Disclaimer; I own nothing, characters belong to Stephenie Meyer and any pop-culture references belong to their respective owners. I only own the plotline and any original characters I may decide to put into the story in the future.

Authors Note; Well, here it is, my new story. I hope you'll enjoy it, both those that are familiar with my old work, like Two Steps Back, and those that are new to me and my kind of writing. Remember to leave a review at the end, I live for them; they always put a smile on my face xD

Amber.

- December, 2005 -

December 28th, 2005
Forks, Washington

The recently beautiful tree stood in the middle of the small room, needles dropping slowly to the ground, one by one. He leaned against the doorjamb, arms crossed, staring at the slightly pathetic sight.

It reminded him painfully of his daughter's current state.

Scratching a hand across his chin, he narrowed his eyes and pushed away from the doorway. Turning away from the depressing sight, he walked heavily up the stairs and entered the room to the left without knocking first.

There was no need.

"Bells," he said, despite knowing he would get no response. She didn't even seem to realize that he was there. But from experience the past few months, he knew she was more aware than she appeared. "I want you to come down and help me with the tree. Now."

Knowing better than to wait for a reply, he simply turned and walked back down into the living room, passed through and made it to the garage. He got a hold of the empty boxes and carried them back into the house, not showing his surprise at seeing Bella standing in his previous spot.

A stranger would have said that she was looking at the tree, but he knew the truth; her eyes weren't seeing anything.

"Good, you're here. Help me get the stuff off and packed away for next year," he spoke, handing her one of the empty boxes.

In utter silence the two spent the next hour clearing the tree of any and all decorations. Charlie didn't let himself get emotional or nostalgic when his hands closed around the home-made things that his daughter had created as a child.

It would only make her current mood more devastating.

When the last box was locked up in the garage, Bella turned without looking once at her father and made her way to the stairs. Soon after, he heard the soft click of her door closing and he sighed, rubbing a hand over his chest and blinking away the tears.

It was so easy to let himself feel it all, when he was alone. And despite Bella's presence in the house, make no mistake that he was all alone.

Had been for three months now.

He blew out another breath and walked slowly into the kitchen; he didn't know how much longer he could take this. It was breaking his heart, piece by piece.

Leaning against the fridge, he picked up the phone and dialed the familiar number. Looking around the spotless room while he waited for the other end to pick up, he wondered how a zombie could be so clean and orderly.

And Bella was a zombie, no doubt there.

He heard the soft voice answer across the line and turned back to the fridge. "Renee, hi. I'm sorry about calling so early, but I didn't know what else to do."

"Bella," she whispered, her heart in her throat. "Nothing's changed?"

They had been hoping that the holiday their daughter once loved so would bring her back out, if only just a little. They were disappointed.

"I'm afraid not. I got her to help me with the tree just now, but she didn't speak a word and went right back to her room after. I'm really at a loss here, Renee. How am I supposed to help her?"

"I wish I had the answer, Charlie. Phil and I have been discussing it a lot lately and neither of us are any closer to a solution than you are. Have you spoken to Dr. Gerandy recently?"

He cracked his back and thumped the back of his head against the fridge door. "Last week, but all he said was that the heavy catatonia from September is still gone, thank God. Physically, there's nothing wrong with her; she's as healthy as a horse. He gave me the number of a shrink, but..."

Renee sighed, recognizing his pause. "But if she isn't even talking, how is that supposed to help?" She finished for him.

"Yeah," he replied, running a hand through his curls.

They had often had conversations like these; they had spoken more in the last three months, than in sixteen years, combined. It was astounding, but Charlie realized how much it helped. He was able to more easily accept that his ex-wife had moved on and found a good man and, in turn, he felt like he'd soon be ready to do the same, as well.

But not until his daughter was back; she was his main worry at the moment.

Perhaps he could try and talk to her tonight; she was always at her closest to sanity when she had just woken from a terrible nightmare.

As much as he hated the way she cried out his name, he would take it if it was all that he could get. And until then, he would just do his best not to break down and show her how much this hurt him.

Even if that was next to impossible.

-*- La Luna Bella -*-

She walked across the parking lot, headed towards the office. The wind blew her hair all around and sent a chill down through her bones. She pushed the backpack up higher on her shoulder and tried not to frown too deeply.

She had promised herself to try.

