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"All aboard! Last train to Timber is leaving in five minutes!"
The blue-clad woman gathered her bags and headed towards the train, the medium sized dog following behind her. As she passed, the conductor smiled warmly at her. As was customary to her, she smiled back, but she felt anything but warm and caring at the moment. She was leaving, leaving the life she thought she would live for the rest of her life. It still hurt so much to think about it.
Of all the things I believed in
I just want to get it over with
Three days ago, everything had been fine. She had been teaching her classes at Balamb Garden like she had been in the three years since she received her Instructor's License. Because of her help in the Sorceress War against Ultimecia, Rinoa had been ordained a full-fledged SeeD when she had returned to the Garden with the others. She had begun working towards her Instructor's License soon after and had achieved it easily. She had moved into the Garden to start a new life with Squall.
And three years later it had all fallen apart.
Tears form behind my eyes, but I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by
Rinoa absently wiped away a stray tear as she took her seat on the almost deserted train. Angelo curled up at her feet and started dozing off almost instantly. She had hoped for a private cabin, but her rush to depart had proved to yield nothing but a lonely seat at the back of the coach section. She wasn't used to traveling like this, but under the circumstances, she would deal with it. It wasn't like a little but of discomfort was going to matter now that her heart had been ripped out and stepped on anyhow.
Squall. The love of her life. They had been married a year after the war and had been going strong ever since, or so she thought. She would never forget the look on his face when she had walked in on him with one of his students in their dorm room, in their bed.
FLASHBACK
Rinoa walked down the corridor towards the dorm she shared with Squall. She hoped he was still awake. She had gotten hung up grading papers and hadn't realized how late it was until she had left her classroom and found the halls virtually deserted. Usually Squall would come to get her for dinner, but today he hadn't come. Maybe he was busy as well.
She reached the door of their room and slipped her keycard in, already struggling to take off her SeeD jacket. She absolutely hated that thing. It was so stiff and stuffy. The door beeped twice and the red light next to the card slot flashed, meaning the door was locked. Rinoa thought that was strange but dismissed it as she punched in the code that unlocked the door. It beeped again and this time the green light came on, followed by a soft hiss as the door slid open. She pulled the jacket off and dropped it onto the couch as she made her way through the dark living room, not bothering to turn on a light. She reached the door to the bedroom and flung it open, hoping that Squall would still be awake.
"Squall, I'm ba…"
The words died in her throat as the scene in front of her invaded her senses. The lights in the bedroom were off but candles were burning on the dresser and nightstands. Her first thought was that Squall had planned a romantic evening for them but realized just how wrong she was when her eyes focused on the bed and who was on it.
"Rinoa…"
Squall's eyes went wide as he saw his wife enter the room, as did the eyes of the woman lying next to him. They were both breathing heavily and had the sheet pulled up to their shoulders. Her dark blonde hair was plastered to her forehead with sweat and Squall's hung limp around his face.
"Squall…"
END FLASHBACK
I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It had been four days since she had found them like that. She had been so surprised that at first she hadn't even moved or said anything. Then when Squall had started sputtering out excuses, she had once again mobilized. Seething with a fury she didn't think she possessed, she had shouted at the top of her lungs, ranting about what a lowlife he was and calling his partner a few choice words also. She had even gone as far as to throw a fire spell onto the sheets, igniting them for a few moments before Squall had summoned a water spell to but it out.
After the fire incident, she had stormed from the room, stopping only to get Angelo and left the Garden. She had spent the next few days at the Balamb Hotel. She had called Quistis and the others to tell them where she was and they had come to visit her. She had broken down and told them the entire thing as they sat in her hotel room. Selphie had been majorly pissed and had wanted to go back to Garden and rip Squall apart but had been dissuaded by Irvine after a few minutes. Quistis had been shocked and even Seifer, who would usually throw out a witty remark or scathing quip, had kept silent as she told of how she had found Squall and the cadet, Tiffany was her name, together in her bed. Zell and his fiancée, the library girl, had just sat by and listened attentively, clinging to one another.
Rinoa had not wanted to set foot in the Garden again and had asked Selphie and Quistis if they would get her stuff out of her dorm and bring it to her. They had agreed and had brought the stuff to her the next day. They had tried desperately to convince her to stay, but she knew that she couldn't. After she had gotten over the initial shock of what had happened, she had felt a pain unlike anything she had ever felt before. And then he had come to see her.
