Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or anything related or from it. All copyrights belong to Noriaki 'Tite' Kubo. I only own the plot.

Pairings: None

Warnings: Minor cursing. Unbeta-ed

Summary: Byakuya attempts to educate Ichigo in using proper terms of respect again.

A.N. This is kind of a side-story to 'The Nii-sama Issue', although you do not have to read that one to understand this. I've also included a few omakes at the end. I hope they are in character as this is my third Bleach fanfiction. And, thanks for reading.

Proper Etiquette

"Oi, Byakuya," shouted Ichigo as he slammed open a door, creating a loud crash on either side of him, "You said you wanted to see me?"

"Shut up, you fool," growled Renji. "Don't ya know how to knock?"

Ichigo cracked his knuckles. " 'Course I do, expect…someone wanted to see me and talk to me about something that is supposed to be really important. What's it to you, akapine?"

Slamming his hands down on his desk, Renji surged up. "Everything, you idiot, can't ya see there are people tryin' to work here. Not that I expect a strawberry like ya to understand the meaning of work, seeing as you don't do any."

"Why you?" gritted Ichigo, as he shoved his sleeves up his arm, "I ought ta…"

Clearing his throat, Kuchiki-taicho intoned, "I did not ask for a confrontation between you two. Must you engaged in raucous primate behavior each time you greet one another? Cease your arguments."

"H-hai, taicho," stuttered Renji. "My apologizes."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," waved Ichigo, "So, what's this about anyways?"

Kuchiki-taicho stared sternly at them until both of them were frozen still by his anger.

"Renji."

"Hai, t-taicho."

"It is time for training, correct?"

"Hai."

There was a pause. "You are to go to the training grounds and begin the exercise session. I will come after I have spoken with Kurosaki. I expect you to have finished leading them before then. You are dismissed."

"Hai, Kuchiki-taicho," Renji bowed deeply, and rapidly disappeared through the door, glad to escape the frosty atmosphere.

Ichigo looked at the Sixth division captain curiously, "So, what's this about, Byakuya?"

"Have a seat, Kurosaki Ichigo," Byakuya waved toward a wooden chair without arms in front of his desk.

"Eh, okay," the orange-hair shinigmai scratched his head, as he plopped himself down.

Byakuya brought up his hand and pointed it toward Ichigo. "Bakudo Number Sixty-one: Rikujokoro," he intoned.

"W-what the?" muttered Ichigo before he was suddenly immobilized with six planks of light. "What the fuck? What are you doing?" He struggled briefly. Kido was definitely not his strong point.

Dusting off his hands, Byakuya seated himself at his desk. "It is of little consequences. I am merely insuring you do not wander off while I speak with you."

Ichigo remembered the last time he had a meeting with Byakuya, he had wandered down a hidden hallway, "Right. 'kay, you have my undivided attention, but can't you release me? It's not like I'm going to wander off again."

"Absolutely out of the question, Kurosaki Ichigo. The matter I wish to speak with you about is one of utter importance. It concerns the behavior you have just demonstrated."

"My behavior? What's wrong with it?"

Byakuya placed both his elbows on his desk and linking his fingers together, staring over them, he said, "Everything."

Ichigo sighed. "Fine. What is it?"

"Kurosaki Ichigo, I wish for you to discontinue addressing me as 'Byakuya'," he said very seriously.

"That's it?" said Ichigo in shock, "that's the important thing."

"While yes," frowned Byakuya, "Although, it relates to another item as well."

"Why not?" asked the orange-haired teen, "Why does it matter? How'd the hell is that important?"

"Titles—formal terms of addresses—are very important in our society. You insult me by using my name when I have not expressively given you permission to use them."

Ichigo snorted abrasively. "No way. Hel-lo, we're in the modern century, you need to update your behavior. Get with the program."

Kuchiki-taicho's lips went into a thinner line. "That may be the case in your world, Kurosaki Ichigo, although, I have reasons to suspect other people of your world are not as informal as you certainly are; nevertheless, this is Soul Society, and as such, I cannot allow you to continue in such a fashion."