Pushing open the office door, she stepped inside and immediately wished she hadn't. Before she could act a coward and walk back out, however, the curiosity in her won out over her fear.

He was standing at the desk a few feet away, bent over and talking to Mrs. Cope in low tones. So caught up in his conversation, he didn't appear to notice her standing there. She forced her body up against the back wall, trying to get as far away from this enigma of a boy as possible.

Waiting for him to leave so she could breathe again.

But it was there, in the almost biting silence, that she finally realized what the two other people were talking about; he was trying to get out of the one class they shared together.

His velvet voice was low and persuasive, as he almost whispered into the woman's ear, like a lover would. Trying to charm her to do as he wanted, she surmised. But Bella was listening no longer; captured in the shock of the moment. Why was he trying so desperately to get away from her?

What had she done to warrant such disdain and anger?

Her eyes began to sting and she ground down her teeth, refusing to let anyone see her tears. Not now. Her hands clenched at her sides as she fought the sudden urge to strike out at him, with both her words and her fists. What was it about this boy that brought out her rare violent side?

As she thought and listened, the door beside her opened and a gust of wind flew into the room, rustling the paperwork on Mrs. Cope's desk and swirling her hair around her face. Just as quickly as it began, it ended, as the young student quickly left again, before the door had even shut behind her.

It was such a normal event that she would never have noted it in her mind, if not for the response that it garnered.

She watched, frozen against the wall, as his back stiffened and he slowly turned his body around. She realized that the glare of utter hatred was in his eyes before he even saw her, as if he'd already known she would be there. And still she couldn't help but notice how devastatingly handsome he was.

Stupid girl.

The hairs on her arms stood to attention, as she felt her entire being filled with fear unlike anything she had ever felt before. The moment could've lasted forever or a second, for all she noticed, before he finally turned back to Mrs. Cope and she could begin breathing again.

"Never mind, then," he spoke, rushed out and almost too fast for either female to capture. "I can see that it's impossible. Thank you so much for your help."

Turning on his heel, and without looking at her again, he quickly disappeared from sight; she didn't even hear the door close behind her.

She stared at the older woman before her, eyes wide and shining with unshed tears. No longer able to hold back her emotional response, she just wanted to get this over with so she could go to her car, drive home and lock herself in her room.

Where she would finally let herself cry.

-*- La Luna Bella -*-

Charlie found himself standing in the hallway at three in the morning, waiting for what he knew was coming. It was certainly better than being woken from a sound sleep, by the pained screams and cries of his only daughter.

This way he would be prepared to help her the instant she woke.

This time he was leaning against the door to his own bedroom, legs crossed at the ankles and hands moving nervously back and forth between his hair and face. He didn't know what to do with himself, to be honest, and it was a bit unnerving to the usually assured police officer.

But things were always different when a child was involved.

Regardless of the fact that Bella had been eighteen for three months she would always be his little girl, whether she liked it or not. Whether she accepted it or not.

His thoughts were interrupted by the shrill scream he was waiting for; he rushed into the room and gathered her up in his arms, as she slowly came fully awake and realized where she was.

And just as every night since he left, there was light and understanding in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, daddy," she whispered, bowing her head and letting her tears soak into her father's night shirt.

"Shh, honey, don't apologize. Just tell me you will continue to try and get better," he pleaded with her.

She slowly began to shake her head, trying to clear her mind of the images of her dream. No, not dream... memory. Her throat closed and she found it hard to breathe for a few precious seconds, before Charlie's words punched through the fog.

"I am trying, but it's so hard. So painful."

Charlie nodded, understanding completely. "Will it help if I send you to a therapist, Bells? Dr. Gerandy gave me the name of a woman who's supposed to be really great, especially with teenagers."

Bella wiped the flow of tears away from her cheeks, though more continued to fall. "I doubt it, dad. Not until I'm ready to talk about it, or talk at all," she said, referring to the state she was in during the day.

He reluctantly and silently agreed; words he had been afraid to use with Renee earlier. "I have to admit that I was expecting no less. So long as you promise to continue trying, I promise to keep having patience with you. But you know this hurts me, too, don't you, Bells?"

She whimpered and squeezed his back. "I know, daddy, and I hate it, but it's not enough. Yet."

He smiled, but there was no joy in it, and ran a hand shakily down her long hair. She smelled of sunshine and freesias and he bit down on his lip to keep the sobs away. "I'll be here for you when you're ready, okay?"