She had no idea where he had mustered the courage from, but he came knocking at her hotel room door only a few minutes after Quistis and Selphie had left. She had been furious with him but he refused to leave until she talked to him, so she did. He apologized repeatedly and begged her to forgive him. She had told him to leave and when he didn't, she had used her powers to literally throw him out. He had banged on her door for a few minutes and then left. It was then she decided to leave Balamb for good.
Feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend and I said
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything that I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The train's engines rumbled to life and Angelo lifted his head up, then fell back to sleep again as the train began to move. Rinoa looked out the window at the dark landscape of Balamb and wondered exactly how things had gotten to where they were. She had always supported Squall in any way she could. She had loved him unconditionally and always would have. Why did he feel he had to turn to someone else?
Rinoa turned her eyes from the dark window and looked down at the sleeping dog at her feet. "You're all I have now, Angelo. It's just you and me."
The dog shifted slightly when he heard his name, then resumed his nap. Rinoa sighed and leaned back in the seat, hoping to get some sleep before she arrived in Timber, but the second she closed her eyes, the memories of him came flooding back to her conscious.
I used to get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closin' my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light but it's not right
How could things have gone so wrong? She just didn't understand it. One day, they were happily married, the next she was leaving him and her new life behind to run back to Timber. At least there she wouldn't have to risk running into him or that slutty little cadet he had shacked up with. She wouldn't be surprised if they were back at the Garden right now, making love in the bed that she and Squall had shared for two years as husband and wife. She knew that life for Tiffany would not be easy with Quistis and Selphie around but it was much less than what she deserved. Home wrecker.
Before she had boarded the train, she had almost gone running back to him, almost accepted his apology and begged him for forgiveness at her foolish actions but pride had kept her from that course. She was glad too because deep down she knew it would have been a mistake. Obviously Squall didn't love her like he used to and there was no reason to kid herself into thinking that she could change that. She had said goodbye to him and that was the last thing she would ever say to him, if she had her way.
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything that I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The only regret she had was leaving her friends and the Garden she loved so much. She loved teaching and had woken up each morning ready to lead the cadets to their SeeD exam and watch as they passed and were raised up and accepted into the ranks of SeeD. Tiffany had been in one of her classes and she regretted now that she had helped her as much as she did. Nothing would make her happier than to see that little bitch fail. Of course, she wouldn't be around to see it either way and she hoped that if the others ever came to visit her they would have the decency to refrain from talking about the woman who had cost her everything she had grown accustomed to and took for granted.
She knew that it was going to be hard. She knew that she would miss Squall eventually and would probably more than once pick up the phone and dial his extension at Garden, planning to beg him to take her back. She just hoped that she had the strength the hang up before he actually answered.
Oh
And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you but I'm not giving in this time
No, she would not allow herself to ever speak to him again. He had made his choice when he decided to screw that home wrecker and she would be damned if she would crawl back to him now. She had too much pride. She knew that in time she may be able to understand why he did what he did, but she would never forgive him and would never NEVER go back to him, no matter how low she sank or how bad she needed him. It was over between them. He had seen to that.
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything that I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
Rinoa once again turned her attention to the dark window and watched as the stars passed overhead. They were so beautiful but cold and dreary. At one time, she had seen them as a symbol of hope, of dreams that can come true. At the SeeD ball when she had first met Squall they had witnessed a shooting star together and she had wished for him to remain by her side always. She had known then that he was the one. And her wish had seemed to come true. But only for a little while.
And when the stars fall I will lie awake
As she watched the sky, a shooting star streaked across the vast blackness and disappeared over the horizon. Her first instinct was to make a wish, but she knew it was pointless. Shooting stars were like the wishes that were made on them: They started out strong and bright but eventually faded leaving the recipient alone and saddened, hoping that the next one will be even more beautiful.
Finally, fatigue began to overcome her and she laid back into the comfortable seat. She closed her dark eyes and once again the images of him rushed to her but she pushed them away. This time will be different, she told herself as she drifted off, this time I'll succeed on my own. I won't depend on anyone. After all, in the end, I am on my own. These were the last thoughts she had before drifting into a deep sleep as the train rushed on to Timber.
You're my shooting star
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The song is "Goodbye to You" by Michelle Branch