Ichigo fidgeted.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Byakuya continued, "I do not expect an uncouth, unintelligent boy such as yourself to ever fully grasp the intricacies and importance of terms of respects, but at the very least, you should acquire the basic knowledge of manners."

"Hey," shouted Ichigo in irritation, "I have manners."

"Is that so?" He stared at him pointedly, "Then, your actions have yet to reveal them. In any case, if you do not learn and properly utilized civilized manners, then I cannot allow you to correspond with Abarai fuku-taicho nor Rukia."

"Wait," asked Ichigo in confusion," You're not going to allow me to talk to Rukia or Renji. But, they're my friends. Are you fucking out of your mind?"

"No, you insolent brat. Pay attention. I said only if you do not acquire proper etiquette."

"Why do I have to do this shit," grumbled Ichigo, "Last I saw, Renji doesn't use proper titles, either. And, what about Rukia? She doesn't act like a proper little lady."

"That is incorrect, Kurosaki," stated Byakuya. "Renji is very proper as expect, being my fuku-taicho. As is Rukia, Rukia has always held excellent manners even while on the streets. She has even instructed Renji in proper manners when he sought knowledge in this area."

"Then, you sure dunno what they've been up too when you're not around," muttered Ichigo beneath his breath.

"What was that?" questioned Byakuya sharply.

"N-nothing."

"As I was saying, I cannot abide a ruffian such as yourself associating with Rukia and Renji. You are a very rude, ill-mannered individual. If I allowed them to continue as you say 'hanging out' with you, I am afraid you might drag them down to your status."

"My status?" said Ichigo darkly. "What's wrong with my status? I'm a student, and a son of the doctor. It's not like I was ever a street rat like them."

Ichigo's breath caught in his throat as immense spirit pressure swirl heavily in the air. That might not have been the best thing to say, thought Ichigo dimly.

"What status, indeed?" stated Kuchiki harshly. "Rukia is the sister of a noble family, the Kuchiki family as well as being a well-recognized shinigami of the Thirteen division. Rukia is well on her way of becoming a seated officer, and I do not desire you to jeopardize her chances. You may as well have interfered with her future matches with potential suitors. If she receives less than the usual amount of suitors that any noble Kuchiki lady receives, I know very well who is responsible. Furthermore, I know the location of your place of residency."

My place of residency, thought Ichigo, why can't he say I know where you live. Wait, fuck, he knows where I live. Stalker.

"As for Renji," Byakuya paused for a breath. "He is Rukia's best friend, a position that is well sought by others. He is also a fuku-taicho of the Gotei Thirteen, my fuku-taicho. He is known to associate with noble families through Rukia and Izuru Kira as well as other prominent fuku-taichos such as Hisagi Shuuhei and Hinamori Momo. Being a fuku-taicho is a position of high respect, power, and responsibility; a very proper symbol of status. He is well on his way toward captaincy in another few decades. Not to mention, he has achieved bankai, an ability that only captains normally possessed."

Almost as an afterthought, Bykuay added, "Furthermore, it reflects negatively upon myself, considering I am Renji's taicho and Rukia's brother. People will wonder why I allow such a filthy stranger shadowing them. Therefore, it is necessary for you to adopt appropriate behavior while in the presence of their company. I do not desire to be a laughing-stock among the nobles or to end up in the vines of the rumor mill because I have failed to take certain measurements against you."

So, in the end, thought Ichigo, it's not really about Renji or Rukia. It's about you.

Byakuya glared sharply at Ichigo, "I may not quite understand how things operated in your world and I do not expect an individual such as yourself to execute yourself in a proper conduct; but, you may attempt to at the very least, for I see that you well never quite match up to the status of Rukia and Renji. Perhaps, if you worked at it, then you might be considered a well favored servant or even a regular acquaintance."

"A servant? Acquaintance?" repeated Ichigo. "Hell no. I'm their friend. What the fuck you want me to do? Call them by their last names. That's just weird."

"It is not that difficult to comprehend, is it?" Byakuya studied the look on the substitute shinigmai's face. "Very well, I see that I shall have to provide examples. I did not anticipated you would be such a simple-minded fool, which makes me wonder why Rukia and Renji find you so fascinating. I must inquire about their reasons for this hobby."

