A/N: another Linkin Park song…yeah. I was in the mood to write something dark and disturbing, and this seemed to work for me. Heart-wrenching stories seem to work best for me.
~*~Breaking the Habit~*~
I can't sell today. Can't concentrate. Its hard to make up stuff if you don't know what you're lying about. I've only sold about 10 of my 20 papes. I can't do this. I need to go back to the Lodging House.
Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again
They don't know. Nobody knows. Not even my best friend. They can't find out either. They'll try to get me to stop. But I can't. They just don't understand how much I need this.
I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused
They've noticed my irritability. They are starting to get suspicious. Jack found my blade. I told him that it was just for protection, but I don't think he believes me. they've also noticed my shaking. I can't help it sometimes. It just happens.
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm
Breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight
This is my last time. I swear it. I can't go on like this. I need to stop. Its not healthy. Every day I get weaker. I can't keep this going. This is my last time.
Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again
I'm in the lodging house now. Everyone is still out selling. I pull the blade out from my pocket and carefully finger it. I can almost see my refection in the steel. There is still some dried blood on it. I scrape it off with my stumpy fingernail.
I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused
Why should I be the one who has this problem? Why me? I didn't choose to do this over and over again. I roll up my sleeve and look at my scarred wrist. All those little marks are memories that come back. They all mean something to me.
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm
I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight
I sit down on my bunk and press the cold blade against my skin. A smooth shiver runs up my spine as I fearlessly press the edge hard against my skin. Its just going to be a little cut. Just a little one. Just like always. Nothing permanently harming.
I'll paint it on the walls
'cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends
The blood leaks out of the tiny slit. It doesn't hurt. Pain like that becomes numb after a while. It becomes a fix and the pain fades away.
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight
"Pie?" Oh shit. I should have locked the door.
A/N: so you like? Please review and tell me what you think! If you do, I'll luffle you forever! So go ahead and click the 'Go' button. You know you wanna…