Disclaimers - I do not own BBC's Sherlock. Boy I wish I did. I wouldn't have assassinated Irene Adler's character if I did. She was brilliant in a Scandal in Bohemia. And what... she's a high paid sex worker now? *shakes head*

Warnings - Somewhat Crude Language. Bromance. Yeah you know you like it.

Summary - Takes place after my other texty fic. It's just rambling, really. John and Sherlock are texting. Eventually, Sherlock has to say out loud what everyone already knows. Awwwww...

Texting the Living

By DearLittleSev

(June 17, 4:34 PM)

John, bring home milk. – SH

(June 17, 4:41 PM)

John. – SH

(June 17, 4:45 PM)

Have you gotten the milk yet? – SH

(June 17, 4:49 PM)

Are you almost home? – SH

(June 17, 4:51 PM)

There's no milk, John. – SH

(June 17, 4:52 PM)

John. – SH

John, are you on your way? – SH

Are you bringing milk? – SH

(June 17, 4:53 PM)

John, when are you coming home? – SH

(June 17, 4:55 PM)

Look, you bloody tosser, I am not out of the surgery yet. If you need milk so badly, go down to the Tesco and get it yourself. Unlike some people, I have a job. – JW

(June 17, 4:56 PM)

I have a job. – SH

(June 17, 4:58 PM)

No, you don't have a job, Sherlock, you have a hobby that happens to be lucrative. Sometimes. Not as of late, I've noticed, so if you don't mind, I'll get back to my work. – JW

(June 17, 4:59 PM)

What do you mean by that? – SH

(June 17, 5:01 PM)

What do you mean, what do I mean? I have work to do. I don't get out for another… cripes. I'm off the clock. – JW

(June 17, 5:03 PM)

Get milk – SH

(June 17, 5:12 PM)

John? – SH

(June 17, 5:14 PM)

All right, Sherlock, I'll get the sodding milk. – JW

(June 17, 5:15 PM)

Oh, and some crisps. – SH

(June 17, 5:17 PM)

You don't eat crisps. – JW

(June 17, 5:18 PM)

I can eat crisps. – SH

(June 17, 5:19 PM)

You don't though. – JW

(June 17, 5:19 PM)

You eat crisps. – SH

(June 17, 5:23 PM)

So? – JW

(June 17, 5:24 PM)

You're out of crisps. – SH

(June 17, 5:29 PM)

Right. Milk and crisps then. – JW

See you in 20. – JW

(June 17, 5:55 PM)

John? – SH

(June 17, 6:01 PM)

John. – SH

(June 17, 6:14 PM)

John answer me. – SH

(June 17, 6:33 PM)

John, answer me now. – SH

(June 17, 6:45 PM)

John if you don't answer me, I shall begin to fret. And you know what happens when I fret. – SH

(June 17, 6:50 PM)

JOHN. – SH

(June 17, 6:56 PM)

You're with Mycroft, aren't you. – SH

(June 17, 7:01 PM)

Yes, and I'm in a nark. – JW

(June 17, 7:02 PM)

What's he on about this time? – SH

(June 17, 7:04 PM)

Checking up on you, as usual. – JW

(June 17, 7:05 PM)

Tell him to bugger off. – SH

(June 17, 7:07 PM)

Did. Also a few other choice words. – JW

(June 17, 7:07 PM)

I'm terribly fond of you, you know. – SH

(June 17, 7:10 PM)

I'll be taking the mick out of you for that one later – JW

(June 17, 7:11 PM)

Ta – SH

(June 17, 7:32 PM)

Are you still with Mycroft? – SH

(June 17, 7:33 PM)

Yes – JW

(June 17, 7:35 PM)

Is the milk getting warm? – SH

(June 17, 7:36 PM)

Do you ever think of anything but yourself? – JW

(June 17, 7:44 PM)

I did ask you to get crisps – SH

(June 17, 7:45 PM)

Aye, that's true – JW

(June 17, 7:45 PM)

Tell Mycroft if he doesn't release you in thirty seconds, I shall send an anonymous tip to the Diogenes Club that he still wets the bed and cries for mummy in his sleep. – SH

(June 17, 7:48 PM)

Cheers, that worked! – JW

(June 17, 7:48 PM)

You're welcome – SH

Don't forget the milk. – SH

(June 29, 11:23 AM)

John. – SH

(June 29, 11:32 AM)

What? – JW

(June 29, 11:33 AM)

How is it coming? – SH

(June 29, 11:35 AM)

(1 of 2) Sherlock, you sent me to Surrey, for no other reason than you couldn't pull your bum out of bed this morning. You texted me nonstop throughout the train ride, and I am 99% sure you are still naked right now. Which is more than a little disturbing, I must say. You don't sit on my chair

(2 of 2) like that, do you? – JW

(June 29, 11:39 AM)

My chair is housing an experiment. – SH

(June 29, 11:40 AM)

Sherlock, that's my chair! Go plant yourself on the sofa, that's bloody disgusting. – JW

(June 29, 11:41 AM)

I took a shower. – SH

(June 29, 11:43 AM)

You're sitting naked on my chair. Bollocks. – JW

(June 29, 11:45 AM)

Indeed. :) – SH

(June 29, 11:46 AM)

Sherlock! – JW

(June 29, 11:48 AM)

Fine, I'll move the experiment to your chair. – SH

(June 29, 11:53 AM)

