A/N: OK guys, new fic by yours truly. This one was written with the intent to be something like Better Than Me, but I'm not so sure now. We'll see how it goes. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the fic.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. The lyrics posted are by Kelly Clarkson and from her song Low.

Summary: Mid season three fic, all in Tommy's POV. Tom's been back for months and Jude has yet to talk to him. Can they ever get past the night of her Album Release Party? Or are they doomed to eternal silence.

Comments are always appreciated.

Low
Part 1

It's been two months since I returned to Toronto. It's been eight months since Jude had last said two words to me. Correction, that would be one word and that one word was her screaming my name as I left her on the street. The only interaction we have now is her icy glare shot my way and my seeming look of indifference. What she didn't know? Every time she glared at me, it slowly killed me. It's a stab in the heart; a full body pain that's going to eventually cripple me. I hate what I did to her, but it had to be done. I hate I broke her heart and I more than hate that I messed up the best thing that's ever happened to me. Too bad I didn't realize it sooner. Too bad I was too blind to see what I was doing before it was too late.

Strange how distance can give you a whole new outlook on your life. While in Montana, it hit me one day when I was…what the hell was I doing? Not that it matters what I was doing, but it hit me like a load of bricks. Like a semi-truck running into you at 80 kilometers an hour. No…probably more like a speeding 500 cart-passenger-train. Pick your favorite analogy, but it was suddenly crystal clear. I'm in love with Jude Harrison.

And she hates my guts.

Again.

Rightly so, I suppose.

Again.

This time is worst than in the past. She won't even acknowledge my presence. It's like I don't exist in her world. She comes to work, with my best friend mind you, and leaves. She doesn't linger in the lobby. She doesn't laugh. She doesn't smile. She's all business and when she's done, she's gone.

In a way, it's a relief she's working with Kwest. It's an excuse for me to avoid her. It's an excuse to not have to see what she's become. To see the shell of the woman she used to be. But at the same time…I miss the fire. I miss the chemistry between us that made her music great. I miss the late nights, the sound of her laughter, her intoxicating presence and her vanilla perfume. I miss the arguments; I miss the way her eyes would light up when I entered a room. Most of all, I miss her.

I messed up. I messed up so badly I'm not even sure it's calculable. I'm not even sure if it's fixable. And it feels like it's too late. That nothing I can even attempt to do can ever make up for it. And it hurts. It kills. I hate knowing that I willingly threw away everything that mattered. And for what? A family who didn't give two shits less for me? A life I left behind when I was 16? Parents who couldn't care less what happened to me as long as a check still came made out to them every month?

What the hell was I thinking?

I sighed heavily and shook my head to clear my thoughts. Dangerous path Quincy I told myself as I rubbed my eyes and glanced at the clock on my desk. Everyone had long since left and gone home. It was my night to close up the studio and I was more than just a little behind in paperwork. I was so behind, the auditors were clawing at my office door for reports from the last fiscal period. OK, maybe it wasn't that bad, but it was pretty close.

I stifled a yawn and stretched back in my chair. It was well after 2 am and I was three hours past exhausted. This was going to have to wait for another day and Darius would just have to deal with it and Liam could shove it for all I cared. Personally, they both needed to get laid and loosen up, but what do I know about those things?

I saved what little bit of the document I finished and shut down the computer. I cleaned some stuff off my desk and grabbed my keys and shut the light off and locked my office behind me.

As I walked through G Major, I shut off the remaining lights and froze when I made it to the lobby. There was a single light shining from the studio. My studio. I frowned. I distinctly remember shutting that off hours ago. In fact, I know I did. I remember shutting down the soundboard around 10 to work on paperwork. Not much paperwork got done, but still.

I frowned and walked towards the studio. Either I'm going senile (which could be possible) or someone was in the building.

I sighed to myself, hoping it wasn't some stupid kid on the street deciding to have a good time and break something. Seriously, Darius would kill me. I've heard of instances happening in the past and I really didn't want to deal with a police report. It was 2-freaking-45 in the morning. All I wanted was my bed and blissful sleep.

I stalked towards Studio A and froze in the doorway. It wasn't some stupid kid on the street in the studio, it was Jude. What is she doing here? I thought, but was stopped when I heard her guitar play a sad melody. I moved away from the doorway so she wouldn't see me and listened to what she was playing. I know it's technically spying, but I wanted to know what she was singing about in the studio at nearly 3 am. The nice thing about Jude's songs? They always reflect how she's feeling.

"Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so,
When the truth came out,
Were you the last to know?
Where you left out in the cold?
Cuz what you did was low…"

Jude kept playing and her melody stopped; assumingly to write down what she had sang and worked out in her lyric book. I winced as the meaning of her lyrics sank in and the words played over in my head. There was a deep pain in her voice. A pain I'd never heard before and believe me when I say I thought I'd heard Jude's full range of vocals…well, near all. Point being, she's only sang one song that came close to the raw pain she was expressing now and that was during her Under The Mic performance for Skin. Never had I ever hear her come close to that again.

Until now.

My thoughts ended when Jude picked up her guitar and started to play again. I winced at the sound of her notes.

"Your G's flat." I stated quietly, stepping into the door jam.

As soon as I spoke, Jude stopped strumming and turned to look at me. Sure enough, glare in place. But there was something behind it. Had she been crying?

"My G's are fine." She argued, turning away and strumming again, as if to prove a point. It took me everything I had not to make a comment about her "G's". It wouldn't get me anywhere except further into the dog house and I didn't need help in that department.

"You're still slightly flat." I informed her and she stopped. She set her guitar down and turned to face me, her lips pursed in annoyance and I had to resist the urge to kiss her full, slightly pouty lips.

"I didn't ask you." She informed me, hands landing on her hips.

"Call it professional advice."

"I don't need you Quincy." She snapped and I couldn't hold back the wince. That hurt. That hurt more than I ever thought possible. I think those few words hurt more than her silence. "What are you doing here anyway?" She asked, moving her arms to fold over her chest.

"I could ask you the same thing." I pointed out and she scoffed and rolled her eyes dramatically. "Last time I checked, artists didn't have keys. Wonder if the cameras caught a breaking and entering?" I pondered out loud and turned to leave.

"You don't get to pretend like nothing happened." Her voice sounded small and weak. Not the voice of the girl I once knew. I sighed and didn't turn around. "You don't get to pretend you didn't break my heart." She whispered and I turned around to look at her.

"Jude-"

"NO!" She snapped, tears starting to fall from her eyes and she wiped violently at them, as if angry for her body's reaction to her emotions. I wanted to comfort her and turn the clock back eight months and do things over. But I couldn't. No matter how hard I wanted to, I couldn't.

I took a step forward and Jude stepped back and I didn't try again.

"Jude, I"

"You didn't answer my question." She stated, sniffing slightly and changing the subject. Fine. If she wants to play it that way, that was fine.

"My night to close. I was trying to get caught up on some paperwork and saw the light on when I called it quits. You?" I asked and she sighed and sank down in her chair and looked down at the floor.

I knew something happened to her. I knew something wasn't right in her life. I could feel it and I wanted nothing more than for her to be ok. I could handle her being mad at me if she was at least, otherwise, okay.

"Jude, you can talk to me." I said carefully, trying to urge her to tell me.

"No, no I can't." She said, her voice breaking like she was going to cry. I stepped closer to her and this time, she didn't move away.

"Yes you can."

She shook her head no and I kneeled down before her. She kept her head down, her blonde hair falling like a curtain around her face.

"I can't keep doing this." She whispered, not meeting my eyes.

"Doing what?" I asked and she snapped her head up and looked me straight in the eyes.

"This!" She yelled, gesturing between us. "Every time I start to fall for you, you turn around and crush me. I can't…" She looked away from me and took a deep breath before looking back into my eyes. "Don't you understand that I need to hate you right now?"

I looked away from her gaze and down at the floor. Her words stung, but I was getting her message loud and clear.

"If I…If I talk to you and if you comfort me, then it's possible I'll fall for you again and things will go great for awhile until one of us does something stupid and the same sick cycle of hurting each other happens again." She said, her voice filled with emotion. "I can't do this again Tommy."

Her voice was pleading with me and I could hear each emotion in her voice. I could hear her heartbreak, her fear, and her love.

"I never meant to hurt you." I told her, looking up into her eyes, meaning the words more than I ever did before.

"But you did it anyway." She told me, and I couldn't say anything to defend myself. She was right. I knew it, she knew it, hell, the whole god-damned world probably knew it. She sighed and got up and moved away from me.

"Jude,"

"Don't." She told me, so strongly I couldn't continue with what I was going to say. I watched her as she packed up her guitar and she took one last glance at me before she picked up her guitar and brushed past me.

"You weren't the last to know." I blurted out softly and she froze in her tracks a moment. I watched her, hopefully, for a moment I almost thought she was going to turn around.

"Goodbye Tom." She said and left the studio, her heels clicking on the tile floor as she left. I watched her go and sat back so my back was against the wall. I felt tears sting my eyes at the reality of the situation.

I lost her.

I opened my eyes and looked up at the ceiling, shaking my head slightly. I lost her and I wasn't going to be able to get her back. I took a shuddering breath to get my emotions under control and felt a couple tears escape my eyes.

This couldn't be happening.