I love Owl City and when I heard this I knew I had to write a fanfic about it! I don't own 'Vanilla Twilight,' or NCIS. Just to tell you, this is when Gibbs goes to Mexico. By the way, I know Mexico and the eastern coast are in different time zones, but I didn't know how to work with that. Then again, it could be read as different days. I also didn't know the woman's name who delivered their food and phone calls were so I'm just going to make up a name for her. Well, anyways, here you go…
The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere
Gibbs went outside the shack and walked close to the water. He sat down where tide ended. He opened the bottle of bourbon he had taken with him and took a sip. He stared forward… at the ocean… at the sunset. The sky was a mandarin color, and the sun itself was a dark, golden yellow. It was beautiful. It seemed to harness the same beauty of the woman he came to think about. Abby. His Abby. The woman he had left without saying a word, only a kiss to the cheek. He came here to think about how he felt about her. Everywhere he looked, he saw her. He couldn't see anything else. No matter where he was, somewhere he could see something that reminded him of her. He didn't see her in any of the women he saw. No, none of them could compare to Abby. When he looked at them, he just saw women. Abby wasn't just someone. She was always a little more than that. He could never really explain it. She wasn't just smart… just kind… just beautiful. She was just more.
Gibbs sighed deeply, taking in some of the salty air. Abby had always been like that to him, but he was just now realizing it.
When he left, he had told everything something he thought was relatively important, but with Abby, he just kissed her cheek. It had probably saved either one of their dignities, but he wished he could've said something. He wasn't sure what just yet. Another reason to come down and think. He should've at least said 'good-bye,' but he didn't. He thought about how she looked when he left. Her eyes were brimming with tears, and she looked so sad and alone. This was a look he never wished to see again, but every once in a while, that face would attack his thoughts. He looked back at the sun again. It was almost completely hidden by the horizon, and its color was darker. The waves began to shimmer in what moonlight that was coming into dominance.
It was becoming cooler, which felt good after a long, hot day. He wondered if Abby missed him. By the look she had given him before he left, he would think so, but people change. He was definitely a good example. What used to be a man that had his hygiene well in tact kept himself busy with work, was now a bodily unkempt man who smelled of heavy liquor, beer, and other alcoholic beverages. He didn't want to believe she didn't think of him, but he couldn't avoid the possible truth. He wanted to call her, but he couldn't. She would have to call him, and then wait a few hours before a possible answer. He laid back in the sand on his elbows and just stared at the slowly appearing stars.
Because I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
Abby just sat in her lab, listening to some music. It was some softer music, kept at regular volume. Her lab doors opened and she jumped. "Tony!" She cried. "Don't scare me like that!"
"Sorry Abby. I just came down to tell you you were going to be alone." She turned. "Okay. Whatever." Tony cocked his head. "Abby, what's wrong?" No answer. "Abby… tell me."
"Why?"
"Because I'm worried." She turned to look at him. "How worried?"
"Very."
"On a scale of one to ten?" Tony thought for a moment. "Ten? Look Abby, just…"
"See? You're not him." Tony gave her a puzzling look. "I'm not who?"
"Gibbs." She whispered. "Abby, I'm not trying to be him." She turned directly to him. "Yes you were. Just then. You were trying to find out what was wrong just like Gibbs would." Her voice shook a bit. "But, you messed up when you answered ten. Gibbs wouldn't have answered me. He would've… he would've interrupted me mid-sentence and demand me to tell him." She looked away from him, feeling the tears coming. "Well, I'm sorry Abby. But… is this about Gibbs?" Then she attacked him with a hug. She was crying hard, and all Tony could do was hug her back. "I miss him so much." She managed to choke out. He didn't reply. He couldn't say, 'We all miss him Abby.' Of course they did, but not as much as Abby did. He just stood there, hugging Gibbs' (how could he say his?) crying lab tech.
"Do you need me to stay with you?" He asked finally. "No. I think I'm just going to go home."
Abby walked in her apartment, her face still tearstained from crying in the car. She dropped her keys on the counter then went straight to her bedroom. She changed into her pajamas and got her iPod. She sat up in her bed and half-listened to her music. She mainly thought of what just happened. Had she really cried over Gibbs? It would make perfect sense to. He was her best friend, other than Bert, and she really did miss him. A lot. There was something more to her tears, though. She couldn't exactly put her finger on it, but there was more to it. She lay further down in her bed and stared up at the ceiling. She didn't really pay attention to the music, but it always helped her drift into thought easier.
The song that was playing now was a nice, soft, love song. That helped her think more.
