You can feel his bulge pressing against your nook, and you choke back a sob. You love this boy so fucking much, you—god, you can't believe you're thinking this, but you trust him so completely and you just want him as close as physically possible.
John wipes something damp from your face and presses a gentle kiss to your cheek. It's only then that you realize that you're crying, leaking actual tears, and you let out a whine.
"Please, John, oh god, please, I–I need you, god I love you so much…" You can barely control the words coming out of your mouth, so overcome with emotion. How is it even possible to love someone this much?
He just smiles down at you sadly and plants more kisses on your tear-stained face. He's just being so sweet and gentle and you feel like a puddle of jelly underneath him. More sobs force their way out of you, your body shaking. John leans down, brushing his lips against your ear and whispering comforting words.
"Shh, Karkat, it's okay, I love you too. It's okay, you're okay, I'm here…"
You feel so stupid; why are you crying? John thinks you're sad and now you're making him sad! But you're not sad, you're the opposite of sad. You're so filled with feelings of pity and love and you can't stop the tears and the pathetic little hiccupping sounds wracking your body. You bury your face in the crook of John's neck, kiss the tender skin there, drink in his taste. You wish this could last forever.
"John… John…" You chant his name like a mantra, unable to think of anything but him on top of you, surrounding you, inside you. Finally you draw your legs up and wrap them around his waist, pulling him forward. He gasps and presses in, breath stuttering as you envelop him.
"Oh god, Karkat, just, oh…" He pushes in as far as he can, and you feel so completely full. It's amazing and strange and it feels so perfect, having him like this, so connected to you and it's all you can do to let out an embarrassingly high-pitched moan.
"Karkat, god, you're so beautiful," and he sounds so sincere that you believe him, even though you know it's not true; you're not beautiful, he is, he's so much more than you deserve. But he's proven time and again that he wants you, he loves you, and so you count your blessings and hope he never changes his mind.
Your legs tighten their hold on his waist, and he rocks his hips just ever so slightly, and god yes you can feel his every movement and it's so wonderful and why can't you stop crying? John just kisses away more of your tears, caressing your face and telling you how beautiful you are despite the fact that you probably look like a mess, face sticky with your dried mutant fluids, nose running, eyebrows contorted and mouth silently gasping, the occasional whimper making its way past your lips.
He continues his movements, gently pushing in and out, occasionally planting kisses on your lips and jaw and ears. You wrap your arms around his shoulders, feeling his warmth and holding him close.
"—please John please I love you so much you don't even know please don't leave me don't go away please…" You don't even realize you're babbling until he stops your speech with another kiss and presses his body as close as possible to yours.
"Karkat, shh, I'm not going anywhere, I would never leave you. I love you, Karkat, I love you so much, you're so perfect, I just want to make you happy," he whispers, almost urgent in tone, and his sincerity shocks you yet again. It really shouldn't; you've known John for so long now, and you've always known that he doesn't lie, not where it really counts. Still, even like this, you find yourself confused by his affection. He says he loves you, he says he won't leave; he says he thinks you're perfect and beautiful and he wants you to be happy. You're quite certain you don't deserve him. You don't deserve any of this, and that makes the sobbing come back harder.
By this point, your breathing is ragged and your body shudders with every breath you take. The sounds coming out of your mouth are absolutely pitiful, you sound like a wriggler and you're disgusted with yourself. But John doesn't seem to think so; he just keeps eating up your noises, gently rocking back and forth and making you feel so amazing, and in spite of all your self-loathing, you find yourself feeling happy, really truly happy, and it makes a knot in your stomach. The pressure in your eyes forces more tears to spill over, and you sob loudly because it's all too much. Too much passion, too much pleasure, too much of John whispering sweetly in your ear and touching your face so lovingly and filling you up physically and emotionally.
His breath is soft and warm against your face, and his eyes stare at you with so much affection, his lips curved into a gentle smile and you realize that you're causing that, you're the one making him feel this way and it feels like basically the greatest accomplishment ever. The two of you move together and you run your hands up and down his back, and eventually you feel a warmth growing deep inside of you and you can tell by the quickening of his breath that he's not too far behind.
John begins thrusting into you just a little faster, careful as ever but perhaps with more fervor, and it's difficult to make out over the blood swimming through your ears but you're pretty sure you hear your name fall off his lips a few times. Your entire body tightens and another sob chokes its way out of your throat, followed by a long, low moan and you shudder as you finally release, genetic material spilling from your nook, washing over John, and you see him tense as he climaxes as well.
Spent, he slumps down onto your chest and breathes heavily.
"Oh my god, Karkat," he pants. "You're… god, I just… I love you so, so much." He looks up at you and brushes a hand against your cheek, wiping away some of the stale tears. He pulls out of you and you draw him up with your arms until his face is aligned with yours.
"John, I… I love you too, you're so amazing, I don't even…" It's difficult to form a coherent sentence, but you're pretty sure you get the message across well enough. He tilts his head down and kisses the corner of your mouth, tongue darting out to taste your tear-streaked skin. Eventually he rolls off of you and onto his side, pulling you close and wrapping his arms around you, and you feel so safe and protected and loved. You bury your face against his chest and listen to his heartbeat as he runs his fingers through your hair, sticky with sweat and tears. Finally you feel collected enough to speak.
"Why do you love me, John?" you ask tentatively. He pulls back and looks down at you as though he's unsure if he heard you right.
"Why do I love you?" You nod. "Karkat…" He plants a kiss to your forehead. "Karkat, you are the most amazing person I know. You're so brave and loyal and I know you don't like to show it, but you care so much about everyone. You have so much love to give, but you don't let yourself receive. When I'm with you, I… I feel like I need to hold you and kiss you all over and show you how much you're loved, because I see you sometimes when you feel like it's just you against the universe, but I want you to know that I'm here with you. I'll always be standing right here with you, no matter what. God, Karkat, everything about you is worth loving; I just wish you could see it like I can."
His words are so heartfelt, so honest and filled with love, and you can feel the sting of tears threatening your eyes again. You nuzzle into him and hold him as close as you can, knowing that he means every last word.
He's not going to leave. He'll always be there. He'll always be yours, and he'll always love you as much as you love him.