A/N: So my dog died earlier this week. I've been really depressed and the review I got on The Fourth Quarter Quell definitely didn't help. Unfortunately there's no reason for me to really be upset and bitch about that, considering the fact that it was indeed a critism I needed to review. I've made a game plan on how to fix that, and you'll be seeing an update to that story within the next few days. I just need to sit and think on it, honestly.

This story is going to have a couple more chapters. It won't be too long, but once I finish the series (should happen in the next couple of weeks), I'll write a nice long Destiel fic. For now however, this smut shot should be enough to hold anyone over. If you don't like it, congrats, I'm not super fond of my writing in the first place. You're a very good team. I'm very happy to have the support I've had for the while that I've had it. If you don't watch Supernatural, watch it. NOW. It's really good, if you can get past the crazy grizzle of the show.

I'm actually pretty proud of this story, for the most part. I'll keep it up if you want me to.

~Bee~

Breathing Cas

Chapter One

Dean sat outside the small, dinky motel room in silence. The wonderful thing about motels was if he needed space, all he had to do was step outside. His throat was raw, from yelling and rigorous dry sobbing. He'd been praying for Cas for hours, screaming his name in the parking lot, scaring the neighbors, earning looks of anger from the manager. It was no use; no matter how much he paced around and around the block looking for Cas, he wouldn't show up. He needed Castiel, now more than ever; Dean begged silently – he was even starting to cry. It was unlike Dean to cry; he had actually surprised himself. Was this angel so worth it? All these tears and unreciprocated feelings? But for Dean, it was. He felt with Cas differently than he did with anyone else. Perhaps it was their supernatural bond that had held them together through all of these years they'd known each other, but Dean wasn't sure, and he was so tired of waiting on the sorry bastard. Cas felt like his soul mate. He wasn't sure what that meant, but the thought made his heart leap into his throat.

"Cas," said Dean hoarsely. "Cas, please. I need you. I need you right now and you're not here and I'm sorry I keep calling you down but please, Castiel. Please." He jumped as the door opened next to him, and Sam poked his head out. There was pity in his dark eyes, and Dean loathed him for it.

"Dean," he said, softly. "Come inside please. I really don't think Cas is coming this time." Dean shook his head, refusing to look at Sam. He hadn't really been able to since Sam got his soul back; he was too scared that one wrong look and he would send Sam back to the driveling, sorry mess he'd been a few days ago.

"He has to come." said Dean. He looked down at his feet, avoiding Sam's gaze as much as possible. "He promised me, Sammy. When he dragged me from that pit, he promised he'd always come." Sam tried his hardest to keep his laugh internal, and just looked at Dean, a smile spreading across his face. He felt sorry for his elder brother; it was so deeply obvious how Dean felt for Cas, (and vice versa) it surprised Sam that it had gone on for the almost three years that it had with no action from either. The way dean moved around Cas; how, when he appeared at random with words only for dean, his face lit up like a Christmas tree; how he tried so hard to hide the smile that always rushed to his lips at a fond memory of the awkward Angel; how, even after a few hours apart, Dean always hugged him like he hadn't seen him in years. It was so obvious to Sam, and yet they seemed so oblivious. Dean was frowning now, staring at Sam's shoes in confusion to his constant hovering presence.

"Whatever you say, Dean." Sam replied.

"Cas, you promised." He whispered after Sam shut the door. Dean wasn't mad, but he felt like his heart was beating 100 miles an hour. There was a flap of wings, and Dean looked up into miraculously blue eyes, only inches from his face.

"Hello, Dean." Said Castiel, eyes softening when he saw the tears still caught in the corners of Deans eyes. "Is something the matter?" Dean shook his head, smiling lightly, blinking away his tears. "I am sorry I couldn't have been here sooner." He paused for a moment, thinking obviously very hard. "There was traffic." Cas winked, and Dean laughed at the slightly off gesture.

