Title: Black and White
Posted: 09/04/12
Main Pairing: Merlin & Morgana
Rating: K+
Disclaimer: I own what I own, nothing more, nothing less.
Summary: Merlin hated that he had to hate her, destroy her, maybe even kill her. Why was everything so black and white when it come to them? One night, as Merlin contemplates, he decides that maybe for one night he would allow a grey, and in between. After all fate was never fair, even the almighty Merlin couldn't be an exception to that.
AN: Consider the timeline of this fic to be post season four after Aithusa saved Morgana. Hopefully you all enjoy this little treat and one shot that came to me at four o'clock on a Saturday morning. I don't sleep very much, not really. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!
These past four years have brought nothing more than a whirlwind of feelings for the almighty Merlin. Looking back on it now, he never could have imagined that coming over to help Gaius would bring so much change. He discovered so much, learned so much, yet also lost so much. He couldn't help but sometimes miss the easy going days in Ealdor. Playing with Will (the thought of his now dead friend still managing to bring a tear to his eye), helping his mum, running around and having the freedom he was now deprived off.
Back then, things were simple. Making the right choices got praise, making the wrong ones would get scoldings but in the end still get at least little praise. Now, each mistake had more than just a simple 'Don't do it again, Merlin' scolding from Hunith though. No, now each mistake would either have 'Arthur: alive or dead?', 'Albion: destroyed or saved?', or 'Morals: sacrifice for the better or keep for the worse?'. Before, there would be tons of grey and silver in-betweens, but now it was all just black and white. The word 'compromise' no longer existed when it counted.
A sigh escaped the blue eyed warlock as he stared out of the window. The moon was full, it was beautiful actually. A sight of power, peace, and beauty for those who have given up hopes. Merlin wondered slightly if the druids ever considered the moon a symbol of hope, but pushed the thought away as he remembered his last encounter with one. Arthur down on his knees may have been amusing, but the power of that boy who had possessed Elyan was no laughing matter whatsoever.
Morals, the word echoed in his head over and over.
When he was child, Merlin was taught many morals by his mother and he also managed to develop his own (like any normal human being). He knew right from wrong, and he also knew when wrong was right. A persons morals always tended to get bent when it was convenient, and Merlin always thought he would never do that. He would stick to what was write, no matter the price, but now Merlin wished that he had never made that promise to himself. To sacrifice moral because of what was right.
To poison Morgana and try kill her for being a vessel of dark magic, lying to Arthur and pretending he knew nothing when he practically knew everything, manipulating others into believing what he wanted them to. All of these were against his morals, but he did it anyway for the sake of the future. For Albion.
Another sigh escaped the warlock's lips as he shut his eyes an thought of her once again, the woman he called his enemy. Kilgharrah had told him before that she was his opposite. The black to his white, the evil to his good, heck the female to his male could even be added there! She was evil, ruthless, yet at the same time powerful. She was beautiful, elegant, and though Merlin hated that he admitted it, she was brave. A coward hiding away is what they would say, but no, she was brave. She fought for the things she believed in, even went against Uther. Morgana may not have been right with her choices, a fool maybe, but a brave fool none the less.
Merlin remembered two years ago, when they were friends. She had told him about her magic, trusted him to keep her secret, and instead of helping her himself, he sent her to the druids. Gaius told him to not interfere, the dragon did as well, but deep down Merlin wondered…would she knowing about him change anything?
If he had told her why he understood so well, that he, too, had magical powers. Would she have turned to him rather than Morgause? Would she have betrayed Camelot? Had he taught her how to control her powers, how to use not fear them, would this war even be going on? Would Morgana be still within the castle walls, friends with him, Arthur, and Gwen? The thought alone made Merlin miss those times that seemed so far away now.
Regrets always did come in the end, but in Merlin's case, he didn't even know if he had anything to be regretful about. He saved Arthur countless times, saved Camelot countless times, heck he even saved Morgana during the time of Crystal Cave, but why was it that Morgana's face when he betrayed her never managed to erase itself? The look she had given him when she felt like she was choking, that defeat and betrayal. It still gave Merlin the worst nightmares imaginable. Just her eyes, staring at him…nothing more.