"I'm not simple-minded," yelled Ichigo in outraged. "And, fascinating? Really? Am I some kind of a bug now? And, I'm not a hobby. We're friends. Friends. Say it with me."

Byakuya bristled with annoyance. "Silence. You should be grateful as I am taking time out of my very hectic schedule in order to educate you on etiquette."

"I don't even want to learn this," muttered the boy.

"Let us start with something simple. I heard from Rukia that you address Urahara-san as 'Mr. Hat-and-Clogs'. That is extremely disrespectful. You should address him as Urahara-san like Renji."

"He doesn't deserve any title of respect. He's a perverted businessman."

"Be that may be, that does not mean you should halt your manners. I understand that you address Renji and Rukia by their names as well."

"Well, yeah," snorted Ichigo. "Like I said, they're my friends."

"Such familiarize with them is unadvisable when you were not given expressed permission to use them."

"What are you talking about? They told me to call them that."

"Even if that was the case—"

"That is the case," fumed the shinigami.

"—Renji and Rukia are older than you. You should address them with –san as well. Occasionally, you may use their first names, but situations in which that occur are rare, so I should not inform you of them. So, to keep it simple for the dunce, just always address them as either Renji-san or Rukia-san. It is also acceptable to address them as Abarai-san, Abarai fuku-taicho, and Kuchiki-san."

"Oi, enough with the insults," growled Ichigo. He attempted to try to break his bonds. "What about nicknames?"

Kuchiki Byakuya looked affronted. "You may never use nicknames with them. You do not have the correct type of relationship with them for that to occur."

"But, I enjoy calling Renji 'akapine' and calling Rukia 'Rukie'."

"Stupid brat," muttered Byakuya angrily, "You are such an infuriating human."

"You need to lighten up, and be more modern," advised Ichigo. "Even Renji and Rukia don't have a stick up the ass as you do."

"Furthermore, it is unfitting for you to even look them directly in the eye. Instead, you should direct your gaze at their mouths or over the shoulders. And, I shall kill you if you look further down to Rukia's chest. I want to clarify that this is not a threat. It is a promise."

Trying to block out the conversation, Ichigo continued to try to find a break in the kido. What did Rukia said about this again? He mused as he studied the kido spell.

Fisting his hands tightly, Byakuya took a deep breath in order to calm himself. It would be unseemly to be seen throttling the daylights out of the orange strawberry, even if he was pretending to ignore him. "Now to the most important part of this whole subject—"

"You mean you haven't gotten to it yet?" Ichigo said sarcastically. "The whole, I dunno, need to know your place and manner bit?"

"Terms of address for someone such as myself, particularly myself," said Byakuya as he sat up straighter, attempting to look as regal as always. Not that it took any effort, because it didn't. Being a Kuchiki naturally made one look regal and noble at any occasion. "You are to address me as Kuchiki-sama or Kuchiki-taicho seeing as you're a substitute shinigami."

"What? I can't call you nii-sama?" asked Ichigo cheekily.

"Absolutely not. I have no relations with you other than that of work and Rukia. Only Rukia is allowed to address me in that manner. I suggest you do not even attempt it," said Byakuya frostily. He closed his eyes to block out disturbingly bright shade of orange in front of him, and continued, "You are not allowed to call me Byakuya-sama or Byakuya-taicho either. I have no desire to be on such personal levels with you. Only Renji may do so. However, seeing as Renji is of a higher breed than you, he would never address me in such a manner. He truly has been properly trained. If you wish to learn more about proper titles, then I suggest you ask Renji or Rukia. However, only, and I mean, only after you learn some proper respect."

Byakuya paused as he checked at the time. "Do you understand, Kurosaki Ichigo? There is a proper time and place for everything. So, I expect you to address me as Kuchiki-taicho from hence forth. Do not even meet up with my fuku-taicho or Rukia until you have fully assembled all the correct forms of address."

He glanced back over the chair and was taken back. The chair was empty, and the kido spell broken.

