First story in a long time! I've been really busy with midterms and giant homework assignments (And being lazy). But we've been getting a lot of snow, so I've finally gotten around to uploading this. :) Some of the snow piles are over my head!
This is my explanation for why Grell does not love Sebastian. I just really don't think he does, because he is honestly trying to kill Sebastian in the Jack the Ripper Arc. He may actually love Sebastian in the anime-verse, but I don't think he does in the manga-verse.
From a young age Grell knew he was different from everyone else. He felt so much more comfort with those of the opposite gender, yet he did not love them. He had many more female friends than male friends. Although he did have a confusing longing for a certain boy. He played dress-up with the girls, he always wore dresses and high-heals. He longed to wear skirts and have long, flowing red hair. He had a feminine face, and a feminine body. When he was young he didn't even know he was a boy, he thought he was a girl. Everyone else also thought this way, the children, even the adults. Grell's parents had abandoned him at a young age, and he lived by himself, so when he realized that he was not a girl, no one else knew of the difference. He played with the girls, acted like a girl, used the girl's bathroom like a girl, had a crush on a boy, like a girl, and wished above all else to have a child of his own, like a girl.
But his world came crashing down when he had to enter the Death God's Academy. He had to take a physical. Needless to say, the secret got out. He was told what he had been doing was wrong, that it was a horrible atrocity of the modern-day, and a scandal. He had to swear never to dress or act like a girl again, ever. He was forced to dress like a boy, and use the boy's bathrooms and locker rooms. Somehow he managed to keep these happenings from his friends, girls and boys alike. No one knew.
Grell longed for the body of a woman. He prayed every night to God to have his body changed. But nothing worked. He hated the limits of his power, even as a god, he had no control over his body. He could not change it. He began to hate his body, which would never allow him the pleasure of giving birth. Even more than a female body, Grell wished for a child. He had dreams of having his crush's child. And every time he woke up? He would sob uncontrollably into his pillow, knowing it would never happen.
William changed for gym. He hated gym, he was more of the intellectual type. But he needed to be physically fit to be a death God. He still hated it though. But he did have gym with his friend, well, she was sort of his friend. He actually had a huge crush on her. He didn't like it, though. She was far too outrageous. She dressed all in red, and for some reason, never wore skirts or dresses, like the other girls. She clung to him all the time, and he found it extremely annoying. She was the most annoying girl in school, and to top it off, she was flat as a board. He had no idea why he had this unreasonable longing for her.
And yet... he really did love her.
William sighed, and walked out of the locker room. As he walked up the stairs to the gym, he realized that he hadn't closed his locker. He knew someone would steal his stuff, someone always did when he left his locker open.
"Hey Will, where are you going?" Samuel asked him as he turned to run back.
"I forgot to lock my locker. I'll be right back!" William said as he ran down the stairs. He opened the door to the locker room with a bang, and ran to his locker. He closed the lock, and turned to leave when he spotted a flash of red. His eyes narrowed. There was only one person in the academy who had red hair. What was she doing down here? He walked to where he saw the red-head was hiding. He stared down at her, disapprovingly, before he was shocked senseless.
She was in her underwear, wearing only her gym uniform shirt on her top half. On her lower half she wore her panties, with her gym shorts around her ankles, as if she was madly struggling to pull them up. But that's not what shocked William beyond belief. She was not a she at all, but a he. "She" had a huge bulge in her underwear. William fell backwards, as "she" yanked "her" shorts up.
"H-Hi William," "she" said weakly, blushing madly. William couldn't speak, he was too shocked.
"Y-Your, your a man?" William stuttered, dumbfounded. "She" didn't look at him, only blushed the red that "she" loved so much. "Grell? I asked you a goddamn question! I expect that you goddamn answer it!" William's outburst startled both Grell and himself. Grell looked as if "she" was about to cry. William shoved "her" against the lockers, and looked "her" in the eyes.
"You bastard, you had be fooled from the beginning. Do you think this is funny?" he whispered angrily in "her" face. "You think it's funny that you've toyed with me like this since we were children? Huh? Do you!"
"N-no! William, you've got it all wrong! Please, just listen to me!" But William would have none of it.
He stomped out of the locker room, not looking back at Grell. And in the future, William never did look back at his childhood love. Not once.
He did not tell anyone of the discovery he had made, and simply ignored Grell whenever he could. But Grell was ashamed. He found no reason to keep the charade up now that the one person he was doing it for despised him. He complied to all the expectations of a male, and all his friends found out his true gender. Many of his friends left him when they found out, accusing him of being an abomination. Grell no longer cared. But some of his friends stayed by him, though he was much more somber than he used to be.
Whether William still felt his longing for Grell even after he knew him, is unimportant. What is important is that Grell still loved William. He could never, no matter how hard he tried, rid himself of his feelings.
Even as Grell fought the sexually invigorating demon of a butler, he still desperately loved William. He may have one-sidedly flirted with Sebastian, asked to have his children, taken photos of him, and chased after him, but he still longed for William, despite how much his heart hurt when he layed eyes on his beloved. Grell thought that there was no love for him, at least not in William's heart.