Saf is not under the impression that any of this is not wrong. It's just that, given his options, this is the closest to right he worries he can get.
He has burnt his bridges (one of them literally, a quick escape from monster wolves just before the start of the tunnel back to Estill), so even though he craves her he knows it's not a real thing that can happen again. She had asked him to stay, and he had refused. He hadn't understood at the time that he would not have lost himself. Or maybe he would have. Lost himself in her and never worked out the person he could be. It's an impossible thing to tell.
Hava's skin is soft and warm under his touch. It helps that she is shaped like her, of a similar size. There is no dissonance when he touches her in this form. None when he kisses her, though she does not kiss him back with the sense of urgency he craves. She doesn't taste right, too much like tears and not enough like electricity. He pretends it doesn't matter. It's the closest thing he'll get anymore.
The ring he wears for her catches the dim lamplight, a brief sparkle of grey and purple stones in the near-dark. He watches it press into her skin, and kisses Hava hard.
"Sparks."