1 My Brother's Heart
Take (4/26/98)
Disclaimers
Takemi's mine.
**yaoi implications**
I love my brother. He's always been there for me, the steadying rock in my existence. Other's have come and gone from our lives…friends, enemies, lovers. But he…he's always remained constant.
Not long ago, he was shot by a hunter and fled to the Ningenkai, his soul taking refuge in a human body. He was reborn as Minamino Shuuichi, but still my niichan at heart. In the years he's spent as a human, I watched as he learned how to truly feel for others, not just the select few he allowed into his heart as a youko.
I know he claims that as a youko, he was cold and ruthless. But could someone truly cold care for me the way he has always done? His heart has been there, waiting, just burned-hidden behind a wall of thorns…hurt, bleeding from the betrayals and lies that are so much a part of a youkai's life. As the son of the human woman Shiori, his gentler side was able to grow…so I can't say I'm all that sad that he was wounded. He got to live the life he deserved, as full of friends and laughter as his past was of enemies and tears. And yet, he was still alone.
Then one day he came to visit, his eyes totally happy, the shadows gone for once. And I knew. Niichan was in love. I'd hoped that he'd find someone for so long now…someone who would love him unconditionally despite his awesome reputation and his faults…who would look beyond them to the beautiful creature beneath. It was almost too good to be true.
I kept silent; I knew that he'd tell me when he was ready. It was with a certain apprehension that he did so; he was afraid that I'd object. Why? I asked him. You are in love with his soul – why should it matter what body it is in? Does he love you? I asked. And he looked away, unable to meet my eyes.
It hurt me to have him come to me for a while after that…I have never liked seeing my brother in pain. His control would be hanging by a thread on some nights. There were times when I would just hold him as he cried; the one he loved didn't return his feelings. How do you know? I asked. He just knew. Wouldn't he have been treated differently – or at least been shown some sign if he felt otherwise?
Tell him, I suggested. You'll never know how he feels unless you tell him how you feel. Still he held off, memories of the past freezing the words in his throat…memories of pain received when he dared to open his heart fully. And then the one he loved went back to the Makai. Those were the hardest times, I think. Niichan was so lost, so lonely. I don't think he'd ever felt so alone in all his life.
Niichan is human now; he feels as one, with that intensity of theirs that characterizes their short lives. He is not infallible, nor as cool as everyone thinks…he is subject to the same emotions as the rest of us…more so, now. I offered him what comfort I could; he cried in front of me, and I would not abuse this act of trust. Perhaps he would cry for another, one day.
He came back a few nights later and gave me the first smile of happiness that I had seen in a long time. He'd finally told him, this 'Hiei', of his feelings. To his surprise, he'd found that he had been loved from afar for nearly as long as he'd loved.
I want to meet the youkai who is more than half my brother's junior. Who is this boy, younger than I, who has managed to touch my brother's heart? But I am content; I will meet him when the time is right and no sooner. Niichan is happy, and that is all that matters.
Be happy, my brother.
_____
Owari
Take (4/26/98)
Disclaimers
Takemi's mine.
**yaoi implications**
I love my brother. He's always been there for me, the steadying rock in my existence. Other's have come and gone from our lives…friends, enemies, lovers. But he…he's always remained constant.
Not long ago, he was shot by a hunter and fled to the Ningenkai, his soul taking refuge in a human body. He was reborn as Minamino Shuuichi, but still my niichan at heart. In the years he's spent as a human, I watched as he learned how to truly feel for others, not just the select few he allowed into his heart as a youko.
I know he claims that as a youko, he was cold and ruthless. But could someone truly cold care for me the way he has always done? His heart has been there, waiting, just burned-hidden behind a wall of thorns…hurt, bleeding from the betrayals and lies that are so much a part of a youkai's life. As the son of the human woman Shiori, his gentler side was able to grow…so I can't say I'm all that sad that he was wounded. He got to live the life he deserved, as full of friends and laughter as his past was of enemies and tears. And yet, he was still alone.
Then one day he came to visit, his eyes totally happy, the shadows gone for once. And I knew. Niichan was in love. I'd hoped that he'd find someone for so long now…someone who would love him unconditionally despite his awesome reputation and his faults…who would look beyond them to the beautiful creature beneath. It was almost too good to be true.
I kept silent; I knew that he'd tell me when he was ready. It was with a certain apprehension that he did so; he was afraid that I'd object. Why? I asked him. You are in love with his soul – why should it matter what body it is in? Does he love you? I asked. And he looked away, unable to meet my eyes.
It hurt me to have him come to me for a while after that…I have never liked seeing my brother in pain. His control would be hanging by a thread on some nights. There were times when I would just hold him as he cried; the one he loved didn't return his feelings. How do you know? I asked. He just knew. Wouldn't he have been treated differently – or at least been shown some sign if he felt otherwise?
Tell him, I suggested. You'll never know how he feels unless you tell him how you feel. Still he held off, memories of the past freezing the words in his throat…memories of pain received when he dared to open his heart fully. And then the one he loved went back to the Makai. Those were the hardest times, I think. Niichan was so lost, so lonely. I don't think he'd ever felt so alone in all his life.
Niichan is human now; he feels as one, with that intensity of theirs that characterizes their short lives. He is not infallible, nor as cool as everyone thinks…he is subject to the same emotions as the rest of us…more so, now. I offered him what comfort I could; he cried in front of me, and I would not abuse this act of trust. Perhaps he would cry for another, one day.
He came back a few nights later and gave me the first smile of happiness that I had seen in a long time. He'd finally told him, this 'Hiei', of his feelings. To his surprise, he'd found that he had been loved from afar for nearly as long as he'd loved.
I want to meet the youkai who is more than half my brother's junior. Who is this boy, younger than I, who has managed to touch my brother's heart? But I am content; I will meet him when the time is right and no sooner. Niichan is happy, and that is all that matters.
Be happy, my brother.
_____
Owari