"Curse that boy," said Kuchiki harshly. "He escapes once again during the most important part. Next time, I shall begin with that item first."

He grabbed his sword and headed toward the Sixth division training ground; Byakuya was sure that was where the fool was headed. "Kurosaki Ichigo, you will rue the day you anger me," muttered the taicho darkly. Laughing a bit insanely with shadows in his eyes, "Insipid brat, I'll defeat you yet or my name isn't Kuchiki Byakuaya." He disappeared in a flash.

Ichigo had finally escaped his bonds. "Man, that was weird. Wonder why Byakuya wanted to give me a lecture on proper respect? That guy gotta lighten up. I gotta go find Renji and Rukia, maybe they know what's up with Byakuya."

Moral of the Story: Never give a lesson in etiquette to an orange-haired substitute shinigami. Not even a second time. Especially, if there is a second time.

Omake One:

"You may as well have interfered with her future matches with potential suitors. If she receives less than the usual amount of suitors that any noble Kuchiki lady receives, I know very well who is responsible. Furthermore—" said Byakuya.

"Wait a moment why does that matter?" asked Ichigo. "Isn't Rukia allowed to choose her own suitor?"

Kuchiki-sama glared at Ichigo. "She very well can't choose one, if there is no one to choose from."

"Pff," said Ichigo. "Don't worry about it. Look, I'll make a deal with you. If Rukia doesn't have any suitors, which I doubt, then I'll marry her."

"Very well," said Byakuya. "I expect you to uphold your promise."

"Damn straight I will," vowed Ichigo. "I don't break my promises."

The door slammed open again, "Nii-sama, thank you so much."

Ichigo was dumbfound, "Rukia?"

Byakuya smirked. "My honorable sister has asked me to arrange a match with you, and I have done so."

"I said only if she has no suitors," Ichigo stated.

"Rukia has no suitors," informed Byakuya, "Unfortunately, she has frighten them all off."

"W-what did you do?" asked Ichigo in shock.

Rukia shrugged. "I just beat them up. I don't want a weak fool."

"W-wait," stammered Ichigo. "You mean I just got engaged?"

Omake Two:

"You are to address me as Kuchiki-sama or Kuchiki-taicho seeing as you're a substitute shinigami."

"What? I can't call you nii-sama?" asked Ichigo cheekily.

Byakuya stared at him. "Are you Rukia?"

"No."

"Are you Renji?"

"No."

"Then, you are not allowed to call me nii-sama."

Ichigo opened his mouth in shock, stopped, and tried again. "Wait? You mean, you actually allowed Renji to call you 'nii-sama'?"

Byakuya shot Ichigo a withering glare.

"What? I'm serious," complained Ichigo. "No anger? No wondering why? No 'Chire'? I mean, seriously, nothing at all. Some obscure form of retribution?"

"Rukia desire us to be more of a cohesive family unit. I see no harm in indulging her."

"Whipped," muttered Ichigo.

Omake Three:

"Furthermore, Kurosaki Ichigo, you are a distraction to both my fuku-taicho and my sister in their endeavors to focus and complete their work," stated Byakuya. "As such, I demand you to limit your time with them."

"Oi, why am I being blamed for their inability to work?" questioned Ichigo. "That's not my fault."

"It certainly is your hand at work," stated Byakuya. He pulled up a bunch of graphs, charts and bars. "As you can see here, Rukia's work habits have dropped 65% after meeting you and continue to decline. And in this one, Renji's work habits were consistently at 95% and above before he met you. After you, his work habits dropped to a mere 34% and continue to decline. Indeed, it is your fault."

Ichigo stared at the papers. "I don't get it. Can't read it at all. What's with the stupid bunnies, seaweed looking thing, and stuff."

Byakuya was pissed and he slapped Ichigo on the back of his head. "Pay attention, you fool. And, there is nothing wrong with my charts. I have superior artistic skills, which is the envy of all Kuchiki nobles."

"Ow," Ichigo rubbed his head. "Both you and your sister are art blind. And, chappy? Wakame Ambassador? Really? The two of you need psychiatric help."