But he knew he had lost her, as a white sheen ran across her eyes and her body began to slack. She fell down onto the bed, still awake, and staring into nothing at all.

She was gone. Again. But tomorrow night she would be back. And he would speak to her for a few precious moments. Again.

It was all he could do right now. That and one other thing.

Wait.

-*- La Luna Bella -*-

December 30th, 2005
First Beach, La Push

Lauren pushed at Tyler's chest, glaring at him when he only laughed in response. She hated when he got this way, became too confident and no longer treated her like the princess she was. She huffed, crossed her arms over her chest and turned away, signaling to her girlfriends to follow.

As always, they did as instructed.

Jessica sent a longing look toward Mike, before leaving with her friends, but he didn't even notice. He was too busy watching the parking lot up ahead, where a familiar police cruiser just parked.

An ever-quiet Bella stepped solemnly out of the car and Charlie sighed, as he did often these days, speaking to her even though he knew she wasn't hearing him.

"Why don't you go find your friends, Bells? I'll be right over there with Billy, Harry and the others," he said, pointing to the spot out of pure habit.

She never even turned toward him, but she still complied, whether due to auto pilot or because she was planning it anyway he didn't know. He waited until she was standing with Angela Weber and Ben Cheney, before twisting around and making his way to his own friends.

"Hi, Bella, I didn't know you were coming," Angela smiled at her friend, though like the Chief, she knew it was useless.

But also like Charlie, she would never give up.

Bella seemed to be shrugging her shoulders, though Angela could just have been imagining it. "Why don't you come join me and Ben? We were gonna go sit on some fold-out chairs that Mr. Mallory brought. They've got a cooler of soft drinks and some sandwiches, too."

Bella's lips pursed and she never looked her friend in the eyes, but she sat down obediently and took the offered soda. Angela kept talking. "Did you have a nice Christmas? The twins got me these beautiful earrings," she said, sticking out her head so Bella could see. "And Ben made me a photo album of all of us through the past year. What did you get?"

Angela glanced with worry at her boyfriend and he lay a hand over hers. "Maybe Ang can bring the album when school starts? There are some great pictures of everyone," Ben said, trying to be helpful.

But they both knew it was useless.

Having done what they set out to do; try, they lapsed into silence and just enjoyed the quiet company and the bonfires scattered all around the large beach.

Everyone was camped out in what a teenager would call cliques; the Native Americans who owned this land kept mostly to themselves, paired up in parents and kids across from the pale faces, who were distinguished in the same way.

It seemed both towns were here; Forks and La Push. Angela had never seen First Beach so full before and it warmed her heart. The only thing that would make this evening perfect, would be to have her friend back the way she was.

Before Edward Cullen ruined her.

Almost as if she sensed that someone was thinking the forbidden name, Bella rose from her creaky chair and walked down to the shore. She was feeling suffocated, having gotten used to the solitude ever since Christmas break began and she no longer had to go to school.

But even then, she sat alone in the cafeteria, at their old table.

Refusing to turn and look at the crowd behind her, she wrapped her arms around her stomach, trying to keep the hole from falling too much apart, and stared out into the deep, murky waters beyond. Wishing she could be like the sea; eternal, beautiful and adored by all who came to see.

She had had that future in the palm of her hand once; or perhaps she had only fooled herself. He'd always been so insistent she stay as she was; human and fragile. Maybe she had never had a chance.

Only one person would know and she was gone, too, along with her brother.

Gone, gone, all gone and she was stuck down the rabbit hole, never to escape.

The cheerful laughter and toasts to a new year rang out all around her, but she wasn't paying attention. All she could see in front of her was a pair of topaz eyes and a crooked smile.

It was all she ever saw.

-*- La Luna Bella -*-

She ran through the woods as fast as her legs could carry her, hair blowing all around her and trees blurring with her speed. Her ankles stung from the wounds made by branches on the ground and her eyes stung from the wind that burned her face.

But still she didn't give up.

She had to find him; had to tell him that she loved him, make him come back to her, even if just for a second.

Any less than that and she'd never be whole again.

The trees bowed inwards above her, as if trying to keep her locked up in their menacing embrace. She wanted to cry out in outrage and defiance, but she had been silent for so long, she could no longer find the voice to speak with.

It was as gone as her humanity now.

