One Piece belongs to Eichiro Oda. This parody is for entertainment purposes only. Special thanks to elenniel for motivating me to write this. ^^/
Cigarette clenched between his teeth, Sanji was in the midst of fighting off a group of Big Mom's pirates. Having gone through some of his darkest times in the span of a day, the cook was relieved to be able to physically vent his frustration. He never imagined his nakama being present at this tea party. All of his efforts to save them were in vain. The blond should have known that Luffy would never leave him. Now they were fighting alongside each other.
At least I'm not married to Pudding! It was a strange thought considering that the Charlotte daughter never intended to go through with the ceremony to begin with. If things had played out without him knowing the truth of his three-eyed fiancée, then Sanji would be lying on the floor dead, with a bullet between the eyes.
Near-death experiences were nothing new to the cook. It was to be expected as a pirate. Somehow, this one was different. He was having difficulty shaking it off. Why? Was it the fact that he had to see his shitty family again? Was it because he acted like a complete asshole to Luffy and Nami-san? Maybe it was the heart-crushing realization that his sweet, innocent last savior turned out to be one of the cruelest women he had ever encountered. Whatever the reasons, this experience put his life into perspective. If he were to die here, now, he wanted no regrets. Nami-san…
Across the massive party room, the navigator was making use of her new clima-tact by fending off the group of chess soldiers surrounding her. Spinning the golden rod above her head, dark clouds circled over the men. "Thunderbolt=Tempo!" With a swift strike downwards, lightning came crashing down onto the soldiers. One group was down, but there would soon be another wave coming towards her. "These guys are relentless," the ginger sighed, trying to catch her breath before they arrived. Unfortunately her break was short-lived.
Out of the corner of her left eye, Nami saw a boy in a white bowler hat rushing towards her. Astonished by his speed, the woman was unable to react fast enough. "Nami-san!" In the time it took her blink, Sanji-kun came in to kick the teenager and send him flying into the adjacent wall. The blond quickly faced her. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," she replied, nodding her head. Then she remembered that she was still supposed to be angry with him. He's the idiot who decided to beat up Luffy and act like an ass. With a scowl, she turned her back to him. "I can take care of myself, you know!" Just as she turned around, she gasped at the sight of yet another boy in a white bowler hat rushing towards her. The navigator glanced to the first boy, who was still unconscious in the wall Sanji-kun knocked him into.
On Sanji's side, he had an identical boy rushing towards him. Triplets?! In addition to the teenagers, a much larger man dressed in the same white bowler hat came running towards the two Straw Hats. At that moment, Sanji made a split-second decision. "Nami-san," he grabbed the navigator's left arm so she faced him again. "Will you marry me?" She briefly gave him a perplexed look before they both turned back in time to block their attackers.
"I don't think now is the best time!" she proclaimed, defending herself with her clima-tact. Sanji deflected the teenager on his side with a Joue Shoot, then spun around to assist the navigator.
"Now may be the only time!" The cook grabbed her, moving her out of the way before planting his foot into the adversary's forehead. "Escalope!" The boy went flying into the wall to join his brother. The fourth opponent, the man in the same outfit as the triplets, was met with a Flanchet Shoot to the stomach.
Facing the ginger again, Sanji grabbed her waist and pulled her close. "I love you," he confessed. Nami stared at him, still confused. His honesty left her speechless. "I've made my choice," he continued. "What's yours?"
Looking him in the eye, Nami replied, "Luffy!" Anguish and disbelief flashed across the cook's face. The navigator then looked to their captain fighting in another part of the large room. "Marry us!" Sanji smiled with relief.
Fighting through the massive army of high ranked captains, Luffy yelled back to the couple, "I'm a bit busy at the moment!"
Chess soldiers surrounded the two crewmates. They separated to take out the wave. Sanji went into a handstand. "Anti-Manner Kick Course!" Spinning, he took out several of the pawns. Getting to his feet again, he shouted to the rubber man, "Luffy, now!"
Knocking out one captain, Luffy sighed, "Fine then!" More soldiers came to surround him. Blowing his hand up to a huge size, Straw Hat took out a number of his opponents with a Bone Balloon. "Dear bastards, we're here today to kick a Yonko's ass!"
"LUFFY!" Sanji and Nami yelled at him in unison.
"Well, I don't know what the hell I'm doing! This is the first time I've ever been to a wedding!" He took out more of Big Mom's army with a Rubber Whip of his leg. "Jinbei!" the captain yelled to yet another area of the room. "Do you know anything about marrying people?!"
The Warrior of the Sea just finished taking out a group of soldiers with Shark Brick Fist. He looked over his shoulder. "What do you mean, Luffy-kun? You know I'm not married!"
"No! Can you do whatever fusion thing for Sanji and Nami?" The rubber man was more vague than ever.
"He means officiate a wedding, Jinbei-chan," the navigator clarified as she took out more chess soldiers with Thundercloud Rod. "Sanji-kun and I want to get married!"
"Now?!" Jinbei turned, glaring at the couple. The look they gave him in return was enough of an answer. The Straw Hat pirates certainly were a strange crew. With a shrug, he turned back around to face more of Big Mom's higher ranks. "Dearly beloved, we be gathered here today… Sharkskin Palm Thrust!" The fishman blocked a sword attack from a tall, strange man that appeared to have banana leaves for hair. "To bond these two in the sea of life…" The groom and last minute replacement bride were befuddled. He ignored their puzzlement. "Do you have any vows or anything?"
Sanji grinned, finishing off his current opponent with a kick to the teeth. "Nami-san," her turned back towards her, grabbing her left hand with his. "Will you take me to be your husband?"
Nami giggled in disbelief, then excitedly proclaimed, "I do!"
"Great!" Sanji replied with equal enthusiasm. They separated to defeat more attacking soldiers before joining hands again.
"Sanji-kun, do you take me…" the navigator began but was then interrupted by another wave. Extending her clima-tact with a squeeze of her right hand and still hanging on to the cook's hand with her left, she deflected the attackers with Gust Sword. The two faced each other again. "To be your wife," Nami continued her vows with a smile. "In sickness and in health, with health being the less likely?"
Never letting go of her hand, Sanji pulled the navigator so that they switched places just in time for him to plant his foot in the chest of a very large, burly soldier. He turned to face her again. "I do," he replied confidently.
"As Captain, I now pronounce you…" Across the room, Jinbei continued to fight off a horde of officers, but he had been listening the whole time. "You may kiss…" Not even waiting for Jinbei to finish, Sanji pulled the ginger close and dipped her. Just as their lips were about to meet, more homies came at them with various attacks. "You may kiss…" Jinbei tried to finish his line again but was distracted by another foe.
At the opposite end of the room, Luffy groaned and shouted at his nakama, "Just kiss!"
Nami grabbed the cook by the arm this time and pulled him towards her. Fulfilling their vows, they shared their first kiss as husband and wife. Chopper, Brook, and Carrot noticed the couple from the back of the room. All three tilting their heads to the right, they gave a collective sigh, "Awww! "
Able to finally clear a path amongst the defeated soldiers, Luffy looked to Big Mom standing at the altar. "Well, now that that's done," he fixed his straw hat on his head and rubbed his nose, "let's end this tea party!"