"Where'd you learn a joke, Castiel?" asked Dean. Castiel shrugged, trying not to show his shiver at the sound of Dean pronouncing his full name. The way it rolled off his tongue made Castiel feel so… unnaturally happy. He wasn't sure what this sensation was called, but he liked it. He kneeled in front of Dean, sitting back on his heels.

"Is there any specific reason you called, Dean?" asked Castiel. He placed a hand lightly on Dean's face. Tingles radiated from the sit of Castiel's touch, and Dean's green eyes fluttered in shock. Cas cocked his head to the side, looking at Dean with curiosity. After a moment, Dean shook his head, shrugging away from Cas' touch.

"No. I just… needed some friendly company." Castiel looked confused, as if this was no ta good enough reason to be called away from Heaven.

"What is wrong, Dean?" asked Castiel. Dean looked at him, pursing his lips in an attempt to keep tears at bay. "I have never been summoned by anyone to simply keep him or her company, but especially not you. I am not nearly as good at it as people would assume." He moved slowly to Dean's side, looking down at the ground. He pulled a small, colored, hard paper package out of his inside pocket and nudged Dean in this side. "Would you like one?" he asked, when Dean looked over. Dean looked confused. "They're called cigarettes. I believe they're quite popular on this planet. I enjoy them immensely myself."

"I know what they are," said Dean. "but what I don't know is where did you get them? And… and when the hell did you start smoking?"

"Um." said Castiel softly. "I don't, really." He lit a cigarette, taking a deep drag. "You can buy them at just about any convenience store or supermarket, Dean. I figured you of all people would know this."

"Okay… so what are you doing right now?" asked Dean pointedly, then taking a cigarette for himself. It had been a long time since he'd smoked; after he left Lisa he'd had a few, but nothing too serious.

"I'm relaxing." said Castiel. His head fell, chin resting on his chest. "I am tired, Dean. I also need a friend right now, but I don't think I am a very good one." Dean shook his head, chuckling. He turned to Cas, nudging him until he looked up.

"Cas, no matter what I say to you, you will always be my best friend on this whole apocalyptic, suicidal fuckin' planet. You've kept me alive more times than you should have. Cas… I… honestly I feel like a friggin' chick sayin' this, but I love you, man." Castile looked at Dean, surprised. He took a few minutes to process these words, before leaning in and kissing a very shocked Dean directly on the mouth. Dean sat in a stunned silence as Castiel pulled away, dragging his cigarette contently. He glanced at Dean, and the smile on his face was whipped away by a look of pure confusion.

"Was that inappropriate?" he asked gently, concern riddling his voice. Dean started to laugh; it was a beautiful sound to Castiel.

"Damn it." said Dean when he'd finally stopped. He turned to Castiel, pulling his face close rather violently and teasing him with the feeling of his lips. "You… fuck you, Castiel." Dean muttered angrily. He stood, throwing his cigarette down, laughing again. "Fuck you, and fuck this." Dean turned towards the door, placing one hand on the doorknob, starting to turn it.

"Wait, Dean." said Castiel, grabbing Dean's pant leg in desperation,

Dean yanked away, scowling. "Go fight your fucking war, Cas. I don't want this right now. I… can't even think about this." Turning the doorknob, Dean threw open the door, and walked inside, slamming it behind him. He heard the soft flap of wings, and knew Castiel was gone.

Dean hadn't told Sam what happened that night with Castiel. He'd only been able to think about that since it had happened, however. His mind ran circles around Castiel kissing him, making more of what the Angel did than what was necessary. The feeling of Cas' lips on his hadn't been washed away by the numerous cold showers, and he'd been distracted during this most recent hunt. He couldn't even remember what they were hunting, some Celtic God gone rogue. He'd taken to driving around late at night to "think over the case", but really the thought of nothing but Castiel's soft lips on his. The Angel hadn't shown since the incident; was he embarrassed? Or perhaps just giving Dean the naturally needed amount of space he'd practically demanded. Dean laughed at each idea – there was no way that Castiel understood either of those concepts, especially the idea of space. The Angel was so oblivious… so fucking stupid…

Dean shook his head, gunning the engine and speeding down the dark, straight North Dakotan highway. He surveyed the dark grounds – not a car in sight, and the stars were so bright it was like driving on a cloudy day. There were so many out in this wilderness, Dean found it almost enlightening. He pulled over, dipping down into the grassy ditch next to him, putting his baby in park and stepped out, turning his face towards the Heavens.

