I don't love her. She keeps repeating the words in her head until it becomes a song, a sad tune filled with a ringing jealousy and masked love, but more than that it's filled with a deeper truth, one that she has been denying since freshman year; all she can do is hum along and try to forget the heartbreak inside her chest that is beyond repair.
Applying her make up, she stares at her reflection, unable to decide whether she's trying to cover up her insecurities or hide from everyone outside. She decides that maybe when she finds the courage, she will be able to admit to both.
She smacks her lips, putting on another fake smile as she lets out a heavy sigh. Just by looking at her no one can tell that she's broken, no one can see the fragments of her soul slowly dissolving with each moment, trying so desperately to feel something, anything other than the loneliness that seems to be devouring her.
She has been more bitchy than usual, which she didn't even think was possible, but it gets worse. She has found her time consumed by ruining relationships because she can, and isn't that the saddest thing? Ruining someone else's happiness because you're unhappy?
She told everyone about sleeping with Finnocence and went even further as to rubbing it in Rachel's face. Seeing the tears form in Rachel's eyes as if her love had been stolen from her grasp. If she stared long enough she could probably see her shattered heart, a heart that would probably mirror her own. She felt satisfied. If she couldn't be happy than why should anyone else be?
This week she managed to break up Barbie and Ken, which made her feel a little proud, mostly because they were just the perfect couple with their constant smiling and singing to each other. It made her want to vomit. But they weren't as perfect as they had led on since she found the chink in Sam's armor.
Sam was much like herself. He didn't want to be a loser and he didn't want his popularity to drift from his grasp. So using that as ammunition, she sparked the argument. The cheerios were forced to choose between Glee and the squad, of course Quinn being the perfect little angel, she chose Glee. This was her chance to stir the pot. She took the opportunity to tell Sam his popularity would slowly wither away when his girlfriend had no status at the school anymore, and he ate it up like a fresh bag of Doritos.
Sam and Quinn broke up that week, not even Sam's failed attempt at a Justin Bieber song could win Quinn back, which was surprising because Quinn usually liked anything cheesy being sung to her. Before Sam could even decide on his next attempt to win Quinn over, she pounced.
Sam is changing in the locker room after football practice. He hears the other guys whistling and chanting and doesn't think much of it until Santana Lopez is standing in front of him, her eyebrow cocked and a devilish smile across her face. She turns back to glare at the other guys in the locker room, the universal sign around school to leave the perimeter around her. Sam is mostly confused, but he decides to say something anyways, "Well, the girls locker room is over there." He says with a small chuckle. Santana only rolls her eyes and leans closer to him, "No kidding, Sherlock. Maybe if you told better jokes Quinn would still be in your arms" She says with an all too familiar snappiness that Sam didn't seem surprised by.
Sam only looked down. He was a bit hurt, but who wasn't when Santana opened her mouth, "So what do you want anyways, you haven't spoken to me since... like I moved here." It makes her think that maybe she hasn't spoken directly at him, but she sure has spoken of him. In fact everyone has, and it seems Sam is on top of the food chain and of course she wants a piece of that popular meat. "Listen, I know I maybe haven't spoken to you since you moved here but..." She steps even closer to him, the sway of her hips commanding his full attention as she batts her eyes and her fingers slowly trail down his smooth chest, "Trust me we don't need to do any talking." If there was one thing Santana did well it was the art of seducing and she thought that Sam would be more than willing to play along since she knew for a fact Quinn never put out, being the typical good christian girl that she was. After all Quinn probably didn't want to take any chances of having another baby, or at least that's what she had concluded.
Surprisingly Sam took a step back, as if he had to be away from her in order to resist her, "Um, I don't think that's a good idea." And as the words leave his lips he sees something in Santana's eyes, something he thinks no one ever has. He saw a fragment of her sadness deep within those brown hues. She didn't seem hurt by his rejection, but she seemed more hurt by the simple idea of loving someone enough to keep fighting for them by resisting temptation. Because Santana didn't do that for Brittany. She left the battle and let wheels take her from her arms, and then she went running back to Puck because at least with Puck she knew there wasn't commitment, but even now Puck had been rejecting her.
She was so broken and lonely and desperate for anyone and Sam could tell. He thinks that anyone could tell if they stared at her long enough because the pieces of her heart were scattered, and even though she put up a tough exterior, when she let her guard down, she was just a girl. She wasn't the queen bitch or the hot cheerleader. She was just a girl, a girl who was subject to heartache, just like everyone else.
He lets out a sigh, "You know you didn't have to get a boob job to get people to notice you... you could just smile and, I don't know, maybe avoid insults." Santana didn't know why Sam was always so nice to her, and by nice she usually meant he didn't partake in calling her a bitch or objectifying her. That was why Quinn probably liked him so much. He was sweet and kind even though he was a bit of a nerd since she did happen to notice he was wearing star wars boxers.
"I didn't get a boob job because I wanted people to notice me." She said with her arms crossed, but a frown forming on her delicate features, "... I got it so that she would notice me." The last part was more of a whisper, but Sam still heard it as her eyes drifted to the floor losing the stone cold look it usually contained. Sam was taken aback by her. Maybe there was more to Santana Lopez than everyone thought there was, and maybe she was so desperate for someone to know who she was that she went straight to the only guy who didn't have a preconceived idea of her... or maybe Santana was just really good at getting what she wanted that she would pretend to be this broken, but he highly doubted that. You just can't fake brokenness.
Later on that week they were officially an item and it was weird for her. Sam held doors open for her, carried her books, held her hand. No one ever did that kind of stuff for her unless of course she screamed at them to, but Sam was genuine and she liked that, even though she would never admit to it. What surprised her even more was that he didn't even have sex with her, and it made her feel wanted, as if he actually liked her for her and not her appearance or status. Maybe he did like her, maybe he just wanted to get to know her the way Brittany knew her, to see the shine in such a dark star.