And then she heard a familiar sound calling out to her from the darkness of the forest.

"Bella," the voice teased, high and melodic in its purity.

"Alice," she gasped and stopped running, looking all around her for the girl she had so missed. "Alice, where are you?"

"Belly," Emmett's deep, baritone voice sounded to her right, but when she turned he wasn't there.

Tears began to fall unbidden down her pale cheeks. "Please, I can't find you. Come to me, please."

More voices rang out in the darkness and she recognized each one of them; they all spoke in different tones, ranging from the sweetness of Esme to the harsh dislike of Rosalie.

They were all calling for her.

Except for him.

She waited and waited, sifting through the voices for any sign of a familiar velvet one, but it never came. The voices grew louder, a cacophony of booming sounds that overtook her and forced her to her knees.

She crouched on the wet ground, fingers digging into her skull to ward off the oncoming headache threatening to tear her apart. Why were they doing this to her?

"Why?" she whimpered, bottom lip shaking and eyes stinging with tears. "Why won't you show yourselves?"

She felt it then; a whisper of something familiar coming from another part of the dark forest. She knew what it was, who it was from, but still she heard no voice calling out her name.

He was hiding from her.

She rose from the damp earth and clenched her fists, tightening her resolve; she would find him, if it took forever.

And like that, she began to run again, heading towards that feeling she was having... each time she felt as if she was closing in, it would jump away from her again, switch to her left or above her.

She cried out her outrage and grief; why wouldn't he let her catch him?

"Edward!"

-*- La Luna Bella -*-

Once again, Charlie was there waiting with open arms when she came awake screaming, torn apart by the images of her nightmare. He wrapped her up in a warm, familiar embrace and she let her tears soak his nightshirt.

She blinked again and again, against his chest, trying to make sense of the confusing and heart-wrenching events of her dream; it was a different version of the same. Always searching, always failing.

It felt like the story of her life, these days.

Charlie ran a hand over her hair, whispering soothing words into her ear, and for once she actually heard him. She squeezed her eyes shut, feeling so angry and disappointed with herself; how could she do this to the one person who cared so much? How could she force him to watch as she continuously fell apart?

Only made worse by her slight moments of lucidity at times like these.

She was a cruel person and did not deserve the love, support and patience of a man like Charlie Swan.

Father or not.

Perhaps sensing his daughter's downward spiral, he forced her back, holding her by her arms. Taking one long look at her, he shook his head and tightened his eyes; he would not let her do this to herself.

"I may not know the details of what happened, all those months ago, but I do know that it was not your fault, Bells. Stop blaming yourself, please. It will only do more harm than good, trust me, honey." He pleaded with her, hoping this would be that rare time when she would actually listen.

He was wrong.

Simply offering her father a weak smile, she slipped back into the safety of his arms and tried to pretend that things weren't as they had been for so long now. Tried to pretend that the reasons she had for needing Charlie's strong hold on her, was something small and almost unimportant.

But with the truth glaring her in the face this was a difficult notion to convince herself of.

And her father wasn't making it any easier.

"This was a bad one, wasn't it, Bells? It felt different... sounded different. It's getting worse," he finished, not with a question, but a sad statement.

They both knew the reality.

She sobbed at the pain in his voice. "Yes, daddy. I wish it wasn't true but I don't know how to stop it. It hits me out of nowhere, crawls inside and it won't let go. Why can't I make it go away?"

"You can, sweetie, you can. You're the only one who can. Just be strong, be the girl that I know you are. Push it away, come back to me." He begged, fingers almost digging into her flesh as he pressed his nose into her hair.

Willing away the tears, he waited for her response. When time passed and none came, he carefully untangled himself from her embrace and looked at her. His teeth bit down so roughly on his bottom lip that he drew blood, when he saw her face.

She had disappeared inside herself once more; he didn't even know if she had heard his soft-spoken words of wishing.

But he would repeat them every night, until they punched through the fog that was his daughter, of that there was no doubt. He loved her too much to ever give up, give in they way she had seemingly done. Given in to the pain and grief of it all.

And once again he found himself cursing the day Edward Cullen came into his daughter's life.

Even if it meant cursing the day Bella moved to town, to him. He would rather have her miles away and still an enigma, than know her better and have her as she was now.

Rather the wish than the reality, in a million years.

But he was never that lucky.

