Hey! Random 270 word drabble. Sorry for the delay in writing, I've moved countries and I've been so so busy!
*Warnings of self harm*
It feels strangely satisfying, running your hand over healing cuts. I have seven on the inside of my left elbow. They're healing now, slowly. It's a funny thing y'know, you know why you did them but it's like falling into water and falling out again – I'm not explaining myself very well. You're upset, crying, unable to move, can't breathe, and when you drag that blade across your skin you feel good. It hurts but that' also good, it makes the agony inside your chest bearable. No one understands why you do it. it wouldn't make any sense – it's a small situation blown out of proportion by your mind but something in it is real – the sense of that thing ending. It is the most important thing in the world. So important you turn around say 'next time your break my heart, make sure it kills me.' Because you'd rather die than live without it. That's the real reason why, but it's inevitable. Your heart will be broken again. Life is a bitch isn't it? A fucking bitch. You loved them, they broke you heart, and you still love them.
The next day, you're ok. You still feel a little sad but better than last night. That's what I mean when I say it's like falling into water. You fall into the mid set of it. It's a place inside you that you can't go very often. I haven't been in years. You fall, you cut, you sleep, you carry on, carrying the cuts and watching them heal. It's feels strangely satisfying, running your hand over healing cuts.