A/N: Written for the Kink Bingo square: uniforms/military kink.
That Old Cliché
The first time Danny saw Steve in his Navy dress uniform was also the first time he admitted to a twinge of attraction.
Danny was a bit disappointed in himself, to be honest. Clearly Steve was psychotic and Danny had always thought he had some standards. To be fair, though, the saintliest of nuns probably would be hard-pressed to resist the figure Steve cut in his dress blues.
The second time Danny saw Steve in his Navy dress uniform, he was distracted, but his dick still managed to make its interests known.
Danny started to realize there might be a common theme emerging. Shit, a man in uniform? Really? Danny wished he wasn't so predictable.
As Steve was still psychotic, it was lucky the uniform didn't get much use.
The problem started when Danny jerked himself off in the shower, come mixing with the water dripping off his skin to disappear down the drain, and realized that the image in his head had been Steve. Steve's broad shoulders in that jacket, his tight ass and slim hips in those perfectly pressed pants, that fucking stupid white hat that had no right at all to be so hot.
Well, hell.
Danny wrote it off as an aberration the first time. Everyone slipped up, right?
But then it happened again. And again. Clearly his mind was a traitor, to say nothing of his dick.
When he woke up from a really amazing, vivid dream, dick hard and aching, Steve in that uniform still bright in his head, Danny was forced to admit that he was screwed. Not in the good way.
The picture in Steve's file was his Navy ID photo. Logically, Danny had always known that. After the discovery of his little problem, however, Danny became much more conscious of it. All he had to do was go on the computer and pull up Steve's file and there it was, Steve in his Navy uniform. Head and shoulders only, obviously, but Danny already knew his imagination was pretty excellent.
He definitely didn't use the ID photo as fodder for his masturbatory fantasies. That would have been pathetic. He might be predictable, but he drew the line at pathetic.
Danny was waiting for Steve so they could head out to have a few beers when the urge became too strong to resist. One minute he was standing in Steve's living room and the next he was in Steve's bedroom, in front of the closet. He was cursing himself for an idiot, but as long as he was already there, it would have been a waste not to see.
Steve's uniform was hanging in the closet, clean and perfect on its hangar. Danny stroked his fingers over the fabric and thought about how Steve looked wearing it, thought about what it would be like to run his fingers over the lapels if Steve was in it at the time.
"What are you doing?"
Danny jerked back and slammed the closet door. "You know you've actually got nice clothes in here, Steve? I didn't know it was possible. You might want to think about wearing them sometime before the moths eat them. And anyway, what are you doing, creeping around and watching me?"
"It's my room, Danno," Steve said but Danny ignored him.
"Come on already, you take longer to get ready than Rachel."
Which was a lie, but whatever. Danny needed to get out of this stupid house with its stupid temptations.
This was all Steve's fault, all of it. Danny decided Steve was going to buy at least his first beer. At least.
"Hey, Danny."
Danny flinched and spun around to face Steve. "Jesus! You can't sneak up on people like that, you're gonna give me a heart attack."
"Sorry," Steve said, but his mouth was curved in a small, amused smile and he didn't sound sorry in the least.
Also he was wearing the uniform again. Danny's eyes flickered down and back up and his mouth went a little dry.
He licked his lips before speaking and hoped he didn't look completely obvious. "Why are you dressed like that?"
"I've got a dinner, couldn't get out of it."
"Too bad for you," Danny said without the vaguest attempt at sympathy. He was too busy trying not to stare, wondering when he'd become so obsessed with Steve's neck. Was it the tie? It had to be, he just wasn't used to -
"Are you okay?" Steve actually looked concerned. Curious, but concerned.
"I'm fine, yeah, why would you even ask?"
"You just seem kind of-"
"Okay, I don't actually want to know. You go off to your dinner."
Steve's eyebrows were drawn together and he was still looking at Danny curiously, but he shrugged and let it go.
Danny was pretty sure he used to be better at subtlety.
The governor made them all attend a fundraising dinner for her reelection campaign. Danny spent the entire evening avoiding being near and even looking at Steve (why couldn't he just have worn a suit like everyone else?) which possibly served only to make everyone wonder why he was acting so strangely.
Kono sent them pictures the next day. Okay, weirdness and all, it was definitely for the best that Danny had avoided Steve. If he looked this good in a picture, who knew what Danny would have done faced with the real thing after a few glasses of wine.
"If you're done ogling my picture, Kono says we got the ballistics evidence back," Steve said from behind Danny's shoulder.
Danny choked on his coffee. Steve slapped his back way harder than was necessary. See? Definitely still psychotic, and possibly sadistic.
Danny wished his brain would remember that that should be a deterrent.
When Danny walked through Steve's door, he found himself face-to-face with Steve in his dress blues, hat and all. Oh, Jesus.
Don't be a freak, Danny, he told himself. "Oh, now you've got some Navy thing again? I thought we were having dinner; you're standing me up?" And yes, Danny did actually say that. Like they were having a date. Shit.
"Actually I wore this for you."
"What? Why would you even say that? I don't know why you would say that, what's wrong with you?"
"Geez, Danny, relax," Steve said, holding his hands up in a placating gesture. "I thought you'd like it. Sorry, my mistake. Let me change into something else."
Completely of its own volition, Danny's hand reached out and grabbed Steve's elbow. He stared at it, willing himself to let go, and felt betrayed by his own treacherous body.
Steve was smirking. "So you do like the uniform?"
God damn it. Danny was never going to live this down. "I bet that get-up helps you get laid so much."
"Some people seem to find me very attractive in it."
Oh, hell. Danny was fucked. But if he was, he at least was going to be able to say that literally. He stepped forward and let himself smooth his hands down over Steve's shoulders like he'd wanted to so badly for way too long. "If you ever tell anyone about this, I swear to God I'll kill you."
"Okay, Danno, whatever you say," Steve said and he was sounding a bit smug.
Well, clearly Danny couldn't let that stand. So he pressed himself close enough to Steve that he could feel the big uniform buttons digging into him and dragged Steve's head down for a kiss. Danny kissed him hard to get him to shut up and to wipe away that smugness and also because, yeah, he wanted to.
Steve was breathing a little heavy when they broke apart, just a smidge, and it was tremendously gratifying. His hands had moved to cup Danny's hips and he said, "Just try and be careful, will you? This thing is a bitch to clean."
End