"Clotpole…" Merlin murmured, but this time not at Arthur. The warlock didn't even know why he was describing himself with his 'copyrighted' word. Was it due to the fact he felt guilty about killing the enemy? Or was it because he tried to kill a person who considered a friend at the time? Face it or not, the truth always had been that she did not turn into the enemy until Morgause had gained control over her. That thought just spent him back to the beginning of the train though, would her knowing change anything? Or was fate so fixed that it wouldn't have mattered?
"Clotpole…" Merlin whispered once again, snapping his eyes shut as once again the haunted eyes of Morgana greeted him. Perhaps tonight he would succumb to the thought of being in the wrong. Perhaps tonight he would not confuse his guilt and just admit he had done something that was considered immoral. Perhaps tonight, and just tonight, he would actually let his love for Morgana overwhelm him.
The young warlock smiled as sleep finally arrived to take him, creeping up his body and slowly shutting him down. Yes, tonight would be the one night that Merlin would not look at things as black and white. Today he would explore the many shades of grey that was present in between, and when he finally woke up tomorrow, he would be back to his normal safe and believe that Morgana was the enemy, and he was at the right. That she was the dirtiest and darkest black to his pure and clean white.
The smell of the woods was always refreshing when Merlin inhaled it every morning he woke up. It was the scent that greeted him all the time as he walked out the doors of he and his beautiful wife's home. It was the morning routine actually. Wake up, good morning kiss, head out to find firewood, head back home and restock what they currently had. A rather tiring routine, but he was very willing to do it, especially with his wife needing to keep much more healthier than he needed to be.
In fact, if Merlin could have his way, his wife wouldn't even be standing up and getting out of bed. Of course he trusted her, he also found her capable of taking care of herself, but you couldn't blame him for worrying and wanting to protect her all the more now could you? As mentioned, she could protect herself, but it wasn't just herself she had to worry about now.
"Oscail" Merlin whispered, the two trees in front of their house suddenly bending and forming an arch. It was the protective measure of their home, to make sure that the tyrant Uther would never find them. Of course, Merlin highly doubted that Uther would be looking for them. They had never even met the famous abusive, magic-hating, king of Camelot.
"Be careful!" Merlin's wife called out, smiling as he turned and waved back. Her beautiful emerald pools meeting with his bright sapphire ones. Both were filled with happiness and content, and looking down to her round stomach, Merlin couldn't help but smile at the black haired baby that was about to come.
"You know I always am!" He called back, the trees now returning to their original stance and closing the gateway. Now their house was hidden, and so was she. Nowhere in sight as he turned and began to walk and look for firewood and probably some meat to take home as well. He was too lazy to head into town today, and he didn't want to risk a run in with the knights either. So Merlin stayed on a path near his home and looked around for any worthy prey and dry wood.
Walking through the woods, Merlin smiled as he began to hum a small tune. A beautiful wife, a baby on the way, yes, Merlin considered himself the luckiest man within the entire world. She took care of him as he did of her, and now with a little person coming their way, both of them were to be parents. He knew that she would be a wonderful mother, and she had always told him that he would be a wonderful father. With his childish demeanor and happy-go-lucky attitude, no child could ever resist him.
This, of course, lead to his beautiful wife to admitting that she would, indeed, be the stricter of the two of them.
A good stack of wood in his arms, Merlin began to head home. No animal was roaming around freely, so it obviously mean that he would have to visit the Camelot Market Place later on today. What a hassle. He wanted to be away from his family for as little as possible, but of course fate was messing with him and would just not allow it. A small price to pay for giving him the blessings that he had already received.
On the path back home, Merlin froze as he suddenly heard the sound of a galloping horse headed in his direction. It wasn't the sound of just one though, and this caused panic to run down the Warlock's spine. What were knights of Camelot doing in this part of the woods? He wondered, but he needed to think fast. Merlin couldn't allow them to get any closer than they already were. The magic was strong enough to be sensed by those incapable of it. Perhaps giving them a false sense of danger would be enough to send them away.