She really did miss him. There was no doubt about it. She missed her friend. It wasn't abnormal. The only thing was that she missed him a little more than a friend would, and perhaps should. Maybe it was just because he hadn't said a word to her when he left. All he did was kiss her cheek, then left. She should've spoke against his yielding finger. She told him not to go. He might've listened. He probably would, at least if she asked. That's how it always went. She would ask if she could do something, and he would just reply, "All you have to do is ask." It probably wouldn't work that time though. When it came to big decisions, Leroy Jethro Gibbs rarely had a change of mind. She always thought she was the one that could change that, but she had her doubts. She decided to think on this later, than slowly drifted off to sleep.
"Gibbs!" She woke up screaming. Well, more like choking out from her tears. She had a terrible dream, but… she couldn't remember. She picked up her phone and dialed the number, the one number she dialed the most… then she put it back. Gibbs was gone. Even if she called him in Mexico, he wouldn't get the call for another day or so. She needed him now. She began to cry harder than she already was. She needed Gibbs back. She needed him more than she ever thought she could.
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
Because I wish you were here
Gibbs sat in the shade of the porch, looking out to the ocean once again. It was 12:15. The high tide was coming in where he would be sitting, but it was still a bit too hot to be sitting out there anyways. Mike Franks stared at him for a bit, then tossed him a beer. "What are you thinking so hard on, Gunny?" No answer. "Gunny?" Still no answer. "Probie!"
"What?" Gibbs answered in an annoyed tone. "What are you thinking about? And don't you dare say nothing, 'cause you've had that same look on you're face for the past week."
" It's nothing you need to know."
"Relationship issues?" Gibbs thought on the question for a moment. 'Well, I guess you could say that."
"Then keep me out of it. Another reason I came to Mexico." Gibbs ignored the remark and went on thinking. Had he just referred to Abby as 'a relationship issue?' They were just friends, but then again he'd be lying. They were friends, but since he started thinking, he could tall there was a bit more than that. Not much, but enough to be noticeable. It was growing long before he left, and he hated the fact he didn't know what it was. He couldn't think of a name for whatever he was feeling for Abby. The only thing was 'love,' but it couldn't be. She was his friend, and nothing more. At least, he couldn't think of it being more. He wished she would call her. Maybe just talking to her would calm his thoughts. They would talk for a while, her saying how things have been going, him telling her about whatever she wanted to hear… That was it! Telling her whatever she wanted to hear about it. The woman had him wrapped around her finger. She was the only person, other than Shannon and Kelly. But at this thought, he became confused. Shannon and Kelly… the two people he had loved the most, and still loved. It couldn't be though. He was obviously getting on the wrong track. His old picture-perfect family verses his picture-perfect friend? It didn't make any sense. Then he saw Marissa coming with the phone. "There was a phone call…"
"From who?" Mike asked automatically. "… For Senior Gibbs." She handed the phone to him. "A woman." Gibbs slowly took the phone and pressed the call button. It only rung twice, then someone picked it up. "Abby?"
I'll watch the night turn light blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly
"Gibbs? Is that you?" Abby asked slowly.
[Well, I don't know Abs. Who else would you be calling in Mexico?]
"Gibbs! It is you! Oh, I- we've missed you so much! Sorry I haven't called sooner, but I didn't really know if I should or shouldn't because I don't really know what you do down in Mexico, and…"
[Abs! Calm down. Why did you call?]
"Well! Can't a person just call their friend who they haven't seen in forever and probably aren't ever going to see in a while because they moved to Mexico?"
[Well, yes, but I know you Abs. You aren't calling just because you can. What's wrong?] Abby paused a moment and sighed. "I… had a bad dream a couple of days ago and… I wanted to talk to you about it."
[Okay. Tell me about it.]
"Well, it was… about you. You remember that guy you killed in Mexico?" There was silence for a moment. "Gibbs?"
[Yes.]
"Well, he had a brother, then… then… then he came to kill you. You tried to fight him off, but he was a bit younger than you and stronger. He knocked you out, then he waited till you woke back up to kill you. I kind of just called to make sure you were still okay."
[Abby, I'm okay. No one's coming to get me. I promise. Now, please don't cry.] Her voice shook a little. "You can't promise that Gibbs. It's not fair because you know you can't keep it. It's not fair." She started to cry a little. [Abby, please stop crying. I hate it when you cry.]
'Well, I can't help it. I'm worried about you."
[Well, how about you call me every day? That you know…]
"That won't work Gibbs. They can make you say things."
[Abby. You're over-reacting. What can I do to show you I'm okay?]
"Nothing, I guess. You're not going to come back… I'm probably wasting your time. Bye."
[Ab-] She knew he was about to speak. She didn't want to hear any more promises. She might as well forget. Nothing she could do would get him to come back. She went back to bed, talking to herself and doing her Gibbs impersonation.