"Castiel, I pray for you to get your ass down here so we can talk," he said, a grin curling across his face. It was the first time he'd smiled in days. The flap of wings signaled Castiel's arrival. Dean turned towards the sound, seeing a disheveled and desperate looking angel.

"Cas," said Dean, looking him up and down, walking quickly towards him. Cas was visibly shaking. "Are you okay?" Cas' eyes were wide with fear or sadness; he looked as if he hadn't stopped moving for darys. He shook his head slowly, eyes not moving off Dean's face, as if he were afraid he would pop out of existence as Castiel so often did.

"I'm sorry, Dean." He said, eyes filling with unexpected tears and throat suddenly thick with emotion. "I also believe I am leaking." Dean reached a hand out, gently caressing Castiel's face. He wiped away the tears that fell from his eyes with one fluid motion of his thumb and smiled softly.

"You dope, you're not leaking. You're crying." replied Dean with a gentle tone. Castiel nodded in reply, stepping slightly closer to Dean. He moved to take his hand back, but Castiel held it there, feeling pleased with the pressure and warmth of his best friend.

"I have never felt like this before, Dean." Said the angel softly. Dean looked at him, confused. "Dean Winchester… I…" Castiel trailed off, looking at the stars, freeing Dean's hand, which fell limply to his side. "I believe I am in loe with you. I am the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition, so we very obviously have a strong bond. But it's… it's more than that. There's a physical aspect to it I am not used to. Never in all my centuries of being… me… did I think I would tell a weak mortal I love them.

"But you are so much more than that. You are strong and brave and forgiving. You give everything to your brother and your family and keep nothing ofr you rself. And I am so sorry for all that I have done, both to you and to Sam. But that is nothing compared to how sorry I am for not telling you how I felt sooner, before the civil war, before the apocolypse, so maybe you could reciprocate and… I am just sorry.

"If… if it would not be too upsetting for you this time, I'd like to kiss you now, please." Castiel finished in a hurry, looking down at his feet. His face was red with embarrassment. Dean used one figner to lift Castiel's chin, looking at the beautiful Angel with kindness and softness. He smiled and nodded his approval; Castiel lunged forward, pressing his lips against Dean's, winding his arms tightly around his neck, feeling whole for the first time in centuries.

The world reeled when Dean kissed back. A thousand human songs filled Castiel's head, and Dean was the one who gripped him tight this time: One hand pressed hard against the small of Castiel's back, the other wound itself gently into his soft hair. Lips parted, breath was shared, tongues met in anguish and incredulity. When they stepped away, Castiel was smiling softly and breathing hard. He had never felt quite this strongly about anything – Heavenly or otherwise. There was a war to fight back home, that was true – but could it wait for Castiel to feel as though he'd had enough? Until Castiel was sure he'd feel whole like this forever?

"I have to go, Dean." Said Castiel, face breaking into lines of heartache. Dean knew it wouldn't last, but he also knew this wouldn't be the final touch, the final kiss. There would be more. He would call again. He nodded to allow Castiel passage, a light frown touching his features. Castiel leaned forward, kissing him once more, drawing out his departure. There was a flap of wings, and he was gone.

A/N: So, again, this isn't my best work. But I'm proud of it. It's long, and exciting, and brings me to the edge of my seat when I read it. And I'm the one who wrote it.

If you enjoy it and would like to hear more about this certain adventure with Dean and the Angel Castiel, please follow/favorite/review so that I will know to write more.

Love you all. ~Bee~