"Tar Ceo" Merlin whispered, extending his hand as his eyes flashed gold. The galloping was getting louder by the second, so he couldn't hold back the relief when the fog suddenly appeared and caused to ground to be barely visible to the naked eye. Hiding behind a bush, Merlin watched as the knights came into view.
They were from Camelot alright. There was a certain arrogance about the way they carried themselves.
"What do we do now, my lord?" One of the knights asked. Lord? Oh, so the prince once among them? This made Merlin all the more glad to steer them in the wrong direction. Arthur, Uther's son, was rumored to be an arse in all brutal honesty. Since Merlin didn't like Uther, it didn't take him much convincing to dislike Arthur either, unjust as it seemed to be to all others.
"Is there another path to Senrid's Kingdom?" Arthur, Merlin presumed, answered back. Listening to the rather boring conversation, Merlin felt all the more relieved when the knights began to retreat and head in another direction. Rather proud of himself, he headed home. He did leave the fog there for safety precaution though. Wouldn't want the knights returning and getting suspicious after all.
"What took you so long?" Merlin's beautiful wife asked, turning from the bubbling pot and facing her husband. The trees had just returned to normal behind Merlin as he began to approach the beautiful green eyed woman who was cooking breakfast. "It usually doesn't take you an hour to fetch firewood." She added, Merlin leaning down and kissing her cheek as he took a seat beside her, a wide grin plastered on his face.
His wife merely rolled her eyes as she punched him lightly on the shoulder. "You made me wait this long for stupid knights? They'll be the least of your problems if I get angry." Ah, very true. An unsatisfied wife would be a much bigger problem, especially because he couldn't say no to her. Also, she was magical as well…so she would be much more dangerous when the hormones actually managed to take her ever.
"It won't happen again." Merlin answered, leaning closer to her and planting a soft peck on her lips. "I love you too much for that, Morgana."
The sunlight penetrated Merlin's bedroom window, shining on his face as the young warlock opened his eyes to welcome the bright new day. Birds chirped and sung, telling him to get his butt out of bed and eat his breakfast before serving Arthur his. This came after taking a bath, getting dressed, and having his early morning discussion with Gaius of course. If only he could get out of the last one and just skip to breakfast…
Getting up from his cot and fixing the blanket and pillows, Merlin grabbed a change of clothes and headed towards bathroom to take his morning bath.
True to his thoughts from last night, never did the thoughts of the dream he had cross his mind ever again. That was the one night where it was alright to think of 'what ifs' and 'maybes', but now that it was morning, all of those were forgotten and gone. There was no such thing as grey, silver, or any of the sort in the world he lived in after all. There was no 'alternative-universe' where everything would be okay.
That dream the previous night could have been a wish to the fates, a hope that he had deep in his mind, but never would it be brought up or thought about. That night was the one pleasure he would give himself, now it was all about Arthur and Albion and nothing more. Maybe, one day, when his destiny was complete and he no longer had to worry about Arthur dying or Albion being in danger, he would look back to that one dream and wonder about it, but not now. Not in this particular time.
But right now, there really was only one simple reality: Morgana was Black and Merlin was White.
It's been a while since I've written a Merlin and Morgana FanFic, but for some reason I can't really master this couple yet. I've written two fics before (both I don't find all that good but mediocre none the less), but I hope this is more loyal to their characters. I do find Merlin goofy and all that, but I think that he is still the type of person who doesn't indulge in his own personal little pleasures (aside from bullying Arthur). This is how I think Merlin would deal if he ever really did have feelings for Morgana. It isn't all that great, but this was a spur of the moment fic.
I'm sorry if it doesn't make all that much sense or if it's confusing, as mentioned above…this was a rather sudden pop in the head plot line that I wanted to write down and post! Hope you enjoyed reading it anyway. Why not leave a review and tell me what you though?
Also, I apologise for any grammatical errors that you may find. I don't have a BETA and only proofread my own work. Feel free to point them out to me and I will edit it when I have the time. Thank You!
~*..*~*..*~Reignstein~*..*~*..*~