The silence isn't so bad
Till I look at my hands and feel sad
Because the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly
It was almost time for the sun to set. Gibbs headed out to the beach and sat down. No beer this time. He needed to think clearly, even though he had only taken one drink from last night's beer. Either way, he didn't want to temp himself to drink more when he thought deeply about the upcoming question: Was he in love with Abby?
He thought of all the things that would make that statement false… Nothing came to mind. He couldn't think of why he couldn't love her, other than the age difference. He obviously knew right then the pros definitely outweighed the cons. The list in his mind of reasons he could love her was endless. But how could he feel that way though? He wanted to love someone that would always love him back, like Shannon. Gibbs didn't entirely doubt this was untrue, but there was a high possibility. Why would Abby have any reasons to love him anyways? He was a cold, hard man. He only softened around Abby. This was all just his imagination. He couldn't love her. It was probably just the beer he had earlier getting to him.
The stars were coming out. Shannon and Kelly loved looking at the stars. They always avoided well-known constellations and went looking for the ones they had made up. There had been a tree, a mailbox, and he believed a turtle. He looked at the stars, trying to find the old constellations he hadn't dared search for in years. He found the tree and the turtle, but before the mailbox, of all things a heart.
At first, it all seemed like a cruel and corny trick God was playing, but Gibbs called it his own anyways. Afterwards, he just stared at the sky, not really looking at the stars, but the blackness. The dark. That was the place his heart and mind was in at the moment. He didn't understand, but of course, no one can understand if or why they're in love. It seemed like a sensible thought. Sensible. He laughed as he thought of it again. Talking about Abby and sensible all at once... really?
Quit getting off track! He shouted mentally. Admit it! She already has! Now it's your turn, Gunny! Admit that… "I miss you." He whispered to himself. He really did. There was nothing else to say. He wanted her there in his arms, saying how sorry he was for leaving. He needed to go back, but he couldn't. If not for himself having a clear conscious, for her. He knew he couldn't stay, and that would crush her. He got up and left. He needed to leave this for tomorrow's thoughts.
I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
Because cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone
Abby was in her lab, half-asleep on her computer desk. She needed rest. She hasn't slept since she woke up after talking to Gibbs. She was having too many nightmares… all about Gibbs. All about Gibbs dying some horrible death. Soon, Ziva came walking in the lab. "A-" Then she stopped herself, seeing Abby's state. She knew exactly what was going on, even if neither Abby or Gibbs saw it. She was a Mossad agent, and she was highly trained to see things such as this. Even if her hunch was wrong, she could ask Ducky to do a physiological autopsy. She was pretty sure she was correct though. Why can they not see it? She thought. It is right in front of their heads. They are in love. But then again, they could know that and be keeping behind locked windows. Either way, Gibbs needs to come back. Abby has been having so many nightmares… and she's so tired. And if not for her, for the rest of us. Everything is so different. McGee is acting like Tony used to be, Tony is acting…un-Tony, and Ducky, poor Ducky doesn't even babble about some event that happened decades ago… Beginning to feel awkward just standing in the lab, she turned to leave.
But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone
Gibbs sat at the coastline once again. He didn't think, he just drunk in the nighttime air. Of course, he had to think of something, since it was physically impossible to not think of anything at some time. What else would he think of, other than his Abby? He loved her, he admitted it, but how could he go back? He may love her, and she might've, but not anymore. He had left without any good reason. He had left without saying a goodbye, just leaving a kiss. He last kiss he thought he would ever give her, but it would all change soon enough…
As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
…"I love you Abby." Gibbs told her hoarsely. He slowly took his hand to her cheek and brought her face closer to his. He kissed her temple, her nose, then right beside her lips. Soon after, he just lay there with a glassy look…
"Abby. Abs, wake up!" She sat up abruptly, Tony beside her. "Abby, what's going on? You were crying again…" She didn't let him finish, she just hugged him and cried into his chest. Tony was once again speechless and stood there, hugging this broken woman. Jenny came walking in slowly. "Tony, if you don't mind, I'd like to talk to Abby alone." He nodded, then slowly parted from his friend.
Abby just sat there, tears still running down her face. "Abby?" Jenny asked softly. Abby just nodded. "You need some time off. Just to get your mind off things. Agent Gibbs retired. He won't be coming back. Just go home and think. Maybe get some sleep." She shook her head forcefully. "No. I'm not leaving. I'm not taking a break. We've been slow lately. I just need some more evidence to analyze…"
"Abby! That wasn't a suggestion…" Abby gave her director a disgusted look, then took off.
