Tony sits at his desk. It is late, 2100. He stares at the empty desk across from him. Ellie had been sitting there only hours ago, chatting about their new case. Ziva had sat there a few years ago, threatening to kill him with a paper clip.
Kate had sat there ten years ago.
Ten years had passed so fast. Twelve years ago she had joined them, Gibbs and himself. The woman was ex-secret service, a valuable team member.
His first impression of her was a woman, secret service, stick up her ass, brown hair, hazel eyes, beautiful, strong, stubborn. He remembers her kindness and her stubbornness, so to speak. He loved her as a sister and sometimes felt like there could have been more.
He thinks that in another life, they would have had kids, a family. A daughter, he hopes. He hopes she was beautiful as she walked down the aisle to marry him. He knows she would have been everything he dreamed of and more. He hopes that their child was beautiful with her brown hair and his green eyes. He hopes, no he knows, that he is a family first man. He hopes. He hopes that she is alright wherever she was.
Tony gets up and runs his hand over the cool desk, remembering when she would slap his hand away from it. He remembers her sleeping behind her desk when protecting Gibbs. He remembers her teasing him and how she always said his name in a caring fashion, even when she was angry at him. He remembers when she teased him and he did the same right back.
He isn't afraid to admit that he didn't want to get out of bed this morning. He wasn't afraid to admit that he almost cried when he saw the empty desk before Ellie got in. He wasn't afraid to say that he almost cried when he looked at her drawings of him. He isn't afraid to admit he wanted to cry when he watched his boss walk in with a solemn look on his face. He isn't afraid to admit that he wanted to cry when he saw his probie come in, broken, lost looking, and crying his eyes out.
He cried when he left on his lunch break. He thinks he did at least. He was with Abby in her lab. They went to her favorite restaurant with McGee. It had become a tradition of theirs. They aren't on call this weekend so they decided they would drive to her grave and visit her.
He leaves her a single white rose, just like the one he placed on her casket all those years ago.
"I love you, Kate." He whispers as he walks away, crying.
McGee barely pulls himself out of bed that morning. May 25th is a day that will always haunt him. He was still green as a leaf when that fateful day occurred. He reminds himself that he was lucky it was him that was not shot, but he feels like it should have been him, not Kate. He sighs as he starts his coffee machine and takes a shower.
The rush of the warm water reminds him of when Tony got the plague. And he doesn't remember it for Tony, he remembers it for Kate. Kate stayed with Tony until it seemed like he was going to die. Kate comforted Tim, both of whom were scared for the SFA, and talked to him in a soothing manner.
Kate… Kate was a superhero to him. She was a badass, strong, independent, no nonsense woman. He wanted to all of those things, well, but as a man. He had tried to move on and find a new hero, but he couldn't. No matter which woman sat at that desk, Kate would always be the one that he idolized the most.
McGee finally gets out of the shower, drinks his coffee, and heads to work. The orange on the walls seem comforting to him today. They bring back pleasant memories and provide him with a sense of safety, like Kate always did. He knows that there is no sniper trying to kill them today, and it makes him feel better. He watches Tony as he stares at the drawings on his desk. McGee has a few of the drawings of himself too.
He sits at his desk and looks at Tony who is staring at him, wondering if he needs a hug. McGee gets up and gives Tony a hug. Its what Kate would have wanted him to do. He sighs and slumps on to Tony, crying. McGee knows that its okay to cry, but he feels like he shouldn't in front of his SFA.
McGee orders Kate's favorite when they go out for lunch that day. He watches Abby and Tony eat in silence, just like they do every time they come here for Kate's Day, as they've dubbed it. He tells them he is driving out to see her this weekend and they agree to come along.
Later that night, he goes to the rooftop where Ari, the bastard, shot her. The stain of her blood is still there, as it always is. It is more faded than last year, but is still the reddish-brown stain it always is. He sees that Gibbs has been there, leaving white roses as usual. McGee places a second bundle of white roses. He prays for Kate, even though he usually doesn't pray.
He cries again, his eyes red and puffy with guilt and sadness. "I'm sorry it wasn't me Kate. I'm sorry."
Abby knows what day it is and she wears her pigtails up tied with two red ribbons. Kate loved the color red. It was her favorite. Abby swallows the Caf-POW! that she is drinking and sets the cup down. Kate's drawing of Abby as a bat hangs on the wall of her lab.