-*- La Luna Bella -*-

December 31st, 2005
Forks, Washington

The sky was aglow with wondrous colors and shapes as the entire country celebrated this turn of the clock; New Years Eve.

But there was one household that stayed dark; empty and barren of all laughter and joy.

Bella sat completely still by the windowsill, staring out into the lightened up sky of her small hometown. Everything seemed so much bigger when fireworks were involved.

Her head was resting on a clenched fist and every now and then her brown eyes would be lit up by the vibrant colors of the outside world; but that was the only life that was in them, at any moment.

Charlie found himself often tearing his eyes away from the game on the screen, to stare at the back of his daughter; she didn't move once in the two hours it had now been since she came downstairs.

He didn't even know why she had felt compelled to come spend the night with him; he had expected her to stay in her room through the entire evening. But here she was, quiet and still as always, dark, empty eyes staring into nothing at all, only a whisper of breath escaping her now and then.

Charlie sighed; if only things would change. That was his New Years resolution; to see even a glimmer of the old Bella.

Just a tiny spark, that was all he asked of.

But maybe it was too much.

He had no idea that he would have his wish granted on this very night; though certainly not in the way he had ever imagined it.

Suddenly, Bella moved, and it shocked him enough that he spilled some of the beer from the can in his hand. Calming his racing heart, he appeared completely normal when she finally turned around, glancing at him for a split second before turning for the hallway.

He knew she was heading back up to her room.

"Happy New Year, Bells," he whispered, once she was gone, not ready to deal with the pain of seeing her unresponsive attitude to his caring words.

Up the stairs and to the left, in a small room not cluttered as you might expect from a teenage girl, Bella sat at her desk, computer on and whining in ancient complaint.

If she was going to stay awake past midnight, she might as well get some homework done, right?

Even if school didn't start up again for another week.

Tapping away at the keys, eyes on the screen and teeth gnawing on her bottom lip, she worked and worked, not once sensing the movement of time. Hollers and cries from outside didn't touch her, nor did the blast of fireworks or sirens coming through the night.

Only when a soft knock came on her door did she sense that there was someone else in the world besides herself.

"Time for bed, Bells," her father spoke, soon disappearing again.

As always, not waiting for a response.

She couldn't blame him.

Rising from her seat, she stretched her arms above her head until she heard a distinct crack going up her spine; she'd been sitting down for far too long in the same position. She walked across the room, blinking through milky eyes and wasn't watching her feet.

And then she was on the ground.

The crash had been both loud and silent in her ears, though the blood flowing quickly through her brain told her that it had been a bit more severe than she was used to; though not enough to warrant a midnight visit to the emergency room.

She stayed sitting on the floor, rubbing her aching head and trying to stem the flow of tears from the pain. It was rare for her to feel any emotion lately, even physical pain, so it had taken her a bit by surprise.

But not as much as what happened next would.

Bella tilted her head inquisitively, staring at the floor before her, wondering what was wrong with the image. Turning this and that way, even twisting her legs around to get a better look, it took her a while, but she finally managed to grasp the difference.

The floorboards were uneven.

Furrowing her brows, she crawled forward and stuck her cracked nails as far underneath one board as she could get them and then she pulled upwards. Groaning against her attempt, it took a few tries before she finally got it loose and pushed away from the rest of the floor.

The first thing to catch her attention was the tiny spider that crawled forth from the darkness and skittered across her cold room. She didn't even flinch, just stared oddly at the tiny specimen and returned her vision to the black void that was the floor beneath her room.

Not caring what she may find, she stuck a hand inside and felt around for a while. Coming across something hard and solid, she stuck out the tip of her tongue as she maneuvered the object around a bit, trying to get it unstuck.

When it finally lay before her, it was not was she was expecting.

Covered in a see-through plastic bag, it appeared familiar and yet she couldn't place it. Curious, if only slightly in her haze, she slowly and carefully began to unwrap the items inside and placed them on the floor beside her. When the wrapping was off and thrown to the side, she finally took a look at the contents.

And like a light switch, Bella was back.

And she was pissed.

Authors Note; And there we are. It's probably not the best it could be, but I am currently looking for a Beta; if anyone reading this knows of someone or is someone with experience, good grammar and spelling, great at catching switches in tenses and excellent with plot development and character voices, PM me. Please, I'm pretty desperate! xD

Amber.