She didn't need a break. She didn't need sleep. All Abby needed was him… Gibbs. She thought of him too much. That's what kept her awake. She didn't need thoughts. She just wanted him to be there. She wanted his comfort, his caring… his possible love. She couldn't hope too much for it. She just wanted him to be there again. Everything could be just like it used to be. It would all be like he never left.
She was in her apartment, watching some corny soap opera. She liked watching soap operas when she was down. She liked to point out how it was so realistic, but yet so unbelievable by the terrible acting. She had Bert by her side, incase criticizing didn't do anything. She looked at the clock. 1:08. She felt desperately tired, and maybe she did need some sleep. The naps might've been giving her nightmares. She stood up and headed toward her bedroom, but she heard a knocking at her door.
When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again
Gibbs drove up to Abby's apartment building. He just sat there for a moment, still in the Drive shift. He still didn't have to do this. He could save both of their dignities. He Gibbssplapped himself. No, he had to do this. If she wasn't there, he would wait. If she was, he'd tell her. He'd tell her everything. How he loved her, how he missed her, everything. He put the car in Park, then slowly got out. With every step he took, he thought about whether this was a good idea, whether she would feel the same, if anything would be the same after this.
He soon stood at her door. His final thoughts were, I don't dive a damn, then he knocked on her door. He waited, and there was no answer. She was either gone or asleep. Then again, it was a little after 1:00, so who would answer the door? Then all of a sudden, the door opened slowly. Obviously Abby would.
The door opened, and he didn't see Abby. He saw a sad-looking woman, who looked even more tired and heartbroken. Below her eyes were circles, and her eyes themselves were red. What was wrong? What happened while he was gone?
And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here
She saw him. After all these months that she never thought she'd see him again. She could tell he shaved. On the phone he sounded different. He had had a mustache. She looked over him, she could tell he changed somehow, but she didn't care. She attacked him, making him breathless. "I missed you so so so so much! I didn't think you'd ever come back! Why did you come back?" Gibbs hugged her back. "Because I missed you." He whispered in her ear. Abby stopped squeezing him, then parted. "You didn't come back, did you? I mean, you're not staying, are you?" Tears were already forming in her eyes. This time, he hugged her. "Of course I am. I wouldn't leave you again."
This confused her. Did he say that wrong? She knew she loved him, and he may possibly love her, but did he mean to say leave her? Didn't he just mean in general? "I mean you." He whispered. She hated how he did that. It would always seem like he materialize when she found something, he seemed to always know if something was wrong, and he just always knew. "What am I thinking of now?" She whispered. There was a pause in there conversation. "I don't know."
Gibbs loosened his grip on her. Abby tightened her grip on him. "I don't know." He kept saying. "I don't know Abs. I don't know." He parted from her. He walked around the hallway, finally saying, "I'm sorry Abby. I have to go." Gibbs headed towards the exit, while at first, Abby just stared at him. Soon she barged down the staircase and stood in front of him. "Abby," he started, "Please. There's not enough time for…"
"Yes there is." Abby stated. "You said you weren't leaving. There's plenty of time for anything in the world. I missed you Gibbs. Look at me. I've been suffering nightmares and haven't slept. I hated work without you. I hated everything without you." Gibbs tried to pass her, but she persisted. "You missed my birthday. I know you couldn't call, but you could've at least sent a birthday card. You missed the anniversary of Ziva's first day at NCIS. You missed everything. You didn't miss anyone or anything. Everyone missed you!" She yelled. "I missed you. So much." She whispered. "But you! You just went on some happy little vacation! You just sat your happy little self down drinking and laughing and never thought about anything!" Tears were rolling down her eyes, while small tears were forming around Gibbs' eyelids. "Abby, that's not true. You know that's not true. I thought about you, every day. I didn't think- I didn't think…"
"You didn't think what?" She demanded. "I didn't think that you would miss me. I can't- can't say it." A large tear just rolled down his face. "Abby…please…just…can't it…tomorrow?" More tears ran down his face. Abby covered her mouth. Oh, God, she thought. What have I done? How could I—How could I… She broke down. "I'm sorry. Sorry! I'm just… I… I…" She cried harder and dropped on a step. Gibbs dropped beside her and gently wrapped his arms around her. He repeatedly kissed her temple. "Please, please stop crying Abs. I hate it when you cry. Please…" She gasped heavily for a moment, then breathed evenly, her tears slowing. Gibbs gently turned her face to his, then laid his forehead on hers. "Abby," he whispered. "I love you." She cried into his chest. "I love you, too." He kissed her temple, then her cheek. He gently took his thumb and wiped a stray tear, then softly kissed her lips. They slowly deepened the kiss, then just sat on the stairs in awe of each other.