Abby sits at her desk in silence and leans back in her chair. She misses her best friend in silence. No rock music plays today, instead light upbeat jazz plays reminding her of home in the Big Easy. She scribbles Kate's name all over pieces of scrap paper in her lab and leaves them in a drawer. The drawer is filled with pieces of paper just like it, along with pictures of Kate and other things that remind her of the late special agent. She pulls out one of the pictures, one of Kate and herself in matching autopsy hats that Ducky wears when dissecting the bodies of the deceased for clues. She smiles at the memory of making money off of McGee that one time.
Abby runs her fingers over the arms of her chair. She gets up as she hears the elevator ding. Tony walks out, looking like he is ready to explode. She only opens her arms before he crashes himself into her. He lets out a loud sob and buries his head in her shoulder. She suddenly feels the tears she has refused to cry fall from her eyes. She presses her face against his chest and cries deeply. She feels her memories of Kate comforting her and wrapping around her like a warm blanket. She feels better now, but still hurts at the gap in her heart.
She sees that there is a vase of white roses on her desk. Someone must have placed them there while she was working earlier. White roses only symbolize Kate to her. Purity, innocence, sympathy, spirituality. All things that she associates with Kate. They symbolize the wedding that she never got to be the Maid of Honor for. The wedding of Kate's dreams.
When Abby goes to lunch with Tony and McGee she pays the bill. It is something that she always does. They don't know why, but she does. The last time Abby and Kate came here together, Kate payed the last bill. Abby felt that she would always pay the bill for them when she came to say that, in a way, she was paying back Kate.
Abby goes home that night and lays in her coffin. She remembers Kate laying in hers a decade ago and sighs. Kate's coffin was for the dead and Abby's is for the living. They were polar opposites and yet, found their way together. Abby tries to sleep but only can think of her friend.
"I really liked you, Kate." Abby whispers before falling asleep to the tune of cars and jazz.
Gibbs is silent. He usually is. He is up before dawn just like usual.
May is not their month, he decided. Life is a funny thing. Kate, Jenny, Franks. All of them died in May. His 'hiatus' in Mexico, Ziva in Somalia and the Damocles, Israel and Rivkin, the Navy Yard getting blown up, the Reynosas, the team getting split up, Tony's break up with Jeanne Benoit. All in May.
He gets out of his car, holding white roses in his hand. He makes his way up the stairs of the building and sighs. It always hurts him to go up these stairs once a year. And it's not his bad knee that hurts him.
He opens the door to the rooftop and makes his way behind the ventilation shaft that sticks out on the top. The blood stain is there as usual. He crouches down on the roof and sighs. He runs his hand over the blood stain. Kate's blood.
He knows what would have happened if Kate lived. If he had seen Ari. Franks showed him. He wishes he had done that, but at the same time, doesn't.
He sits down and places the white roses on the bloodstain. He watches the sun rise over the horizon as he usually does on this day. He says his goodbye to Kate and gets up, walking down the stairs to his car. He starts the car and drives to the Navy Yard.
He gets into the bullpen to see McGee, red eyed and slumped over Tony as usual on this day, Tony, holding back tears and comforting his probie, and Ellie quietly observing as she did last year. He sits in his desk and does paperwork as he usually does.
Then, what seems like minutes later, even though it has been hours, he gets up and goes down to Abby's lab, leaving a vase of white roses and a Caf-POW! like he usually does before heading back upstairs.
He dismisses his team at 1700 like he usually does when they don't have a case. He gets up and leaves, saying his goodbyes to each team member. He drives home and heads right to his basement.
He drinks the bourbon right from the bottle and doesn't bother to put it in a glass. No one ever comes to see him on May 25th. He likes it that way. He pulls out his project that he only works on during May 25th. He sets it on his work table and begins painting it. He decides he will finish it today. He paints it with precision and detail, making sure every inch is perfect. He sets down the paint brush and smiles at his work. He gets up and walks to the couch where he sleeps and lays there, staring at the ceiling.
A small model boat sits on his workbench. It's small brown body has a red trim. The words on its side are written in a crisp white paint. The words, ever so important, do not mean anything to those who do not know its meaning.
He closes his eyes and rolls over. He falls asleep and in his sleep says "Kate, the white rose of NCIS." Then, the night is silent.