It was only a week since Valentines day. but it felt like years. or minutes. depending on who you asked. Minutes to Mercedes. mere minutes since she told Sam she couldn't be with him. She didn't mean forever. but he sure took it that way.
"maybe it was the song choice. it could have been a bit much" Mercedes mentally chastised herself.
Thinking back on the very public let down, she didn't blame him for ignoring her completely now. He never looked her way. and he hadn't since that horrible day.
Shane was the same. he never acknowledged her presence either. not that she minded half as much as she thought she should. These feelings of guilt on loop,were what got her through the day and what made her come to the heartbreaking conclusion.
Mercedes regretted Sam and Shane hating her. but she knew her decision was the right one. She needed to reevaluate herself, without hurting anymore people in the process. Mercedes knew Sam didn't appreciate what she did for him now, but in years to come he might.
Did he need another girl in his life that was willing to cheat just because she had feelings for someone else? didn't he deserve someone whose moral compass didn't turn on and off whenever they decided it was getting in the way of what they wanted?
Mercedes loved Sam. she loved him deep down to her bones. but She wasn't in the right state of mind to be what he needed her to be. what she wanted to be for him.
She loved Sam's attention. the flirting, the declarations of affections. and those looks,Oh those looks!, that he kept giving her. Lord, she let the temptation lead her astray and look what happened?
She'd hurt 2 good guys,because of her careless ways.
Mercedes was going to break up with Shane anyway. but cowardice kept her from doing it. and secretly it was exciting to be pursued by 2 guys. and now she's paying the price for her avarice. she had neither.
Two weeks later and the situation hadn't improved. In fact for all intents and purposes it only worsened.
It was usually Sam who sat behind her in Math Class. well one seat to the left, to be exact. He'd sit there and she'd feel him staring at the side her face for the entire period.
It was oddly comforting and thrilling at the same time, to have someone shower such adoration upon you.
She missed that now, so very much. He no longer sat one seat to the left and back of her. He switched his seat to 3 seats to the right and 2 seats in front of her. It was now Mercedes boring holes into the side of Sam's face for 35 minutes per day.
'He was the reason why Cavemen drew on walls',Mercedes thought with a smirk remembering where she heard that. Sam had introduced her to Family Guy, and she was quickly hooked. Nonetheless,that line rang true to her these days.
It wasn't just his face that she noticed during this time, she'd would watch him lean forward to write notes,or stretch or whatever. and his shirt would ride up ever so slightly, revealing the waistband of his boxers, peeking out of his jeans. and just the barest flash of skin, and her mouth would water. it was so very sexy and natural and it made her sick to her stomach how much she missed being able to leer at him,guiltfree.
Every once in a while she'd sit there in a half daydream,staring at him so hard, he'd turn to look at her for a fraction of a second. before she could get out a smile, or to look bashful, he'd avert his eyes. and Mercedes would feel just that much more bereft.
But it was also those moments, that kept giving her hope. that maybe, just maybe he hadn't truly given up on her, but was just giving her the space she assumed she needed.
Or maybe he just thought she looked like a foolish fool, who made a crappy decision and now regretted it.
and he wouldn't be wrong. She did and she didn't at the same time. Mercedes couldn't be with Sam without knowing for sure that what happened between them wasn't just the start of her complete moral erosion. so far it didn't look so good from where she was standing.
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