Uh... originally a happy
birthday Kenzie fic… I am now really tired of this song, but that's how it
goes. Re-upped it to get rid of font
tags…. Taito-y songfic goodness.
Again
By Six
I've been searching for you
I heard a cry within my soul
I've never had a yearning quite like this before
Know that you are walking right through my door
Angry yells rang out with
sharp insults that were tossed about without care. Matt and Tai stood eye to
eye. Each glaring at the other with mock-hate in their eyes. Finally, hurt
beyond belief and not being able to take looking at Tai anymore, Matt turned on
his black boot-clad feet and ran from the third story apartment; down the
stairs and out the door. Tai stared after him. Tears leaked from his eyes while
the rest of his body was too shocked to move. They had gotten in fights before,
after all, they had been together for years, but Matt had never walked out on
him. Never.
Tai stumbled over to his
bed and staggered down onto it. Pulling himself into a ball, not bothering to
cover up, he began to regret all the hurtful things he had said. Uncontrollable
sobs racked his body which couldn't put up any resistance as it shook. God damn
it, thought Tai, this is not happening. This can't be happening. I love him too
much. Sure, we fought, but I've wanted someone like him all my life. And now
he'd walked out. Leaving me. Maybe forever. Will I ever see him again? (a/n
dear god! it's so cliché! i feel dirty!) See his brilliant smile, shining eyes?
"I've got to go and
find him," decided Tai, who quickly got up and put on shoes and a coat,
while still crying. He was hurt, too, but Tai knew that the fight was his
fault. When he reached his door, Tai started to go back to his bed and cry, but
decided that he needed to talk to Matt. Before he could change his mind again,
Tai plowed through the door and out of his apartment, determined to explain
things to Matt, even is he looked like a blubbering fool, he needed to do it.
With those thoughts, a bit of hope ran through his veins.
Night had settled long ago
and the air was chilling, but Tai started his trek to find his love. Matt is
everything to me, I can't lose him, thought Tai as he began to jog down the
street, his eyes frantically searching. I've never loved anyone as much as I
have loved you.....please Matt, come back.
All
of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
Matt walked the cold,
dirty streets at a brisk pace. A night breeze ruffled his blonde hair as he
continued to blindly walk wherever his feet would take him. Tears streamed down
his otherwise emotionless face as he desperately tried to wipe them off.
"I won't cry. I won't
cry for him," he thought, but even still tears were running from his
glassy eyes and along his cheeks. Darkened street corners loomed ahead but
still Matt kept on going. He didn't know where he was going, he just had to go.
Getting away from Tai was the most important thing at that moment. Turning
another corner, Matt finally collapsed in a broken, sobbing heap on the
concrete, angry and depressing thoughts pouring through his head, all of them
revolving on the chestnut-haired, twenty-something man who used to be the
object of his affection, and was still, if he dug deep enough.
Rain began to fall; first
just a drizzle but soon it was coming down in torrents. Cool, fresh rain mixed
with hot, salty tears as they both ran down Matt's anguish riddled face. Pain
surged through his tired, worn out body. Not physical pain, but emotional. His
heart was broken.
Balling his fists, Matt
tried to make the tears stop; pleading with himself. God, I love you Tai, I
can't deny that. You mean everything to me, but why do you hurt me so much? Is
love supposed to be like this, Matt thought bitterly as he lay down on the
sidewalk.
A sacred gift of heaven
For better worse, wherever
And I would never let somebody break you down
Until you cried, never
"Matt.....I need
you," pleaded Tai to the heavens. He started to run, searched despairingly
for Matt along dark alleys. He closed his eyes, trying to picture Matt's
angelic face, but he could only see the look of hurt and mixed fury that was
placed on his face before he stormed out of Tai's apartment, and maybe out of
his life. Thinking of Matt made Tai's heart give an angry, desolate pull. Tears
that were burning Tai's dark brown eyes spilled over, blurring his vision,
along with the steadily falling rain, until he fell down onto the wet sidewalk.
Desperation grabbed his body, pulled it, kicked it, and then threw him down.
Drenched to the bone,
chills settled over his shaking body, but Tai had only one thought: to find
Matt. He collected himself enough to pull up into a sitting position, but the
brunette's head still hung down with shame. An ultimate sadness claimed him.
It's all my fault, thought Tai. If Matt never comes back, it's all my fault.
With that thought, Tai began to openly weep, great sobs pouring from his body
and reaching the ears of those who dared to walk by such an obviously upset
body on a cold, dark night.
All
of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
Tai's image flashed into
the grief-filled blonde's mind. Over and over he heard the words he had
shouted. The distressful look on Tai's face. The agonizing insults Tai had
yelled. Tears continued to fall and Matt felt as if they would never stop and
they never should, because he deserved all the pain, all the suffering. He loved
Tai. I never should have walked out on you. It's all my fault, all my fault.
Heart ripped into bloody,
merciless pieces, Matt could only lay on the cold ground. Why me? Why Tai? I've
loved you forever, and I thought I always would. Don't you understand? Don't
you care? Matt's nails were slowly digging into the fleshy palms of his hands
causing bits of blood to trickle down, but he didn't care. He couldn't feel the
pain, the relentless ache in his heart was too much. I love you Tai. Please
don't let me go. Please. Please, find me. I love you. Don't let me go.
At
every time I've always known
That you where there, upon your throne
A lonely queen without her king
I longed for you, my love forever
Tai at last stood up,
knowing that he needed to get to Matt before it was too late. He closed his
eyes once more, picturing Matt's face, and got up, running again, desperate to
make everything better. God, Matt, I need to see you. I need to tell you
everything. This is all my fault. I love you.
You used to be so alone, so
sad. Such a loner, but that was what attracted me to you. After we fell in
love, you opened up and became such a beautiful person, inside and out. I need
that person, I always will. So please Matt, please still love me. I'll never
stop loving you. I'll make it alright. Just please come back to me.
Running and running, Tai
after a length, saw Matt's crumpled body laying almost lifeless on the walk,
tears shining on his face while his arms had wrapped around himself, cradling
his cold body. Relief rushed through the brunette. I've found you, Matt, I've
found you. But will you take me back? Do you still love me? Kneeling down, Tai
tentatively pulled his arms around Matt and held him close.
All
of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
Matt felt strong, wet, but
warm, arms wrap around his freezing body and felt almost instant contentment.
Tai was there. It was going to be ok. For as long as Matt had ever known him,
Tai could always hold him and make everything so much better, this time no
exception. Matt rested his head on Tai's comforting shoulder for a few minutes,
his tears leaking down onto him, before violently jerking away. He didn't
deserve Tai's comfort, and Tai didn't deserve him.
Matt quickly tried to get
up, but Tai grabbed his forearm, effectively stopping him and pulling him back
down. Matt started to cry even harder, emotions flying to fast through his
brain that he barely knew what to do.
All
of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
"I love you Matt. I
love you. Please, don't ever go again."
"I won't. I'll never
go again, but you have to promise. Promise me you will never let me leave. God,
Tai I love you."
All
of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
The pair sat together, in
the rain, in the dark, in the cold for a long time after, each thankful that
the other was there, forever.
I
wonder if I'll ever see you again
