"Parental"

Everyone else saw it coming, from the moment that mothering the others became a joint effort between Bruce and Phil. From getting them to clean up before and after meals, and even cooking together, to making sure that they got to bed at a reasonable hour, Phil and Bruce became the unofficial parents of the Avengers and their friends.

Even Asgard's royal family wasn't immune. Odin and Frigga were with everyone else in the gym, watching the team spar, when Bruce hurried out of the elevator.

"All right, get ready for lunch!" he called. "All of you. Now."

"Weren't you wearing different clothes before?" Tony asked, and he grinned slyly. "And your hair was tidier. What've you and Agent been up to?"

Bruce huffed, and scrubbed a hand through his messy hair.

"We got a bit ambitious with the food, and it's not like we've practised those dishes, so we've had to start again," he said. "Now get ready to eat. You have half an hour."

They were all disappointed to find out that Bruce wasn't lying; it really was just lunch. One dish had exploded over Bruce, causing his change of clothes. There was nothing amorous going on.

It all fell into place one quiet, innocent evening. Over the weeks, Phil and Bruce had gone from working on different dishes separately, on opposite sides of the kitchen, to working around each other with easy, unspoken precision, sharing responsibilities and light, innocuous touches. Incredibly domestic, and almost hypnotising to watch.

Bruce was chopping vegetables and dropping them into a saucepan. Phil passed him and fetched a fresh bottle of cream from the refrigerator. He leaned around Bruce to put the cream on the other side of the chopping board. When he pulled back, he placed his hands on Bruce's hips and kissed the back of his neck. Instinctively, Bruce turned around and pecked Phil on the lips. He gave him a sweet smile, and began to turn back.

They both froze.

"I… I'm sorry," Bruce began, gaze flicking to Phil and then away again. "I didn't mean to—"

"No, it was my fault," Phil said. "I shouldn't have—"

"I was the one who took it too far—"

"But I started it—"

"Hang on," Natasha said, and they stopped talking. "You aren't actually together?"

"No," Bruce said, and Phil shook his head.

"Why the hell not?" Clint asked.

Of course this had to be the one time the other Avengers were all there early, and watching the final preparations.

"I don't know," Phil said.

"You don't know?" Bruce said, staring at him wide-eyed.

"I'm… I'm trying to think of any good reasons we shouldn't be together," Phil said, and he blinked slowly. "I'm having trouble with that."

"I can think of why—"

"Okay," Phil said, taking a step back and holding up his hands. "Ignore your big green alter-ego. Why shouldn't we be together? We work well together, and I like you. I really like you."

"You're like our parents, only you actually care about us," Tony piped up.

"Are you saying that I'm not good enough for you?" Phil asked Bruce.

"What…? No, I'm—"

"That I don't deserve a handsome scientist with a genius IQ, and an innate desire to help the downtrodden?"

"Uh…"

"And maybe I don't," Phil said. He stroked Bruce's hair back behind his ears. Bruce stuttered reassurances. "I didn't see this before, how I felt, but I do now. And I'd like to try for something, if you'll have me."

"But… the Other Guy…"

"You want me to object to the part of you that makes you a superhero, and not just a hero?"

Bruce gaped wordlessly. Phil moved closer to him, backing him up against the bench, and dipped his head so that their noses were touching. He waited for Bruce to make the next move, watching his eyes for any hint of green.

"Just kiss!" Steve exclaimed. Phil jerked back in surprise, and the motion snapped Bruce out of it. He hauled Phil back by the collar of his shirt and attacked his mouth, to the cheers of their friends. Phil chuckled, and wrapped his arms around Bruce's shoulders, returning the kiss wholeheartedly.

After that, they began more tentatively. Making meals together was a bit more intimate – deliberate embraces and kisses – and they went on the occasional date. Phil became Bruce's personal post-battle carer, and acted as nurse whenever the doctor had to administer first aid to one of the other Avengers. A couple of months in, Bruce spent the night with Phil. Breakfast was half an hour late, and the others ribbed them for all they were worth, but it was all in good fun.

Finally the day came when Bruce moved in with Phil. After years on the run, he was still in the habit of keeping few possessions; it was easier to leave Phil's suits and weapons where they were, and move Bruce's few boxes' worth of stuff to Phil's floor. As soon as they finished unpacking in the bedroom, Clint tossed confetti over them from where he was lurking in the vents, and escaped before Phil could chase after him.