Too right. Wait. What's the experiment? – JW

(June 29, 11:55 AM)

I am measuring the amount of fecal matter excreted from the human body after death if the victim in question had dined two hours previous. – SH

(June 29, 11:56 AM)

Just… you know what, Sherlock, just sit in my chair. – JW

(June 29, 11:59 AM)

Ta. – SH

(June 29, 12:07 PM)

John? – SH

(June 29, 12:09 PM)

What – JW

(June 29, 12:13 PM)

I'd be lost without you. – SH

(June 29, 12:18 PM)

Piss off. Wanker. – JW

(June 29, 12:20 PM)

Hardly. - SH

(July 8, 6:17 PM)

John? – SH

(July 17, 6:20 PM)

John – SH

(July 8, 6:25 PM)

John – SH

(July 8, 6:33 PM)

Sherlock, I'm on a date, what is it? – JW

(July 8, 6:35 PM)

When are you coming home? – SH

(July 8, 6:36 PM)

I've only just left. – JW

(July 8, 6:38 PM)

I'm bored. – SH

(July 8, 6:42 PM)

Shoot the wall or something, but don't text me again unless it an emergency – JW

(July 8, 6:49 PM)

John? – SH

(July 8, 6:50 PM)

Is this an emergency? – JW

(July 8, 6:51 PM)

I'm bored, John. That is an emergency. – SH

(July 8, 6:57 PM)

Cigarettes are in the top left drawer of my bureau behind the box. – JW

(July 8, 7:12 PM)

You must like this one, John. – SH

(July 8, 7:15 PM)

She's fit. Now bugger off. – JW

(July 8, 7:23 PM)

I'm bored, John. – SH

(July 8, 7:31 PM)

John, when are you coming home? – SH

(July 8, 7:42 PM)

John, I found Cluedo. – SH

(July 8, 7:43 PM)

I promise I will play by the rules. – SH

(July 8, 8:32 PM)

John? – SH

(July 8, 8:37 PM)

You are the most gormless, idiotic, self-centered prat I have ever met in my life, Sherlock Holmes. Yes. Yes, I'm coming home, right now, because my date got weary of my mobile pinging every five seconds. – JW

(July 8, 8:40 PM)

She wasn't worth your time, John. And this penchant for exaggeration really doesn't become you. Every five seconds? - SH

(July 8, 8:41 PM)

How the devil would you know whether or not she was worth my time? She was attractive, Sherlock, and that's more than I can say about any other woman I've gone out with in a year. – JW

(July 8, 8:43 PM)

She was four years older than she led you to believe, unemployed, just off a bad relationship, and has three children at home, utter monsters by the look of it. I saved you, dear doctor. – SH

(July 8, 8:45 PM)

Spare me your salvation in the future, Sherlock. I could have at least had a decent evening, maybe more. – JW

(July 8, 8:57 PM)

You still haven't forgiven me. – SH

(July 8, 8:58 PM)

What? – JW

(July 8, 9:00 PM)

For leaving you. You still haven't forgiven me. – SH

(July 8, 9:02 PM)

You know what? I haven't. And I don't have to. – JW

(July 8, 9:03 PM)

I missed you too, John. – SH

(July 8, 9:05 PM)

Yeah, but you knew I was alive, you could skulk in the shadows and watch me from afar. I had to wretch and sob and mourn alone, Sherlock. – JW

(July 8, 9:13 PM)

I'm sorry, John. – SH

(July 8, 9:15 PM)

Not enough, Sherlock. – JW

(July 8, 9:15 PM)

I know. – SH

(July 8, 9:46 PM)

John? – SH

(July 8, 9:47 PM)

What – JW

(July 8, 9:48 PM)

I do, you know. – SH

(July 8, 9:54 PM)

It doesn't count unless you say it. – JW

(July 8, 9:59 PM)

I don't know how to say it. – SH

(July 8, 10:01 PM)

You do, you just never practiced. – JW

(July 8, 10:06 PM)

I dislike practice. – SH

(July 8, 10:08 PM)

Practice is the only way we get better at things. – JW

(July 8, 10:08 PM)

I am good at things without practice. – SH

(July 8, 10:11 PM)

Then say it, bloody idiot. – JW

(July 8, 10:13 PM)

Why are we texting? You're coming up the stairs. – SH

(July 8, 10:13 PM)

Because I think you can say it easier this way. – JW

(July 8, 10:16 PM)

You look nice. – SH

(July 8, 10:16 PM)

I had a date. – JW

(July 8, 10:17 PM)

You look comfortable. – JW

(July 8, 10:17 PM)

I had a date with the telly. – SH

(July 8, 10:17 PM)

Cluedo? - JW

(July 8, 10:18 PM)

I promise to behave. – SH

(July 8, 10:20 PM)

Right then. – JW

(July 8, 10:24 PM)

John? – SH

He sighed long-sufferingly from the kitchen as he put the kettle on. "What, Sherlock?"

Silver eyes darted away, then back again. Long limbs sprawled over the sofa. Cluedo was set up on the coffee table. "I do love you."

He shrugged his jacket off. "I know."

Yeah, yeah, I know. So much fluff. Review me though, because hey. I spent a lot of time on this. I did. What are you looking at? Okay fine I wrote it on my lunch break, so bite me.

I mean it. Biting is underrated. Meow.