Authors Note - The song's "Emotionless" by Good Charlotte. I thought that it fit Jim's situation perfectly. Also, this fic is before Treasure Planet, before he met Silver and adopted that new father figure into his life. Oh, and the * by children after the third paragraph was because that's one part that the song doesn't fit the story. Sarah just had Jim, and I just didn't want to seem like I didn't know anything. . . I just re-read it and it's kinda...well....you decide. REVIEW ME!

The Void

There was this void...

This empty void that ran deep through his heart and pierced his very soul.

It had been started so long ago...ripping through his middle and leaving him miserable.

It's been a long hard road

Without you by my side...

He was walking down an overgrown path, his hands shoved deep into his pockets. The skulking shadows reminded him of the darkness lurking on the edge of his sanity, slowly eating it's way through his mind. Only one thought kept running through his head.

I hate you, I hate you....

Why weren't you there all

The nights that we cried?

He had only been 12...that was a very venerable age for him. That day he had had a sick feeling in his stomach, and though he tried endlessly to deny it, he knew...he had known...

Blinking away his tears he realized the satisfaction that his Dad must feel. He had done it. He had successfully ruined the Hawkins family....or what was left of it.

You broke my mother's heart

You broke your children* for life...

His dad had left them. Both of them. Up and gone, without even giving his son a kiss good-bye. The tears that always crept behind Jim's eyelids began to spill out one-by-one, and then they began to cascade down his colorless cheeks. He tried to let the tears take his pain away, like he had so many times before. Nothing happened. Nothing ever happened. The searing pain that seemingly split him in two began to melt into anger, and his temper had been getting him into a lot of trouble lately.

It's not okay...

But we're alright...

-flashback-

"Hey Jimmy!" Strong arms lifted the 6-year-old off of the ground and Jim felt the sensation of being flung up into the sky, almost as if he was flying. He came back down into his father's arms swiftly, only to be flung up again. Smiling, his father placed Jim on the floor, administering a sloppy kiss to his forehead.

"I love you Jimmy." His father ruffled his hair. Jim hugged his father's legs.

"I love you too, Daddy."

I remember the days

you were a hero in my eyes...

It was all too much. Nothing was going right anymore, all of his hopes, his dreams, all that he had ever wished for was falling apart. He tried in vain to block out the memories that he had of his Dad...working on his first solar-surfer together, getting a good-night kiss every night, wrestling on the living room floor while Sarah tried unsuccessfully to shoo them outside...all of these memories...

But those are just a long lost

Memory of mine...

Jim kicked angrily at uneven ground, not noticing the sudden drop straight ahead. He lost his balance and slid down the rocky hill, skidding to a stop near the foot of the incline. He lay there, face down. Small cuts smarted and bruises throbbed. Tears of pain, sadness, loneliness, and anger swam through his eyes and he pounded the ground furiously with his fist. He didn't deserve this!

I've spent so many years

Learning how to survive...

And I'm still alive...

His father had created this void, this ever present void that Jim had battled against and had been defeated by time and time again.

Even his pain-filled tears couldn't close the endless void...

And sometimes...I forgive

And this time...I'll admit

That I miss you...

I miss you...

Hey Dad.