"You'll get yours, Hawkeye!" Phil shouted after him. Bruce just cuddled him from behind, laughing as Phil grumbled unintelligibly.

"You could always ground him," Bruce said. "He'll listen to 'Dad'."

"Does that make you 'Mom'?"

"Right up until I'm a rage monster. Then it's 'Sir' to all of you."

"I like your thinking," Phil said. As Bruce nuzzled behind his ear, he sighed, and slowly spun around in his boyfriend's arms. "I like your thinking a lot. But… I can't see myself ever having to ground anyone on the team."

Bruce watched, amused, as the rest of the Avengers sank back in their chairs. Even Natasha moved back an inch, and dropped her gaze. Clint and Tony looked sullen. Thor and Steve looked ashamed. Phil just looked pissed.

"You're… I can't believe I'm saying this," he said. "You're grounded. All five of you."

"This is what you get for calling them our parents," Clint muttered to Tony, who flashed him the finger. Bruce cleared his throat.

"You understand why we're doing this," he said. "It's because any of you could have gotten killed today."

"Kind of goes with the territory," Steve began. He quieted with a look from Phil.

"Recklessness to save civilians is one thing," he said. "Recklessness in an attempt to show off and outdo each other… is stupid, and dangerous, a-and stupid, and you could've been hurt, so don't do it again." He clamped his lips shut, and glanced at Bruce. The scientist shrugged, and stroked Phil's shoulder.

"And you're all going to bed early," he said. "JARVIS, make sure they have their lights out by ten, and they're not allowed to watch anything."

"A full lockdown?"

"Like we discussed in the elevator," Phil said. He relaxed under Bruce's hand.

"I'm starting to feel like a teenager again," Tony said, rubbing his eyes. "This is my tower. JARVIS is my AI."

"On the contrary, I agree with Agent Coulson and Dr. Banner," JARVIS said. "I am disappointed in you, sir." Tony's jaw dropped. "Lights out at nine."

"Dismissed," Phil said, his tone clipped. He continued to frown as each Avenger passed, nearly dragging their feet. It was almost ridiculous, and if things were different then he might have laughed at the whole situation. But he'd nearly lost most of his team that day. If it wasn't for Bruce – well, the Hulk – he would have lost at least half of them. If Phil hadn't thrown his earpiece out and jumped into the fray when he did, Tony and Natasha would have been seriously injured as well, if not dead.

So yeah. He had every right to be angry. Bruce kissing his neck made things only marginally better.

"Sit down," Bruce murmured. "I'll make you some coffee."

"Better make it tea," Phil said, massaging the bridge of his nose. "I need to unwind."

"That's why I'm here," Bruce said, already wandering off. He waved to the sofa. "Sit down, Phil. I won't be long."

Phil nodded, and sank into the cushions. He snagged the remote from the coffee table, and switched the TV on. The news was full of that day's battle, and he winced as he vicariously relieved the whole terrifying ordeal. He kept wondering whether he could have done things differently, made the Avengers behave themselves. Even the commentators had picked up that they were making some foolish mistakes through misdirected bravado.

Bruce tutted when he came back into the room, a mug in each hand.

"Stop thinking about that," he said. "Change to another channel."

Phil grunted, and took the tea that Bruce offered him. "Thank you. We'll need to do a full debrief tomorrow. At least I gave Fury my report earlier. It's enough to be getting on with."

"Good. I'm glad you're learning to relax."

"It's all thanks to you, sweetheart. You keep me sane."

Bruce squirmed, smiling secretively. Phil raised an eyebrow.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing," Bruce said.

"Really. What?"

"Just…" He grinned, as though he couldn't help himself. "You called me 'sweetheart'. That's all."

Phil smiled softly, and placed the remote down. With his free hand, he pulled Bruce closer, and kissed the top of his head.

"I'll call you nothing but 'sweetheart', if you want," he said.

"Not in front of the kids."

"No," Phil said, and he sipped his drink. Hot, brewed just the way he liked it. "They're still grounded until further notice."

"What will further notice be?"

"As soon as they drive me insane with their whining."

Page 14, round 23, Avengers Kink Meme on LJ:

"Just anything about Bruce and Coulson and quiet, collected guys being absolute badasses and drinking tea together in the evening while watching the news. IDEK."

Haven't heard back from the OP about whether or not the fill was any good, so I'm hoping that my readers like it anyway. Please like it. *Puppy-dog eyes*