
Obi-wan found it hard to leave, but yet he wanted to leave.
He didn't know
what to do anymore. And he wasn't even
sure he wanted to be a Jedi anymore.
All he knew, was that he wanted to escape from the pain.
Obi-wan stepped
out into the bright roads of Coruscant, the door to the Jedi Temple – and order
– closing shut behind him. Whether it
remained shut or would re-open, he didn't know …
Please tell me what you think. If it's not good, then I won't continue.
