Disclaimer- Not Mine
Seriously what the fuck happened to my life? Its times like this when I wonder how I ever got to this point. Sitting in this cunt's kitchen eating her nasty muffins is where I had my epiphany. My life sucks. I had known this years before and said this to myself and many other people many, many times yet, of course in of all peoples' kitchen it had to be hers.
Let me break it down for you: Everyone hates me. Period. Granted I bring most of it on myself. But, I think some people should fucking understand where I'm coming from. When your first love just dumps your ass high and dry to go off frolicking in a field of daisies with your borderline retarded cousin you're gonna be just a tiny bit pissed off. But noooooo. Leah Clearwater is the famous town bitch.
"Why cant she just be happy for them? I mean she's had years to get over it"
"They are such a perfect and beautiful couple"
"Remember when Leah Clearwater was so happy and nice?"
And that's just some of the shit the crack addicts in La Push say about me. Had they ever had their heart broken before? Maybe. But, probably over some stupid shit like getting stood up for a dance. BIG SHIT. I don't think every person in their so- called "family" hates them just because she's got some issues.
I try to make them see sense. I really try. But, they cant seem to get it through their 'thick as fuck' skulls. I still remember the day I had patrol with Jared and Paul the day of Sam and Emily's wedding. Oh joy.
"I hope those two assholes fuck each other into non-existence". I said to cheer my self up. It didn't work so well.
"Leah, what the fuck is your problem?". Paul started.
"Yeah, why can't you just be happy for them?" Jared added in.
I was so tempted to bite both of their dicks off right then and there, but I've seen their thoughts and I think that they would be into that kinky type of shit. I shuddered at the thought.
To add insult to injury, I was so sick of hearing "Why cant you just be happy for them?"
Happy. For. Them. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. No.
Why should I be happy for the two people who single handedly ruined my life? Turned my heart and soul black and…….ahh shit now I sound emo. Well I did cut myself a couple times before……
"Just for two god damn mother fucking seconds can you look at it from my point of view? Just please?" I almost begged. I hated begging. It made me look like a tool.
"Fine" They said in unison.
"What if Kim or Rachel just decided to one day leave your asses to go bang your cousins? And to add to that, you have to see them be all lovey-dovey right in front of you all the fucking time. They barely notice until they finish sucking face with each other. And picture if they were wolves like us. You get to hear and see every thought and image they have of them. And to go to their wedding that you know was supposed to be yours. To see them have kids that you know were supposed to be yours. Now do you even know how I feel? Even remotely?"
I finished my rant and saw that those two pussies were almost crying.
"Faggots". I thought. "You two should really just get it over with and go gay for each other"
Oh. Shit. Yeah, probably shouldn't have done that.
"YOU FUCKING BITCH!. Rachel would never do that!" Paul screamed as he lunged toward me. I quickly dodged him.
"Yeah, Leah. We thought for a second we could have a real conversation with you and then you pull something like this" Jared said sympathetically, whilst shaking his oversized wolf-head.
The one thing I hate more than being inside Sam's head is sympathy. Well….that and Chris Hansen. It's like, 'why don't you take a seat over there bitch'.
Once again I failed at trying to get through their skulls. And they couldn't take a gay joke? Were they almost ass-raped in the locker room in high school or something? Unfortunately, no. I would've seen it. Well damn.
Aside from everyone abandoning me…oh I didn't tell you that part? Well here we fucking go AGAIN. We all know how Sam and Emily left me to go bone each other in a meadow filled with hearts and rainbows. But, you guys don't know is that my idiot mother has dumped me to go lick Emily's asshole just like everyone else. I know were getting off topic again, but seriously guys, what is with Emily? Does she have rainbows shooting out of her cooch? Beer-flavored nipples? I don't know. That is one mystery I have yet to crack. And I don't intend to.
But, aside from my mother helping plan Emily's wedding (which was supposed to be mine BTW) and Seth failing at his attempts to become exactly like Sam….(who would want to be a dead-beat douche bag who abuses his power as "alpha" buy telling people to do whatever he wants them to do, not what's "best for the pack"? My kiss-ass little retard of a brother of course!) the pack is the most annoying out of the people who worship Emily like the scandalous whore-goddess of satan that she is. So she cooks muffins for them? BIG SHIT. That's all she does is wait on them hand and smelly-ass feet.
I. AM. THEIR. MOTHER. FUCKING. SISTER. Let me repeat that, I'm there god damn sister. So what if I'm a "bitter harpy" who bitches and moans a lot. I help them kill vampires. Our natural born enemies. I don't simp around the kitchen all day baking gross muffins. I'm actually doing something productive, and saving lives by killing bloodsuckers.
But nooo. I'm still not good enough. I mean, I don't try to prove myself to them or anything it's just I think I'm entitled to a little god dame mother fucking respect around here.
For example, when you hear someone talking shit about your "sister" you defend her. I can take care of myself it's just that I would like some fucking acknowledgment once in a god damn while.
Fuck.
Just because you bake and you got your face mangled people will practically pay to kiss your ass.
Let's move on to Jacob now. Always a fun topic.
Let's see he got his heart broken, during the time that I was still trying to heal mine and I thought that maybe just maybe one day there was a chance that we could be together.
Right when we started to get close…….
He imprinted.
On a half vampire.
Named Renesmee.
This is not a joke.
Yes, he in fact imprinted on the cuntbucket daughter of whiny-ass Cum dumpster Bella Swan. Excuse me, Bella Cullen. Like any of you give a shit am i right or am I right?
Also, she liked to bite him. A lot. Now, that's gonna be a fun honeymoon. When he gets his balls bitten off he sure as hell better not come crying to be, because I'm not gonna be the one to sew them back on for him. He can get his fellow alpha (who's not even the rightful alpha, he gave that position to himself-shocker) Sam to do it. With his teeth. Oh, what a fun sight to imagine.
Anyway, I cant talk anymore about the demon spawn they call Rendfjsdfjdf or whatever because I am almost 100% sure ill get a seizure.
I was jolted back to reality by Emily annoyingly shrill voice practically screeching in my ear.
"Would you like a muffin Leah?"
"No thanks I'm not hungry now" I responded being as polite as I could. Which wasn't much at all.
Douche bag alert! Of Course Sam had to shove his ugly ass nose where it didn't belong *cough**cough*Emily's vagina*cough*cough*.
"Leah" Sam said sternly in his bullshit 'alpha tone'. Remember what I said about abusing his power?
"Emily offered you a muffin now take one"
I reluctantly took one and took a small bite. Really small. Small as in Sam's dick-kind of small.
Little did they all know that when the king and queen of douche weren't looking I would throw the piece of shit muffin out the open window.
Sam and Emily are really the epitome of an abusive relationship. It's subtle but its there. I think that she secretly has to live in fear of Sam clawing at her face again so she just floats around the kitchen all day baking for her "wolf boys".
Speaking of the whole claw-to-the-face incident what the hell was that anyway? That dickface almost clawed my cousins face off, yet she was the one to comfort him? Bitch please.
All in all I guess I was just always at the wrong place at the wrong time. I'm the girl anachronism.