Follow You Into The Dark
a/n: Written circa April 2008.
I have been deliberating whether to post this up or not for the longest of times. But, upon rewatching the series, I think that I should, since I really liked it then, and now. I really really really really saw this when I was watching the episode. I badly wanted it to happen- them find each other, apologizing, and then going together, even if that didn't happen in the end.
Title and fic inspired by 'I'll Follow You Into The Dark' by Death Cab For Cutie.
Her breathing is uneven. She's slumped against the nearest object she can find, as she hears her heartbeat slow. She did all she could. She wanted to save him- but she couldn't.
She's silent, apart from uttering his name under her breath, as she watches the meltdown contain itself inside the plant. Both of them- have saved everyone.
She blinks, her eyelids slow and heavy. She barely notices a presence come into the room... until he calls her name.
"Toshiko!"
Tosh looks up briefly, tears staining her broken face, her eyes nearing blankness. She attempts to smile; despite the great effort this taxes upon her strength less body. She's reaching her limit. She knows that. It's too late for her now.
Her heart slows, the beats slow, so slow that the gaps get longer before each beat. It won't be long, she knows. Even as Gwen gives her the injection.. she knows it's too late. She stares up, silent.
And then the fluttering stops. And Tosh is still.
. . . .
It's dark.
Owen stands there, utterly silent. He doesn't speak and he doesn't move- he just lets the dark become easier to see, if that's possible. He's waiting, standing there, waiting for it to take him back in again. He knows it's coming, to reclaim the prey that escaped it the once. He couldn't cheat death a second time. There's definitely no way this time. He has no vessel to carry the soul anymore.
He feels somewhat free, standing where he is. No longer trapped by the corpse- that's what it was- that was holding his soul until the energy finally faded. And he knows there's no way back this time. He's standing there alone, waiting for the dark to take him away.
"At least I did something with myself," he utters, so quiet he has trouble hearing it himself. Twice- he saved everyone the first time. Reckless, that one. The second- he'd saved Cardiff. That was at least worth something with his pitiful existence after he'd been brought back.
And Tosh. She'd been brilliant. He knew that one. He smiled slightly at her memory, though it didn't touch his eyes, and it disappeared almost as quick as it came, his eyes closing to block out the dark. He didn't bother struggling. It would come and get him wherever he went in this oblivion.
He doesn't know quite how long he stood there, thinking over the events of the last few hours, or however long it was ago now. But all of a sudden, he's aware he's not quite alone anymore.
There were no footsteps or no other sound here, unless he spoke or screamed. He did neither, sensing the presence get closer and closer, his eyes tightly shut. It would pass, whatever it was. Something else heading into the dark-
"Owen."
If he'd still been breathing, his breath would have hitched about there. But he didn't have that anymore- hadn't had that for a long time. Instead, he opened his mouth slowly, before it closed again.
He knew that voice. But she couldn't- not here. Not now. She was fighting. She was still back there, fighting...
Owen turned, slowly. "Tosh..?" he voice seemed to dissipate as the name came out, disbelief in his face. He wasn't hallucinating. Or he doubted that one. "Why are-"
She smiled half heartedly, before her eyes swept down to look at the black abyss below them. "I'm sorry. I lied," she said quietly.
Owen put two and two together. When she'd been breathing heavily- it hadn't been her arm. His face obtained a mixed expression for a moment. "What happened?"
"Grey," she said simply. "I couldn't.. I didn't want to tell you I was going. We had to do what we had to do, as members of Torchwood," she said routinely.
He didn't answer.
She continued, "... and- I was here. Jack and Gwen, Ianto- it was too late, for me. So, I followed..." she paused. "I followed you into the dark."
Owen didn't say anything. He didn't know if he wanted.. Tosh to be here. It was selfish, and when it came to Tosh-
Though he could see Tosh clearly if she remained behind at the Torchwood Hub. Trying to go about her daily duties, nothing more than an empty shell, a broken being, trying to deal with a loss she couldn't bare to face. And twice- the second time of loosing the same someone, after hope had tried to stack itself back up for her- that would be the breaking point that would lead her into that demise. She wouldn't be the same Tosh like that.
"Owen.. I'm sorry."
He stayed silent. There was no way back for either of them, was there? And now neither of them would have to go alone.
"No, don't be," he said, snapping back into the present point. "I was just surprised. And sorry that I couldn't help you the way you helped me."
She shook her head. "No. I didn't want to hurt you more- and- hearing you was enough."
That was like her, he figured. Still, if she said so, then it would be so. "Well- I'm glad you're here." he added.
"I'm glad you don't have to face it alone again," she replied.
He let out a light laugh, nothing more than mere chuckle, as she smiled slightly in response. She was right- it would be... easier, this way. "Yeah."
Tosh stayed silent, before she intently asked him a question. ".. What's it like?"
"This?" he gestured around, before settling on the direction he'd been facing previously, the end of wherever the darkness led being in that direction. "To be honest, this time- I think it'll be different than before."
Owen deliberated over a decision for a moment, before his eyes flicked back to her, attracting her attention again. "Tosh," he said slowly. She looked up, her face questioning.
"Yes?"
Before either one of them could say anything more, he lifted his bandaged hand- well, it wasn't bandaged anymore. It was pearly luminescent, bandage free, which it would have to be to stand out in the dark, if only a little. His soul. He walked one step towards Tosh, hand still out held towards her.
"Let's go."
His eyes were asking another question- that being, if she wanted to go with him. She didn't answer neither, only instead looking momentarily surprised and subdued; before she took his outstretched hand, clasping it tight with her own.
Her voice filtered through the dark, quiet. "Thank you."
He shook his head a little. "No. Thank you."
Whatever it was in the dark- they'd find it, and face it. They'd be together, like they'd always had cheated away from them both. But not now, not this time, as they started off that walk into the dark- the dark, which just seemed a little bit lighter than before.