Disclaimer: Once upon a time there was a narrator who took it upon herself to screw up every story she could get her hands on. With complete and utter disregard for the opinions of others, authors and fans alike, she made it her mission to corrupt any good plot line or character development she had the means to. With the help of her tech-savvy computer and her skills of destroying anything she put her mind to, she quickly set to work on annoying the crap out of everybody. These are her stories.

The clouds were low in the sky, the threat of rain eminent in Domino City. Yugi stared out the window, gazing longingly into the fog. "Rainbow," he sighed discontentedly, "I'd sell my soul for a rainbow right now."

"Yugi-chan!" Kaiba squealed, fluttering into the room with a hot platter of freshly-baked cookies resting in his bare hands. "I made you cookies, Tenshi!"

Yugi farted loudly. Without turning around, he smashed his face against the glass and began making obscene noises with his mouth and tongue.

Kaiba giggled and set the platter on the floor. "I'll go get you some milk," he smiled, skipping out of the room as the flesh on his hands smoldered.

In the living room, Tèa and Joey were fornicating on the couch while Tristan slept on top of the TV, curled around the antennae like a cat.

Joey panted as a large blood vessel burst in his forehead, splattering Tèa with bodily fluid. She licked the blood off of her nose before proceeding to lick Joey's entire face.

Just then, Mokuba burst in through the front door. "Yugi, help! I can't find Seto. I think he got kidnapped or something." When Yugi continued to make out with the window, Mokuba shook him firmly.

"Hey, get a life, kid!" Yugi snapped, yanking out of his grasp, "I'm trying to demolish this barrior between me and the outside."

Mokuba tilted his head 45 degrees to the right. "Um, Yugi, are you okay? You seem a little confused."

Yugi stomped his feet on the floor in a hissy-fit. "I just wanna go outside! I'm tired of being stuck in here with all these annoying idiots. Can't you see I'm just a boy looking for a way out? I'm falling to pieces."

Mokuba backed away from him uneasily. "Yugi, I think you need a doctor. Let me just use your phone." He turned into the living room, but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the graphic sex-act of the stark-naked couple on the sofa. "Holy crap!" he exclaimed, covering his eyes and stumbling away. "What's going on here?"

Tristan awoke at the sudden exclamation. His head popped up and searched the room with glowing, red eyes. He hissed a feral hiss upon seeing Mokuba. "Oh boy. Fresh meat!" He hopped to the floor, landing on all four paws, and dashed into the game shop, tackling Mokuba and digging into his supple, pouting flesh with his long, penetrating fangs.

Mokuba cried out in pain and fought the Tristan-Neko off. "Seto! Help me!"

At his name, Seto rushed into the room. With a psychotically chipper smile, he tore the Neko off his brother and tossed him at the window, shattering it on impact, which sliced Yugi's tongue severely. "Be a good kitty and play outside for a while," Seto chirped.

"Seto," Mokuba cried, throwing himself into his brother's arms, "I don't understand what's happening. Why is everybody acting so weird?"

"Because we're in a fanfic, sugar," Seto explained cheerily, wiping the blood off of Mokuba's face with his charred hands.

"Seto, what's wrong with your hands?!" he jerked away from the older boy. "You're acting really weird, and you look really weird, and I'm afraid someone messed with your brain."

Seto turned his head upside-down. "Moki, darling, I'm fabulous. I'm the same big bro you've always loved."

Mokuba started crying, backing into a wall.

A car smashed through the wall, sending Yugi flying across the room. Out of the door sprang a young girl with long, burgundy hair. "Tèa!" she screeched, fly-tackling the mass of jumbled appendages on the untouched couch. The couple stood up and fought her off.

"Serenity? Why are you here?" Tèa asked in a heartbroken voice.

"I love you, Tèa. You belong with me. Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you?"

Joey punched Serenity in the face. "She's my girl, understand?"

Tèa picked him up by his ear and threw him across the room. She cradled Serenity in her arms, then carried her out of one of the various holes in the plot – I mean, wall.

"I'm so confused!" Mokuba cried. He jumped as the phone suddenly rang behind him. Answering it, he exclaimed, "Send an ambulance, quick!"

"I need to speak to Kaiba," a harsh voice replied.

"He's not well. Something insane is going on here, and I need help. Please help my big bro."

"Damn, she's got them too," he heard her mumble on the other line. "Mokuba, right? Listen to me: Stop whatever you're doing, grab your brother, and jump into the green portal to your right."

"Do what?!" he asked, but the dial tone was the only thing to answer him. At that moment, a glowing, green vortex appeared in the wall beside him. Feeling very desperate and scared, Mokuba grabbed Seto and pulled him into the vortex.

Captain's Log: Star Date 14478365: We concluded our mission with a nap.

The End